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... Send *ild Thaing a private message | | | *ild Thaing's profile:I came here looking for help, like many of you. Then I started giving advice on this site.
If you want to know more about me, just read my column of responses. I rarely pull punches, and where appropriate I'll throw in a detail about my life.
I firmly believe the following: While you may not be able to choose the situations in which you may find yourself, you can ALWAYS choose your responses to them.
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If you're married would you always wear your wedding ring?
Q. Hey guys, its me bonym!!!! Just a quick question about something that has been bugging me for ages!!! Ok, its really for married men, but I dont really mind who replies!!! Ok, so here is the deal, if you are married, would you always wear your...
A. 16 August 2006: Well if you want to know then use this less-risky tactic:
Compliment him on the ring - even if you think the thing is God awful ugly. Then ask him where he bought it.
I have a uniquely designed wedding ring and people (mostly women) complimen... (read in full...)
If you're married would you always wear your wedding ring?
Q. Hey guys, its me bonym!!!! Just a quick question about something that has been bugging me for ages!!! Ok, its really for married men, but I dont really mind who replies!!! Ok, so here is the deal, if you are married, would you always wear your...
A. 15 August 2006: "I do feel like answering my own question cos I know what I would tell myself!!!!"
So what would you answer?... (read in full...)
Im madly in love with My online girl, problem is shes younger and miles away plus her parents dont approve!
Q. I think I am going insane. I have been dating a girl who I met online, she is 16 and I am in my late 20s. Our problem is, we live 300 miles apart. She lives in Scotland and I live in England, yet I have travelled up to see her as often as possible...
A. 14 August 2006: Now that we have heard from the girl, I have all of the information I need.
Irish49 is bang on with the teen rebellion analysis. The parents are not the problem, and to a certain extent neither is the guy.
To the girl: Before you have childre... (read in full...)
Im madly in love with My online girl, problem is shes younger and miles away plus her parents dont approve!
Q. I think I am going insane. I have been dating a girl who I met online, she is 16 and I am in my late 20s. Our problem is, we live 300 miles apart. She lives in Scotland and I live in England, yet I have travelled up to see her as often as possible...
A. 14 August 2006: Hey Malyce, are you sure you are posting to the right thread? Your response doesn't sound quite right for this one...... (read in full...)
Im madly in love with My online girl, problem is shes younger and miles away plus her parents dont approve!
Q. I think I am going insane. I have been dating a girl who I met online, she is 16 and I am in my late 20s. Our problem is, we live 300 miles apart. She lives in Scotland and I live in England, yet I have travelled up to see her as often as possible...
A. 13 August 2006: "...rather than blatantly discriminating against him purely based on age."
OK, so are you projecting your biases when interpreting the actions of your girl's parents? Have they said to your face, "We don't approve of this relationship because ... (read in full...)
What shall I do about this girl...move on?
Q. I have been in a relationship for almost three years now, and im not happy. She is always mean and nasty. When something doesnt go right for her, its my fault. Im getting to the end of my rope. Now, a girl from work has taken an interest in me. She ...
A. 13 August 2006: First, don't worry so much about your material goods. Your soul is damaged and needs healing NOW. The longer you wait to finish with your current partner the longer your recovery time becomes.
Second, is it possible that you are escaping... (read in full...)
Im madly in love with My online girl, problem is shes younger and miles away plus her parents dont approve!
Q. I think I am going insane. I have been dating a girl who I met online, she is 16 and I am in my late 20s. Our problem is, we live 300 miles apart. She lives in Scotland and I live in England, yet I have travelled up to see her as often as possible...
A. 13 August 2006: "I have full respect for her parents, thats why I am hoping for the opportunity to prove to them that I can make their daughter very happy."
Then the best way to get that opportunity to win them over is to have patience and let their girl grow up ... (read in full...)
Im madly in love with My online girl, problem is shes younger and miles away plus her parents dont approve!
Q. I think I am going insane. I have been dating a girl who I met online, she is 16 and I am in my late 20s. Our problem is, we live 300 miles apart. She lives in Scotland and I live in England, yet I have travelled up to see her as often as possible...
A. 13 August 2006: "I fully respect her every wish and probably care about her family more than she does."
If you cared about her family so much then you would respect their wishes and see things from their perspective. You are old enough and responsible enough t... (read in full...)
Im madly in love with My online girl, problem is shes younger and miles away plus her parents dont approve!
Q. I think I am going insane. I have been dating a girl who I met online, she is 16 and I am in my late 20s. Our problem is, we live 300 miles apart. She lives in Scotland and I live in England, yet I have travelled up to see her as often as possible...
A. 13 August 2006: "As for me being bullied, let them try."
Where in Ariel's posts has she even brought this up? Do you interpret the behaviour of your girl's parents as bullying?... (read in full...)
Im madly in love with My online girl, problem is shes younger and miles away plus her parents dont approve!
Q. I think I am going insane. I have been dating a girl who I met online, she is 16 and I am in my late 20s. Our problem is, we live 300 miles apart. She lives in Scotland and I live in England, yet I have travelled up to see her as often as possible...
A. 13 August 2006: It sounds like you have got the direction of your life set. Gotten your sh!t together, so to speak.
At 17, your girlfriend hasn't even found her way out of her parent's house. She still has an adult life yet to discover and a series of life-bui... (read in full...)
I dont like the idea of him going to a bachelor party, am I just being too insecure ?
Q. Is it naive to trust a b/f at a bachelor party? I am jealous and insecure about this and my b/f thinks i am being childish and immature. He says the strippers are not there to have sex with everyone in the place. I feel like what goes on at these ...
A. 13 August 2006: Anon, your boyfriend's views on you going to a stagette are irrelevant! This is about you, not him.
So far the responses fall into three general categories:
1) Those who are using your question as a soapbox to broadcast their views on moralit... (read in full...)
I dont like the idea of him going to a bachelor party, am I just being too insecure ?
Q. Is it naive to trust a b/f at a bachelor party? I am jealous and insecure about this and my b/f thinks i am being childish and immature. He says the strippers are not there to have sex with everyone in the place. I feel like what goes on at these ...
A. 12 August 2006: "i think if i need couples counselling at this point -- we should just break up lol"
I hope you really were joking. To take a dim view on counselling means you have a tough time considering the perspectives of other people.... (read in full...)
I dont like the idea of him going to a bachelor party, am I just being too insecure ?
Q. Is it naive to trust a b/f at a bachelor party? I am jealous and insecure about this and my b/f thinks i am being childish and immature. He says the strippers are not there to have sex with everyone in the place. I feel like what goes on at these ...
A. 12 August 2006: Is it a moral issue or a trust issue? People, let's make a clear distinction and stop confusing this poor girl.
Serene Katy believes the heart of the matter is an incompatibility between moral standards. This argument involves far too many peo... (read in full...)
I dont like the idea of him going to a bachelor party, am I just being too insecure ?
Q. Is it naive to trust a b/f at a bachelor party? I am jealous and insecure about this and my b/f thinks i am being childish and immature. He says the strippers are not there to have sex with everyone in the place. I feel like what goes on at these ...
A. 11 August 2006: "I am jealous and insecure about this and my b/f thinks i am being childish and immature."
Quite right. I give you credit for recognizing that you are the one with the trust issues. As distasteful as this form of entertainment may seem to you, ... (read in full...)
Engagement concerns related to moving
Q. I want to get engaged to my wonderful partner of 8Yrs. The problem is I want us as a couple to move across the country. He says he is willing to move, but he says it just seems so far away from his family and friends. His parents are very backward...
A. 10 August 2006: 'When we have deep conversations he gets very nervous and "clams up."'
Doesn't that set off your alarm bells? I think that at the very least he needs counselling to deal with his communication issues. Inability to communicate is the top reason t... (read in full...)
Engagement concerns related to moving
Q. I want to get engaged to my wonderful partner of 8Yrs. The problem is I want us as a couple to move across the country. He says he is willing to move, but he says it just seems so far away from his family and friends. His parents are very backward...
A. 10 August 2006: Honey, Irish49 has a very good perspective on your situation, one that I mostly agree with.
Your man sees no reason to cut the apron strings. Now, we only have your interpretation of the dynamic in his family, so the rest of my advice will be ... (read in full...)
He's been on dating lines, and I really dont know why he is looking elsewhere!!
Q. I have been with my partner for 5 years and have three kids one of only 4 weeks and discovered he has been on dating lines for our area.he has done similar things before but never admits anything and makes me in the wrong for not trusting him.i dont ...
A. 10 August 2006: Honey, your instinct is correct, and I admire the strength of your self-worth. Your husband's dishonesty and disrespect is at issue here and although you may not see it this way yet, your marriage is in crisis. Before any "fixing" can occur in ... (read in full...)
I want kids now but he says another 3 years! What should I do?
Q. Two years before my husband and I got married we discused trying to have children after being married a year. Now that we have been married a year he keeps saying that he's not ready and pushes it back further...now he tells me in three more years. ...
A. 10 August 2006: Honey, I'm afraid you have hit a marriage dealbreaker. I know of at least two marriages among my sphere of relatives that failed partly because only one spouse wanted children.
maxsteel86 asks you to not to pressure your husband. I agree - ... (read in full...)
My wife only seems interested in herself and what she does.. is this right ?
Q. My wife seems to have her own agenda in life, I don’t know how to explain it , but it is like she is heading a different road to the one that I believe should be our road of success. she is a successful women with the very good earning, I always ...
A. 9 August 2006: I have a different and more fundamental take on your question than the other agony aunts.
The money arguments are a proxy for some deeper issue between you and your wife. In order to make some kind of progress you need to probe deeper. Hopefull... (read in full...)
In love with my bestfriends boyfriend and I'm married.
Q. I am in love with my best friend's boyfriend. I am 24 years old and married and I am deeply in love with my best friend's boyfriend. They have been together for a little over a year, and we have had a sexual relationship, for just about as long. Be...
A. 9 August 2006: As an academic, you are all the more susceptible to rationalizing away your behaviour. Furthermore you don't yet realize that your academic training imbues you with an arrogance that blinds you to what we mere mortals plainly see. Are we supposed ... (read in full...)
My wife really really needs help, but I cant get her to see it!!
Q. My wife needs professional help but she cant see this yet everything to her is a problem me the children the house she is in bad form all the time and we constantly argue last week she threatened to kill herself and our son if i went to the shop she ...
A. 9 August 2006: Those who threaten self-harm may be in denial but they really are seeking attention. In your case, your wife is crying out for help even though she does not yet acknowledge it. In the meantime she is getting away with abusing both you and your son ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a thing for ethnic girls, but I am not, and he's trying to change me into one
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. I love him and know that he loves me. The issue I face is that he is really into ethnic/exotic looking girls. I am the complete opposite. I'm fair skinned with light hair and light eyes. ...
A. 9 August 2006: Honey, if you were in a relationship where your boyfriend beat you every time you said the word "hello", would you stay?
The question above sounds preposterous, but the beating you are taking right now is not physical - it's much worse. Your wor... (read in full...)
I feel awful about our friendship
Q. Oh god i have no idea how to word this. but ill try my best. ioneof my previouse questions wasa bout a lad showing his sister some of the texts i sent him. well recently i found out he didnt show her she took his fone but thats another story. Theres ...
A. 9 August 2006: There appears to be a lot of "he said, she said" going on here. And that's where the trouble begins.
First, you've learned that using text or email to engage in personal conversations is risky, especially if unkind words are spoken. The target o... (read in full...)
I exposed his secret to his gf about us and now they both hate me! Was I wrong to tell her?
Q. ive been involved with a lad for 7 months even though i knew he had a girlfriend of 4 yrs.we met and had a chemistry and instantly fel for each other but he didnt have balls to break up with his girlfriend.the guilt killed me and i still feel bad ...
A. 9 August 2006: In exposing your lover as a cheater you also exposed yourself as the one who facilitated the cheating. So stop acting like an injured bird and take your medicine and take responsibility for your choices. If you weren't so self-centred you would ... (read in full...)
Both of us made redundant from work means I can't see my married lover any more!
Q. I had an affair with my married work colleague earlier this year. She promised me that i was the one she wanted to be with, then decided to stay with her husband. That was hard enough to get over, but at least we saw each other at work and there ...
A. 7 August 2006: She has made her choice. It was fun while it lasted, but she decided that the tasty side dish was no match for the main course.
Regardless of what YOU think she might feel for you, she will not leave her husband - she has made the choice, ... (read in full...)
Why are all the good girls taken?
Q. im fed up with living the way i am. whenever theres a girl i like shes taken by someone else before i get the chance to ask her out, and whenever someone asks me its not the rite person, i no im only young but its rly bothering me that there isnt ...
A. 7 August 2006: "Why are all the good girls taken?" - those are the words of a quitter.
Work on building your own self-esteem and confidence. I know that my female friends like me because they find me easy to be with, and that comes from being comforta... (read in full...)
He is very controlling!
Q. ive got problems with my relationship - there are trust issues from my boyfriends side and he is now constantly questioning me and checking up on me by ringing my phone sometimes every hour asking the same questions - a month ago things got so bad ...
A. 7 August 2006: "...please help me its be going on for 13years and i just want a happy loving caring relationship and to be happy in life with him".
First, you won't be happy in life with him. He has proven time and again that he won't face up to the reasons ... (read in full...)
Married, 33 and fancy the girl at work
Q. hi,going through hell at the moment,im 33 married with 2 kids 12 and 14.my wife is 43,and im not in love with her.i do fancy a girl who works next to me who is 25,im no good at asking girls out how do i let her know i like her....
A. 6 August 2006: To minimize the damage, you do things in this order:
1) You divorce your wife and ditch your family in the process.
2) You then confess your undying love for that pretty young thing.
Once you discover that your pretty young thing does not... (read in full...)
I don't want to have these crazy feelings for another man! How to get rid of them?
Q. I'm very confused and need help. I am married to a very nice man. In fact, he is just about perfect. There is nothing wrong with him at all. However, we don't have very much in common and over the years I have become less and less attracted to ...
A. 6 August 2006: On the one hand you say that your husband is "just about perfect". But in the very next sentence you complain about how little you have in common with him. That is NOT the definition of "just about perfect."
In your mind, you are looking ... (read in full...)
I lie a lot and it affects us
Q. I need help learning how to get my girlfriend of a year and a month's trust back. You see I am a chronic liar,I tell lies over things like seeing old female friends on the street (Non romantic) friends and calling them to see if they want to meet ...
A. 6 August 2006: You need to understand the reasons behind your compulsion to lie. Your girlfriend wants to dump you because you haven't confronted the underlying issues that cause your behaviour.
We might be able to help you if you provide more details about yo... (read in full...)
where is this relationship heading?
Q. I have a hideously long backstory with this boy I've known for almost two years. We met completely by chance, and we became extremely close friends straight away. We've always been very cuddly and content to be in each other's company (people were ...
A. 5 August 2006: Honey, he wants to take the relationship to the next physical level. I think that's a good bet.
As for taking the relationship to the next level of "connection" (not physical), open communication is the best policy here. If you want to take the... (read in full...)
Does the "right" person ever really come along?
Q. Dating related question! Does the "right" person ever come along and you live happily ever after? I'm always told that "the one" or "the right person" will always come along? does it ever?...
A. 5 August 2006: On God's green earth there are over six billion souls wondering the same thing. There are millions of people who would be right for you.
I surmise that this silly notion of "the one" was developed by a brilliant writer who was too naive at the t... (read in full...)
Do women prefer a hairy chest or shaved chest?
Q. what do women prefer, a hairy chest or a shaved chest?...
A. 4 August 2006: This is such a funny thread. A little bit of light entertainment before the weekend never hurts :)
I'll bet if any Asian women posted here you'd get very different answers from the ones I've seen here.
Furthermore, if I asked a question like ... (read in full...)
Will I ever fall in love again?
Q. My ex split with me for someone else over a year ago now and Im still single. This is through choice as Ive had loads of chances with different guys but for some reason I feel numb towards men and cant fancy them. At first, I expected to feel...
A. 4 August 2006: Honey, it took me years to get over my first true love, so don't despair! You are not alone.
Remember to keep working on becoming the person you want to be and learning how to love yourself. Doing these two things won't guarantee that you will... (read in full...)
Should my friend's history with relationships be considered when I only want her as my child's godparent?
Q. I have a very annoying problem and wondered if you could give me some advice anyone? My partner and I are trying to sort our baby daughters christening and are arguing over choice of godparents. I want my best friend who I have known for 26 years...
A. 4 August 2006: Honey, you and your partner had better come up with a compromise and soon. Isn't that the Christian way? That's the way I learned. Or you can both get out the long swords and chain mail and show your daughter the way internecine disputes were ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man, but how do I cope with our break up?
Q. Hi, i hope you can help me out of this absurd situation. i fell in love with a guy i work with in the same office, he is married, with two kids. out of guilt we both called it a very close friendship, then he called me his soul mate and then his...
A. 3 August 2006: I think this thread needs to be changed to "Please join the anonymous ship of fools".
This love-fest of infidelity probably makes everyone feel better while they're reading and comiserating, but I gotta ask a few standard questions:
1) What... (read in full...)
He met a younger girl, why has he thrown away 20 years for someone so much younger ?
Q. I am fifty one and have been with my partner about twenty years. I am still attractive and vivacious. My partner has just told me that he has met someone else. He mentioned that she is 27 and that she makes him feel young. I know that this happens a ...
A. 3 August 2006: Honey, this one is a slam dunk. I add my voice to the agony aunts who have responded with one voice: Kick the fool out.
I went (am still going?) through my mid-life crisis, and I chose to go back to school and get a new career instead of choos... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is going away to grad school and *I* don't want to let go
Q. “My girlfriend is going away to grad school and neither of us wants to let go.” The day my girlfriend got accepted to grad school, our relationship was dealt a crushing blow. In the beginning, neither of us knew that this amazing opportunity woul...
A. 2 August 2006: I had a similar issue with a close friend of mine who is going to move to a different city soon to take on a new job. I had over ten months of advance notice before she was to leave. Back then we were just starting our friendship. We had a very ... (read in full...)
Ladies: do you think you're more sympathetic to females who cheat?
Q. Why is it on this site that women tend to be so sympathetic to a woman who has cheated and are so very understanding but when it's a man who cheated you hear phrases like, "Once a cheater always a cheater" or "A leopard never changes his spots". Is ...
A. 2 August 2006: Whoops. A ladies-only thread. I guess my gender-neutral views got the better of me.
But lostandalone's question is a bit of blunt instrument. As much as this forum is a soapbox for all of us, there are some (both men and women) who are pretty g... (read in full...)
Ladies: do you think you're more sympathetic to females who cheat?
Q. Why is it on this site that women tend to be so sympathetic to a woman who has cheated and are so very understanding but when it's a man who cheated you hear phrases like, "Once a cheater always a cheater" or "A leopard never changes his spots". Is ...
A. 2 August 2006: You won't get a double standard from me. My harsh words toward cheaters are gender-neutral!
If you catch me exhibiting the double-standard please let me know. Have a great day.... (read in full...)
My partners ex wife calls in to cook dinner for her boys every night, but they are 21 and 24!!
Q. I have been seeing my partner for almost two years now. He has been divorced for nearly five and he lives with his two sons. The ex wife lives down the street with the chap she left my partner for and calls at my partners house five nights a week to ...
A. 2 August 2006: Honey, you chose a very complicated situation when you moved in with your man. This is a consequence of your choice, and now you have subsequent choices to make.
There is no one right answer for what you should do because it depends on who you ... (read in full...)
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