| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Why won't he call me his girlfriend?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 2 months. It's not normal dating....we are together 4 to 5 nights a week. He has met my family, I have met his, he has come to work functions with me, he is talking vacations in 5 months....yet he will not label me ...
A. 4 May 2010: At 2 months, even with all your dating it's still quite early to be saying something like that. I suspect you might find that he's been hurt before and is being very careful at the moment not to ruin it. Give him more time. You're dating, you're ... (read in full...)
MSN conversation has left things sour
Q. I'm feeling stressed at the moment, because me and my boyfriend have just had a bit of rough conversation on MSN. I really love him but I'm worried. He's way too good for me and usually we just joke about and I'm not the type of soppy person. But he ...
A. 4 May 2010: Talk to him in person. Chat sites, MSN and facebook and all those other sites can be relationship breakers. He's obviously feeling that you're not as interested as he would like you to be. So meet him in person and reassure him that you care about ... (read in full...)
Brother's friend has been using me
Q. I was seeing a guy for over a year then 1day he told me hes got another gf and he loves her but i can still stay with him if i want but he cant give me what i want (commitment) i left him. he turned out to be my brothers Friend but i didnt know...
A. 4 May 2010: The next time he touches you, checks your phone or tells you to make coffee, shout at him to quit using you and go back to his girlfriend. He is taking pleasure in doing this to you, and nothing you say other than that will stop him. Anything you ... (read in full...)
Could my ex-lover be dangerous?
Q. Ok...so I've written other posts regarding this situation. Long story short. I had a 9 month affair with a wealthy man. I'm married. My ex-lover knew that, but I didn't know that my ex-lover was married with children. I got pregnant and had a ...
A. 3 May 2010: I don't think so. Generally speaking, a person who has been wronged and wants revenge will seek it very quickly. They won't leave it for a long time. He also has too much too much to lose, if he really is wealthy. He won't risk his marriage again or ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with a grown man
Q. One of my adult friend's won't have sex with her husband unless he has the snip. I talk to him often and we get into conversations about sex. It is becoming increasingly obvious that there is a lot of sexual tension building up in him. We talk about ...
A. 3 May 2010: He's married. And if you do something, he will look bad for having an affair, but it will be YOUR reputation, dignity and just about everything else will be left in the gutter. Young women who have flings with married older man come off a lot worse ... (read in full...)
Why was he a no-show? And what should I do?
Q. Recently I've been talking to a friend of mine on the internet. We live in different cities but have hung out a few times. We're the same age and I've known him since 7th grade and I am now a freshman in college. We were never really "friends" ...
A. 3 May 2010: Stop panicking, get on the phone and say "Hello, how was your evening the other night?". What if he did try to contact you? What of he's not interested? What happened? You won't know unless you quit sitting their panicking and ask him how he is and ... (read in full...)
What to say to him when I see him again?
Q. Soo,I was in the club 3 days ago and met this very handsome guy. He seems the playa-playa type (very good looking,best dressed,some girls were trying to talk to him) but he clearly made it seem that he was interested in me. When the girls came to ...
A. 3 May 2010: Your first line was the clue. He seems the 'playa-playa type' and made it clear that he was interested in you. Which means that he made it clear to all those girls around him that he was interested in them, and probably has several numbers. So don't ... (read in full...)
What to say to him when I see him again?
Q. Soo,I was in the club 3 days ago and met this very handsome guy. He seems the playa-playa type (very good looking,best dressed,some girls were trying to talk to him) but he clearly made it seem that he was interested in me. When the girls came to ...
A. 3 May 2010: Your first line was the clie. He seems the 'playa-playa type' and made it clear that he was interested in you. Which means that he made it clear to all those girls around him that he was interested in them, and probably has several numbers. So don't ... (read in full...)
When will it be clear that he wants to see me again? I'm back into the dating arena after 8 years!
Q. Hey, I'd love some advice (esp. from any male readers) about first dates. I had my first date in 8 1/2 years on Saturday (split with my bf of 8 years 6 months ago, took a long time to feel better and get the confidence to date again). We talked for ...
A. 3 May 2010: Give it three days. If he has not suggested something by then, then you suggest something. If he says yes, then you'll know that he's still interested. If he replies with anything else, then he's not interested. For what it's worth, I think he ... (read in full...)
I found out my son and his on-again-off-again girlfriend are trying for a baby! Should I say something?
Q. I want to start off by saying I am not trying to interfer with my son's life and I jsut being cncerned. My youngest son Steven has been dating his girlfriend Lora on and off for 2 yrs. They met through friends about 4 yrs ago but they both where in...
A. 3 May 2010: I have to be honest, I'd say something. Your son may be mad, but you are absolutely right that this will end in tears and stress. I think you should just say that he'd been on the computer and had left his message on the screen, and you saw it. Then ... (read in full...)
I'm secretly seeing my ex and falling in love with him again
Q. i am in a relationship wih this guy and i really like him we started dating after me and my ex broke up because my ex cheated on me and had 2 kids by 2 different girls during our relationship. the only thing is i have been secrectly seeing my ex ...
A. 3 May 2010: You're cheating with the guy who has cheated on your TWICE and fathered TWO OTHER CHILDREN WHILE YOU WERE TOGETHER! He doesn't love you at all. Not one little bit. You're just being used AGAIN as you were before, and he's taking pleasure in it. Stop ... (read in full...)
Should I show him I'm suffering or endure the heartache alone?
Q. How do guys get over a relationship so easily? How is it anyway fair to me that I am the one that has to suffer? It's been over a week since my ex broke up with me and I am coping with it quite well but I still have my days. It's not fair that I ...
A. 3 May 2010: There is no point in asking for closure, because you will never really get an answer. You'll get one answer, and then you'll have another question, and another, and another. He is now an ex as well, and doesn't owe you closure no matter what you say ... (read in full...)
We can't move forward until his divorce finalizes, and I'm getting depressed
Q. I have been with this guy for 1 yr. He treats me well. The problem is, that his divorce (he's been separated for 18 mos.) is still not final. Court dates have been cancelled, the 'other' side is being very difficult, he has a 14 yr. old daughter ...
A. 3 May 2010: Sadly, this is the price of getting involved with someone who has not had all his problems sorted out. It can be very hard to put up with this. My own girlfriend went through a divorce that seemingly went on and on because her ex was such a nasty ... (read in full...)
B/f keeps asking his ex to send him nude pictures!
Q. Ok here's my issue. I've been with my bf for almost 2 years now and we have a 7 month old daughter together and i'm still having the same issues with him. I have talked to him more than once and he knows how i feel about it. He is constantly in ...
A. 3 May 2010: I know there is a child involved here, so it's a hard decision for you to make. But if this man is asking for nude pictures of his ex, then really you would do better to leave him and focus on yourself and your child. Don't sit there being second ... (read in full...)
Is she going overboard with the privacy?
Q. Why does my girlfriend countinue to talk shit to me when i get into her personal business when she is on her phone online and she ignores me when i ask her questions bout what she does or who she with?...
A. 3 May 2010: Well, that is suspicious. I mean there really is no need to ignore you and snap at you, and when someone does that, usually they're hiding something. I think confronting her won't work, so you might need to do a bit of digging to find out what is ... (read in full...)
Unemployed husband has put faith in God, while we owe 40 thousand pounds!
Q. I been married for over thirty years now. My husband I both work for the same company. My husband has arthritis in his leg and been complaining about it.He has beenworking with this comapany for over thirteen years. Anyway he came home one day from ...
A. 3 May 2010: God only helps those who get up and do it themselves. No one has ever got anywhere by sitting around. I commend the fact that you're still with him, but perhaps the time has come for you to decide whether it's worth staying with him or not, because ... (read in full...)
How do I get b/f to stop yelling at me?
Q. my boyfriend moved away a few months ago and ive seen him a few times and everythings been good but now everysingle time we talk on the phone he gets mad at me or raises his voice and he always just says that i make him feel bad for everything and ...
A. 2 May 2010: You don't. The thing you have to understand right now is that to him, this IS normal. This is how he acts, and this is how he will continue to treat you. He isn't suddenly going to change. If he's yelling at you for no reason, then he has problems ... (read in full...)
She cheated so I cheated too!
Q. my girlfriend cheated on me after six months and i forgave her, and now she countinues to flirt with other guys and go to the bar once in awhile to flirt with other guys or meet with other guys, so i cheated on her am i wrong?...
A. 2 May 2010: You're both in the wrong. Revenge cheating is as bad as cheating. Now you've done what she has, so you're both the same. Truth is if she's meeting other people and you're now cheating, then this relationship is well and truly dead. Unless you are ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I could be pregnant or not?
Q. Okay so I had sex with this guy , and i took 2 pregnancy test and one showed up alomost positive , and now he thinks i am , but i dont think i am , and im going to the docter to make sure , what do i tell him if im not and how do i tell him. Helpp!...
A. 2 May 2010: The first thing you need to do is speak to the doctor. The doctor will be able to tell you whether you are pregnant or not. Then if you are, you need to tell your boyfriend. If you're not, then sit him down and tell him the tests were wrong and that ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps ditching me for his best friend!
Q. Okay, my boyfriend of two months, whom I really have a great amount of special feelings for is kind of... obsessed with his bestfriend. Or he's getting there, anyway. It wouldn't bother me, really. If this obsession didn't mess up our time with eac...
A. 2 May 2010: He's not ready for a relationship at all. Young men don't mature as quickly as young women do, which is why more girls than boys are ready for relationships at an earlier age then the other way around. The truth is, you are not the priority in his ... (read in full...)
Am I heartless for hoping he lost his job, especially now it has come true?
Q. Does this make me heartless? i separated with my boyfriend for six year, two years back..because he was an alcoholic and a womaniser...this left me hurt, used and i got low self esteem issues...for the six years i supported him, financially and ...
A. 2 May 2010: Perfectly. He hurt you, cheated, took everything and gave nothing, and the only way you'd ever feel that you'd got justice was if he'd lost his job. And now he has becuase he was a drinker and couldn't be trusted. You now know that he's a big an ass ... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my ex may end up dead if she stays with this man
Q. Hello.Im male and my relationship with my ex girlfriend finally collapsed recently due to her chronic alcoholism (advanced stages,korsakoff syndrome e.t.c).I now stay away from her and share the upbringing of our child with the grandmothers,so the ...
A. 2 May 2010: The most important person right now is your child, because of all the people in this, your child is the one who will be most hurt and confused. No matter what you think of your ex, or how you feel about your ex, she has made her decision and no one ... (read in full...)
I'm worried I might be pregnant after my boyfriend pressured me into sex
Q. Hi, my name is chey and im 17 years old my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year now and we just had sex last night that is saturday the 1st i was nervous about and and didnt really even want to have sex.. He peer pressured me into it ...
A. 2 May 2010: 1 - There is a chance that you could be pregnant. For this reason, you need to go to your doctor and get the emergency pill.
2 - Please dump this guy, unless you already have. He lied to you about using a condom and put your health at risk, then... (read in full...)
We split up almost a year ago but I'm getting mixed signals from him!
Q. My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for almost a year. I am still close with his family. He and I only talk when I am at his moms house and he I ls there. When we hang out, we have a great time. We have a lot in common, we laugh all the ...
A. 2 May 2010: I don't think he does, especially if his mother has said he has an interest in another girl. That pretty much says that she's warning you off, most likely because she knows you still like him and doesn't want you getting strung along. The fact is ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a guy acts like this but already has a girlfriend?
Q. what does it mean when a guy: - looks to see what my reaction to something is before making his own? (ex. something funny happens, he looks to see if i laugh before he does) - i catch him starring at me, and smile at him, he smiles back and...
A. 2 May 2010: It means he's a man who can't be trusted at all. Don't fall for his rubbish. First of all you'll look back for stealing another girl's boyfriend. Then when he cheats on you you'll feel even worse. ... (read in full...)
I feel like my boyfriend is looking for an escape route out of our relationship
Q. I've been with my bf for 3 months and im starting to feel like hes looking for an escape route out of the relationship. Hes very friend orientated so will see them most weekends and he also goes on cycling weekends so half the time i feel neglected ...
A. 2 May 2010: You have to remember that this is still early on. The relationship is only 3 months old. I think you need to give this a little more time. If at 6 months he has not changed, then you'll need to move on. As for the texting, let him contact you first. ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in the same cycle with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do anymore
Q. ok so ive been with my bf on and off for four years and i left him before because he got so wrapped up in drugs he seemed to forget about me completely, we had a few breakups last year and just recently got back together and i thought it was for ...
A. 2 May 2010: I think you need to face facts. This won't work. All you've done is break up and get back together and break up. He's into drugs, and is clearly not bothered about you at all. Quit dating this man. If it didn't work first time around, it's not going ... (read in full...)
My dancing makes me unintersted in sex with my husband!
Q. Ive got a really serious problem , Im a lap dancer exotic dancer in Australia , I love my job , make great money , and really love seeing the guys get all turned on with their Big erections that they can hardly control . The problem is my hu...
A. 2 May 2010: Maybe the problem is you feel like a sex object, rather than a woman. You spend all your time dancing and having men lust after you, but little time with a man actually romancing you. Perhaps if you and your husband spent more time romancing each ... (read in full...)
Is this acceptable behaviour in a relationship?
Q. is it right for your for a girlfriend or boyfriend to flirt or look for singles, when i have given her money and help her out with some bills?...
A. 2 May 2010: Flirting is one thing. Looking for singles is not acceptable at all. If she's looking for singles, then you could just be a cash card and little else. ... (read in full...)
I've had enough and I'm ready to leave!
Q. I want to leave my husband but not sure when and how to go about doing it.....he has not changed his ways when it comes to the put downs the criticism etc.. he complains when I don't cook and when I do its crappy.....mind you we have a 2 yr old and ...
A. 2 May 2010: The very first thing you need to do is talk to a divorce lawyer. That's the first thing. Make sure that your family and friends you can trust know (not too many) so you have support. But start with the lawyer. ... (read in full...)
Why does the man blame the woman?
Q. why does a man do something wrong and then try to turn it around on the woman instead of making up?...
A. 2 May 2010: It's not just men who do that. Women do it too. There have been plenty of times where I've had it all turned around to me. Usually it's done because the person knows they are wrong but don't want to admit it. That#s the only reason. After all, it's ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy for trusting my ex fiance?
Q. hi my exfiance just told me today that hes still in love with me hes engaged but he is having problems with her i was engaged to a man i met online we never met in person before i ended it with him so i can be with my ex because i still love him he ...
A. 2 May 2010: You're not crazy, but you're walking into a trap that can only lead to a lot of hurt for you. Taking away the love you feel, let#s face the facts. This is a man who cheated on you, left you and broke off your engagement to then get engaged to ... (read in full...)
Depressed and lost my way
Q. I don't know where to start here... I'm a 15 year old guy and my life is really messed up. A few years back I was an out going boy, top of my class and loving life. Now my days consist of going to school depressed and hangig out with my friends, ...
A. 2 May 2010: You sound just like I did. In fact, exactly like I did. But I think you sound like you're a bit worse right about now. Somewhere, something in your life will have caused this. And you need to find out what it is. That means going to a counsellor ... (read in full...)
To take risks with finding a girlfriend, or not to take risks?
Q. *OP's own title* I happen to know someone who blames other people that he can't get a girlfriend. He whines that he wishes he'd never been born. He lost his virginity to a prostitute. He says he is a good guy and that he can't understand why the ...
A. 2 May 2010: Take the risks. I took a risk once and got hurt. I took another risk and am going broke. I'll take another risk when I have to. Life is about taking risks. Some work, some don't. You won't know what will work and what won't unless you try though, so ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does not seem to have much time for me amongst the other things in his life.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for about 4 months now. He is 20 and im 15 [ yes im aware there is an age difference.] He goes clubbing often every either thursday friday and saturday, We started off really happy and he used to call ...
A. 2 May 2010: I think you'e playing a bit of a dangerous game with this guy. He's 20, and should know better than to play around with a teenage girl who is still in school. I think he's using you. To be honest, I think you'd be safer and better off without him. ... (read in full...)
Concerned about future career prospects in the film industry.
Q. I really wanna major in film studies in college, but I keep reading online that it leads to unemployment and you can't get good jobs with it..is that true? If so, what should I major in to get into the film industry or get a job with a company that ...
A. 2 May 2010: The post below has some good points and I agree with it. I wanted to do something much like yourself in media, but was kind of forced into an area that I wasn't totally happy with. Instead of doing what I really wanted, I did plumbing. I'm not ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex still want contact with me?
Q. Why does my ex still talk to me and want to see me if she has a boyfriend? We were together for a long time 2.5+ years, and she started dating him about a week after our breakup. The last month we have stayed in contact about three to four times a ...
A. 2 May 2010: You're the 'just in case guy', and she's getting a kick out of controlling you like this. She just cares about herself, not you. Whatever you do, don't go back to her. And more importantly, I think it's best if you just tell her that it's time to ... (read in full...)
What do you do with your hands whilst kissing?
Q. where do guys like a girls hands to be while they're kissing ? ...
A. 2 May 2010: You could gently hug him, or hold his hand. Just don't leave them by your sides. ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about not using a condom?
Q. Me and my girlfeiend had sex last night first time, her backseat of her car..no condom..and today we did...i masterbated about an hour n half before she came over, but i washed myself with soap and water before she did so no residue wod be thre.she ...
A. 2 May 2010: Yes. She can get pregnant from pre-cum, which leaks out as you have sex and has sperm in it. Never have sex without a condom. It's not worth it.... (read in full...)
He had a sly errection ..what did I do ??
Q. Hi everyone , Im a little confused over an incident that occured recently . There was a group of us going out for dinner and my boyfriend was driving ..we were one seat short , and seeing Im the smallest I jumped onto a male friends lap in th...
A. 1 May 2010: Really you did kind of cheat. You were turned on by him and you teased him about it. I'm sure if you told your boyfriend he'd be living with your and the male friend. I wouldn't be pleased if I thought my girlfriend had been sat on a friend's lap ... (read in full...)
I don't classify this as cheating but my boyfriend will!
Q. Okay, Ive been dating a guy for about 2 months and I told him I would never cheat. But recently I was out with friends (1 girl and 2guys) one of the guys is an ex boyfriend. When we were leaving, i hugged him goodbye and I turned to kiss him on ...
A. 1 May 2010: Yes it was. You kissed him on the lips, then pulled back. That's cheating. You know very well that if your boyfriend had kissed his ex like that, you would classify it as cheating and you'd be very angry. Fair enough, he did kiss you and you only ... (read in full...)
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