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... Send *ild Thaing a private message | | | *ild Thaing's profile:I came here looking for help, like many of you. Then I started giving advice on this site.
If you want to know more about me, just read my column of responses. I rarely pull punches, and where appropriate I'll throw in a detail about my life.
I firmly believe the following: While you may not be able to choose the situations in which you may find yourself, you can ALWAYS choose your responses to them.
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I'm chinese..my bf is caucasian and my parent's have finally accepted him but how do we tell them, my bf's also divorced with a 6 year old child! Help needed.
Q. I was raised in a very traditional chinese family. My parents are not like my friends. I always had to respect their advice and input with anything I do. By respect, I really mean forced to do they want. I want to remain in good terms with my ...
A. 5 September 2006: "Do you think I'm being naive about how much responsibility I will have later one?"
You are not being naive, but I would say that you are unaware. The relationship you currently have with your boy's daughter is like the aunt who gets to have all... (read in full...)
How will breaking up affect my son??
Q. Have been with my wife of 10 years for 11 years and have a 9 year old son. Have come to realise recently that I no longer love my wife i've just got the feeling that i am going along with the pretense because it's easier. I have met a girl at work ...
A. 4 September 2006: Wow, your mid-life crisis is in full bloom.
That pretty young thing you want to bed won't fill the gap that is missing in your life. A harem of pretty young things won't fill that gap.
Chasing skirts will cause immense hurt to your family. Is... (read in full...)
Will I dither until I have neither?
Q. Thanks for taking the time...... I have a girlfriend right now of 2 1/2 years, who is still a family friend. ( that is how we met). We are on a break to find out if we are right for each other because we had been having lots of fights. But for ...
A. 4 September 2006: Your current girl senses that she is a rebound relationship for you. Let her go so that she may find a guy that will commit to her 100%.
Go back to your ex. It is really that simple, Hamlet.
Good luck and take care.... (read in full...)
Strippers, porn...what's wrong with women saying that we will not accept this rubbish in our relationships?
Q. I just read a post about a woman who was upset her partner is going to a strip show...I was appalled to see the advice that'''oh you should trust him' 'all men do it etc' To me this womens feelings are completely justified and she is demonstr...
A. 3 September 2006: Hi Anon responder:
I definitely do not recommend you just accept a behaviour that is so offensive to you. It would be like accepting that your husband is an alcoholic, drug abuser, gambling addict, and so on, and denying there is a problem ... (read in full...)
My gf wants a week of freedom and fun, without me! What should I do?
Q. My girlfriend of two years says she feels trapped in this realtionship and wants to hang out with her friends iam ok with that but she has cheated on me and i dont realy trust her. She says she wants 1 week of space to just be a 'girl' she is still ...
A. 3 September 2006: You have a control issue. As Martini says, let her go. Maybe you need to let her go forever.
This relationship is still very damaged and may already be beyond repair. You seem to be quite damaged and need time to heal without the noise of a co-... (read in full...)
I'm chinese..my bf is caucasian and my parent's have finally accepted him but how do we tell them, my bf's also divorced with a 6 year old child! Help needed.
Q. I was raised in a very traditional chinese family. My parents are not like my friends. I always had to respect their advice and input with anything I do. By respect, I really mean forced to do they want. I want to remain in good terms with my ...
A. 2 September 2006: Unlike Juliette I am not here to validate your arguments.
You asked what your parents would say, and I have provided a pretty good scenario. Granted I am detached from your situation so I can be more objective. I think your parents will be more ... (read in full...)
Why do married men look at porn? A man's perspective, please.
Q. Why do married men look at porn? I have an agreement with my husband (of 9 years)that strip clubs, magazines, movies and surfing the net is fine...but i found a subscription to a web site that featured one girl. I found this to be pushing it. ...
A. 2 September 2006: Ariel is right on with her post. Start talking to your husband NOW about what he thinks is missing in his life so that you can save your marriage.... (read in full...)
Strippers, porn...what's wrong with women saying that we will not accept this rubbish in our relationships?
Q. I just read a post about a woman who was upset her partner is going to a strip show...I was appalled to see the advice that'''oh you should trust him' 'all men do it etc' To me this womens feelings are completely justified and she is demonstr...
A. 2 September 2006: Anon responder who is married with kids, I am sorry to hear that your husband is lying to you about his behaviour. This being said, my answer to you would be totally different from what I posted earlier, mostly because children are involved.
... (read in full...)
I'm chinese..my bf is caucasian and my parent's have finally accepted him but how do we tell them, my bf's also divorced with a 6 year old child! Help needed.
Q. I was raised in a very traditional chinese family. My parents are not like my friends. I always had to respect their advice and input with anything I do. By respect, I really mean forced to do they want. I want to remain in good terms with my ...
A. 2 September 2006: "And what should I expect my parents to say and do?"
Honey, if you were my daughter, this is what I would ask:
1) What is the rush? You haven't lived yet!
2) Why are you choosing a man that carries an incredible amount of baggage?
3) If he h... (read in full...)
Strippers, porn...what's wrong with women saying that we will not accept this rubbish in our relationships?
Q. I just read a post about a woman who was upset her partner is going to a strip show...I was appalled to see the advice that'''oh you should trust him' 'all men do it etc' To me this womens feelings are completely justified and she is demonstr...
A. 2 September 2006: My Gawd, should I bring some cheese to add to the whine?
Everything I say from this point assumes that a) you are not married and b) there are no kids in your relationship. I would have completely different answers for those other situatio... (read in full...)
Why is my husband doing this to us??
Q. Dear cupid, My husband left me and the children last week for another woman who is 20 years younger than me his excuse was he did not love me anymore. I had no warning this was to happen he took all his things this week he came to see the children...
A. 1 September 2006: What a horrible situation - I'm sorry this happened to you.
Change the locks and get the best divorce lawyer you can afford - better yet have the lawyer sue your husband to cover your legal fees if you can. At best your jerk of a husband needs to... (read in full...)
My wife's "best friend" is a man...
Q. My wife of eighteen years has a male "best friend" at work that she just talks to. She says it is no different than my best friends but I don't have female best friends. I have asked or suggested that she invite him and his wife over for dinner ...
A. 1 September 2006: Hey Anon poster, your wife was hiding something. Hence the great sex out of guilt.
If you don't want a repeat of your wife's antics but next time with another man, then confront her with your information. I don't think a solid marriage is built... (read in full...)
I love my friends husband!!
Q. I'm struggling with the same thing as before...My attraction to my friend's husband. I have tried to avoid him like the plague, but we still end up seeing each other coincidentally, our kids are very good friends,etc. I have no problem seeing him, ...
A. 1 September 2006: Ariel, don't confuse LaraJ with that other woman who has hijacked this thread. At least LaraJ has the courage to identify herself - the other one hides behind the anonymous button while she continues to torment us with her fantasy.... (read in full...)
Why do married men look at porn? A man's perspective, please.
Q. Why do married men look at porn? I have an agreement with my husband (of 9 years)that strip clubs, magazines, movies and surfing the net is fine...but i found a subscription to a web site that featured one girl. I found this to be pushing it. ...
A. 1 September 2006: The porn issue is a proxy for a more fundamental problem in your marriage. You and/or your husband need to acknowledge the root cause for this problem.
You and your husband really need to talk about this issue honestly and openly. I assume t... (read in full...)
He's going to see strippers at a bachelor's party and just the thought of it, is making me lose my mind! Help!
Q. My boyfriend has been invited to a bachelor party this weekend. He said that everyone swore up and down to him that there wouldn't be any females there. His sister just said today that there will be strippers. I can not handle even just the thought ...
A. 31 August 2006: This problem is not about him, it's all about you honey. If you can't bear the thought that he can't always be under your thumb then you should dump him so that he can find someone who has more faith in him than you do.
All I see here is a contro... (read in full...)
How can I build up his trust in me ? He was hurt badly before, and will only commit to being friends!
Q. Hi my name is Hels. 6 weeks ago I was approached by a really nice guy in a club, we talked for ages and he asked me out for a drink etc. Couple of days before we went for this drink he asked are we meeting as friends as im not ready for a ...
A. 31 August 2006: If you don't want to hurt yourself, be patient with this guy. He is not ready for a romantic relationship. If you push him into one, you may end up being a rebound, i.e. the romantic relationship will only be temporary.
If you are looking ... (read in full...)
I have cheated
Q. i have bein going out with my boyfreind for a year and a half he his my soul mate, i have recently cheated on him with someone reaaly special and means alot to me, i dont know how i feel abot him cause a ge reallt jealous of him being with other ...
A. 28 August 2006: Honey, what is your definition of "soulmate"? Please tell us so we can provide better counsel.... (read in full...)
My daughter is 16. How do I recommend she stay off the boyfriend during her A-Levels?
Q. I'm a father in his 40's and I hav a daughter who is 16. So she is at the age when she will start to think about having a serious realtionship with a boy (as they do that age). I'm worried because I would really like for her to concentrate more on ...
A. 28 August 2006: Hey Anon, I have a daughter too. She's seven years old but I have been musing about (or is that dreading?) the boyfriend issue since the day she was born.
I have a friend who is only 25 and going to grad school but is equipped to deal with the... (read in full...)
My wife won't learn how to cook properly. Does she not love me enough?
Q. I used to scoff at the adage that the way to a man's heart is through stomach but my wife is making me to do a re-think. We've been married now for over 10 years and have three lovely children. My wife has been a good wife and mother. I have a very ...
A. 27 August 2006: Now that I am done with the peripheral complaint, let's get to the heart of the matter.
Both of you are busy career people, yet you expect your wife to run the house as well. If you were a divorce lawyer and your wife was your client, would yo... (read in full...)
What does beauty is in the eye of the beholder mean?
Q. what does 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' mean?...
A. 27 August 2006: It means that beauty is subjective, simply an opinion expressed by someone. Subjectivity is most prevalent in art and music. For example, while I might think country music is the worst attempt ever at making sounds, others may think it's the best ... (read in full...)
My wife won't learn how to cook properly. Does she not love me enough?
Q. I used to scoff at the adage that the way to a man's heart is through stomach but my wife is making me to do a re-think. We've been married now for over 10 years and have three lovely children. My wife has been a good wife and mother. I have a very ...
A. 27 August 2006: Buddy, are you for real? You're playing us right?
If good cooking was one of your priority items in a wife then you chose poorly. But the choice was made and you had better get a grip (preferably of a spatula) and contribute to a solution... (read in full...)
He doesn't trust me, he calls me a liar, he's jealous, he rants and raves...what can I do about this guy?
Q. Hi I am in a relationship with a guy for nearly a year now. when we first met we both had just come out of serious relationships. we were pretty casual at first but now it's pretty serious. the problem is the way he treats me and speaks to me. if h...
A. 26 August 2006: "...i didn't meet up with the guy because I knew how jealous my boyfriend would get..."
Isolation from your friends is the first step down a slippery slope. Listen to Emma - she has just come through the same experience as you, but got out when... (read in full...)
She is putting out major signals that she is "into" me but I am in total denial
Q. i think this girl likes me, but i can't tell for sure. and it's confusing me so much. i'm so torn as to what to do or think. every time we go out with friends, they all wind up telling us that we behave like a married couple. we joke around and ...
A. 26 August 2006: I don't know how much more explicit she can be short of jumping you :)
My guess is that you are somewhat risk averse when it comes to pursuing a romantic relationship. You are thinking, I have such a great thing going with this gal pal so why m... (read in full...)
During lovemaking he shouted "I love you, Betty" Guess what...I'n not Betty!
Q. My boyfriend of three years and i were making love after a few drinks recently when he shouted "Betty, i love you! Well my name is not Betty!Immediately this happened I pulled away. Betty is his ex girlfriend whom i know he is still very fond of and ...
A. 26 August 2006: "...[He] sees [Betty] from time to time on a platonic basis..."
There may be nothing happening between the two but there may be unresolved feelings within your man. He is not over her because you have noticed how he is still fond of her.
... (read in full...)
Will my best friend say no if I ask her out?
Q. There is this girl i really like. She is my best friend and I think i love her but I don't want to ask her out incase she says no. What should i do?...
A. 24 August 2006: Confessing your feelings to your friend will put your friendship to the test.
So the question is: Do you want to learn how strong your friendship really is?
Romantic relationships put great pressure on a friendship, but it is possible to have... (read in full...)
My marriage is wonderful but I'm thinking of cheating! Why am I doing this?
Q. I got married when I was very young (20) and now I feel like maybe that was too young. It's only been three years and I have often thought about kissing other men. There is one man in particualar that I have been spending some time with lately...
A. 24 August 2006: "I know that most people would say that I need to identify what is wrong with my marriage and go from there, but the problem is that there isn't anything wrong with my marriage."
Honey, I commend your bravery for coming forward. At least you are ... (read in full...)
Newly married. My wife earns more than me, is against me socialising and is FULL of herself! Feel I made the wrong decisision...
Q. Please help me if you can, Well I don’t know where to start, I was a happy successful person, confident with life and my achievement in life and with people around myself, I was going to the gym, meeting friends and family nothing at all excessiv...
A. 24 August 2006: Sir, there are always two sides to a story, especially one that seems as unhappy as yours. But from what you have told us there is a communication problem that existed from the moment the both of you met. Becoming married exacerbates the issue ... (read in full...)
How can I work balance between uni and a social life ?
Q. so, I will be starting university next month and i am scared I will overdose on freedom!!I have never had freedom before, not in the slightest and because I will be living in halls, life will be so different to living at home where I am not allo...
A. 21 August 2006: Sign up for courses that you really would enjoy so that they stand a fighting chance for your time when October comes and the real work begins.
If you have felt "repressed" at home, you will probably not be able to stop yourself from going ov... (read in full...)
How do you tell a friend you've fallen in love with them without risking your friendship?
Q. How do you tell a friend you've fallen in love with them without risking your friendship? I'm too scared to say anything to a male friend of mine. We had feelings for each other since we were classmates in college, but I knew he was uncertain about ...
A. 20 August 2006: "But I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I'd said something to him."
Ay, there's the rub.
Honey, you feel caught between two seemingly opposite poles - friendship and the chance for romance. I've b... (read in full...)
Can I achieve the greatest love of all through someone else?
Q. I'm not sure I'm ready for another relationship. For most of my post puberty life I've been in love with one person or another. I just (Three months now) got over a messy relationship with my last boyfriend and already I find myself in love w...
A. 19 August 2006: Honey, it sounds like you are searching for something... the one true love. Take it from one who knows - you will succeed in your search if you turn it inwards.
Given that you have spent your young life looking for love in someone else, the foll... (read in full...)
I love my friends husband!!
Q. I'm struggling with the same thing as before...My attraction to my friend's husband. I have tried to avoid him like the plague, but we still end up seeing each other coincidentally, our kids are very good friends,etc. I have no problem seeing him, ...
A. 19 August 2006: This is deja vu all over again.
Please read the following (frustrating) thread entitled "I've always loved my husband's friend more than I love my husband. Why doesn't the feeling go away?". You sound just like this woman. Are you the same one... (read in full...)
Caught him with his pants down, was it more to it?
Q. hi, my bf and i have been together 3 years, about 10months ago i saw my bf doing something which i have always qestioned in my mind. im 20 his 25. one day i was coming home afer school early , i opened our front door and walked in and saw my bf st...
A. 18 August 2006: I would like to add to hanniesed's excellent post:
"i have no self esteem left and i hate everything about myself, i dont feel good about myself like i once did when i first meet him" This is key, so listen well: There IS a future for you wher... (read in full...)
Caught him with his pants down, was it more to it?
Q. hi, my bf and i have been together 3 years, about 10months ago i saw my bf doing something which i have always qestioned in my mind. im 20 his 25. one day i was coming home afer school early , i opened our front door and walked in and saw my bf st...
A. 17 August 2006: Based on the posts since your reply, there is a general consensus by people of widely varying backgrounds, and I will paraphrase it thus:
"Dump the bastard now."
But if you must cling to some misplaced hope that he has turned around his cheat... (read in full...)
I was with her for 7 years, I made a mistake, we broke up, still friends - when should I start seeing someone else?
Q. My girlfriend and I broke up in December and remained somewhat friends. We still hung out and did things together. We even kissed and held hands while we were out together. When I asked her what it is that we are doing or why is she leading me on ...
A. 17 August 2006: "I really think she is just keeping me on the back burner until she finds someone she really likes..."
That is your inner voice talking. It is correct, and despite other things trying to shout it down (i.e. guilt and rationalizations of hope) it... (read in full...)
I was with her for 7 years, I made a mistake, we broke up, still friends - when should I start seeing someone else?
Q. My girlfriend and I broke up in December and remained somewhat friends. We still hung out and did things together. We even kissed and held hands while we were out together. When I asked her what it is that we are doing or why is she leading me on ...
A. 17 August 2006: Guilt may be your undoing in this relationship.
To paraphrase Irish49, healthy relationships are built on trust and honesty. In a way your gal is still in denial about the trust issues your cheating has caused within her mind. But this is her i... (read in full...)
Caught him with his pants down, was it more to it?
Q. hi, my bf and i have been together 3 years, about 10months ago i saw my bf doing something which i have always qestioned in my mind. im 20 his 25. one day i was coming home afer school early , i opened our front door and walked in and saw my bf st...
A. 17 August 2006: "iv always wanted to talk to him about it yet i dont know how to bring it up!"
Is there something wrong with using the direct method? Your self-esteem and self-worth are on the line. You may not have noticed their slow but sure erosion since yo... (read in full...)
Age difference is creating problems with starting a family
Q. I am a 22 year old girl, in a serious relationship with a 32 year old man. We have been together for 3 1/2 years and broght a house together 18 months ago. Everything is going well but I now have growing concerns about our age difference... We b...
A. 17 August 2006: I also wanted to say that I commend you for such clear articulation of your situation. You have been thinking about your dilemma for some time and your writing shows it.
I worried about financial capacity (of lack thereof) when I was younger ... (read in full...)
Age difference is creating problems with starting a family
Q. I am a 22 year old girl, in a serious relationship with a 32 year old man. We have been together for 3 1/2 years and broght a house together 18 months ago. Everything is going well but I now have growing concerns about our age difference... We b...
A. 17 August 2006: Honey, to say that you really want kids but that you want them later on in life means you don't want to have kids now. Please accept this fact and frame your discussions this way.
I have a close friend that is facing a similar situation. Her guy... (read in full...)
I feel second-choice to everything else in my girlfriend's life!
Q. In the last three days my girlfriend has been unfair, in my opinion. I was with her Monday evening and she got a phone call from her dad at half 9ish and she said she had to go home to see her cousin who she hadn't seen in a year and because ...
A. 16 August 2006: If it were three MONTHS I would tell you one thing. But as it has only been three days then maybe you need to chat with her directly and voice your concerns.
If you are complaining on this forum only, then it appears that you are avoiding... (read in full...)
I cheated and I don't love my wife
Q. I have been married for almost 8 years, but am now seperated from my wife. She wants me back and is everything I ever wanted in a partner. She is perfect. She is beautiful, classy, loyal, has had countless chances with other guys and always turns...
A. 16 August 2006: I'm a little late on this one, but here goes:
Sir, you have finally done the right thing, for the sake of your children. I commend you for choosing a path that may not yet fill all that is missing your life.
By now your attitude should ... (read in full...)
If you're married would you always wear your wedding ring?
Q. Hey guys, its me bonym!!!! Just a quick question about something that has been bugging me for ages!!! Ok, its really for married men, but I dont really mind who replies!!! Ok, so here is the deal, if you are married, would you always wear your...
A. 16 August 2006: Well if you want to know then use this less-risky tactic:
Compliment him on the ring - even if you think the thing is God awful ugly. Then ask him where he bought it.
I have a uniquely designed wedding ring and people (mostly women) complimen... (read in full...)
If you're married would you always wear your wedding ring?
Q. Hey guys, its me bonym!!!! Just a quick question about something that has been bugging me for ages!!! Ok, its really for married men, but I dont really mind who replies!!! Ok, so here is the deal, if you are married, would you always wear your...
A. 15 August 2006: "I do feel like answering my own question cos I know what I would tell myself!!!!"
So what would you answer?... (read in full...)
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