A
female
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anonymous
writes:My ex split with me for someone else over a year ago now and Im still single. This is through choice as Ive had loads of chances with different guys but for some reason I feel numb towards men and cant fancy them.At first, I expected to feel like that because my ex hurt me so much and it took ages for me to get over what had happened. He was the first person, and the only person, who Ive ever loved and I dont know if any of you have been in a similar situation but having to watch your boyfriend fall head over heels in love with someone else and then eventually leave you for her is the most painful feeling in the world.Anyway, I feel ready to start a new relationship but I still feel numb and it seems impossible to actually fancy a new man. Is this gonna last forever? Will I end up with someone I dont really like for the rest of my life? I would love to fall in love again with the right person but I just cant see it happening to me.
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female
reader, californialily  +, writes (28 June 2008):
I am in your shoes right now. I married my first love and we were crazy in love! When I found out that I was the only one that was in love in our marriage and found pictures of him on the internet with another woman.. boom, I spiraled downhill and it felt like my heart died. It's been a little over two years already and I am still trying to go back to the person that I was before. It's like growing back a new heart. I have tried dating and I met this wonderful, amazing man.. but it's like my heart is so numb and I wonder if I am capable of falling in love. I hope so, and everyone says I will. Only time will tell and I learned to leave it in God's hands to bring me to the right one. I hope that we both find someone so wonderful that our exes will look like crap next to our new guys!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): You will love again if you want to love again. I agree with that. Me, I'm done with love. Gave it a chance, liked it and it's done with. It was a good experience but it's nothing I want to go through again. For others, if not most people, love is something they want to experience to find a partner and maybe even make a family. Kudos to you if you get to have all that. Me, I might sound selfish but I'm simply not up to par to go through that rollercoaster ride again. I'm happy how things are now in my life. It's been over 3 years and I couldn't be happier with everything and everyone i already have. In short, yes you will love again if you truly want to love again. Don't give up on it, and it'll find you. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (4 August 2006):
 Honey, it took me years to get over my first true love, so don't despair! You are not alone.
Remember to keep working on becoming the person you want to be and learning how to love yourself. Doing these two things won't guarantee that you will fall in love again, but it will help you to see a future of endless possibilities - and that future will NOT include the numb feeling that burdens you so.
Hang in there! Good luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): My girlfriend and fiancee dumped me after 8 years and I still feel numb four months on. She was my first real love and the only person I have ever loved too. I think time is a great healer and you will soon start to feel better but don't rush it. I am told it can take a long while.Try and get rid of all your ex's belongings and enjoy, if you can, your new freedom. You will (probably like me) think about your ex constantly but try and persuade yourself if they don't want to be with you then why the hell should you want to be with them - get angry if you can! See this as a new start you will meet someone right for you eventually, but are you ready yet for another relationship? I think it is a good idea to have some breathing space. Just get out and about and enjoy yourself and you will meet the right person when you are ready.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (3 August 2006):
 Hi dearie,
I am pretty sure that u will fall in love again. Your ex-boyfriend isnt you idea mate and true love since he went off with someone else. The right guy for you wouldnt leave u no matter what and will want a deeper sense of commitment from you. I have been in the same situation so is alot of other people. i am not with my first love as he left but i am with a guy now who i believe is the one for me. He has treated me with so much love and respect something i thought i couldnt never find after my experience both now i am renew in love and i know that all i have felt in the past was a fraction of what i am receiving now. The same will happen to you too if u let it. Dont be discouraged becos of one bad experience. Dating is like that. Just learn from the experience and move on.
I know u said in your posting that u have met lots of other guys and had the opportunity to move on.But i tell u If at all u met the idea guy u will want to move on. It could also mean that it isnt the exact time frame for you. Dont push urself hard just keep up your social activities. Relax and enjoy going out. when the time comes and the exact guy approaches u, u will know.
Take care and goodluck.
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A
female
reader, Granny +, writes (3 August 2006):
 You are perfectly normal, it's all ok. You got hurt. You needed time to recover from that and people are different in how long that takes. I am so sorry that I cannot be wise or scientific but love is a strange thing. It will not come if you want it to be there. Sometimes it is the very last thing you want, you know, your life and career is planned then Wham! there's a man. Oh gosh you're in love!
After my divorce, I was so certain I could never use the L word again. I went on dates, it was nice. But one day, I met a man and yes! for both of us.
One day , your body and your chemistry will bind to another. Yes, you will love again and when you do, you will know that the hurt you still carry inside you is finally healed. I'll pray for you. Big hug.
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