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Will I ever fall in love again?

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 August 2006) 11 Answers - (Newest, 30 August 2010)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

My ex split with me for someone else over a year ago now and Im still single. This is through choice as Ive had loads of chances with different guys but for some reason I feel numb towards men and cant fancy them.

At first, I expected to feel like that because my ex hurt me so much and it took ages for me to get over what had happened. He was the first person, and the only person, who Ive ever loved and I dont know if any of you have been in a similar situation but having to watch your boyfriend fall head over heels in love with someone else and then eventually leave you for her is the most painful feeling in the world.

Anyway, I feel ready to start a new relationship but I still feel numb and it seems impossible to actually fancy a new man. Is this gonna last forever? Will I end up with someone I dont really like for the rest of my life? I would love to fall in love again with the right person but I just cant see it happening to me.

View related questions: my ex

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010):

I feel your pain. I'm going through something similar- except I was the other woman and he didn't leave her for me! He is the only man I have ever loved, and it is so difficult to imagine feeling like this for another man. God willing, one day I will meet the right man for me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010):

yes you are... and sure you are... there is always a right person at the right time... never lose your hope just because of that someone who doesn't really deserve your love... and it's also a complete waste of time... just pray and hope, have faith... we are the one who makes our own destiny... although at some point it is written... happiness and contentment is always a choice... always believe that... somebody out there surely patiently waits for you, handling a blossom of flowers that never wilts... and a heart that can occupy the whole you that beats for eternity..... =) ag,49

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010):

my first girlfriend got married to someone else. we were together for over a year and it was the best year of my life.

i am positive that i will never ever feel the way i felt with anyone else.

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A female reader, fairy sparkle United Kingdom +, writes (7 November 2009):

Perhaps one can never love in the same way as with a first. The first love is unconditional, profound, eloquent and the core of everything. It often weaves together all of the strings you weren't sure belonged to you. It strengthens you, awakens your soul, stirs a fire deep inside of you and illuminates your spirit gives a vivid sense of hope and of faith like all of the pieces finally fit together. It is an illusive drug which can deceive. Though its magic is so powerful as to sedate the senses you are but lucky to experience its dizzy haze but just the once. As reassuring as it is destructive - the most intensifying emotion and feeling. Like your very existence depends upon it.

This is exactly why it is as dangerous as it is amazing

Once bitten twice as shy

True love can never be the same again because the illusion though very real in love is bitter sweet and out of first love we learn to be more cautious to not give so freely to hold something back for ourselves. Each love there after the first be of a completely different colour. I believe that first love though often completely flawed remains upon that pedestal of pretty fairy dust just waiting to be toppled if only we can break free to but see that love can be the shade with which we choose to paint and heartache be the darkened post shade but new love, different yes, less intense maybe, with someone with whom you may have never expected, still it be a crimson blush of flourishing sunlight. its just the early morning and you have time to breath again

Keep the faith

a gentle petal of sparkling fairy dust


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A female reader, ixia Australia +, writes (25 May 2009):

Just relating my experience.

I loved someone once in my life, the relationship was my first and it lasted a month. It has been ten years, and I have had many relationships since then, with 'better' men ie. mature, caring, honest, kind, good looking etc. my longest relationship was for 3 years.

But even after 10 years, I still feel numb and I will honestly state that I never loved, nor felt anything much for any of those men after him. My first relationship, was the only time I ever loved, and it has been 10 years since then, I have had no feelings for anybody else.

All I wanted and still want is to feel that happiness that I felt that first time, to surpass it even. Since the time I first experienced loving someone, to feel that happiness again has been the greatest desire of my life.

I realised from experiencing falling in love, that to love someone, is the best and most important part of who I am. The most painful feeling is to yearn to feel that happiness from loving someone, and yet to feel nothing. To have te most important part of your life empty, to be unable to express/show the best part of yourself.

I have not loved him for many years now. But till today, he is the only one I have ever loved.

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A female reader, californialily United States +, writes (28 June 2008):

I am in your shoes right now. I married my first love and we were crazy in love! When I found out that I was the only one that was in love in our marriage and found pictures of him on the internet with another woman.. boom, I spiraled downhill and it felt like my heart died. It's been a little over two years already and I am still trying to go back to the person that I was before. It's like growing back a new heart. I have tried dating and I met this wonderful, amazing man.. but it's like my heart is so numb and I wonder if I am capable of falling in love. I hope so, and everyone says I will. Only time will tell and I learned to leave it in God's hands to bring me to the right one. I hope that we both find someone so wonderful that our exes will look like crap next to our new guys!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008):

You will love again if you want to love again. I agree with that. Me, I'm done with love. Gave it a chance, liked it and it's done with. It was a good experience but it's nothing I want to go through again. For others, if not most people, love is something they want to experience to find a partner and maybe even make a family. Kudos to you if you get to have all that. Me, I might sound selfish but I'm simply not up to par to go through that rollercoaster ride again. I'm happy how things are now in my life. It's been over 3 years and I couldn't be happier with everything and everyone i already have. In short, yes you will love again if you truly want to love again. Don't give up on it, and it'll find you. Good luck.

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A male reader, Wild Thaing Canada +, writes (4 August 2006):

Wild Thaing agony auntHoney, it took me years to get over my first true love, so don't despair! You are not alone.

Remember to keep working on becoming the person you want to be and learning how to love yourself. Doing these two things won't guarantee that you will fall in love again, but it will help you to see a future of endless possibilities - and that future will NOT include the numb feeling that burdens you so.

Hang in there! Good luck and take care.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006):

My girlfriend and fiancee dumped me after 8 years and I still feel numb four months on. She was my first real love and the only person I have ever loved too. I think time is a great healer and you will soon start to feel better but don't rush it. I am told it can take a long while.

Try and get rid of all your ex's belongings and enjoy, if you can, your new freedom. You will (probably like me) think about your ex constantly but try and persuade yourself if they don't want to be with you then why the hell should you want to be with them - get angry if you can! See this as a new start you will meet someone right for you eventually, but are you ready yet for another relationship? I think it is a good idea to have some breathing space. Just get out and about and enjoy yourself and you will meet the right person when you are ready.

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A female reader, kellyO United Kingdom +, writes (3 August 2006):

kellyO agony auntHi dearie,

I am pretty sure that u will fall in love again. Your ex-boyfriend isnt you idea mate and true love since he went off with someone else. The right guy for you wouldnt leave u no matter what and will want a deeper sense of commitment from you. I have been in the same situation so is alot of other people. i am not with my first love as he left but i am with a guy now who i believe is the one for me. He has treated me with so much love and respect something i thought i couldnt never find after my experience both now i am renew in love and i know that all i have felt in the past was a fraction of what i am receiving now. The same will happen to you too if u let it. Dont be discouraged becos of one bad experience. Dating is like that. Just learn from the experience and move on.

I know u said in your posting that u have met lots of other guys and had the opportunity to move on.But i tell u If at all u met the idea guy u will want to move on. It could also mean that it isnt the exact time frame for you. Dont push urself hard just keep up your social activities. Relax and enjoy going out. when the time comes and the exact guy approaches u, u will know.

Take care and goodluck.

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A female reader, Granny +, writes (3 August 2006):

Granny agony auntYou are perfectly normal, it's all ok. You got hurt. You needed time to recover from that and people are different in how long that takes. I am so sorry that I cannot be wise or scientific but love is a strange thing. It will not come if you want it to be there. Sometimes it is the very last thing you want, you know, your life and career is planned then Wham! there's a man. Oh gosh you're in love!

After my divorce, I was so certain I could never use the L word again. I went on dates, it was nice. But one day, I met a man and yes! for both of us.

One day , your body and your chemistry will bind to another. Yes, you will love again and when you do, you will know that the hurt you still carry inside you is finally healed. I'll pray for you. Big hug.

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