A
male
age
36-40,
*uitarist
writes:I kept being a jerk to my girlfriend for no apparent reason and now she says she needs to think about things. I seriously will not let it happen again. I love her more than anything in the world, I WOULD DIE FOR HER. how can I prove to her I will treat her better before she decides to break up with me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (6 March 2009):
 Two thumbs up for you!
Now the next thing to do is, write down the list that you just gave us. Write in in a nice calligraphic style. Frame it. Hang it up in your/her wardrobe or clothes closet, for you/her to see from time to time. It will be a good reminder and motivation for you to stick to your promises.
Good luck! I am happy for the both of you. Just don't f***k it up again! ;-)
Cat
A
male
reader, Guitarist +, writes (6 March 2009):
Guitarist is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi, just want to thank you all again. she decided to call it off, but then i rang her and promised to her i'd never treat her that way again......she gave me another chance! and it's given me the biggest kick up the backside.and in answer to the question below this, the things i was doing were basically not talking to her when i had a problem (problems i created out of nothing or little things i made into a big issue), telling her i'd do things (or not doing them) and not keeping my word, promising i'd stop smoking and again not quitting. things like that really. but I know I have to be better for her, its a side i never liked about myself but things really are going to change now, never been more serious about anything in my life.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (5 March 2009):
Yes, you being dead would not solve the problem. Or perhaps, it would, actually. (Sorry, bad taste of a joke)
Anyhooo...
What kind of "a jerk" were you to her?
(a) being a contemptibly foolish person
(b) being dishonest or unfair
(c) being abusive (verbally/mentally, physically
Was it just to her or to other people too?
How can you prove to her that you can treat her better? You cannot, until you can prove to yourself that you can treat yourself with respect.
You know, cliches like "Respect/love yourself before you respect/love others", or "Teat others like you would like them to be treat you" are there for a reason. They are there and become cliches because time and time again it proves to be true.
So, go out there, and buy books on "Anger Management", or "How to stop being an abuser", or books on [All forms of ] Violence Against Women.
Read up, and if any of the things they write in those books (on anger or abuse) apply to you, work on it. If you think you are not disciplined enough to do it on your own, or need outside help, then seek professional help. There may be relevant courses you can take at a local college, or a community center. Otherwise, regular visits to a professional therapist would do too.
Tell your g/f that you are doing all those things. For yourself mainly, because you know you dont want to be a bad person. When you become a good person, you will be good to her too. And she will be very proud of you. And you of her, because she is the person who made you realize that you need to be a better person.
Good luck!
Cat
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A
male
reader, Guitarist +, writes (5 March 2009):
Guitarist is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the advice. I've just told her what I needed to say and how much she means to me. I just hope it's not too late.Thank you again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): First of all you need to mean what you say! And actions speak louder than words sweetie. Yes for sure tell her all those things but also do things for her. Make her feel like she is special to you, make her feel loved. You have to SHOW her that you are thinking of her above anyone else (including yourself). Best of luck.
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