| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I did everything he wanted and he still broke up with me
Q. Okay I started dating this guys five years ago, in the beggining he didnt want a relationship but after we became intimate,and i threatened to walk away if i dint get a title, he said lets be official. In the beggining my weight bothered him. I was ...
A. 31 May 2010: Stop talking to him already. That's what you have to do. ... (read in full...)
I did everything he wanted and he still broke up with me
Q. Okay I started dating this guys five years ago, in the beggining he didnt want a relationship but after we became intimate,and i threatened to walk away if i dint get a title, he said lets be official. In the beggining my weight bothered him. I was ...
A. 17 May 2010: Well let him go. He'll only destroy you. Forget about him. ... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work after the lies he told me?
Q. I dated this man for a while and found out he was married. I walked away because I did not want to be in a relationship built on deceit and lies. Recently we started dating again. He told me that he divorced his wife. He tells me that he wants ...
A. 13 May 2010: No way. You can't be sure he divorced her. And if he cheated on her, he'll do it to you. Ditch him. ... (read in full...)
Why didn't my guy friend cared that I got sexually harass?
Q. I told one of my guy friends that i got almost harassed sexually looking for support and we were close. Now Were not talking to one another and he hasn't talked to anyone or has been online. I thought he would care but he didn't respond when I told ...
A. 13 May 2010: I think he does care. The problem is that he may not know how to handle it. Women are brilliant at offering sympathy and being there. Men can find it hard to cope with it, and often duck their heads in the sand to avoid confronting it. I think you ... (read in full...)
Is it worth trying to get him back or should I just move on?
Q. How can i get my man back. We have been together 3 years and i thought we both loved each other very much. Recently he told me that i whinge and he wants out. He is very stressed right now and i think thats the main problem, its not me! Is it ...
A. 13 May 2010: I don't think so. If he blamed you, then all he will do is continue to blame you. You mustn't be a doormat and you mustn't go running to a man who blamed you. He must accept his own problems, and if he can't, then he's not worth your time. ... (read in full...)
My financial situation is making me depressed, what can I do?
Q. i really need some advice. i broke up with my fiance after 7 years last year. he left me on the verge of bankruptcy and didnt care. i was left with all the debt -55,000 now im at home living at my mums due to me having to do an iva. im so depre...
A. 13 May 2010: Hi there. I'm sorry you've been left in this mess. I think you need to know where you stand about the debt, and I think you need to know about what you can claim an such.
Go to this site.
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
find out where your n... (read in full...)
I’m hurt, saddened, angry, betrayed, confused. What do I do now?
Q. My wife and I have been happily (or so I thought) married 3 years. I’m a good husband to her, I love her with all my heart, treat her well and always look after her (her words previously). Major area I am lacking in at the moment is finances as ...
A. 13 May 2010: Sadly losing a job can be a huge hit to a man. I lost my job because of my recession over a year ago, and I'm still not back on my feet where I want to be. It's even worse for a married man or a man with a partner because it can put a huge amount of ... (read in full...)
How can I find out if he missed me?
Q. What should I do about my guy friend? When we met we were so close then he drifted apart. Now he ignores me and doesn't treat me like a friend. This makes me so sad. So after two years of heartbreak about this guy knowing that I liked him and not ...
A. 13 May 2010: I suspect that he liked you a lot more then he let on, and I think for a time he missed you. But I think over time he has decided that for his own sake he needed to move on, which s why he is now ignoring you. I think you need to accept that he has ... (read in full...)
Am I really attracted to my husband's best friend or is this only happening because my marriage is on the rocks?
Q. I fancy my Husbands best friend - is it just because my marriage is on the rocks? My husband and i have been together for 10 years but only married for 3. Earlier this year we began to have major problems in our relationship and therefore jointl...
A. 13 May 2010: You're right that the only reason you fancy him is that your own marriage is in trouble. His friend is more attractive now probably because he seems interested in you and shows you affection that you really want from your husband. Under no ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex acting like he still loves me when he has a g/f
Q. My question why is my ex acting like he still luvs me when he has a new girlfriend he still wants to see me talk to me everyday text have sex if i let him but tells me he has feelings for the new gf....
A. 13 May 2010: He likes the controlling effect that he is having on you. You must stop contact with him, because he wants to use you and this other woman. ... (read in full...)
What is considered small?
Q. Hey well i have alot of ?'s sorry bout it bein long, i turned 15 on march 13th. My bra size is a B cup most the time. But some times i fit into a C cup depanding on what type and where i get it. Does this seem small? Every one always says it d...
A. 13 May 2010: Relax, there's nothing wrong with you. ... (read in full...)
He wants me to abort the other man's baby but then he wants me to accept his stealing son! I don't think these conditions are fair....
Q. My husband and I have separated due to financial issues, his disrespectful stealing son, and his disrespectful self. Anyway I became pregnant, he want to reconcile but cant see himself raising another mans baby. So in other words he want me to ...
A. 13 May 2010: Don't go back to him. He's asking you to abort a baby and then accept his own son who is out of control. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. He is no longer your problem. You just focus on yourself, your child and your unborn baby. You will ... (read in full...)
Should I give him up or wait until his family holiday is over?
Q. iv been seeing a guy for little while now and he wants me exclusive but he has a girlfriend of 1 yr who he only sees once a fortnight and said hes just waiting till hes been on holiday with the kids with her as he promised them .i really like him as ...
A. 13 May 2010: This is a real mistake. He's basically a cheat, and this is a man you can't trust. At all. You'd do better to pull well away from him. You won't ever really be able to trust him. After all, if he's cheating on one girlfriend after just a year, how ... (read in full...)
The girl who advertised on-line for casual sex is using my sister's photo!
Q. A few weeks ago, I responded to an online ad for casual sex. I'm 27 and single, and I was planning to use protection, so I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I chatted online with the girl who placed it a few times, and she seemed really cool, ...
A. 13 May 2010: You need to talk to your sister quickly. This could be identity theft, or it could be an attack on her. ... (read in full...)
Should I let him go and be a man or will he be happier with only one woman: ME?
Q. Hi I need the guidance of a few red blooded males. I love my man very much, we have a lot in common, he is very smart and manly, and very attractive. He has acheived a very respectable amount in his life, not only money wise, but experience wise. ...
A. 13 May 2010: Sounds to me like you're the one who is thinking twice about marriage here. A man can stick to one woman any time he really wants to. And your boyfriend has decided that he wants to. Stop worrying and work out whether this is the man you want to be ... (read in full...)
A question from my friend: Is he worth it?
Q. I'm very concerned for my friend right now. She had called me earlier today in tears. When I asked her what was wrong she only replied that she's so confused. Her boyfriend had broken up with her today, but he gave her the option of getting back ...
A. 13 May 2010: If she's there, get her to read this.
DUMP HIM. He is controlling you, and using emotional blackmail to get to you. He is trying to get you away from your family, which is the sign of an abusive man. This could quickly spiral out of control if you ... (read in full...)
Do you think he should break up with me?
Q. Ok, first of all, I don't want any silly comments like: "you're an idiot, he should dump you, dumb b*tch." I already know. Anyways, so I went to Mexico without my boyfriend (we have been dating for a year and a half) and one night I got really ...
A. 12 May 2010: No, I don't think so. You haven't done anything wrong. But you did put yourself in an unsafe situation, so in the future be a bit safer. ... (read in full...)
He won't tell me the results of his STD check--has he cheated?
Q. Hi all. Do you know when you are with someone and suspect that they are cheating on you but can't prove it?? It is the most frustrating thing ever. I've never been in this situation before, so I don't know if it is just me or if the signs are ...
A. 12 May 2010: 2 Things here.
1- Get yourself checked again. I had a test done at the request of my girlfriend before, for the same reason as you, and the tests came back in two weeks. So he;s either not got tested, or he's lying. If he's lying, then maybe he h... (read in full...)
He's let me down after this unintended pregnancy, and he's making me feel very low!
Q. Hi...im in a bit of a mess and dont usually do this sort of thing but my family are bias (obviously) and i feel i need some impartial and objective feedback and advice. I am 35 and have been in a relationship with my partner for 16 years. We ha...
A. 12 May 2010: My father is rubbish. My mum has suffered too long. She has also often said that if she could go back , she would have left long ago. You are going to feel so bad if you go through with this abortion for his sake. Even if you do,he won't suddenly ... (read in full...)
Can an STD take effect immediately?
Q. I was at a local bar a few days ago and a local woman I know who is easy wanted to have some fun with me in her car. She gave me oral sex and right after the act was finished, I started having some pain at the tip of my penis. There is no redness or ...
A. 12 May 2010: I really doubt it, but if you are worried at all, get yourself checked. It could just be that she was a little rough. ... (read in full...)
He's cheated on me with his ex since we have been together!
Q. me and my partner have been together for over a year, im 5 months pregnant with his daughter and we are so excited just one problem. i just found out from his ex he has been sleeping with her since we got together. we got together on bad terms ...
A. 12 May 2010: You need to leave. To put it into perspective now, you need to understand this. You live in the UK, so I think you know about Baby P. Well since Baby P was failed, social services are clamping down on everything. If you stay with this guy, and he ... (read in full...)
How can I stray strong when he is harrassing me?
Q. hi all. HELP. 1.dated a guy from work.2.broke up with him cos he was no good. 3. he nearly got me the sack,he sent my manager evidence that i hated her after she bullied me. 5.he made sure my life became hell in my workplace despite the fact he ...
A. 12 May 2010: You'll be fine, but you need to act now. Get a lawyer, get all the proof you can and sue the company, then also go the police and present the proof, if they do nothing then launch a private prosecution. And if all that fails, this may sound stupid, ... (read in full...)
Can I receive pictures of my boyfriend even if I don't have a camera phone?
Q. Hey my boyfriend wants to send me pics of him, cause we havnt been able to see each other in awhile. Well i dont have a camera phone can i still get them? Also i have T-mobile if that can help lol. Thanks for your time!...
A. 12 May 2010: If your phone is up to date enough that it can receive pictures, then you should be fine. I used to have a phone that didn't have a camera, but it could receive pictures. ... (read in full...)
Do I owe it to myself to put my feelings out there?
Q. There's this guy I have been friends with for some time now. He is very sweet to me and I have recently realized I have feelings for him. I do not know for certain if these feelings are mutual, but he does express genuine affection towards me, ...
A. 12 May 2010: If he is single, then take a chance and tell him. you have nothing to lose by trying. But if you don't you'll be kicking yourself for ages. ... (read in full...)
Is it right for us both to be cheating and seeing other people?
Q. Is it right for a boyfriend or girlfriend to cheat on you after six months and you forgive but he or she still see's other goys or girls, and then you cheat on her or him more then once but she still see you? and and have sex with you but she she ...
A. 12 May 2010: Cheating is wrong whatever the reason. This relationship seems like a total mess to me. End it.... (read in full...)
How do I choose between these two guys?
Q. I've been causally dated 2 guys but its grown to a time where I must choose one of them. The problem is I can't decide who. On the one hand I have this totally sweet guy who shares a lot of the same interests as me and we have very similar mor...
A. 12 May 2010: If you can't choose, then neither man is right and you're setting yourself up for failure. You're only moderately attracted to one guy, so he's not the One because at some point there will be another guy that comes along. And you don't seem to have ... (read in full...)
I havent heard from my boyfriend in a week, what should I do?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for a year, its been a haerd year and i really do love him!! i have 3 children the youngest being 13!! he has a daughter of 11, who visits him every other weekend. for the last year i have gone to flat every weekend ...
A. 12 May 2010: I think you need to move on from him. He sounds like bad news to me. He#s always breaking promises, and even your son has said he's not good enough. Please dump him and find a guy worthy of your time. ... (read in full...)
I accidentally offended my colleague, what should I do?
Q. I have a workplace problem. I am a 40-year old male, and I have a female colleague of about the same age. It is very clear that neither one of us cares much for the other. A week ago, I got into a very embarrassing situation. I stood up to ask ...
A. 12 May 2010: Don't do anything. If they were on show, she wanted them to be seen. If she complains, just say you don't know what she's talking about and claim she's bullying you. ... (read in full...)
What are the hints that a teacher might like you?
Q. just wondering what are hints that a teacher might like you in that way i shouldn't worry about this but i really want to know just curious ?...
A. 12 May 2010: There are no hints. He's a teacher. So if there is any hint, then he's a paedophile. ... (read in full...)
I want sex but I'm afraid of it after bad relationships in the past
Q. I've been sexually active for about four years now. I've slept with two guys, both of whom I dated for 1+ year each. Both relationships started out great, but once we would have sex, they both started to become controlling and emotionally abusive. ...
A. 12 May 2010: You need to look very carefully at the type of man you're attracted to. Twice you've been abused by men who appear okay at first, then become emotionally abusive. That means that there is a type of guy you're attracted to, and it's the wrong guy. So ... (read in full...)
How can I let him down gently and keep our friendship?
Q. i've been told i'm a bit of a flirt aat times and although at times i can control it, sometimes it becomes something i sub-consciously do. It's affected the way i make friends, talking in general, male friends. When i was younger i was a major ...
A. 12 May 2010: I think you're going to have to be a bit cruel here. When you're having to say more than three times that you're not interested, then the message is not getting through. If he asks you out again, then it's a case of telling him straight that you're ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lied about her sexual past, what should I do?
Q. hey i dont know how to ask this but here goes ..... i have been with my girlfriend for some time and love every minute i am with her , i knew she has had sexual partners in the past one being her ex boyfriend and the other was a boy she was seeing a...
A. 12 May 2010: This is why it's best never to talk about your partner's past. Yes she lied, for this very reason. She knew you'd be mad and now you've proved her right. Who cares what happened before? It's her past. Stop living in her past and realize that she's ... (read in full...)
Am I still covered by the morning after pill that I took in the morning?
Q. I took the aftermorning pill yesturday and had unprotected sex again on the night time, will that pill still cover me or will i have to go for another one?...
A. 12 May 2010: No, it won't. At all. Sorry to sound like a boring old man here, but get yourself down to the doctor, get the morning after pill again and then get yourself on the contraceptive pill before you get pregnant. ... (read in full...)
Losing a friend with the breakup
Q. Ok so I'm having a little trouble getting over my breakup but I already know that I'm a strong person who wants to continue with life because it existed before the relationship and sure will after. The problem is losing a friend. I became best fr...
A. 11 May 2010: It's generally true that ex's can't remain friends. I think he's now trying to move on, and I think you need to do the same. You are going to lose him. I not now, in the future when he gets another girlfriend. So might just as well be now. Time to ... (read in full...)
Pain and bleeding whilst urinating (female)
Q. i am experiencing pain and bleeding during urination. i have researched it to see what could be wrong, as i know that pain is a common symptom of chlamidia. however, i didn't find anything that mentioned bleeding aswell, and i cant think of any pos...
A. 11 May 2010: Doctor. ASAP. At your age, it's most likely to be some sort of infection. But it could be something else. ... (read in full...)
She sees it as a one night stand, I thought we were going somewhere?
Q. Theres a Girl i like who ive gone pretty far with in the bed room but she only see it as a one night stand i thought that it was going some where and i dunno what to do if i just leave it or try and make it go some where . she say she likes me but ...
A. 11 May 2010: She's not interested in a relationship at all. You're a FWB, and that's it. If you want more, you're with the wrong girl. Given that you do want more really, it's best if you move on now before you get even more hurt.... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend broke up with me but wants to remain friends?
Q. My ex bf of 3 months broke up with me saying that he felt that the relationship was getting too serious for him and that he wasn't ready. I deleted him from Facebook. Now he comes on my skype and wants to talk "as friends" on regular basis - he ...
A. 11 May 2010: He's acting this way because he wants to remain friends. I don't think that's what you need in your life right now, since you need to move on. I think you would be best telling him that you need to get over him and not to contact you again. Then ... (read in full...)
I couldn't be bothered to have sex with him anymore, will he cheat?
Q. hi i'm laura and i'm in an interracial relationship with my Fiancée for 7 years he still find me sexy but i can't be bother to have sex with him much now , at first we used too be at it like sex craved teenagers the slightest touch would turn me ...
A. 11 May 2010: If you can't be bothered and you keep turning away, realistically there will come a time when he will either cheat or leave. You need to address the problems in your relationship. There must be a reason that you feel this way. ... (read in full...)
Why shouldn't I pity him?
Q. Hey. Last week, I was having an ordinary conversation with a male friend of mine who I feel pretty close to. I made a comment that I felt sorry for a guy we both know as no one seems to like him very much. He told me quite sharply that I should n...
A. 11 May 2010: The mere suggestion that a man is weak is enough to make us feel bad. You can feel sorry for them, but don't say anything. As Emilyanswers says, we're odd creatures. Anything that makes us appear less manly and we'll run a mile. ... (read in full...)
My 38 year old GF is smothering me and wants kids ASAP and I am not ready
Q. I 34.5 and my girlfriend is 38.5. We've been dating for almost 3 months and knew each other as friends for 2 months before that. I care for her very much, but feel as if I'm constantly being pressured to move quicker than I am comfortable with ...
A. 11 May 2010: No idea. Hopefully they worked it out. ... (read in full...)
I did everything he wanted and he still broke up with me
Q. Okay I started dating this guys five years ago, in the beggining he didnt want a relationship but after we became intimate,and i threatened to walk away if i dint get a title, he said lets be official. In the beggining my weight bothered him. I was ...
A. 11 May 2010: The problem was that you weren't sticking up for yourself. He was a really controlling and manipulative man, and you needed to get away from him. It doesn't matter what you do for someone. If they're bad, then you are going down a dark road. You ... (read in full...)
All the good women are taken!
Q. Hello, I have been single for a while now and every once in a while I meet a fantastic woman. Now im not searching or anything, but Im not one to pass up opportunity. My standards are somewhat high I guess but since Im not wanting to rush into a r...
A. 11 May 2010: She has a boyfriend, so you have to let this one go too. I spent ages trying to ask women out. Then one day I stopped looking and found the one is was looking for. If you look too hard, or if you place all these nice girls on a pedestal too much, ... (read in full...)
He slept with someone during the time I needed space to think about my ex, what did this girl mean to him?
Q. I went out with James about 5 times and we hit it off really well. I didn't sleep with him, just went on dates. My ex then contacted me and I was in a mess trying to figure out what to do. I broke it off with James because I wasn't sure how I felt. ...
A. 11 May 2010: A rebound. And he regrets it, which is why he told you. Let it go. ... (read in full...)
A question from my friend: Is he worth it?
Q. I'm very concerned for my friend right now. She had called me earlier today in tears. When I asked her what was wrong she only replied that she's so confused. Her boyfriend had broken up with her today, but he gave her the option of getting back ...
A. 7 May 2010: She was happy for those 3 days, so remind of her of and and tell her that he's still the same rubbish guy he was 3 days ago. Also say that he's insulting her by saying that she can't handle it herself, as if she's weak. Because that's what he's ... (read in full...)
A question from my friend: Is he worth it?
Q. I'm very concerned for my friend right now. She had called me earlier today in tears. When I asked her what was wrong she only replied that she's so confused. Her boyfriend had broken up with her today, but he gave her the option of getting back ...
A. 30 April 2010: He is not worth one more moment of her time. Not one. He's abusive, uncaring and is hurting her and using her as he pleases. He was the cause of her depression, and she needs to ditch him. He won't change and he will hurt her again and again. ... (read in full...)
My 38 year old GF is smothering me and wants kids ASAP and I am not ready
Q. I 34.5 and my girlfriend is 38.5. We've been dating for almost 3 months and knew each other as friends for 2 months before that. I care for her very much, but feel as if I'm constantly being pressured to move quicker than I am comfortable with ...
A. 9 December 2009: There is no future here if she wants kids now and you don't. The fact is, she is running out of time and knows it, and is now feeling incredibly insecure about it. So you can either tell her straight that she's smothering you and driving you away, ... (read in full...)
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