| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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A question from my friend: Is he worth it?
Q. I'm very concerned for my friend right now. She had called me earlier today in tears. When I asked her what was wrong she only replied that she's so confused. Her boyfriend had broken up with her today, but he gave her the option of getting back ...
A. 13 May 2010: If she's there, get her to read this.
DUMP HIM. He is controlling you, and using emotional blackmail to get to you. He is trying to get you away from your family, which is the sign of an abusive man. This could quickly spiral out of control if you ... (read in full...)
A question from my friend: Is he worth it?
Q. I'm very concerned for my friend right now. She had called me earlier today in tears. When I asked her what was wrong she only replied that she's so confused. Her boyfriend had broken up with her today, but he gave her the option of getting back ...
A. 7 May 2010: She was happy for those 3 days, so remind of her of and and tell her that he's still the same rubbish guy he was 3 days ago. Also say that he's insulting her by saying that she can't handle it herself, as if she's weak. Because that's what he's ... (read in full...)
I don't classify this as cheating but my boyfriend will!
Q. Okay, Ive been dating a guy for about 2 months and I told him I would never cheat. But recently I was out with friends (1 girl and 2guys) one of the guys is an ex boyfriend. When we were leaving, i hugged him goodbye and I turned to kiss him on ...
A. 1 May 2010: Yes it was. You kissed him on the lips, then pulled back. That's cheating. You know very well that if your boyfriend had kissed his ex like that, you would classify it as cheating and you'd be very angry. Fair enough, he did kiss you and you only ... (read in full...)
I've had my tubes tied, ...but he is not sure he could go the rest of his life without becoming a father again.
Q. Dear Cupid, Im at a loss of everything, I met a man about 6mths ago who completes me in everyway. A few weeks ago we started talking about moving in together and how exactly we were going to go about it with my kids Dads and us being 2 hours ap...
A. 1 May 2010: This is something he won't be able to let go, unless he can become more of a father to your kids his own kids and even if he's up for adoption. Realistically though, if he wants more of his own kids, this wont' work out. I think you both need to ... (read in full...)
Why does she lie and make excuses up for leaving me?
Q. Hi, There is this girl at school that I really like, and we seem practically perfect for each other. Everyone knows it and some have even said so but she doesn't believe it. We went out for almost a week and she left me because she found it wei...
A. 1 May 2010: It wasn't you, it was her. She wasn't ready to have a relationship and decided to end it. The best thing you can do is move on from this. ... (read in full...)
Just found out after 2 years of dating he's married and has 3 kids!
Q. Hi Ive been dating a guy for 2years and this morning I found out he was married with 3kids i am in total shock as i loved this guy i thought we had a future together its like the last 2years together have been a lie, I need help what do i do to mo...
A. 30 April 2010: You must move on. He's a lying cheat who has used you. If you don't move on, you'll just continue to be used. He won't leave her. And yes, there are plenty of single men out there. ... (read in full...)
I'm 18, she's 15 will the age difference be frowned upon?
Q. Just a quick simple question.. A couple of days ago, a girl i'm good friends with asked me out, we get on like house on fire and have all the same interests and stuff but her age is bothering me alittle bit.. Im 18 in a matter of weeks and she's ...
A. 30 April 2010: Yes it will. Realistically, it will. Once she's 16, and everything is legal, people will be less likely to judge. But as it is people wont' see her as anything other than a young girl who is easily led astray. I think it will be frowned upon, so the ... (read in full...)
Why did he have to make himself cum? Am I doing something wrong?
Q. hello i have a important question well it is 2 me lol Ive been kindof seeing this guy on and off for about 6 months we are not in a relationship but oftern sleep together so kinda guess if fuck buddies really Anyway hears my problam, after...
A. 30 April 2010: In 99.9% of cases where something like this happens, it's never the woman's fault. And I'll bet right now that it's not your fault at all. When men are stressed, tired, thinking of something else and about a million other reasons, they won't cum. ... (read in full...)
How soon after unprotected sex can you get tested for STD's?
Q. how long after having unprotected sex with someone you dont know too well should you get tested for std's...i know some std's come 3 months later like hiv but im so worried i want to get tested sooner than that! ...
A. 30 April 2010: It's worth going to the doctor and talking about it now. Don't sit there waiting. It's best to get to the doctor now and get tested for whatever you can. ... (read in full...)
I've tried everything to make my wife happy but she hates me, what should I do?
Q. Hi every one, I'm a 45 year old man. I'm extremely sad and depressed since last 4 years, when I lost my job, I sold out all my properties to meet the life expenses. but the most tragic incident happened to me was that my wife got changed, she ...
A. 30 April 2010: Leave. While the good times were there, she was happy to reap the rewards. Now it's all gone, she's showing her true colours. I understand that she might be frustrated, but in no way is she bothered by what you're feeling or thinking. She really ... (read in full...)
A question from my friend: Is he worth it?
Q. I'm very concerned for my friend right now. She had called me earlier today in tears. When I asked her what was wrong she only replied that she's so confused. Her boyfriend had broken up with her today, but he gave her the option of getting back ...
A. 30 April 2010: He is not worth one more moment of her time. Not one. He's abusive, uncaring and is hurting her and using her as he pleases. He was the cause of her depression, and she needs to ditch him. He won't change and he will hurt her again and again. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my family, and I also don't want to lose my boyfriend! How can I make everyone happy?
Q. My boyfriend and I have only recently moved back in together after we split up for a while in september last year after he threw me out of our home after a series of arguments. Things have improved dramatically since then. I lived on my own for a ...
A. 30 April 2010: Not unreasonable, but perhaps you've touched upon a problem that you need to address and really look at. Your mother has been treated like dirt her partner. It would seem as if your father wasn't all that great either. And now like your own mother, ... (read in full...)
Should I take him back?
Q. my boyfriend has recently finished with me, but today he told me that he has made a big mistake, he said that he still loves me with all of his heart and that he would do anything to go back to how it used to be. he asked me if i still loved him and ...
A. 30 April 2010: At your age, you are going to find that guys really aren't sure about what they want. Your ex isn't sure, which is why I don't think you should go back. He'll only leave again at some point, and you'll end up hurt once more. You don't make it clear ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my family, and I also don't want to lose my boyfriend! How can I make everyone happy?
Q. My boyfriend and I have only recently moved back in together after we split up for a while in september last year after he threw me out of our home after a series of arguments. Things have improved dramatically since then. I lived on my own for a ...
A. 30 April 2010: Imagine being a parent, or having a sister who is treated like dirt by her boyfriend and is then thrown out of the house by him, before seemingly getting it all together again and then going back to him. That would be a nightmare. And that's what is ... (read in full...)
Can I trust my girlfriend again after she left me for another man?
Q. do i trust my girlfriend again my girlfriend left me for another guy, she slept with him , then a week later told me she had made a big mistake...she was working away with him, so it took her 5 months to finish her contract and return to me..in t...
A. 30 April 2010: You're being played left, right and centre. She cheated, then came back and is now acting suspiciously again. You don't trust her and she's not lifting a finger to make it easier for you. The reason she doesn't want you to go is either there is ... (read in full...)
Should I listen to what he has to say after he has cheated on me?
Q. Hi uncles and aunts! Wel, i'm just gona get on it. Yesterday my bf confessed to have been cheating on me... I'm so confused, angry and sad, i feel betrayed and lied to.. I don't knw what to do, i thought i needed to speak to someone. He confes...
A. 30 April 2010: I think before you speak to him, you need time to think about what you want and whether you even want to speak to him again. You need to sit down and work your way through what you're feeling before you make a final decision. You now know that he ... (read in full...)
No one remembers his birthday, should I greet him?
Q. Probably this question has been posted many times but I just missed the chance to read it. Last month, I told my ex that I prefer if we stop communicating. I have always asked him before but he would just pop out again about a week or two. But...
A. 29 April 2010: He's your ex and you were right to stop contact. Don't send anything. Just let all this go and continue to move on. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated and got another girl pregnant!
Q. please help im 19 years old. my boyfriend{of 2 years} and i agreed that we would take a break because he was going to jail.. when he was in jail we talked once a week..and both agreed that when he was out we would get back together. he got out of ...
A. 29 April 2010: I think you can do better than this man. Okay, he went to jail, so maybe I can say give him a second chance. But he also cheated and has now got a baby on the way. That means that you will never again be of as much importance as the baby and the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend pressures me to join him in binge drinking.
Q. Hi, I was hoping someone could help me with this problem. I am in a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend. We are ending college and recently he has been pressuring me to drink heavily. It has nothing to do with sex or anything like that its just ...
A. 29 April 2010: I'm not sure you should be with this guy at all. This isn't normal. I suspect he has an alcohol problem and feels better when you're drunk too. I think you need to get away from him to be honest. Don't let someone treat you like this or blackmail ... (read in full...)
Why won't he initiate sex or tell me what he wants?
Q. I am a sexually assertive woman who is concerned that my boyfriend does not initiate sex or tell me what he wants. I enjoy sex and BJs and like to start the day with a BJ but it is always me initiating sex - sometimes I feel like I am bothering ...
A. 29 April 2010: They always say that in a relationship, there is an a more dominant partner and a more submissive partner. I'm kind of in the same position as your boyfriend with my girlfriend. She's older and assertive, whereas I'm a bit shy at times and I ... (read in full...)
Am I obsessed with my boss, or just crushed because I can't have him?
Q. I have had a "crush" on my boss for the past year. (please no lectures on dating the boss- its not happening but can't help what I feel) I can't stop thinking about him even though I know he does not feel the same way. His mood when I see him ...
A. 29 April 2010: Well at least you're aware that it can't happen and that it would be bad if it did. So that's a good start, and proves you're in no way obsessed. You're right, this is just a crush, exactly the same as a student/teacher crush. So it's perfectly ... (read in full...)
My friend is planning on breaking up with her and I am besotted with her! Should I tell her how I feel?
Q. ok, so I'm a bit confused romantically right now, I'm currently single, but my best friend has been dating this girl for a few weeks now. I find her completely beautiful both physically and mentally. He however does not feel the same way about her ...
A. 29 April 2010: To be honest I'm not sure if you should have a friend like him if that's how he thinks of her. Anyway, he gave the blessing, so don't worry about that now. But do remember my first point, which was that she may not be ready for another relationship. ... (read in full...)
Why cant he just admit he likes me?
Q. Men irritate me lol. So I've known this dude for a few years now. I'm not sure if I like him, but I kinda think he likes me. This one time he comes up and stands to the side of me. He just kept staring at me- i kept on waiting for him to stop and to ...
A. 29 April 2010: Because he's shy. That's why. Imagine fancying someone, and then that someone doesn't come up and say they like you, but says 'Why are you staring at me and why can't you just go into the room'. That would scare the hell out of most men! Yes, he is ... (read in full...)
I miss the man that sexually abused me as a child! I want a friendship with him but can a leopard ever change it spots?
Q. I need some advice, When I was 13 I met a man who was almost 60, and we struck up a bizarre friendship. He understood me and advised me as I was having a lot of personal problems. He took care of me, he gave me lifts places, he listened to me, and i ...
A. 29 April 2010: I cannot tell you enough how dangerous this is. I just can't. I'm pretty sure you're actually suffering from something called Stockholm Syndrome, where a victim falls for the abuser. This is a man who sexually abused you, hurt you and could have ... (read in full...)
I'm 9 weeks pregnant but have no symptoms! Is my baby ok?
Q. im 9 weeks pregnant. im worried because i haven't had hardly any pregnancy symptoms, i have not had any sickness, at first i had really sore boobs but now they are fine and not sore at all, the only three things i have had is urinating a bit more ...
A. 29 April 2010: I'm sure you're okay. Some women don't have all the symptoms. However, if you are worried at all, don't hesitate to go to the doctor. They can explain it all and give you a check up. ... (read in full...)
How do I tell a guy I won't have sex?
Q. How do I tell a guy that I want to wait to have sex till I am married? That I am not willing to give it up?...
A. 29 April 2010: Just tell him what you've written. If he doesn't' understand or respect that, then he's not worth your time. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got so jealous she threw an iron at my head. Should I dump her?
Q. I have been dating someone for a year now and it has gotten to be very serious. I work the graveyard shift at a resturaunt and a few weeks ago I was very sick and didn't finish my shift. One of the waitresses is a very dear friend of mine liv...
A. 29 April 2010: HELL YES dump her. Next time it might be a knife or something. ... (read in full...)
My friend is planning on breaking up with her and I am besotted with her! Should I tell her how I feel?
Q. ok, so I'm a bit confused romantically right now, I'm currently single, but my best friend has been dating this girl for a few weeks now. I find her completely beautiful both physically and mentally. He however does not feel the same way about her ...
A. 29 April 2010: I think you'd need to give her time to get over being hurt, as you don't want to end up a rebound. Also, friends' ex's tend to be out of bounds, as this can cause trouble at a later date. I'm not sure this is such a good idea to be honest. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he could never marry me because I hate my own mother.
Q. My mother does not support me in anything. I'm in my 3rd semester in college working on a crimal justice bachelors degree. Shouldn't I parent be proud? I guess they should but she isn't. She calls me "worthless" and worst things. So I have tried to ...
A. 29 April 2010: Your boyfriend is no better than your own mother, so that's something you need to address, because it could be that your experiences with your mother are leading you to make bad choices in other areas. You can be sure that he has never experienced ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I am only dating him because he is a Doctor?
Q. Hi guys , This isn't so much as a problem but I would just like some thoughts. Last month I was on my mates hen weekend and whilst we were in a local pub another group of guys started chatting to us. None of them particulaly good looking. N...
A. 29 April 2010: If you are basing your attraction only on him being a doctor, then clearly this may not work out. Naturally you'll be attracted to certain types. There are women who like a man in uniform, women who like actors and musicians, women who like ... (read in full...)
I can't move past the fact he slept with someone else while we were not together.
Q. Hey guys, I posted a question about my issue here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/cant-let-go-of-a-past-one-night.html I have discovered something else now and I'm hoping some of you can help me For those of you who don't want to read t...
A. 29 April 2010: You have to remember that you were the one who wanted to pursue someone else, and that he had every right do do what he did. He may not have known that you wanted to get back, he might have thought it was a date. Or he might have been worried that ... (read in full...)
Been in this relationship for six years and have a yen for a no-strings fling
Q. I think about having sex with another man but ive been in a relationship for almost 6 years is that normal? Its not like I don't love my Husband I just want to feel new dick with no strings....
A. 28 April 2010: So you don't really love your husband at all. If you did, you wouldn't realistically be feeling this way. So now make a decision. Do you want to end your marriage and move on, or work your marriage out. Whatever you do, don't cheat, because you'll ... (read in full...)
'I think whoever you sleep with, you should let it happen'... what does she mean?
Q. Hi when I was in bed with the girl I was dating and we was cuddeling and stuff she said to me 'I think whoever you sleep with, you should let it happen' what does she mean by this?...
A. 28 April 2010: I think she fancies you but was testing as she's shy. I'm not 100% sure, but I think she fancies you. ... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend of year and a half back!
Q. I want my boyfriend of year and a half back. i lashed out on him for the first time because i was sick of him constantly verbally abusing me. i know i did wrong and i'm truely sorry - i would never do it again. he's adament he's not going to take me ...
A. 28 April 2010: No you don't want him back. He was abusing you. You don't want him back. So focus on your future, which will now get better. Don't be a doormat, you're better than that.... (read in full...)
Are his actions justified by my cheating?
Q. Hi, so ive been seeing this guy for a few months now and about a month ago i cheated on him with my ex. i felt so bad afterwards and expected it to be over but he didnt leave me. hes 19 and im 16 btw. then.... last weekend i did it again. i ...
A. 28 April 2010: You did cheat, and that's wrong. But that does not justify this level of abuse at all. You need to end this now. This won't be fixed. ... (read in full...)
Doe this mean he enjoys my company as a friend or is he attracted to me?
Q. When a man you know as a friend sometimes jokes, twists comments you make (innuendo), teases or winds you up from time to time when he sees you an evening out or on the phone does it mean he enjoys your company as a friend or is he attracted to you. ...
A. 28 April 2010: It's fair to say that if he specifically chooses you too tease over other women, he could very well be interested. I think in truth since you fancy him you should talk to him. It has to be worth a try to find out how he feels. ... (read in full...)
We're on a break, should I not go to the club she'll be going to?
Q. My girlfriend and I are on a break and I am planning on going to a club this weekend but she is going to be there. Shall i still go?...
A. 28 April 2010: It's best if you don't. You're on a break, and you might see her do things you don't like. Or you might do things she won't like. Don't risk it. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to have sex, but I don't. What can I do?
Q. well im 16 my boyfriend want to have sex whith me and i keep telling him am not ready and he keeps asking...
A. 28 April 2010: Tell him you are not ready again, and make it clear you will not be bullied by him. If he says it once more after that, then he just wants you for sex and nothing else, so you'd be better ending it with him. Never allow yourself to be bullied or ... (read in full...)
Why didn't I bleed after losing my virginity? My boyfriend doesn't believe me now!
Q. am a virgin i had sex for the first time with my boyfriend and no bleeding and now my boyfriend think am not a virgin he thinks that i have had sex with somelse. but i know am a virgin , i swear, and don't know why no bleedig i really need help...
A. 28 April 2010: Perhaps your Hymen was broken years ago. The point is, you know you're a virgin. Like all small minded men, he's making a big deal out of something that doesn't matter. I'm a guy, so my advice is limited, but the Hymen can be broken by lots of other ... (read in full...)
What does she mean by telling me to stop being awkward?
Q. what does it mean when a girl says, 'stop being awkward around me, I dont want you to feel awkward, I Dont want you to be awkward the next time we meet, if you carry on being awkward you've got no chance. I can understand you met me in a wkward ...
A. 28 April 2010: I think she's being a first rate cow if you want the truth, and I don't think you need her on your life. Okay, so you're shy, we get it. But to actually say 'stop being so awkward or you've got no chance' is a little closed minded of her and quite ... (read in full...)
He tells me the sweetest stuff, but I'm being told he's playing me!
Q. To start off, I really like this guy. We have been talking now for over a month, almost 2. He hasn't dated anyone in almost a year. Every day and night we text, constantly and he tells me the sweetest stuff. He says he likes me, but he is not sure ...
A. 28 April 2010: I must admit I do think you're being played. He 'doesn't want to date yet', but is happy to string you along and kiss you. Be aware. I think you would do better to move on now. ... (read in full...)
I feel like guys don't want to date me because I look so young
Q. Hi, I jsut wondered what people think about people who look quite a lot younger than they are. I am 22 and some people have recently told me I only look about 18. Sometimes I often personally think that I even look younger than 18. I have st...
A. 28 April 2010: I don't think you need to worry at all. I think it's more likely that your lack of confidence in yourself. Guys aren't attracted to low confidence. I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who will fancy you. You just need to have more confidence ... (read in full...)
Why did she do this? Is there a chance of getting her back?
Q. ok, my girlfriend and i have been dating for 6 months but weve been 'TOGETHER" for a year, and she broke up with me...because she says she doesnt ever think she will ever love me.. but yet she is miserable..now that were broke up.. even tho we had a ...
A. 28 April 2010: If she doesn't love you, then there is no point in being together. She had you around because you were more of a comfort blanket. Don't take her back. You need to get over her because she just isn't in love with you. Time to move on. ... (read in full...)
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