| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I want to have some fun, but I'm really not trying to lead them on
Q. i know that i will probably get some not so nice feedback for this, but i need help. Right now i am "playing the field" i am "seeing" two guys right now. i have let both of them know that i am not into having anything serious. however, both of them ...
A. 6 May 2010: Both guys do know where they stand, because you were upfront, which was the kind thing to do. But I think you need to remind them (especially the one that is getting to close) that you are NOT open for anything other than fun. Make that point clear, ... (read in full...)
They tell me to my face that I'm ugly
Q. dear cupid. I have never thought of myself as pretty, but lately everyone has been calling me ugly. I get called ugly at least once everyday. Especially guys. Today, one of my friends made a flirting comment towards me and him and I was a little ...
A. 6 May 2010: You need new friends. What this means is that you ARE the prettiest one, and they're all jealous so they're bullying you. They don't want to admit to themselves that they're not as good, so they bully you instead. Tell a teacher and get out there ... (read in full...)
He always makes me cry but I love him
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 16 year old girl and i love my boyfriend very much. We have been going out for almost 11 months and i can say that he hurt me several times intensionally. But sometimes it's my fault. So i really do not know what to do because ...
A. 6 May 2010: You need to get away from this guy. Don't even think about emotionally blackmailing him, because it won't work. Do you really think that a guy who treats you this badly cares? Or that he will change? Or that you can make him feel sorry? You need to ... (read in full...)
Is this a case of birds of a feather flocking together?
Q. i have a problem, ive been close to this man for a year or two now, we met online but recently started meeting up. i have feelings for him, kinda starting to fall for him. he lives local so we spend quite abit of time together and im sure he likes ...
A. 6 May 2010: It's true that birds of a feather flock together, and in truth this guy does seem a little too complacent. Certainly if he's not told anyone about you, then there's a reason for that, such as not wanting other women to know. I think you need to pay ... (read in full...)
Should I hound my husband or just see if he will follow through on what he promised?
Q. My husband's intimacy issues and sexual hang-ups stem from his addiction to adult pornography websites. He has not been able to transcend his addictions to having a normal sex life with me. This is actually been going on for the past 12 years ...
A. 6 May 2010: Never hound a man. It won't work, and he'll just dig in deeper. If he has said he will get help, then you need to sit back and see whether he does, and give support where needed. The best thing you can do is what you said at the last line, and wait ... (read in full...)
Does love ever really die/end?
Q. I'm in a relationship right now and I'm going through the "ex phase" where I stalk her/them, compare myself to her/them, and question whether he'd be better off with her/them? Currently, I'm in the does he think of her/them, does he fantasize about ...
A. 6 May 2010: Love does die and end, yes. It has done for many people. It usually dies when someone has been purposely hurt by their partner, rather then anything else. I was cheated on by my ex, and I can honestly say that my love for her has since died. Clearly ... (read in full...)
B/f cheated and he is still watching the girl on her Twitter videos
Q. Three months ago my boyfriend confessed to cheating on me with a classmate for over a month. Since then, we have been trying very hard to work things out between us. In an attempt to be completely open with me he has encouraged me to check his ...
A. 6 May 2010: Dump him immediately. He's still got something for her if he's looking at her twitter posts and watching her videos. He says he feels bad for her. I say he's a cheating liar who still wants her. He's also being sneaky about how he views things in ... (read in full...)
I want a break! How can I tell my boyfriend?
Q. I told my boyfriend of six months that my therapist thinks it would be a good idea to take a break. He flipped out, which I could see. I started to see a therapist about trust issues about five months into our relationship, because I was getting ...
A. 5 May 2010: No way in hell should you be feeling this way at 6 months into a relationship. I thin given that you're feeling so bad, you need to end it. It just seems like the relationship is tearing you apart. ... (read in full...)
Should I Say Yes, or stay best mates?
Q. I really like one of my best guy mates and he just asked me out. I really want to say yes but we have been best mates for ages and i really dont want to ruin our friendship. Should I say yes or should we just stay best mates?...
A. 5 May 2010: Sometimes you have to take a chance. This is one of those times. You'll be kicking yourself in the future if you don't find out where this can lead and whether it will work or not. So go for it. ... (read in full...)
Haven't heard from him, should I break it off?
Q. My boyfriend and I havent been together that long and up until a few weeks ago, he seemed head over heels for me. All of a sudden he said that he’s so busy with his job and school right now, he's not sure if he can handle it all. He failed classes ...
A. 5 May 2010: You decided you were on a break. That means that you're not supposed to have contact. When you're on a break, you're on a break. So it's really more of a time thing. That said, it does seem like this has gone as far as it can anyway. Usually when ... (read in full...)
Men: what do you think? What am I doing wrong?
Q. I really am at the point of I don't know what to do. I am 25. I just got out of school about a year ago and now have a really good job and everything I could ever want financially. The problem is I really would like a boyfriend. I was home ...
A. 5 May 2010: You're trying too hard, and in trying too hard you're opening the door to the wrong kind of men. Those men who want to use you will sense that you're perhaps a little desperate, and they will latch on to it. The right guy is out there, but you need ... (read in full...)
I am engaged to a man I don't respect but in love with another
Q. I am engaged to a man who is very good to me, I'll call him Dan. When I say jump, he says how high and he will do it right away. Part of the reason I feel like I am growing away from him is because of a few things: 1) I will always make more money ...
A. 5 May 2010: I agree with the male post below. I think neither man is right for you, and I think you're being a bit cruel in playing both these men. Dan's not the problem. He's trying to be a good guy. But he's just not the one for you at all, because you have ... (read in full...)
He said he doesn't mind if I sleep with other boys ..
Q. i need ur help guys, Im sort of seeing this guy, and we do get on really well but the problam is he says hes seeing other girls aswell as me but i dont really belive him, well untill now I picked him up from the pub the other nite and as i ...
A. 5 May 2010: 1 - He's either not that interested in you for anything other than sex.
2 - He's seeing quite a few women and is using them all.
A guy like this can only lead to trouble. He could be overly insecure and is testing you, which is unfair. Or he's ... (read in full...)
How do I stop believing that everyone in the world is against me?
Q. For years, I have wondered if everyone is part of a conspiracy to give me a bad life. Now, I don't think that way very often. But occasioanlly, I wonder if I am being persecuted by the female race. I have thought in the past that the world owed ...
A. 5 May 2010: Coming here was a first good step. I actually think the problem is that you don't have a focus on your life. You want a woman, you want to contribute, but it's like you're waiting for the world to show the way. Best thing you can do is write a list ... (read in full...)
Its like I am invisible to my boyfriend
Q. i love my boyfriend but i don't think he loves me? he doesn't notice me and its like am invisible.i buy all the gifts,he demands a lot and he makes a scene when am unable to provide for him but yet i get noting in return.when i complain on how i ...
A. 5 May 2010: You've become his doormat. No offence there, but you really have. There is nothing wrong with being nice to people, and noting wrong in caring for your partner. But your partner must care about you too. And your boyfriend really doesn't care. He's ... (read in full...)
I cheated! Can't get over the guilt!
Q. I cheated on my boyfriend and I regret it soo much I feel soo guilty I can't tell him he will leave me and never be with me. I just though it wasn't that bad after all, since I dnt wanna cheat when we get married. But now its killing inside I dnt ...
A. 5 May 2010: The fact that you cheated shows that there is something wrong with your relationship. So deal with the problem, and the gilt will start to go away. If you think he will find out, then you need to tell him, because it will sound better coming from ... (read in full...)
My gf dosnt what to talk about sex
Q. my gf dosnt want to talk about sex and if i do talk about sex with her she will break up with me what do i do...
A. 5 May 2010: Unless she has a religious reason, then this won't work out. You can't be expected to sit there twiddling your thumbs in silence for the rest of your life. She needs to give you a reason. If she doesn't, then she may have some serous issues and it ... (read in full...)
Why did he cheat on his wife and take our affair to an emotional level?
Q. I'm trying to understand the situation better. I'm married and I cheat for about a year with another man, who was also married (even though I didn't know at the time). I understand my reasons for cheating (abusive relationship), but I don't ...
A. 5 May 2010: He wanted sex, but to have you connected to him emotionally meant that he could use you even more. That's how people like him work. If you weren't connected to him emotionally, you wouldn't have been so controlled by him, and you could have ended ... (read in full...)
He's thinking of leaving his g/f for me
Q. My ex from about 4 -5 years ago and i have been texting quite a bit - even though his gf doesn't allow him to have any communication with any girls that arent family, on friday we met up just to say hi. We've both realised we still have feelings for ...
A. 5 May 2010: You're feeling like a bad guy, because you know that if he lives her for you, people, are going to look at you and lay the blame at your door. As it is, I don't think this guy is trustworthy anyway, so I'm not sure whether you should really have ... (read in full...)
Feeling bad because I've never had a boyfriend
Q. Almost every girl in my school has a boyfriend except for me and im starting 2 feel kinda sad and ulgy and fat and i want some addvice like what boys look for in a girl and stuff im just kinda feeling lonely i mean im like 13 and i have never ever ...
A. 5 May 2010: I was 16 when I had my first girlfriend. The point is, there is plenty of time. And you shouldn't have a boyfriend because you're lonely. If you're lonely, you need to make sure you have friends and feel good about your life. Then you'll be in a ... (read in full...)
He's thinking of leaving his g/f for me
Q. My ex from about 4 -5 years ago and i have been texting quite a bit - even though his gf doesn't allow him to have any communication with any girls that arent family, on friday we met up just to say hi. We've both realised we still have feelings for ...
A. 5 May 2010: Don't try to put all the blame and guilt on him. Yes, it might be his decision, but you're the one who is aiding that decision. And you will be the one who will look bad, whether you like it or not, because you'll be seen a the one whole stole him, ... (read in full...)
Does his blushing mean he likes me?
Q. There is this boy that I like and I've liked him for 3 years now. This year, we have become REALLY CLOSE. He's in every one one of my classes, he sits next to me and is there when I don't even know. He is always smiling, laughing, and is close to m...
A. 5 May 2010: Yes, he does like you. But he's clearly very shy, so don't be afraid not to tell him how you feel. Better to take a chance than to not. ... (read in full...)
Teenage angst.
Q. Okay so I'm 14 and I'm dating this 16 year old. We've been dating for about 2 and a half months. We were in love and I had no clue he was talking to this other girl who also had a boyfriend. I just found out a few days ago that he cheated on me with ...
A. 5 May 2010: Don't bother with him. If he's already cheating, you can be sure he will do it again. Why settle for second best?... (read in full...)
Do I make him feel guilty or pretend I'm fine?
Q. Ignore the age, I'm actually 17. I need some advice, I have this friend and I love him but somehow he really doesn't seem to know. About a week ago I slept with him and then he said not to say to anyone what happened to avoid scandal. He is qui...
A. 5 May 2010: The whole 'make him jealous/guilty' thing won't work. It never does. Plenty of women and men have tried to make their partners/lovers feel bad like this before. And it doesn't work. Ever. Do you really think a guy who has used you and just moved on ... (read in full...)
Didn't want to fall for him, but I have!
Q. Ok so I've been with my husband for 8 years but these past 4 months I have been having an affair. He has a girlfriend, but is nit happy. We agreed at the start that it was just gonna b a bit of fun. When we meet it is generly just a physical thing, ...
A. 5 May 2010: Wake up. You're being used for sex. That's all. He's seen your unhappy in your marriage, and is just taking advantage. Of course he's kind and remembers all the dates and give you things. That way he can get you into bed. That's all it's about. So ... (read in full...)
He's always there for me but I don't love him...
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now, He is sweet and wonderful and has been there for me through a lot during our relationship.(My brother died in a car accident, my parents divorced a and my grandpa died and he never left ...
A. 5 May 2010: End it with your boyfriend. He's just the safe man you have at home, and that's not fair on hin at all. I know you've been through a lot, but it's unfair of you to be out cheating on him when he has been there for you. If he finds out, you will be ... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend get my colleugue pregnant?
Q. My boyfriend of 8 years cheated on me with one of my close co-workers at work, all three of us work together. And we have hung out together on the regular. But now the girl is pregant she's saying its 50-50. she not sure who the father is? I don't ...
A. 5 May 2010: He cheated, so that's a good enough reason to end it right now anyway. Only a DNA test will tell the truth. But to be honest, your best bet is to leave. Why settle for a second rate man? ... (read in full...)
How can he be so selfish? We only just broke up and he's already hanging out with girls!
Q. How is he so selfish? We seriously JUST broke up,he JUST dumped me. And he is already hanging out with girls. How do I know this? Facebook..I know I should stop looking,but I can't help it. We were together for over a year,I can't just shut him out ...
A. 5 May 2010: He had already moved on. By the time he had dumped you,in his mind he had moved on. That's why he had to leave you. He'd moved on. If you'd dumped him, he'd have felt this way. He simply wasn't the right guy for you, and ended it before you got even ... (read in full...)
Why does he not talk to me but try to make me jealous?
Q. This guy had this huge crush on me. We're 16 (year 11). He used to show all the signs (staring, glancing, copying, imitating, stands closer etc.) and I showed signs back.He shows few signs now. We used to flirt with each other all the time but now ...
A. 5 May 2010: Yes he is shy. You're the fourth girl on here who has said 'he's not shy, but why won't he speak to me?'. Truth is, he's shy. Some guys can talk to anyone they like, any time. Put them in front of a crowd of people and they're not shy.But put them ... (read in full...)
How can I trust someone who keeps important secrets for our whole entire relationship?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 7years. We had our ups and downs. She's kept a secret from me for 7years and finally wants to come clean 1st strike. She drilled me hard about sites like myspace and etc. I stopped using them. Come to find out she ...
A. 5 May 2010: I think this woman is very controlling and manipulative. Your experiment proved that. I don't think you can trust her, and I think you need to sit down and really look at this relationship. Seems to me like you can do better. ... (read in full...)
I'm married, she's married!
Q. Hello, I have a female friend that ended up telling me she is attracted to me and she really likes me. She is an attractive woman and I do like her and her personality. We hang out every weekend with our neighbors. The only thing is I'm married a...
A. 5 May 2010: Go back home to your wife and work on your marriage. This other woman is not interested in anything else other than her own needs. If she was really that interested, she'd get a divorce. You will needlessly end up hurting two people for no reason if ... (read in full...)
Do I break up with him when I go away for the year?
Q. I think I need some advice. I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for the last two years and he’s the only guy I’ve ever been with. Thing is I’ve been fantasizing all along about sleeping with other guys. My boyfriend is almost perfect, he’s ...
A. 4 May 2010: I think this is a sign that your relationship with him has come to an end. If all you can think about when you're away is that there will be other guys out there, then the best thing you can do is end it with your boyfriend and have fun with other ... (read in full...)
Am I gross? OR was the guy just not nice?
Q. Hi, I recently hooked up with a guy and whilst we were in bed fooling around he took off my pants, then he stopped and was like ew, so I asked what's the problem and he told me "your vagina is gross". I've had my confidence knocked by it my...
A. 4 May 2010: It's not you. He's just an idiot who has probably been watching too much porn and living in la la land. Build up your confidence again and get back out there. Take your time getting to know a guy as well, so you have a better idea about his ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with him for the sake of the family or move on?
Q. I'm with this man I have a 2yr old child with him weve had an on and of relationship as he chooses to leave and come back when he feels like it. He's left me for up to 6 months twice he says he wasn't with anyone else but I don't believe him. Now ...
A. 4 May 2010: The damage to your child because of this man coming in and out of your life will be so bad, it won't know whether it's loved or not. This guy is suffocating you and destroying you, and it will have a serious effect on your child. Being alone isn't a ... (read in full...)
My husband may lose his life, should we try to have a baby?
Q. Hi, :) ok.. Uhm well you may know from my previous question that my boyfriend has 2 cancerous grade 2 brain tumors and im scared to death to lose him. Well... We both know he may die but we alao know we were made for each other. Yes im only 17 ...
A. 4 May 2010: I'm not sure it's a good idea. I'm sure it would mean a to to you, but at the same time, you would suddenly be a single mother and that is a big burden. You could do it, because there are plenty of single mothers around who have proved they can. But ... (read in full...)
Crush on my sister's ex-boyfriend
Q. Okay, so in summer of 2009 I told my sisters ex boyfriend that I liked him. Well he didn't think of me the same way but thought it was cute. Then they got back together and I think I still have a "crush" on him. Help on what to do? And please don't ...
A. 4 May 2010: Yes you do have to stop. There is no use on you saying you can't stop, because you have to stop. First of all, he's your sisters boyfriend. If do the dirty on her, you'll lose your sister, your respect, your friends, your dignity, and even your ... (read in full...)
How do I make him mine ?
Q. It all started in high school, everyone has said he is a player but for some reason I couldn't help but like him. We like a lot of the same stuff n can sit n talk for hours. He makes me smile just to get a text or be by him. We finally ended up ...
A. 4 May 2010: He felt 'guilty'. Yeah right. He's just telling you what you want to hear. Stop looking at him with those starry eyes for a moment and look at the facts.
1 - Everyone says he's a player.
2 - He slept with you on a break, then went away again an... (read in full...)
How do I shake this feeling?
Q. Hi everyone, i and my boyfriend have been dating for 3years now, we have a very good relationship, but i cant stand it when girls look at him flirtyly, its obvious they like him, he seems not to notice them, but it makes me nervous. How do i get rid ...
A. 4 May 2010: Just keep focusing on the fact that he's not interested in the slightest. Him not noticing is a good thing, because it means he's well into you. ... (read in full...)
Men please HELP me!
Q. So for every woman,the universal face of charming, is george clooney. Men that are "smooth" seem to wisk us away and make us go head over heals. For men, who is that? What is smooth for men? what qualities to men find charming in a woman? What ...
A. 4 May 2010: Confidence. If you can sit with a woman and have an interesting conversation, and she comes across as confident, then a man will start to be interested. I always like a woman who's confident, and I suspect most other guys would agree with that. ... (read in full...)
Girls and sexual peak
Q. Why can't women reach their sexual heith at 18 like guys instead of 40! I hate it! (Im a virgin.)...
A. 4 May 2010: I agree with MarieClaire. Women aren't just sexual objects. And I'm not just saying that for the feminist vote either. If you want a woman in your life, you have to prove that you're
a - interested in more than just sex. Women and men don't real... (read in full...)
Why won't he call me his girlfriend?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 2 months. It's not normal dating....we are together 4 to 5 nights a week. He has met my family, I have met his, he has come to work functions with me, he is talking vacations in 5 months....yet he will not label me ...
A. 4 May 2010: At 2 months, even with all your dating it's still quite early to be saying something like that. I suspect you might find that he's been hurt before and is being very careful at the moment not to ruin it. Give him more time. You're dating, you're ... (read in full...)
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