| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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He's the only person I've had sex with, should I have a fling?
Q. I asked a question on this website nearly 2 years ago whether to stay with my boyfriend or move on, I decided to stay with him. We subsequently moved to a different area. The problem started exactly this time last year where I was starting to have ...
A. 17 May 2010: Yes it is that simple to end it with him. You end it, he moves out. That's it. If it's tough on him, then it's tough. But you can't sit there feeling like you want to have flings when you have a man sat at home. You have to end it with him, there ... (read in full...)
Weird crust on my eyes...
Q. does anyone know an instant cure for really crusty eyes, I think its meant to be like scaley sleep on eyelids or something. It makes me so self concious! ...
A. 17 May 2010: Yes, see a doctor. It does sound like some sort of infection. ... (read in full...)
Teachers: Have you ever had feelings for one of your students?
Q. I would Just like to know how many teachers actually fall a little bit for their students, this question is for male teachers only. Have you ever had a crush/fell for/had thoughts that your student was ever attractive? and has you student ever told ...
A. 17 May 2010: If in his late teen/early twenties upwards seduces a young woman under the age of consent, then he is a pervert and that's it. It might take two to tango, as you put it. But there's no use in arguing with the law. Also, though you say that it takes ... (read in full...)
He's the only person I've had sex with, should I have a fling?
Q. I asked a question on this website nearly 2 years ago whether to stay with my boyfriend or move on, I decided to stay with him. We subsequently moved to a different area. The problem started exactly this time last year where I was starting to have ...
A. 16 May 2010: Having a fling will make all of this worse, and make you look bad for having taken a married man and cheating. If you want to end it with your boyfriend, then end it and hang anyone who tells you to do differently, including your mother. Don't allow ... (read in full...)
Teachers: Have you ever had feelings for one of your students?
Q. I would Just like to know how many teachers actually fall a little bit for their students, this question is for male teachers only. Have you ever had a crush/fell for/had thoughts that your student was ever attractive? and has you student ever told ...
A. 16 May 2010: I know a male teacher at our school he dated a student. He was arrested and sent to jail and is now on the sex offenders list. His life is ruined. She got expelled and no one has heard of her since. So if you have a crush on a teacher and you think ... (read in full...)
I want to make a move on the boy from church
Q. Hi, I really need some help. There's this guy from my church who i really like. He's about 8months younger than me and in the year below at school (different school to me). I have liked him for over a year now and have allready asked him out once ...
A. 16 May 2010: I don't think the problem is that you're older or taller. I think the problem is maybe he's just doesn't feel the same way if he didn't say yes a while back. However, if you don't you'll never know the truth and you'll always be kicking yourself. I ... (read in full...)
Do I ask him to apologise or move on?
Q. i fell in love with my teacher last year and Ihonestly didnt want to stop these feelings whatsoever but i decided i had to let go for summer otherwise i would have a horrible summer and a depressing year when he wasnt my teacher again. but then he ...
A. 16 May 2010: You can't ask him to apologise. Theoretically, he's done nothing and you could get into serious trouble. You've got to continue to move on. Anything else and you could get into trouble.... (read in full...)
Weird crust on my eyes...
Q. does anyone know an instant cure for really crusty eyes, I think its meant to be like scaley sleep on eyelids or something. It makes me so self concious! ...
A. 16 May 2010: If you're using make-up, or anyone else's make-up, this could be a reaction, or it could be that you have an infection. Warm water gently patted on your eyelids can help. But if it's bad, it might be better to go to the doctor. ... (read in full...)
How do I support my parents when it all goes wrong?
Q. I'm really worried about my parents. My mum is 46 and my Dad is 63. The relationship between my parents has gone down the drain. They haven't slept in the same bed for about 12 years. I know for a fact my Mum doesn't love my Dad (even though she...
A. 16 May 2010: I think your Dad already know where he stands. Men aren't stupid at all. I think your mum is actually being used by both men. Your father is still relying on her as much as he can, whether he knows or not (and chances are he does). Certainly this ... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty about my past
Q. I've been with my current boyfriend on and off for a few years. We'v been back together and goin strong for five months.and things are better than ever. But lately I've started feelin this guilt about people that I've kissed or may have kissed when ...
A. 16 May 2010: If you were on breaks at the time, then let it go. The more you tell him, the more upset and more insecure he will be. You didn't cheat. You were on breaks at the time. You'be got to accept that things have happened and that's it. The more more you ... (read in full...)
He didn't trust me but I never did anything wrong!
Q. Hi guys, i've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years but he's always had trust issues when it comes to me. I can't go out to parties without him and if my girlfriends are planning a girls night out we have to argue before i go and he will find ...
A. 16 May 2010: This man is an abuser, and unless you dump him now, you are going to end up very hurt, looking into a mirror and not knowing who you are. His abuse is steadily getting worse, and will continue to do so. for your own piece of mind, you need to get ... (read in full...)
She's having sex with another but I'm still not over her!
Q. I'm sorry if this has been asked before. I've recently split from my girlfriend but we still live together cos I can't afford to move out yet. Anyways she goes out the other night with het "friends" but she doesn't get home till 9am the next day. ...
A. 16 May 2010: You really need to move out. You're no longer together, so she can do what she wants. You need to get out of there before you get into trouble for snooping. ... (read in full...)
Is it impossible to get over your first love?
Q. Has anyone gotten over their first love? How long did it take for you? Is it even possible??? Did you find love again??? It's been a year and a half since my ex-girlfriend dumped me for someone else. I don't think about her as often anymore, b...
A. 16 May 2010: I did get over my first love. It wasn't hard. She cheated on my on my birthday, so it was all over quickly. I cut contact and spent time on myself and made sure I was out there with friends. It took me 6 months. In comparison, it took my friend 2 ... (read in full...)
Did he lie about using a condom?
Q. I recently met my childhood crush in the park. He had grown to be rather handsome, and I sat next to him talking about memories. He then asked who I had liked in college, I said he was my sweetheart. He then cupped my face and snogged me, then asked ...
A. 16 May 2010: Chances are he either didn't, or the condom split. Either way, you're now pregnant. He's not responding, so for now stop worrying about him and worry about yourself and your baby. When the time comes, if you are sure he is the father, then legally ... (read in full...)
He abuses me but other times treats me like a queen. Can this relationship be saved?
Q. I feel like I need to get out but my love is preventing me from doing so. I've been with him for I think about mmm 2 years and a couple of months. During that time he has been in jail for 8 months and no it wasn't all his fault. But that's another ...
A. 16 May 2010: He is not in any way worth your time. All the good things in the world won't make up for how he is hurting you. Get away from him. ... (read in full...)
Scared of making the same mistake as my Mum
Q. Hey im 16, ive been with my boyfriend nearlly five months, it hasnt really been that long i think. but last nighht he was drunk and told me that he loved me more than anyone else and that he wanted to be with me always. this scares me cause im not ...
A. 16 May 2010: You're still young, and you can do what you want. If you think that he's getting too close and that you don't feel as strongly, then let him go and focus on your own life. Another guy will come along. Another life won't. ... (read in full...)
Is my friend using me?
Q. im worried im being used. my male friend had a lot of personal trauma last year and i helped him through it. whenever we have breaks at work im always paying. its costing 25 pounds a day as he always wants to go in coffee shops like starbucks etc. ...
A. 16 May 2010: You're a very kind woman, but there comes a time where you have to stop giving to ensure that you're not used and abused. This guy has been through trauma, but he's becoming far too reliant on you for money. You mustn't continue to give. He has a ... (read in full...)
Having an affair but scared to let my husband go.....
Q. I have been married for 15 years, have two children aged 18 and 12, and I have been having an affair for the last 7 months, and now im in a total dilemma! My husband is generally a good, honest, man, but he plays golf on his days off work and me and ...
A. 16 May 2010: Dr Psych has hit it on the head. You're saying that life has is moving on without you. That means that if you leave your husband, then you must do it for yourself and not for another man. Many have left spouses for someone else, rather than ... (read in full...)
What is he trying to say!
Q. I've been seeing a guy for about a year now, and everytime were together he says 'you're my baby, don't forget that' or we're in bed and he's about to fall asleep he'll say, you're my baby. He even says it while he's half asleep! What is he trying ...
A. 16 May 2010: It's a man's way of saying that he really does fancy you to bits. Whether he totally loves you is another matter, but if his actions show you that he loves you, then he this means he loves you. ... (read in full...)
He wants pictures of my body!
Q. Okay so I know some people will think this is a bit of a stupid question, but basically a guy I've been getting quite flirty with online has asked for a few pics of my body. But the problem is he hasn't really specified much and I haven't done this ...
A. 15 May 2010: Don't do it. You don't know who he is or anything about him, and you feel uncomfortable. And you don't want them to end up on the web or something. Don't do it. ... (read in full...)
Husband hasn't touched me in over 7 years..is he gay?
Q. Dont realy where to start.Well i am married.Im in a sexless marriage.My husband sleeps, on the couch.I sleep in a bedroom.He hasnt touched or looked at me in over 7 years.I been hearing hubby likes men better or his gay or bi.I havent cheatted on ...
A. 15 May 2010: I couldn't tell you whether he is gay or not. But something is terribly wrong here, and one way or another you need to do something about it. Don't cheat though. You'll lower yourself and he'll have a reason to get at you. You need to talk to him ... (read in full...)
Letting down a guy easily?
Q. Is it possible to let a guy down gently? I'm seeing a guy, it's unspoken but neither of us would go off with someone else, the thing is... I love being single. How can I tell him I'm not interested gently? Any help would be so apreciated, you...
A. 15 May 2010: The best way to do it is to just say that though he is a lovely guy, you're in no way ready to commit and you think it would be better for you both to move on. Just say you're not ready for a committed relationship and don't want to waste his time. ... (read in full...)
How much effort does it take to text?
Q. I was supposed to go round this guy's house tonight. We talked earlier, and he said he had a friend round and would text me later, when he was free. Only he never did. It's now really late, and I've not heard anything from him, not even a "sorry" ...
A. 15 May 2010: Just don't bother with him anymore. You can find a much better and more interesting man than him. ... (read in full...)
I slept with my teacher on impulse, what should I do now?
Q. Thanks for answering this, if it even gets posted! A few days ago whilst staying after school to talk to a teacher we got into a very deep conversation, he was telling me about his wife, we've always been closer than teacher and pupil as he helpe...
A. 15 May 2010: Well, basically he's broken the law and used you. If that's not a good enough reason to let him know so he won't abuse another student, then nothing ever will be. And yes, get checked out just in case. You don't know if he's done this with other ... (read in full...)
What do I do with my hands?
Q. Basically, when my boyfriend is eating me out I have no idea what to do, like should I run my hands through his hair or something? Please help, thanks :)...
A. 15 May 2010: Do what you like. If you want to run your hands through his hair, you can. Or you can just like back and enjoy. ... (read in full...)
Did we both cheat and do two wrongs make a right?
Q. I have been married for almost 7 years, About 5 years ago I caught him on a porn site doing his business in front of the computer and it really made me mad. He never takes blame for aanything. He told me since the sex was not often enough he got i...
A. 15 May 2010: Porn really isn't cheating. It can be a knock to confidence, but it doesn't involve actually sleeping with someone else. At the same time, you were separated when you slept with another man, so you didn't cheat. To be honest, it sounds like you will ... (read in full...)
My wife is afraid to swallow. What can I do to help her get rid of this little fear?
Q. I have a great relationship with my wife and we love each other very much. She and I give each other oral sex. The thing is that I have asked her if she will swalow and she has said yes but she just can't bring herself to do it. What can I do ...
A. 15 May 2010: I'd say that it's best not to force her to do it. If she really is worried about it, then maybe she shouldn't do it. Or you could follow Tisha's advice, which is pretty fair. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be aroused by the thought of other men when you're in love
Q. I've been in a relationship with my man for nearly 7 years now and we are due to get married in another year. I love him a lot and we have great sex. But for most of our relationship I have found myself repeatedly tempted by other men. I have nev...
A. 15 May 2010: You're normal. Everyone enjoys knowing that someone finds them attractive, and everyone enjoys looking at attractive people. It's whether we act on that knowledge. A fantasy is a fantasy, and that's it. Keep them to yourself, and don't act upon ... (read in full...)
Got too drunk and don't know how to apologise
Q. help. I'm feeling so crap about myself, i got way to drunk last night. all i had was 3 drinks of vodka and my tolerance is normally way higher. i dont remeber anything but i had gone and insulted both my friends who i also live with telling one...
A. 15 May 2010: Wow. That is something. Like Auntie E says, make sure there wasn't something that you could have had a reaction with. Also write a letter of apology. And stay off the vodka. ... (read in full...)
Why didn't she ever call back?
Q. I met a girl in one of my college classes, and slowly I began talking to her more and more. After class one day she asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with her within the coming week. Unfortunately, she ended up being busy. I tried setting up ...
A. 15 May 2010: The most likely thing is that she has met someone else and decided to go with them. Maybe she just couldn't say anything. Don't take it personally. Move on from her.... (read in full...)
I really really like him and I'm worried I've blown my chance by seeming controlling.
Q. okay basically, me and this boy have a lot of history and weve been on and off for the past 3 years, and hes mucked me around a lot, but i have forgiven him and hes said hes going to change. recently he told me he loved me and said he wanted to meet ...
A. 15 May 2010: Because he doesn't know what he wants at all. There's one think for sure though, and that is that all on/off relationships don't work. The truth is he doesn't know what he wants. I he wanted you, he'd never have acted this way before. ... (read in full...)
I really really like him and I'm worried I've blown my chance by seeming controlling.
Q. okay basically, me and this boy have a lot of history and weve been on and off for the past 3 years, and hes mucked me around a lot, but i have forgiven him and hes said hes going to change. recently he told me he loved me and said he wanted to meet ...
A. 14 May 2010: This isn't going to work out. This has been on/off, which means it's already not working out. He's messed around a lot, you say. And you've forgiven him time after time. But he's still failed you, and he stood you up. No guy who cares about you ... (read in full...)
I need space from my husband of 25 years. How do I tell him?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts and Uncles, I posted a message a couple of weeks ago and had some good advice from some kind people. My previous question to you was whether I should leave my kind, caring, loving, gentle and attentive husband of 25 years be...
A. 14 May 2010: This is a sad situation, because he's a nice guy who's been there, and you seem like a good lady. But as you say, you don't feel the same way and your fling last year showed you this. I actually think the proof is not in the affair, but that you ... (read in full...)
Is it me blowing things out of proportion?
Q. When my boyfriend goes out he just doesn't bother to text me or anything, it seems he ignores me, he said he'd change after he didn't text me all night the other night... thing is, he doesn't even understand how it feels because I never go out. ...
A. 14 May 2010: The problem is that when he goes out, he can't be texting you all the time. It's not that he ignores you. It's just that he's out with friends and his focus is on them. He can't be out with his friends but be texting you. I'm sure he does't ... (read in full...)
How do I stop being jealous over my FWB?
Q. I need some help.. I was going out with this guy at work, like having sex only and I think I fell in love with him. Well, I don't think he feels anything for me. This is my first type of relationship like this (like having sex with a guy only and ...
A. 14 May 2010: I think you need to end it. The moment a FWB starts to feel this way, then it's time to move on. I'm sure you'r hurt and jealous, but you know this isn't going to go any further. You need to stop it now. ... (read in full...)
Does she act that way with everyone?
Q. Help!, I was at a girls house last week, watching films in her basement, and she was acting really flirty, she was hiding her face on me when there was a bug on the wall and then when we were on her couch she was lying with her head on me for the ...
A. 14 May 2010: It sounds like she does, but you need to get to now her a it more before asking her out completely. I think you should just talk to her more and get to know her a bit more, show her that you're interested. Then maybe just ask if she'd like to meet ... (read in full...)
Does my fiance have something to hide?
Q. My fiance and I bought a house in July. Turns out, a woman he knew in high school (also friends with her family) lives 1 mile up the road. He hadn't seen her since high school, but when she found out where he lives, she stops to see him. She has ...
A. 14 May 2010: Oh yes. His whole attitude towards it suggests that he has something to hide I'm afraid. He outbursts and his very weak excuse reek of guilt. But you have no real proof, so before you confront him again, do a bit more digging. ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I love him...
Q. I started going out with this guy about a month ago, he is the sweetest thing and I really like him and he recently told me he loved me and I said ok. I really like him and care about him but I don't know if I love him yet. And to make things worst ...
A. 14 May 2010: Your cousin is nothing to worry about. In future, be careful what you say in front of him/her.
As for your boyfriend, just reassure him that you care for him, but that you take the word 'love' seriously and need to be sure you feel that way befo... (read in full...)
When I turned down his marriage proposal he went and married his ex instead!
Q. i was living with a man he ask me to marry him and i wouldn't because i was mad at him that day. so he went and married his ex. he was gone living with her for 2 weeks before he moved back home. we have been living together now for 2 years sence ...
A. 14 May 2010: Hell yes leave him alone. You could be the one he deserts next. And his rash reaction shows how little he cared for anyone. If he was the guy for you, then you would have said 'yes' at the time.... (read in full...)
How did he get over me so quickly?!
Q. hey there :) me and my ex boyfriend were on and off for about 2 years.the good times were the best of my life, but the bad wer the worst, and i think that he would say the same. Last time we split, which is 3 months ago and by far the longest we h...
A. 14 May 2010: I agree with the post below. A relationship that is always on/off never works out, and he got tired of it and decided to move on. you need to move on as well. ... (read in full...)
Is she interested in me or just wasting my time?
Q. well i have been texting this girl for a couple weeks now but i have only taken her out once. We go to the same university but don't see each other there because our schedules are different this semester. the problem is i am not sure if shes ...
A. 14 May 2010: I'd give her one more chance to come out. If she backs out again, then pull away. To be honest, she doesn't sound overly interested to me at all. Give her one more chance, then back away and she if she comes running. ... (read in full...)
Will boys be interested in me?
Q. Hi, basically I'm 16yr old female... I have never had a proper relationship with anyone, never had sex or done any sexual activity. I know think that because I havent done anything no boy will be interested when I start college. I get horny all the ...
A. 14 May 2010: Of course they will. There's nothing wrong with you at all. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was nearly 17. And many other people don't date until much later. The important things is that you're happy and confident for yourself. Then the right ... (read in full...)
Why did he blow me off?
Q. I asked him out and he said that he wanted to go out with me maybe next weekend. He said that he wanted to go on a real date with me maybe on a Friday or Saturday and that he would see me tomorrow at lunch. I sent him a txt a couple hours later. He ...
A. 14 May 2010: He could have just suddenly changed his mind and not felt bad about it. I'd try to contact him again. If you don't get a response after that, then don't bother contacting him again. After that he will need to contact you and prove to you that he's ... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work after the lies he told me?
Q. I dated this man for a while and found out he was married. I walked away because I did not want to be in a relationship built on deceit and lies. Recently we started dating again. He told me that he divorced his wife. He tells me that he wants ...
A. 13 May 2010: No way. You can't be sure he divorced her. And if he cheated on her, he'll do it to you. Ditch him. ... (read in full...)
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