| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Should I tell my boyfriend that I kissed another guy?
Q. Right, I'm in this relationship with this guy, and there was rumours he kissed this girl at a party etc, this was about a month ago, he assured me it was just a peck, although another person said different but majority said the same story. i like ...
A. 23 May 2010: So long as you're sure that no one will tell him, then say nothing. But don't let it happen again,.... (read in full...)
Why is my ex going out of his way to be mean to me?
Q. So I had been with my ex for about a year. We broke up once but he came crawling back after two weeks. Well he just broke up with me again about three weeks ago. We live together and he said that we can both still live there just have separate ...
A. 20 May 2010: He's taking his anger and frustration out on you, because it's easier to do that than accept he has made his own mistakes. I think this is a pattern with him. To break and come back means nothing. I still think it's time for you to get away from ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex going out of his way to be mean to me?
Q. So I had been with my ex for about a year. We broke up once but he came crawling back after two weeks. Well he just broke up with me again about three weeks ago. We live together and he said that we can both still live there just have separate ...
A. 20 May 2010: Seems like he is hurt. Men often have a delayed reaction when it comes to reactions. Women can often work out how they feel within a few minutes. With men, it can take a few days, even weeks to work out how we feel. I think you need to end this ... (read in full...)
What should I do for date number 2?
Q. So, I've posted here alot about my ex gf, our breakup, and me coping. Well.... its amazing how things can change so quickly. I finally told myself to move on, and leave the ex alone, and surprise! I met someone. We went to a wine bar, had a few ...
A. 20 May 2010: Maybe you should see about her doing that cooking since she's already suggested that? You could say that you'll take her out to see a film or something, and then she can cook? Seems to me like she's made it pretty clear that she likes you. ... (read in full...)
I love her too much to let her go!
Q. As suggested by a previous reader, i told the girl i have a crush on about my feelings for her. But she said that she does not feel the same about me. Now i am in a real dilemma. I love her too much to let her go. Please tell me what i can do to win ...
A. 20 May 2010: Sorry, but you have to let her go, no matter how much you love her. She has made it clear that she doesn't feel the same way. You can't win her over. You have to let her go. ... (read in full...)
Is masturbating dangerous at 14?
Q. i am 14 years old.i'm extremely excited about sex and i do masterbating by watching porn videos through the web. what i'm worried is that is masterbating good for health?.will it effect me in anyways?...
A. 20 May 2010: No, it's not unhealthy. At all. There's nothing wrong with it. Just don't get hooked to the videos on the web. ... (read in full...)
I don't think he is sexually satisfied by me!
Q. I am a 50 year old woman. I have been divorced for a few years and have recently moved in with a man. He is in his late 50's. The relationship is one of the most sane, peaceful ones I've ever had. My problem is this, I am becoming more aware that ...
A. 20 May 2010: It's more likely that at his age, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, as the saying goes. A lot of women blame themselves when a man doesn't seem satisfied. The truth is that 99.9% of the time, it has nothing to do with the woman. Don't ... (read in full...)
Will he break up with me if we don't have sex?
Q. hi aunties and uncles. my bf wants to have sex with me. we have been going out for a year now. i don't want to because I am too young - plus there is a chance I could get pregnant, so I said no to him. BUT, he keeps touching me and kissing me and ...
A. 20 May 2010: The moment you allow a man to make you feel this way, you need to look carefully at the relationship. Apart from anything else, you are too young to have sex legally. Then you feel like you're too young, and you want to wait until you marriage. Yet ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend that I kissed another guy?
Q. Right, I'm in this relationship with this guy, and there was rumours he kissed this girl at a party etc, this was about a month ago, he assured me it was just a peck, although another person said different but majority said the same story. i like ...
A. 20 May 2010: The moment you cheat, you're in trouble. You said you were bored. Well what happens when you feel that way again? Will you cheat again? You've already done it, so it's time to really look at your relationship with your boyfriend and work out whether ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend just using me for sex?
Q. my gf and i have been together 2yrs. im the lst female she has ever dated. she says she is in love with me but when we have sex she wont pleasure me and i always pleasure her. she wont even use a toy on me. is she just using me for sex or does she ...
A. 20 May 2010: It would depend on how she is at other times. If she's always cold, then yes. But it could be that she's just nervous. You need to look at how she acts in all aspects of her life, not just sex. ... (read in full...)
Do I have a right to ask my boyfriend to remove certain girls off his facebook friends list?
Q. Do I have a right to ask my boyfriend to remove certain girls off his facebook friends list? A long time ago I broke up with him and he ended up sleeping with someone shortly after. He says it meant nothing and we've worked through this. I ...
A. 20 May 2010: You don't really. You did dump him at the time, and he used her as a rebound. If he cheated with her, then yes you would have the right. But he didn't do anything with while with you, and you were the one who split with him. It wasn't like he dumped ... (read in full...)
I can't stand my boyfriend any more!
Q. Hi... I live with my boyfriend. and i just cant stand him anymore. He smokes pot and he trys to force me to smoke and i hate that. Also he got mad because i didnt wanna smoke, i was watching t.v and he turned it off because he i didnt want to smoke. ...
A. 20 May 2010: End it. Simple as that. He won't change, and you can do a million times better. Just dump him.... (read in full...)
Broke up and she wants no contact with me
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for the last two years and last month in march was our 2 years a month on she tells me it's over. before the split she told me how much she loved me and how our 2 year anniversary was so special. We're both at ...
A. 20 May 2010: Let her go. It's not your job to fight for her, because she's already effectively ended it. It's up to her to come back to you. She has made it clear that she now wants to move on, and you need to do the same for your own peace of mind. ... (read in full...)
Got fired because my ex married the boss
Q. Years ago I dated a woman for a little while and then we broke up. We were only together for a few months. We did not stay in contact. I had a job working for a small company for ten years. In all that time I have seen a lot of people come and ...
A. 20 May 2010: Get a lawyer and sue him. Seriously. ... (read in full...)
Broke up and she wants no contact with me
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for the last two years and last month in march was our 2 years a month on she tells me it's over. before the split she told me how much she loved me and how our 2 year anniversary was so special. We're both at ...
A. 19 May 2010: This is one of those cases where you have to take it on the chin and move on. I've been there. My girlfriend told me she loved me. 2 days later she'd cheated on me on my birthday. Pretty low. But I got over her, and moved on. I suspect that she just ... (read in full...)
He needs my help, now he wont reply when I said lost his email add
Q. I am talking to my ex again after months of bitterness towards each other. We broke up a yr ago. To move on from the heartbreak, I deleted him in EVERY online connection I have with him..chat, fb etc. It was effective because I have never memor...
A. 19 May 2010: Leave him to contact you. You'd broken up, and deleted everything to get over him. His life is his problem. If he is that desperate for help, he will get back to you. Other than that, leave him to it. ... (read in full...)
He's married but he still wants to sleep with me.
Q. ok...so i have been talking to my ex-boyfriend who is married and he keeps begging me to sleep with him again....apparently he doesnt care that he is married if he still trying to sleep with me. When we were togeher our sex was outstanding....he ...
A. 19 May 2010: All bull. You'll just be used. And when it goes wrong, you'll be the one made to look bad. Forget him.... (read in full...)
He's married but he still wants to sleep with me.
Q. ok...so i have been talking to my ex-boyfriend who is married and he keeps begging me to sleep with him again....apparently he doesnt care that he is married if he still trying to sleep with me. When we were togeher our sex was outstanding....he ...
A. 19 May 2010: Far from it. He's probably happily married but wants the extra sex. The answer is don't give it to him, because when the music stops and his wife finds out, you'll be dumped. Don't be used. ... (read in full...)
10 years long friendship ended because of something trivial. Need some honest opinions. Am I at fault?
Q. I have an old friend. We've known eachother since elementary school. We live in different cities but we still hang out together. We call eachother often and we help eachother out. My friend is very sensitive, from a young age already but I've kind ...
A. 19 May 2010: It didn't end because of a tooth. I appreciate that some people in life are sensitive. But this really is something else. Sounds to me like she's sucked a lot of life from you to be honest. I think someone had to tell her to get it together. She was ... (read in full...)
I wonder if I should be more open to sex, after my rape experience?
Q. Hi I am 18 and was a virgin until I was raped a few months ago by a man that attacked me on the street. I do not count him as a sexual partner obviously, but it has kind of changed my attitude towards sex and my virginity. I am not desperate to los...
A. 19 May 2010: I'm sorry about your ordeal, and I'm glad that you're making an effort to move on from it. I think you can be very proud.
I suspect that this sudden change in you is a reaction to being raped. Though you appear to be recovering well, I think you ... (read in full...)
I'm not allowed to have coffee with a girlfriend and I have a curfew 8 p.m. set by my husband!
Q. This is my story. I've been married for 15 years. I was married young. My husband is a good person, never cheated, helps out with cleaning, making suppers. Isn't very affectionate, but let's me know in different ways how he feels for me. My p...
A. 19 May 2010: Well, you left. Out of guilt, you came back. Guess what, nothing's changed. this is your life. Your life with this man will be one where you have no say in anything and you have a curfew. He will not change. Fatherly Advice says that you should get ... (read in full...)
Cupid's terrible timing!
Q. I met back up with a girl from college, and went to visit her. She lives 4 hrs away, and we hit it off really well. About 3 days after I returned home, she called and told me that she just found out she was a month pregnant by some army guy that she ...
A. 19 May 2010: Can you support and accept another man's baby as your own? Can you do that, pay for it, love it, look after it? Would she let it be your own child or will she always defend it? These are things you need to think about. If you can't accept the baby ... (read in full...)
I've been talking to my ex, only he's now married with 2 children! Do I end contact?
Q. my exboyfriend and i have been talking for about 3 months now after 7yrs. He is currently married with children. He says that he doesnt want our communication to end just because he is with someone else, saying he wants me to be his women for ...
A. 19 May 2010: He's a married man. That should be enough to stop you. You don't want to end up being used. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend troubles!
Q. Ok im 18 and iv been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now, i do love him ever so much but i feel whenever there is an argument i dont get a say, he always overpowers the conversation and its finished when he has finished it doesn't matter what iv got ...
A. 19 May 2010: It's how control freaks work. He knows he's doing wrong, but it's easier to blame you. That's what these people do. ... (read in full...)
I want to be her "friends with benefits" but I'm not as sexually confident as she is
Q. I have been talking and hanging out with a girl who lives around and hour drive away from me. Having asked her on a date, she made it clear that she was not looking for a boyfriend. However, she said we could be Friends With Benefits... I am 100%...
A. 19 May 2010: If you're up for it, and happy to be a FWB knowing that it will go no further, then go for it. You'll be fine. Besides, if she wants to have great sex, then she will just have to be open with you as to what she likes. Have fun with her, and learn ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend troubles!
Q. Ok im 18 and iv been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now, i do love him ever so much but i feel whenever there is an argument i dont get a say, he always overpowers the conversation and its finished when he has finished it doesn't matter what iv got ...
A. 19 May 2010: Oh please leave him. He's on swinger's sites, he won't listen to anything you have to say at all, he lies about it when you do find out and are able to get one word in. The list will just get bigger and bigger. Dump him and find a better guy. ... (read in full...)
Why do some men cheat on their wives?
Q. I want 2 know why some men cheat on there wifes?...
A. 19 May 2010: For the same reason that some wives cheat on their husbands. A certain need is not being met. Whether it's sex, or emotion. A need is not being me, so the cheating parter goes and searches for it elsewhere. Often, it's a selfish need that's not ... (read in full...)
All my colleagues have left work because of me - should I just move firms or tell my MD my thoughts?
Q. Hi I have a problem, I am a woman who works as an ops director for a firm. I started about six months ago. Since I started nearly all the staff walked out (one left) and they have all said it was because of me. I tell them all the time what I expe...
A. 19 May 2010: You're not going to like my saying this, I know. But from the way you've written that post, I can see why they walked out.
"They give me no respect and I DESERVE respect I AM THE DIRECTOR!
That's a shocking way to look at your position and the... (read in full...)
Is she telling me the truth?
Q. 3 years ago, me and my girlfriend were laying together. her friend, was a girl, came by and asked her to ride with her somewhere. she got back and I knew I smelt her as she walked by, kinda like sex. so I asked what happend and she said she just ...
A. 19 May 2010: Get a DNA test on your child, and leave her. She's blaming her friend for getting her to sleep with someone else and is a total liar. But get a DNA test on your child. ... (read in full...)
I think I have met the "one" but he is the only person I have ever slept with, and now I am thinking I need to get a few flings out of my system!
Q. Hey guys, i've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, i honestly beleive he's my soulmate. Totally crazy about eachother, he's the man i want to marry and have children with. Thing is, i've only ever slept with one person, him. And he slept ...
A. 19 May 2010: If he's the one, then you won't need to sleep with anyone else. If you feel that you want to sleep around, then he's not the one and you should end it with him and have your fun. There will be time to meet another guy. There will not be time to have ... (read in full...)
Should I continue trying to get closure after he cheated on me, or should I just keep on lashing out at him?
Q. Im 19 years old, and my boyfriend and I have recently broken up due to the fact that from the day we started dating, he was cheating on me with LOTS of men! I knew that he was bisexual from day one so the men didn't shock me, it was the fact tha...
A. 19 May 2010: You have got to let him go NOW. You're putting yourself in a lot of danger here by hassling him, because he will call the police, or worse a mental hospital and you'll end up with a court conviction for stalking him. I have to tell you how it is, ... (read in full...)
Why can't he say were girlfriend and boyfriend when we only date each other?
Q. Hi I have seeing this guy for like 2 months now but i'm not sure if were a couple, so I striaght out asked him am I your girlfriend and he said that we were dateing. So I said ok dose that make me your girlfriend and i wanted a yes or no answer but ...
A. 19 May 2010: Don't ever force anyone to say anything. You won't get to hear what you want. He says you're dating, because at 2 months, that's what you're you're doing. You're still dating. He and you are still getting to know each other. You're both still ... (read in full...)
I have not spoken to her since she cancelled our date, how should I approach this?
Q. I've been out with someone a few times and it seems to have gone well. She agreed to come out again last week. Following this she messaged me for three days in a row initiating conversation/joking etc. On the day we were suppposed to go out ...
A. 19 May 2010: Maybe text her and say hello and see how she is. See what the response is and decide whether you want to take it any further.... (read in full...)
What's the best way to leave someone you love but who constantly puts you down?
Q. I love my wife dearly, i would do anything for her... Sometimes she's this angel I love and adore so much and is so nice to me but the next minute she critisizes everything I do and puts me down, questioning me all the time, putting words in my ...
A. 19 May 2010: To be honest, I'd just tell her upfront that you are tired of being treated badly by her and having to listen to her put you down. Then say that unless it changes, you will have to leave. Whether she changes or not is up to her. But anything other ... (read in full...)
He has been flirting with other girls on Facebook, and he doesn't even see this as being a problem!
Q. i recently opened up a facebook account to keep in touch with my old school mates however when i went onto my bf of 2 years page i saw that he had been flirting with some girls online saying things such as oh you such a hottie and calling other ...
A. 19 May 2010: I think he's happy with you. The problem is that facebook is the relationship killer. Things can be taken out of context, or misunderstood. I'm sure he does love you, but the problem is he is becoming a little too free with his words. So maybe you ... (read in full...)
I want her back so badly despite having an affair with my friend, but she cant decide who she wants to be with!
Q. So I've been dating this girl for 1 1/2 years and shes is the most amazing person i have ever met hands down. My problem is that recently at a party she had sex with one of my "friends". They started texting about personal things behind my back and ...
A. 19 May 2010: My friend, believe me when I say this. Let her go. She has totally blown any trust you can have in her. And she still can't make her mind up about who she wants, which means that for the rest of your life you will be worried that every time she ... (read in full...)
The guy I am dating walked out on me in the middle of having sex!
Q. Hey guys, So heres my situation.Last night i was with a guy i like.It was only our second meeting but things got on and we started making out and before i knew it there was sex.I know i should have waited when i think of it now.Moreover i was so s...
A. 19 May 2010: I think you need to apologize. That was most likely a very deep blow on his male ego. If he did think you were cold and unresponsive, then you need to go talk to him. And since you did slightly say that you were tired in the middle of it, he will ... (read in full...)
He dumped me on my birthday! Help!
Q. Help plz!!!!!!!!! My boyfriend said he had a suprise for me on my b-day and then for the suprize he dumped me. Guess what my b-day was 3 wks ago and I still cant get ovr him what shuld ii do...
A. 19 May 2010: What a crap guy! Ever time you think about him, keep reminding yourself that this was a guy who actually dumped you on your birthday. He's not worth your time at all. Make sure you go out with your friends and have fun, and keep busy. You'll get ... (read in full...)
I'm scared of sex! How can I deal with this problem?
Q. Hi, I posted this before but I didn't get much of a response... I'm a guy and I'm scared of sex... Before anyone asks, no I'm not a virgin but being a guy, there's a whole lot of pressure to achieve... And if you don't, there's that horrible...
A. 18 May 2010: Sure. Lots of men are now 'expected' to perform. And why not. It's nothing to be scared of. The best thing to do is to experiment with her and listen to what she wants. Just tell her that you want to be her best lover, and then ask her what she ... (read in full...)
What was once loved is now lost, can anyone help me grieve?
Q. Ok, so I just left a relationship with one of my best friends. We've known each other for a few years, and a few years ago we made out for a bit, but I was with my 1st boyfriend at the time and wanted it to work out. Unfortunately it didn't and we ...
A. 18 May 2010: "He remained faithful to her except for you and one other girl".
What a wonderful way of covering up for him. HE'S A CHEAT. And you're a part of hurting a woman now, who he is going to marry. This guy has played you all like violins. You'd be insa... (read in full...)
Is he pretending to be busy or is he honest with me?
Q. Hello! I need your help. I have been chatting with him for 5 months.We live in different countries. We understand each other very well. We are like real friends. Recently he has become a manager of very big company and he rarely writes to me. We ...
A. 18 May 2010: Move on. He will, and he doesn't sound too suitable to me. You don't really know too much about him. He could be a dangerous liar for all you know. ... (read in full...)
She loves me but cant commit, what should I do?
Q. I have been in relationship with another. 3 yrs and she gives me her love then freezes up cuz of her past. I have helped. Her through this and now I'm taking the brunt of it. Cuz of her past she cannot commit, even though she is. She loves me dearly ...
A. 18 May 2010: "Can't commit" = another guy in her life. Move on. If she loved you, she'd work through it somehow. ... (read in full...)
He strung me along for a whole year, while he had another gf...where do I go from here?
Q. i was with my partner for 12 years and have an 11 year old son, we have been apart 1yr now he said his feelings had changed so he moved out , he often said he regretted his decision and is relly upset that he hurt me , he has been in hospital with ...
A. 18 May 2010: Absolutely leave him. This man dumped you, moved out and effectively deserted you. Then he came back and talked a load of crap about how he 'regretted it'. Now he's been cheating? So basically, he used you for a bed for the night and the comforts ... (read in full...)
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