| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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A question from my friend: Is he worth it?
Q. I'm very concerned for my friend right now. She had called me earlier today in tears. When I asked her what was wrong she only replied that she's so confused. Her boyfriend had broken up with her today, but he gave her the option of getting back ...
A. 13 May 2010: If she's there, get her to read this.
DUMP HIM. He is controlling you, and using emotional blackmail to get to you. He is trying to get you away from your family, which is the sign of an abusive man. This could quickly spiral out of control if you ... (read in full...)
Why wont he take me seriously and go away?
Q. Ok I almost had An affair with a married man that is twice my age. I am 31 years old and married for 6 yrs. I started to fall for this man at work who is a surgeon that is really attractive for his age. We started having coffee and talking on the ...
A. 8 May 2010: You really do need to report him. ASAP. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me not to talk to other guys. I'm scared he'll leave me!
Q. me and my boyfriend have been fighting lately and we love eachother very much i feel like everythings my fault of all the fights im scared that hes gonna lt me go again im happy with him but the other day my guy friend gave me a hug like a friendly ...
A. 8 May 2010: No disrespect, but when you let your boyfriend tell you who you can and can't be friends with, then you're with the wrong man. He has no right to dictate who you see. I think this guy is starting to control you far too much. Think carefully about ... (read in full...)
Why wont he take me seriously and go away?
Q. Ok I almost had An affair with a married man that is twice my age. I am 31 years old and married for 6 yrs. I started to fall for this man at work who is a surgeon that is really attractive for his age. We started having coffee and talking on the ...
A. 8 May 2010: AskOldersister is right on the money. He sees you as sport and is now chasing you because he can see that you might break. You can stop him though by going to his superiors and claiming sexual harassment. Also, if there are problems in your marriage ... (read in full...)
He always comes back to me when other women hurt him!
Q. I met this guy over 5 years ago when he was one of my employees. We talked everyday but never anything that I thought might lead to a relationship then or later. He was married and I respected that. I never though of him as a partner at all. ...
A. 8 May 2010: Not all men are like this. Actually there are a lot of men who don't do this. Just as there are women who use men in the same way, but not all women do it either.
You need to seriously sit down and work out what you want from your life. He's neve... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and a father
Q. I'm 15, and going to job corp with my gf. I got her pregnant and job corp allows pregnant woman to live there with benefits and I know i'm going for sure because well I love her, and she has my kid. I refuse whoever suggests to terminate the ...
A. 8 May 2010: I admire the level of maturity that you've shown here, and admire that you're there for her. The best thing you can do is go and speak to local government offices to find out exactly what you're entitled to, and what you can do to help. Make sure ... (read in full...)
Which ex to choose, ..the cheater, or the emotionally closed one?
Q. I was dating this guy for 1.5 yrs.He was caring, sexy, respectful, educated. The problem was that he was against commited relationships. He assured me that he wasn't dating anyone else and he wasn't interested in doing so. But he couldn't call me ...
A. 8 May 2010: I'm going to be honest with you here and say that you shouldn't be with either of these men. Guy 1 is too closed for you, and Guy 2 is a cheating SOB. Why settle for either of these men, both of whom offer you nothing. You won't ever be happy with ... (read in full...)
Why isn't he giving me attention now we are going out?
Q. Since the begining of December this guy has been staring at me in class talking about me nonstop even when I'm not there ( say my friends who are there) and he has been holding my bags holding my hand always offering to let me cheat of him ect. Well ...
A. 8 May 2010: Some guys enjoy the chase, then when they've got what they want they stop chasing. Also, as he is still young, he might not really know what he's supposed to do. I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. If you don't you'll only end ... (read in full...)
He wont leave his 'baby momma' right now, .. is he worth waiting for?
Q. i met my boyfriend about 3 springs ago this spring.... well fell in love almost right away....he has a girlfriend who he has 2 kids with their young,....but he wont leave her right now because of court and her acknowledgements he works and suppports ...
A. 8 May 2010: He's never going to leave. He's just using you for sex. Find a single man who has no baggage. Not a man cheating on the mother of his children. ... (read in full...)
Just got married to a wonderful man, but I'm in love with my best friend
Q. *OP's own title* Hello Cupid, I'm extremely conflicted, I just got married to an amazing guy who I love like a friend (he feels the same way but we have four kids so it seem to be the right thing to get married). Here is the issue, I have been i...
A. 8 May 2010: Your best friend has played a terrible game, and really it shows that he's very selfish, more than anything else. That's the problem. He's not that great a guy, no matter what you think. He had all the time in world to tell you, and then he told you ... (read in full...)
He has issues with my past
Q. I've read a good number of posts on the subject, but I want to see if anyone can give me a little insight on what I can do. A few days ago my boyfriend questioned my past. We had a long talk about it, not going into any specifics, and things seeme...
A. 7 May 2010: But it's not really a difficult thing for men to go through. Most men don't care. The ones that do are usually terribly insecure. I've honestly never asked a woman about her past, because as far as I'm concerned, it's her past. Your past is your ... (read in full...)
Wait by the phone, or call him myself?
Q. I am now in my 50s and recently was in contact with my first boyfriend back in my teens. He says he prefers not to look back/attend reunions and took 3 weeks to make contact. He asked me to marry him when we were both just under 18, I felt too y...
A. 7 May 2010: To be honest, I think you've had your answer. I don't think he wants to look back. Don't try to make contact. See if he contacts you. If he really is interested, he will come back. ... (read in full...)
Could there be a deeper reasoning to all this?
Q. My boyfriend (now ex) finished with me about a month ago, telling me he needed space and wasnt ready for a serious relationship. It's not that I don't believe him, but I feel there was deeper reasoning. He has a demanding job and from what i've w...
A. 7 May 2010: Men aren't like women. We're pretty direct, whereas woman tend to be indirect. This is usually what leads to misunderstandings. A man will say something and a woman will look for deeper meaning, where this is no meaning. A woman will say something ... (read in full...)
What was he trying to say in this text?
Q. hello, i recently went on a date (first time) with a man who i met online, on the date he treated me very well, we got along great and he checked that i got home ok and also text the next day to say that he had a great time and would like to go out ...
A. 7 May 2010: I think this might be a red flag. You told him before that you take your time getting to know people, and this included him. So for him to suddenly say that would indicate that he is perhaps more interested in sex than he is with you. You only have ... (read in full...)
Our date's tomorrow and I don't know what's happening!
Q. Alright, so I asked this girl out about a week ago and our date is coming up. We've been talking all week at school and through texting a lot. She really seemed like she liked me. Then, two days ago I texted her saying "hey". She didn't respond. ...
A. 7 May 2010: To be honest, this is not a good sign. I suggest you text her once more and say that you will meet her somewhere that she knows in town. See if she even turns up. If she doesn't, then maybe she's not interested. But this might be a sign that she ... (read in full...)
Why is this girl such a bully to me?
Q. basically this girl who is also my friend keeps debating with me on every single issue i say and will always take the opposite side. she keeps hitting and poking me even when i tell her to stop. and takes my stuff and puts it in her jeans pocket ...
A. 7 May 2010: She's either not that nice a girl at all, or she completely fancies you and wants your attention. I think it's more likely that she fancies you to be honest, and really wants you to notice her. That's not a guarantee though. ... (read in full...)
Why do people in happy relationships cheat?
Q. A close friend of mine recently confessed in secret he is cheating on his fiancee. However, he's been in a loving, committed relationship with her for 7 years...so I want to know why it is that people in happy relationships cheat?...
A. 7 May 2010: Because they're not really happy at all. Or at least he's not. ... (read in full...)
Nausea, headache, and backpain. Could I be pregnant?
Q. hey there guyz this might sound like a dumb question but my fiance (or however you spell the male version lol) is gettin worried.But for the past few weeks i have been feeling constantly sick especially on a morning i haven't been physically sick ...
A. 7 May 2010: You could be, but you do need to get tested to be sure, so it's worth going to the doctor and getting tested. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend I cheated on him?
Q. My boyfriend applied for a job across sea's before he met me and left for it 3 months into our relationship, since then we have seen each other as much as possible (as money, university and other commitments allow). We have been coping well and ...
A. 7 May 2010: It doesn't matter whether you enjoyed it or not, or whether you were relaxed or not. You still cheated, and whatever you say won't change that. If you cheated, there is a reason, and you can't run away from it. I think it's pretty clear that you ... (read in full...)
He told me he loved me, then later that day dumped me by text.
Q. so yesterday was my bf and i's one month I know it's not that big of a deal but he broke up with me on that day to. I'm his first g first kiss first everything and he told me earlier that day he loved me and want gonna leave me till a long time and ...
A. 7 May 2010: You have to move on from him. Women mature at a faster rate then men do. So a 17 year old girl might be ready for a relationship, whereas a 17 year old guy might not. The way that he dumped you shows how immature he was. He couldn't even do it face ... (read in full...)
Last week he did not care, ...this week his is lovey dovey! Why?
Q. been with my partner for over a year, we are happy together and have alot to look forward to with a baby on the way. for a few weeks he has been snappy, moody and i felt like he didn't care anymore. and now he has found out alot of boys fancy me, ...
A. 7 May 2010: Sometimes men get complacent with their partners, and suddenly need a kick in the ass to get their act together. These other guys liking you has done just that. It's kicked him into gear, he's remembered that you're about to be he mother of his ... (read in full...)
Two sides to this guy. Who should I believe?
Q. *OP's own title* I actually asked a question about the same guy about a week ago. But now, I'm singling out my main concern. Is he a womanizer? Yeah, yeah. I know, we've been through this. But not in great detail. I want/need to know before I fal...
A. 7 May 2010: If it is true that he has cheated on his last 2 girlfriends, and chases a lot of girls, avoid him. But you need to get a bigger picture of him as a person. Yo're listening to hear say from perhaps one or two people. You need to know more from ... (read in full...)
Do you think he has met someone else and that is why he has not called?
Q. Met a guy online about a month ago and we hit it off immediately. Had our first two dates in the same week and then went hiking on our third. During the hike he mentioned that he was going to his parents house after it for dinner so we couldn't do ...
A. 7 May 2010: It's very possible he has found someone else. The two females below have given some good advice, but you can take it from a male this man is not worth bothering with. Men tend to be predictable when it comes to dating. If they are interested, they ... (read in full...)
I married for the wrong reasons and now feel I am missing out on life.
Q. Dear cupid I am very depressed with my life. I am young, married for almost 2 years and I have a child with my husband. I feel like I am missing out on my life and finding my true love. I am no longer attracted to my husband. I realize I married ...
A. 7 May 2010: PinkTopaz is right on the money. Listen to her advice on this one. ... (read in full...)
Left me to go back to his baby mama, will he come back?
Q. I have just been seeing someone and he has just left me to go back to his ex girlfreind who has just giving birth to his child he said he loves me know i feel like my whole life is runined and i just want to know if he will ever come back to me he ...
A. 7 May 2010: I don't think he will come back. And even if he did, I don't think it would be worth it. He has a child who he has put first, which is right. But he didn't have to go back to his ex to be part of his child's life. That means that he still loves his ... (read in full...)
A question from my friend: Is he worth it?
Q. I'm very concerned for my friend right now. She had called me earlier today in tears. When I asked her what was wrong she only replied that she's so confused. Her boyfriend had broken up with her today, but he gave her the option of getting back ...
A. 7 May 2010: She was happy for those 3 days, so remind of her of and and tell her that he's still the same rubbish guy he was 3 days ago. Also say that he's insulting her by saying that she can't handle it herself, as if she's weak. Because that's what he's ... (read in full...)
Does he want just a bit of fun or me?
Q. *OP's own title* i have been married for four years to a wonderfull man but these past four months i have been having an affair with a man i see at work everyday. when it started we both agreed it was just a bit of fun, but just recently i cant get ...
A. 6 May 2010: You're being used for sex. That's it. So go home to your 'wonderful' husband and start working on your marriage. It's a well known fact that women come off worse from affairs than men. You can be sure that right now this other guy isn't thinking ... (read in full...)
He says..she says..who am I supposed to believe?
Q. Hey, I met this gal in a club I used to play some blues with my ol' time buddy. She plays piano as well, and that's kinda the reason we started going out. Things were going greatly, but few weeks in University, she started saying stuff about my f...
A. 6 May 2010: We'd need to know what she said about him. But there must be a reason that she hates him. ... (read in full...)
Attracted to a 40 year old man..do you think he feels the same?
Q. Okay there is this guy who is in his 40's that I really like. He is not married and never has been. I am attracted to him but I don't know if he likes me back. He came to my church one time and he kept staring at me and it looked like he was staring ...
A. 6 May 2010: He seems to know you like him, and I think he's playing you. You'll end up being used by this man. If I were you, I wouldn't have anything to do with him. You're just going to end up used. ... (read in full...)
No sex in my relationship, has my partner turned gay?
Q. Hello, Feeling slightly daft writing this question/situation, but I've been reading comments on various questions and there seem to be some really reasonable helpful people out there... so here goes. I'm in a relationship of about 9 years an...
A. 6 May 2010: Let's face it. This isn't working out at all. There doesn't seem to be any real emotional closeness between you two at all. A man doesn't just turn gay. Perhaps he was always that way and can't fake it anymore. I think this is the time now to really ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex ask all the questions and then act like he wasn't interested?
Q. I'm feel like I want to give up on men. I split up with my boyfriend in December. He was giving me mixed messages which made me feel confused. He had said at the beginning of November that he was greatly looking forward to us moving in together. ...
A. 6 May 2010: I'd suggest you look at the type of man you're attracted to. You seem to be dating men who are either very insecure, or just interested in sex. I don't think it's you. I think you need to sit down and really look at the particular type of man you're ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man (your ex) stares at you?
Q. I was at a party last week, and some friends and I decided to go to the bar. When I was there I went with a friend to get a drink and I sat in a chair waiting for on my friend to get his drink, when I saw my old flame, he started staring at me, and ...
A. 6 May 2010: He was perhaps jealous that you were out having a good time with other people, or he just wanted to see if he could still get your attention. ... (read in full...)
I'd like to have reassurances that we're going to try for a baby at some point, and what to do if he doesn't really want children!
Q. I'm a little confused and need some help. I have been with my current partner for 4 years now. We have separated 4 times within the 4 years together so things haven't always run smoothly. Recently I have approached the 'baby' subject. I have me...
A. 6 May 2010: Please look at the facts, and for a minute stop thinking about the 'love' thing here. Because this is not a relationship that's working properly and is not suitable for a baby. Within the last 4 years, you've broken up 4 times. So there's little ... (read in full...)
Management tell me I'm good at my job but I'm worried I am quiet and might seem weak or uninterested.
Q. This isn't really a problem but I just wanted some thougts. In my current job management always tell me in my reviews that they don't mean to ignore me as they don't really involve themselves with me because I just get on and do my work. They ar...
A. 6 May 2010: No, it is a good thing, and they've told you that. But actually being too quiet can sometimes does mean that you are overlooked for bigger opportunities. I'd suggest that if you're up for it, you talk to management again and ask them how you can get ... (read in full...)
I feel like a fool... does he have any feelings for me?
Q. i feel so silly writing this but i so need advice. i work with a guy and ive worked with him since november. even from day 1 ive really liked him. he was in a bad way because his wife cheated on him and he was having a mini meltdown. whilst he was w...
A. 6 May 2010: You're clearly a lovely lady. Don't sit there thinking you're a fool. You're not. There is something wrong with this man. It's him, not you, and not his cheating wife or those other two ex's. This is a man with 2 ex's, kids by both and another wife ... (read in full...)
His ex's texts are making it hard for me to trust him
Q. Hi, I'm 18 and have been at university since September last year. I started going out with a boy I met here in October, the whole thing has been so intense from the start and now he practically lives with me. I have serious trust issues with him ...
A. 6 May 2010: This relationship has completely fallen apart, and I don't think there's any way back. Apart from that, I'm not even sure that you should be with him. He's already admitted that he likes her, and he's told her that. He's also flirting with her far ... (read in full...)
Comment I made has turned into a family argument and I'm expected to apologize!
Q. Hi guys, Back in march I wrote a post in here " back and forth online argument and I don't think I should apologise" Basically it was an argument between me and my cousin after I wrote on my facebook about children being messier than dogs...
A. 6 May 2010: Tell the lot to go to hell and don't apologize. I remember your post, and I remember before that your cousin seemed to take it way too seriously anyway. Who cares what they think. No one, that's who. Stick to your guns. ... (read in full...)
Why do I always think I am in love with every guy I see??
Q. Why is it that when I think someone is attractive or has a good personality I always think I am in love with them. If I saw a guy and thought he was good looking I would then think about him for ages and then suddenly think I am in love even if ...
A. 6 May 2010: You're just growing up. It's perfectly natural and is nothing to worry about. Always spend time getting to know guys, so you know how they think. ... (read in full...)
Don't know why I fainted?
Q. I passed out today at work, just for a few seconds but I still fell over. I haven't passed out since I was a kid, that kind of thing doesn't really happen to me. I'm thinking it could have been due to lack of food? I'd only eaten once which was ...
A. 6 May 2010: Could be lack of food, could be heat (even a small change in temperature can cause you to faint). Watch your diet, and if you feel dizzy at all again, or faint again, then go to the doctor. If all you're having in the morning is toast, then it could ... (read in full...)
Is she just manipulating me playing with my emotions
Q. Please anyone I need help. When the girl who says I think I love u tell her friends that she doesn't knw what I am 2 her, a 6oyfriend or friend. What does this mean. We hung out all the time. We have a healthy sex life. Now she tells me she doesn't ...
A. 6 May 2010: If she's done it twice already, then you might just as well move on. She's keeping you around as a comfort blanket. That's all. You shouldn't settle for someone who is messing you around. Best to move on now and save all the hurt later. ... (read in full...)
He says I remind him of her -- what does that mean?
Q. Hello! I am very much in love with my boyfriend of almost two years. My boyfriend left his girlfriend of two years for me. We met at a rehab facility and she was in jail. We instantly moved in together. There have been numerous times that he has ...
A. 6 May 2010: It means he still wants her, not you. If you're reminding him of her, then he's still thinking about her. You are your own person, and he should be thinking of that, not talking about how he is reminded of her. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants to go, I want to stay!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together three years. We left home two years ago to travel and work abroad. I ended up getting a permenant job in the country we are now in and I love it. Unfortunately my boyfriend has never settled and hates it and ...
A. 6 May 2010: It comes down to a decision with a choice. Just one. You can't have both here. Either you go back with him, and hope that your love works out and that you will never resent him for taking you away from your lovely job and the place you love. Or you ... (read in full...)
I want to have some fun, but I'm really not trying to lead them on
Q. i know that i will probably get some not so nice feedback for this, but i need help. Right now i am "playing the field" i am "seeing" two guys right now. i have let both of them know that i am not into having anything serious. however, both of them ...
A. 6 May 2010: Both guys do know where they stand, because you were upfront, which was the kind thing to do. But I think you need to remind them (especially the one that is getting to close) that you are NOT open for anything other than fun. Make that point clear, ... (read in full...)
A question from my friend: Is he worth it?
Q. I'm very concerned for my friend right now. She had called me earlier today in tears. When I asked her what was wrong she only replied that she's so confused. Her boyfriend had broken up with her today, but he gave her the option of getting back ...
A. 30 April 2010: He is not worth one more moment of her time. Not one. He's abusive, uncaring and is hurting her and using her as he pleases. He was the cause of her depression, and she needs to ditch him. He won't change and he will hurt her again and again. ... (read in full...)
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