| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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She says she has issues
Q. I was dating this girl for four months and we were having the best sex ever. Hears the problem she has been married twice both of them the guys have cheated on her and she has four children between the two marriages and her last husband molested one ...
A. 27 May 2010: Really, though it's hard, you're better off without her. She's a woman who has a huge amount going on in her life, and she just needs to focus on that right now. ... (read in full...)
Is something going on with his potential coworker?
Q. So my boyfriend gave me his Facebook password couple of months ago. We're in a long-distance relationship at the moment, and we message each other a lot on Facebook. He is planning to move here in 2 months, and I'm flying down in June to spend time ...
A. 27 May 2010: Of course he deleted them. You panicked, so he deleted them. Like so many people, you have jumped to the wrong conclusion based upon nothing. I would strongly suggest to you that you tell him to change his password. There is no indication at all ... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do?
Q. I've been dating a really great guy for two and half years now, he has a girlfriend, he say's were just friends but sometimes i feel like I'm getting mixed signals from him, sometimes i think he wants more then just a friendship, i know that i would ...
A. 26 May 2010: So great he has a girlfriend. Sorry, you don't stand a chance. I think you're friends and that's it.... (read in full...)
How to get someone to get help if you cant get them to admit they have a problem
Q. My wife is very jealous. I get accused daily of flirting with or sleeping with women at work, as part of my commute, even with my cousins. Nothin I say can change her mind, and it's all so absurd to me. I haven't been with any woman but her, we ...
A. 26 May 2010: You can't help a person who won't help themselves. To be honest, I think she needs a major shock to her system for her to see it. your son will be highly disturbed by this, even more than you. And I think you need to tell her that she either gets ... (read in full...)
Are guys bothered by their friends dating their ex?
Q. A few years ago, I was "casually" seeing this guy. Long story short, he was a jerk and didnt want a relationship and was just using me so I ended it. A year later, he called and asked if we could still be friends and we hung out once and talked. The ...
A. 26 May 2010: Some do care. Some don't. By the sounds of it, it's more likely he was giving you a dirty look because he just doesn't give a damn about you, and was maybe even more annoyed that you and his friend had broken up. I really wouldn't read too much into ... (read in full...)
I need to hear those three words
Q. Hi everyone, I am 23 yrs old and I have a new bf, he's 30 yrs old. We've been going out for 4 months now and bf/gf for 2months. A month ago I told him that I love him and he just nod and agree, I told him its ok if he doesnt feel the same way...
A. 26 May 2010: He has said it. All right, just once. But don't force the issue. Women always seem to have this thing about hearing those words, without measuring the actions behind the words. I know those words are important to you, but what is more important is ... (read in full...)
The 'break' is going to be permanent. Do I tell her there's someone else?
Q. I initiated a "break" with my girlfriend about two weeks ago. Since then, I have started seeing and sleeping with a co-worker. I really like this new girl, and it seems the feeling is mutual. I am meeting with my "ex" in a few days. A chance f...
A. 26 May 2010: Don't tell her about the woman. Just say that you've decided it's time for you to move on. Make it short, then make sure you cut contact. Don't leave her dangling. And just be careful with this new woman for a while. ... (read in full...)
Shocked that he's with someone else so soon after our break up
Q. I broke up with my long distance ex-boyfriend 3 weeks ago. I've decided no contact with him is best for me to get over him, so we haven't spoken since the break up. I just found out that he's in a new relationship. It's been 3 weeks!! I wa...
A. 26 May 2010: The fact that he's moved on shows how little he really cared. You are better without him and you know it. Chances are this is a rebound. Just stop looking at him. Every time you want to, remember that you don't want to turn into a stalker and that ... (read in full...)
How long does it take for chylamydia to turn into Pelvic Inflammatory Disease?
Q. Hey everyone. So I've had a bf since last year, we just started having sex a few months ago, in our past we both only have 1 previous partner. We used condoms, I'm on the pill, all is good right? Well shortly after we started doing that there we...
A. 26 May 2010: Realistically, you'd need to speak to your doctor about it. A lot of the time, this kind of infections can have different time limits. For someone who is very unhealthy and unhygienic, this is the sort of thing that can spread quickly. But for ... (read in full...)
"When guys says he loves a girl so much....do they really mean it?"
Q. "OPs own title" when guys says he loves a girl so much ..... do they really mean it? when my boyfriend is saying me I love u more than you love me ...that's because (I don't allow him to kiss me or hug me) he says me I love him less? its going to b...
A. 26 May 2010: A guy saying he loves you is one thing. Any man can say that he love you at any time. But to really test a man, you have to watch his actions. A man's actions tell you more than his words will. He may SAY that he loves you. But his actions say that ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my husband I just want to be friends?
Q. I knew before I ever met my husband that I didn't ever want to be anybody's 'wife'. He is a good man and my best friend, but after 9 years of marriage I still don't like the role of wife. How do I get back to just being friends without the pressure ...
A. 26 May 2010: Major league problem. You ARE his wife now. There will be no going back to being friends if you want out. This will end it. So that's the decision you need to think about. If you walk out, there will be no friendship. He'll be hurt, yes. But he ... (read in full...)
Should I go to my partner's son's birthday party when his ex will be there and all the family who all know each other well?
Q. My partner's son is having a surprise birthday party next week. And i will be in the same place as his mother (my partners ex) and my in laws who all know each other and have history and i wont know any one there. I dont know whether to go as i ...
A. 26 May 2010: I think this is something you can and need to overcome now. This is your moment to prove that you're not just someone in the shadow, but that you are apart of his life. You don't need to do anything other than just be there, and try to make ... (read in full...)
I am back with my boyfriend after I cheated on him, but the other guy doesn't appear to have got the message!
Q. i was with a guy for nearly a month who i cheated on my current bf with when i went on holiday last year, but yesterday(25/5/10) my current bf just knows the way to my heart and won me back, so i get home, tell the other guy its over in the ...
A. 26 May 2010: More than likely he's read the email and is testing to see what you'll say to him. So, say nothing. Totally ignore him and move on. ... (read in full...)
Was it a terrible idea to send my ex a picture of us when we were together?
Q. My ex and i were with each other for almost 4 years and a year of no contact after the break up..no one cheated..i think we did really love each other..it was petty stuff that i think we can get over from just learning from mistakes etc..i know what ...
A. 26 May 2010: I don't think it was a bad idea,, because you've now been talking for some time. If you'd done it straight away, that would have been a bad idea. But you've given him time, so there's no harm in just testing the waters, so to speak. ... (read in full...)
I'm being blackmailed into sex, help!
Q. well uhm, i'm being blackmailed. I feel pretty low about it, but i can't get out of it. Basically this guy who i've been friends with for two years has always been there for me, and now he's being all lovey dovey and sending me innopropriate texts. ...
A. 26 May 2010: Don't listen to a word he says. Never be blackmailed. If he does say something or do something, just say you spoke to him a few times and he has taken it all out of context. What he does is his own business. Don't be blackmailed. Stay strong, stick ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend only rings me when she wants something!
Q. My girlfriend only rings me when she wants something ! Wht shall i do?...
A. 26 May 2010: If she only rings you when she wants something, then it's time to call it a day. Relationships are a two way thing. You don't need to be treated this way, and you shouldn't be treated this way. ... (read in full...)
Ever since he cheated he does not trust me and thinks I am cheating on him!
Q. my boyfreind cheated on me a 4 and a half months ago but because i love him to bits i decided to stay with him now when ever i go out to a club with my mates or dont answer my phone straight away he has started accusing me of cheating on him now ...
A. 26 May 2010: Dump him now. He's trying to put the blame on you. You'll never make him realize that you've not cheated. Now you see what he's really like. He's a cheat who will continue to hurt you. Nothing you do or say will make this better. You need to end it ... (read in full...)
Am I doing something wrong in the bedroom department? We have both had previous sexual partners and this has never happened before!
Q. I'm really happy with my bf, only been together a month but things are going amazing... but theres a problem in the bedroom... we've both had other sexual partners with no problems but basically the times we've tried to have sex either he gets ...
A. 26 May 2010: No, it's not you. 99.9% of the time, it's never the woman. It's generally a man thing. Most likely he's nervous, shy or stressed. But it's certainly not you. ... (read in full...)
She denies it, but I think she's been cheating
Q. before me and my girlfriend were together there was this boy who was intrested in her and she was saying its nothing etc etc. we have now been together for about 2 months , and last week she walked back to hers to get changed and speak to her mum ...
A. 26 May 2010: To be honest, I think you have your proof. You've found all those messages about them wanting to have sex and do it on a camera. You're being bullshitted, to put it bluntly, and you need to dump her lying ass out. It's very clear that she's done it. ... (read in full...)
Does he like me again or is he just using me to get what his girlfriend isn't giving him?
Q. Heey guys . okay so ... i used to like this guy last year - lets call him bob , lol so i liked bob , but i didnt say anything cuz i was SURE he didntt like me back - but this year i found out that he did but doesnt anymore and now he has a gf ... ...
A. 26 May 2010: He has a girlfriend. That's a good enough reason not to have anything to do with him. He might cheat on her, and you'll never be able to trust him. Or he might use you. When he's single and is over his ex, then maybe you can take your time getting ... (read in full...)
I lust to be with my ex's brother just once...
Q. So for years now my ex's boyfriend’s brother and I have always gotten along really well, we have so much in common and enjoy the same things. But soon discovered I had a bit of a crush on him, but ignored it due to being with my ex and didn't want ...
A. 26 May 2010: I'm assuming you've heard of the phrase 'playing with fire'. Well you are paying with fire here. He's out to use you. Now I know all you want is a one night stand, but it will not get it out of your system, and will probably make it worse. Then ... (read in full...)
My mother and sister are fuming because I didn't let them use my facebook account to look at photos
Q. My mother and sister are mad at me because they wanted to use my facebook profile to look at photos of my friends and family. Now they’re not talking to me. I didn’t let her because it’s my account and those people chose to share those thin...
A. 26 May 2010: No, you're not wrong. Your mother and sister have both taken this well out of context. The point of facebook is that you have your own page. Plus, you don't want them spying on your every move, which they would do of course. Stick to your guns. ... (read in full...)
How long of drinking 3-6 days a week does it take to be an acholic?
Q. Ok... I'm a bit tipsy so gimmie a break on spelling. So.. I started drinking about three months ago, about three or four times a month. But in the last couple weeks, I've drank every day. I don't know what classifies alcohol though. I don't drink ...
A. 26 May 2010: Alcoholism is when you need even just one drink to get you through the day. But you do sound like you're developing a serious problem, and you need to stop it now before you ruin your health. You need to stop it now, or you will become an alcoholic. ... (read in full...)
15 years and the guy still won't commit to me!
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. but we have known and been together since i was 18 years old and that was over 15 years ago. he tells me he loves me, and he can't get enough of me, but he won't commit. he calls me for booty and that's ...
A. 26 May 2010: You should have moved on ages ago. You're just there for sex, that's it. The time has come for you to end it and find a man who will commit, because this one won't without a doubt.... (read in full...)
If a man has cheated in a previous relationship/marriage, is it likely that it will happen again?
Q. If a man has cheated in a previous relationship/marriage, is it likely that it will happen again? I have been dating a very nice man for 6 months. He has been divorced for 10 yrs, I've been divorced for 5. I asked what happened in his marriage, ...
A. 26 May 2010: There is always a chance he will do it again. Just as there will always be a chance that a man or women who has never cheated will cheat. Some men are prolific cheaters. Others cheat once, then never do it again. You know he's cheated, so at the ... (read in full...)
Can a vindictive narcissist go to one who just gives up?
Q. Ok so I am not sure if any of you can help me with this issue.... I have a narcissist ex. We have broken up twice now. The first time he was the vindictive type. He would ask around about me, hold my stuff hostage, drive by my house, text me, etc. ...
A. 26 May 2010: He will always be this way. Period. My father is one. And in the 22 years that I've been alive, he's always been one. And he always will be. This won't change, and it's very important that you just get as far away from him as you can. Maybe he will ... (read in full...)
Cheating with a married man for 4 years, does he love me?
Q. hi!4 years now i had realationship with a married man.we always have good sex good realation but her wife find out.but even if his wife knows about this.we still together.so many things happend so many fight but yet we have each other.is he really ...
A. 26 May 2010: No, not at all. He's just using you for sex. He has problems with his marriage, and rather than deal with them, he just comes to you and uses you. He's a married man, and you shouldn't be with him at all. If he loved you, he would have left her ... (read in full...)
My current bf called his ex "My Whore" Is this something to be alarmed about?
Q. Okay, so maybe I'm over reacting and being stupid idk. Perhaps even worrying too much but... I decided to ask for other people's opinion. I've been in a 5 to 6 months relationship with my bf/fiance whom when i met had broke up with his ex gf/ex ...
A. 26 May 2010: Yes, I'm afraid you are right to worry. He's right to be angry, but he should have dealt with that before he went out with you. When a man or woman is this hung up on an ex, then there is a problem. My ex cheated on me, and it hurt very much. But I ... (read in full...)
Strong feelings for my cousin's husband
Q. I have strong feeling 4 my causins husband.My causin past away last year (june) since then he didn't have a girlfriend.i clean his house and do his washing every friday,i even wash his under wears.he gives me money and buys me presents.how do i know ...
A. 26 May 2010: This is something you just have to get over. Perhaps it's the kindness that you've fallen in love with, and not the man. You see, you don't know him well enough to know what he's like, though you do know he's kind. I don't think he loves you in the ... (read in full...)
He wants me in his life even though he has a g/f
Q. i know this guy for over 2 years, we hangout everyday he introduced me to his friends i met his mom he met my mom and my sister. he tries hard to make me part of his life. he even told me he likes me but when it comes to actually being together he ...
A. 26 May 2010: If it says he has a girlfriend, don't take a chance. You don't know that he's single if it says that. Tread carefully. ... (read in full...)
Can I get a restraining order on my mother-in-law?
Q. To get a restraining order against a grandparent do you have to get both parents to agree to it or can I still get one without my partners consent? Cause his mother is to over bearing. She comes over without permission and takes our son without us ...
A. 26 May 2010: I would guess that you'd need to speak to a lawyer about it to be honest, to be sure about where you stand. ... (read in full...)
Do I give up my dream for my girlfriend or my girlfriend for my dream?
Q. Hi all, Since a young age I have wanted to move abroad. My rule of life is that the world is a large place and England is almost nothing on the globe, so go and explore!! I am 19 now and I know it will be years until I have the funds, ...
A. 26 May 2010: There are 3 billion women in the world. Another woman will come along. You get one life. Another will not come along. I'm sure you do love her. But she's emotionally blackmailing you and you shouldn't take that for a start. Of course you love her. ... (read in full...)
What does "exclusive" mean?
Q. so i've been seeing this guy for a minute now and i really like him. we act like a couple, he only dates me and me likewise with him. its all good! but when first asked about a month ago, he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship. time has gone ...
A. 26 May 2010: It means you're now committed to each other. Basically he's your boyfriend. ... (read in full...)
I recently found out that my wife cheated on me when we were engaged.
Q. I recently found out that my wife cheated on me when we were engaged. We've been married over 10 years and before me she had this boyfriend named Jim. Right after we got married we moved about 3 hours away to another part of the state for my job...
A. 25 May 2010: Yes, she is a liar and a cheat. But before you make a decision about whether to move on or not, look at the past 10 years. I think you need to see how it was, and see whether it's worth working for. Clearly you need to be honest with her and say ... (read in full...)
Warn the Cheating Ex's New Girlfriend?
Q. My ex was cheating on me. For more details you can go here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-checking-a-partners-internet-activities-a-violation.html I have since the break-up been breaking my own rule and checking his Facebook. I alre...
A. 25 May 2010: Really don't do it. You just need to get away from this guy at all costs to be honest. You're being dragged back into his little world again, and you don't want to come across as some vengeful, obsessed ex or something. It's time to move on and just ... (read in full...)
Can't let go of the past!
Q. I have been dating this guy for 9 months now. He has been divorced for 2 years now but I feel he still has some feelings towards his ex. We have started arguing a lot lately and they all seem to be about the past! He blames me for still loving my ex ...
A. 25 May 2010: Dump him immediately. You only have to re-read what you've written to see that you've got a man who is, to be honest, utterly obsessed with his ex. He's the problem, and rather than face up to it, he's blaming you. He IS the one doing all those ... (read in full...)
I think he doesn't want me anymore!
Q. Ok so I've been dating my bf for 6 months (not a long time I know but it's my longest relationship). When we first got together he was really sweet, fun and couldn't do more for me. Now it seems as though he doesn't want to be near me sometimes. ...
A. 25 May 2010: I think it's more likely that his real colours are now coming through. Some people are able to put on a great act. But they can't keep it up and soon their real personality starts to shine through, as it were. I think you'll find the sad truth is ... (read in full...)
How do I go about dumping him in the nicest possible way?
Q. I need some help! Please! I've been with this guy for almost a year now, and things are not good. Mainly not good for me, but for him, he still thinks we are perfect and there's nothing wrong with 'us'. But i just feel like i can't be with...
A. 25 May 2010: There is no easy way. That's the first thing you need to understand. He will be hurt whatever happens. Face that, and then you can do it. Do it in person, as that is the only real way to do it. You need to keep it short and calm, but also not too ... (read in full...)
Could it be possible that he will hide things from me now??
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together almost 2 years. we see each other almost everyday and we always say goodbye at the end of the day with a big hug and kiss and an "i love you" We still even hold hands everywhere we go. But recently he has been ...
A. 25 May 2010: I think this is a sign that you two need to make sure you're spending time together and doing more. I don't think he's getting tired, but I think him telling you about this other girl is him trying to say that more needs to happen. So make sure that ... (read in full...)
Should I start talking to the handsome stranger at the bus stop?
Q. Hey guys, a bit of a strange question. Every morning i get a bus to college, and i see the same guy there every morning at my busstop. He's unbeleivably handsome and very well dressed. Lately i see him looking at me and when i look back he smiles, ...
A. 25 May 2010: He's flirting with you. :). If you like him, try talking to him.... (read in full...)
We broke up, but she is still contacting me! How do I take these moves?
Q. My girlfriend and I, or ex-girlfriend rather, broke up a week and a half ago. Actually she broke up with me due to unknown reasons. She just said she's not ready for a relationship this serious and needed time and distance to think. Well... n...
A. 25 May 2010: It sounds to me like she's keeping you on a string to be honest. I think you need to steer clear. You're only going to end up even more hurt about all this. There are other people she can turn to, and you don't want to look like a fool.... (read in full...)
He wants me in his life even though he has a g/f
Q. i know this guy for over 2 years, we hangout everyday he introduced me to his friends i met his mom he met my mom and my sister. he tries hard to make me part of his life. he even told me he likes me but when it comes to actually being together he ...
A. 25 May 2010: Don't be fooled by him. Don't be played. He doesn't' care about you or this other girl. He just wants to have his cake and eat it. Let him go, and move on.... (read in full...)
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