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I feel my girlfriend is cheating on me... With her ex husband's new wife!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Cheating, Crushes, Dating, Flirting, Forbidden love, Marriage problems, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 December 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 5 January 2018)
A male United States age 30-35, *eorgiaBoy writes:

I've been dating my girlfriend, we'll call her "S", for about 11 months. She has a 4 year old son, I have no children. She's divorced, and it was rough. He was an abusive, meth-head a-hole. I've never been married, but I've been cheated on numerous times. I love her (and her son), and she swears up and down she loves me, I'm the only one for her, she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, etc. But. She is very close with her ex-husband's current wife, "K". VERY close.

Close to the point that it honestly makes me extremely uncomfortable, especially given my relationship history, and I've even mentioned it to her. She blows it off like it's nothing. They're just friends. They spend an enormous amount of time together. They're together right now as I type this on my work computer. When they're not together, they're face-timing, video chatting, texting, or messaging on Facebook. "S" doesn't always respond to my texts or calls, but has literally stopped in the middle of sex to text "K" back. "S" talks about "K" constantly. When they don't get to see each other for a day or two, "S" is visibly depressed, I don't know about "K". "S" swears she's straight, would never, ever cheat, and there's nothing going on between them (and never has been). But "S" spends as much time, if not more, with "K" than she does with me and we live together! If I am talking to her (or anyone else for that matter) and I say something like "Let's go here" or "Let's go do this" or whatever, her very next response almost every time is "Great, let me call "K"!" Even if I refer to our family (myself, "S" and her son "M"), she's always quick to say "And "K"!". Since "K" is the step-mom and current wife of the ex-husband, they can't NOT see each other. I've never spoken with her ex-husband about it, but I think he questions their "friendship" too...here's why I say that: over Christmas "K" and the ex had the 4 year old, so on Christmas day, "S" and "K" face-timed (shocker). "S" asked "K" if she had gotten her gifts (she had) and proceeded to tell me what she had gotten "K". She got her far more gifts than she had gotten anyone else, and obviously spent far more money as well. As "S" and "K" were talking about it, the ex-husband grabbed the phone from "K" and quite forcefully told "S" "STOP TRYING TO STEAL MY WIFE!!" I think he suspects something too, or perhaps he's tired of "K" spending SO MUCH time with "S". I don't know what to do. I find myself feeling anxious and depressed a lot, especially lately. I just have this gut feeling that "S" is going to cheat on me with "K". And my gut is rarely wrong. I understand that I'm a guy, but I've known my best friend for over 20 years and we're nowhere near that close. And it's very unusual for the ex-wife to be THAT close to the current wife. Do I confront her about it? Ignore it? Am I being paranoid? I need help, I need other opinions! What do I do?

View related questions: am I being paranoid, best friend, christmas, depressed, divorce, ex-wife, facebook, her ex, money, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (5 January 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntSomething sounds very off about this. I think you need to sit down and have a long talk with her and tell her how you feel. If she stopped in the middle off sex just to answer a message then there is something really wrong.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2017):

Well you know where you stand. You're behind the girlfriend so why are you sticking around for this? You know that this is how it's going to be, all the signs are there. So you're not gonna be able to change her, the only one you can change is yourself, do we really need to spell it out for you?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (31 December 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntPerhaps they are cheating, but some gal pals just really are that close. If she stopped during sex, perhaps there was an emotional support situation and/or, in the nicest possible way, she wasn't pleasantly distracted by the sex you were having.

I think you need to have a calm, frank discussion about the friendship - no accusations, though. If you still feel that something is off, then you either lump it or leave it.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (31 December 2017):

You’ve been together 11 months it’s a decent period of time but it’s not as if you’re in a long term marriage. If you think you can’t trust her move on.

If what you say is true, that she stopped in the middle of sex with you to text this woman back there is something seriously wrong in your relationship.

I don’t know if they’re having an affair but they are involved in an intense relationship that leaves you the odd man out.

It’s time to have a heart to heart conversation with her about what’s going on. And if you don’t feel she’s being honest with you then you have to decide do you stick or twist.

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