| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a very annoying problem and wondered if you could give me some advice anyone? My partner and I are trying to sort our baby daughters christening and are arguing over choice of godparents. I want my best friend who I have known for 26 years to be godmother, my partner says no because she is gay and is not in a settled relationship but instead flits about keeping partners for a few years and then moving on. He says she would be a bad influence. I think she is lovely and she adores my daughter and has spent a lot of time with her since her birth. I am a sensible mum with 3 children from a previous relationship whilst this is his first child. I trust my friend implicitly and know she would do a good job of being a godparent. i have already said his sister could be the other godmother. He will not change his mind and has been on about it all day long, but neither will I!!! It is driving us apart. What on earth can we do?
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pica +, writes (4 August 2006):
Regardless of 'official status' it sounds like your friend is a valuable part of your daughter's life and that's the most important thing. I had a godmother I rarely saw, no close connection. I think your partner is out of order but it's your decision I'm afraid on how to handle this. Is he threatened by your friendship?
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (4 August 2006):
 Honey, you and your partner had better come up with a compromise and soon. Isn't that the Christian way? That's the way I learned. Or you can both get out the long swords and chain mail and show your daughter the way internecine disputes were settled back in the early days of Christianity.
Perhaps both of you are not ready for the christening. I suggest you delay the christening until both you and your partner can find it within yourselves to provide a better example of the Christian way than you have exhibited to this point.
Good luck and take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, One Of The Ancients +, writes (4 August 2006):
Hey, female anon (below)! Only one person said not to choose her because of her sexuality. The rest of us said we thought she was a good choice, regardless!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): maybe i'm a little biased here because i'm gay myself, but i think it's really unfair that your partner doesn't want her to be the god-parent due to her sexuality. in fact, it strikes a chord with me, and really saddens me. everyone on here keeps mentioning how 'against christianity' it may be if you pick her. but why? can you not be a moral person and still be gay? i consider myself to be very moral, and dare i even say that i consider myself to be a christian. and just because she's enjoying her life right now, and isn't in a stable, committed relationship, doesn't mean that if (god forbid) something happened to you, she wouldn't straighten up (no pun intended) and change her life around. because like you said, you've known her for 26 years, and she's shown you how much she cares for you. and if she's been that loyal to you for that long, don't you think she'd change her life to raise your child? i sure know i would. anyway, my opinion is that i think it would be wrong to deny this woman and great friend such an honorable position based on her sexuality. because sexuality aside, would she be the one you'd pick?
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 No, I'm with you. Anonymous posters notwithstanding(!), the role of godparent is largely honorary. Godparents these days rarely actually take over the child's religious upbringing in the absence of a parent.
How much religious teaching are you planning on giving your child, anyway? A lot? None?
That's the question you and your partner need to answer. If you're like the vast majority of people, and giving the title of 'godparent' to loving friends and family to show your love and inclusiveness, then her relationships and sexual orientation are irrelevant. Do you love her and want her to know that you trust her with a deeply symbolic gift? Then she's in.
However, if you and your partner are hard-core Christians, and you really want someone to raise your child in the traditional values of your faith, then you should be picking someone not based on your love for them, but their ability to carry out the duty you've assigned them. Someone who flits from one to another without settling down (and let's not drag same-sex into it -- would it be better if she was a bed-hopping straight?) isn't a good role model if you're the type who takes your religion uncut.
Not everyone is really ready for that level of responsibility. So perhaps your friend wouldn't be a good choice.
Though this is just an observation, may I say, you can't be sure that today's Christian won't become tomorrow's Libertine, and if you're no longer with us, you can't do much about it, so the assignment of godparent is pretty much *only* a best-guess, even if you, yourself, take it very seriously.
I still agree with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Granny +, writes (3 August 2006):
 I think in this case the only important thing to be considered is her consistent and true friendship to you along with her obvious love of the child. I think she would be a wonderful godmother based on what you have written so far.
Being a godparent means taking care of her if anything happens to you (unless otherwise written in your will) and being responsible for her religious and "moral" upbringing.
Your friend has shown her love for you over 26 years so show yours for her. Remind your partner that she has shown devotion to you and yours over years. Would he have doubts if she had been such a great friend but had been with 10 men instead of women in her background over the past year? I think not. Tell your partner that trust has much to do with it. Her sexuality in this family situation has nothing to do with your child.
Quite frankly, you've had a friend for 26 years and trust her and that is a great factor if they are willing to support you and yours. Go for it, take her as Godmother. Tell your husband, she has been so good a friend for so long - you are not lesbian after her "supposed influence" because gays are just not like that. Your child is safe and loved more than most, tell your husband that.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): Just how true to your faith are you?If you are then the role of God Parent is one of the most impotant choices you can make.God forbid if anything happened to you this would be the person responsible for ensuring Your Child grows up with the solid beliefs and Faith that you hold so dear.
A faith which may i remind you does not look kindly upon same sex relationships.
However if it just an excuse for a party and you are not that religous then why not look at a naming day or some other celebration and leave the choice of religon up to your child to make for herself when she is older?
...............................
|
