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... Send *ild Thaing a private message | | | *ild Thaing's profile:I came here looking for help, like many of you. Then I started giving advice on this site.
If you want to know more about me, just read my column of responses. I rarely pull punches, and where appropriate I'll throw in a detail about my life.
I firmly believe the following: While you may not be able to choose the situations in which you may find yourself, you can ALWAYS choose your responses to them.
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We have a connection but he also has other women
Q. I was divorced 10 years ago, and have not had a relationship since then. I am not desparate, and am quite happy and content. But I have now met a lovely man who seems crazy about me. The feeling is mutual. The problem seems to be that he has seve...
A. 27 June 2007: It sounds like you are being consumed by your emotions. While it is easy for me to say "be patient", I also know how hard it is when all you can think about is that person.
Is it possible that there is a disconnect between what you expect and what... (read in full...)
Can the sperm just slide back out so that you cant get pregnant?
Q. If you have sex and the guy comes inside you and you sit up afterwards and there is a wet patch from you does that mean the sperm have come out of you and you wont get pregnant...
A. 26 June 2007: My goodness, if birth control were as easy as letting gravity do the work then the contraceptive market would not exist!
If it's been less than 24 hours since you had unprotected sex and you DON'T want to get pregnant then go to your pharmaci... (read in full...)
My fiance says he'll dump me anytime he isn't getting his way
Q. what does one u do or should do when ur significant other sabotages the relationship to get it their way. i mean, my fiance threatens to break off the relationship when he doesn't get it his way, so i always give in for him. what can i do about ...
A. 26 June 2007: If nothing changes in your relationship you will continue to enable your guy's belligerent behaviour.
Imagine a life where he is your entire support system - that is, you have no friends or other outlet for support. You're headed that way if y... (read in full...)
I want to get married and he doesnt. I am afraid we may have come to our fork in the road.
Q. My man and I have been together for six years. We have lived together for three. We have talked about marraige before and recently we've had serious talks about it. He doesn't know what he wants. He has said he doesn't really want to get married,...
A. 26 June 2007: Strange. Earlier today I responded to a guy who doesn't understand why his gal won't say "yes" to the continual marriage proposals he has made over four years.
Honey, you might be able to bully your guy into a proposal. If he capitula... (read in full...)
I tried to trick her into being jealous and now it's backfired--help!
Q. Hello, The entire fours years her and I have been together I have been faithful. She has refused to marry me and gives me a bullshit excuse about beliefs. It has eaten me up really badly. I tried to make her come around by making her jealous. I p...
A. 25 June 2007: Cope by accepting that she does not share your desire for the deep commitment you so desperately crave.
If I had a direct line to Dr. Phil I would send you to him straight away. He's got the medicine you need to take to understand the truth of... (read in full...)
My husband won't communicate with me--I'm desperate for help!
Q. Please can someone who either 1) has 1st hand experience in these things or 2) is able to give positive advice instead of saying the words 'leave him' or 'you should never have married him' kind of advice answer this. I am totally beside myself an...
A. 25 June 2007: Nothing but constant hard work on a marriage will keep it strong. Having kids places pressures on a relationship that is working very well. But you are not at the stage of a well-working relationship since your communication lines are so damaged. ... (read in full...)
I'm about to have a baby and I can't get my man to get a job--do I leave?
Q. I am 8 and a half months pregnant. I am supporting my fiance because he will not get a job. I pay his child support for his 7 year old, his cigarettes, food, car, gas- everything! He drives my car and lives in my house. I'm running out of money fast ...
A. 25 June 2007: What were you thinking when you chose to get knocked up by this guy?
You know the answer to your own question; furthermore any advice given by the agony aunts is wasted until you listen to your own inner voice. It's been screaming at you from the... (read in full...)
I tried to trick her into being jealous and now it's backfired--help!
Q. Hello, The entire fours years her and I have been together I have been faithful. She has refused to marry me and gives me a bullshit excuse about beliefs. It has eaten me up really badly. I tried to make her come around by making her jealous. I p...
A. 25 June 2007: Wow, what a passive-aggressive move. Did you for once ever consider listening to what she is trying to tell you?
You were afraid of the truth. You did something to put the onus on her to strike the decisive blow. And she did it. Congratu... (read in full...)
I'm so tired of my disasterous relationship; how can I fix things?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 9 years (5 of which we have been married). I met my husband when I was 20 and we moved away together. I was enamored with him from the start. He is brilliant in science and architechure and runs his own company. He ...
A. 23 June 2007: You are taking the first step in the right direction.
If you had the strength to come here and admit your problem, you certainly have the strength to go to a woman's shelter to get advice on how to manage the divorce process. You're not alone, a... (read in full...)
I'm so tired of my disasterous relationship; how can I fix things?
Q. I have been in a relationship for 9 years (5 of which we have been married). I met my husband when I was 20 and we moved away together. I was enamored with him from the start. He is brilliant in science and architechure and runs his own company. He ...
A. 23 June 2007: Your challenge is to break the cycle of guilt, for it is drowning out your inner voice.
Put another way, your inner voice is showing you the right path, but your guilt and associated negative emotions are screaming so loudly that you are heading ... (read in full...)
She is Jewish and wants me to be circumcised but I want to stay in tact!!!
Q. I am a 22-Year-old guy, and I have been living with my Girlfriend who is 21, for about 8 Months. I absolutely love her. We never argue or conflict. We were made for each other. Heres my Problem: She is Jewish. I am not Jewish and Uncircumcised....
A. 22 June 2007: It's good to be proven wrong this way :)
Glad to hear you worked things out with your future wife and her family.... (read in full...)
She is Jewish and wants me to be circumcised but I want to stay in tact!!!
Q. I am a 22-Year-old guy, and I have been living with my Girlfriend who is 21, for about 8 Months. I absolutely love her. We never argue or conflict. We were made for each other. Heres my Problem: She is Jewish. I am not Jewish and Uncircumcised....
A. 21 June 2007: "We were made for each other". Arguing over circumcision certainly puts that bold statement to the test!
Compromise is in order. If neither you nor your girlfriend can master the art of compromise then there will be very stormy waters from thi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't get hard for our first time due to stress.
Q. my boyfriend is sooo consumed by stress, and its our first time having sex the very fist for me, but becuase of the stress its hard to get it uuhh hard lol what can i do to help calm the stress???...
A. 20 June 2007: Sex needs to be fun. For some reason your guy is not seeing sex as a fun thing. Is the stress coming from things outside of the sex?
Avoid the intercourse for now. Perhaps the both of you could try foreplay for a while and discover what tur... (read in full...)
Im getting to like him more each time I see him, but theres no physhical attraction!!
Q. there's a guy who likes me alot!! i am getting to like him more everyime i see him as he is becoming more confident around me!! he is also very caring!!the problem is that there is not a huge amount of physical attraction there for me!!! i'm not ...
A. 20 June 2007: What is the rush?
Some old people like me, who have survived long enough and seen many relationships, come to realize that the best relationships are the ones that develop slowly over the years.
If this guy is meant to become someone special ... (read in full...)
He wont divorce his wife depsite us being together 11 years!!!!
Q. My partner of 11 years has never divorced his wife despite me asking and asking. We used to live together and he maintained that he was doing me a favour not divorcing as if he divorced his wife then he would be entitled to half my assets. We f...
A. 20 June 2007: I agree with Dr. Pete - you are the only one of the three that seems unhappy with the current arrangement.
You made a choice, and these are the consequences. If you don't like the arrangement, then your measure of control lies in your option t... (read in full...)
She lied, and now I can't help but think what's happening to our relationship..
Q. since I met my girlfriend things have moved really fast we have been together almost a year and lived together from the time we met. She recently lied to me. I had over heard a voice mail from a man she used to date I know this man and his wife now ...
A. 20 June 2007: The only question you need answer is: Are you prepared to let her go?
I agree with Clarey's analysis - your gal is not independent. In fact, the speed with which your relationship progressed to living together should have set off alarm bells fo... (read in full...)
I fell in love with another man, but dont want to hurt my children by dumping their Dad
Q. I have been in a relationship for almost nine years now. It has been a rocky nine years due to affairs on both sides. We have two beautiful children together. About three months ago I joined a website just to make friends to chat with when I g...
A. 19 June 2007: I pity your children who are innocent victims of this mistake you call a relationship.
Clearly both of you have commitment issues. The longer you deny this obvious truth the more screwed up your children will become.
The only advice that can ... (read in full...)
He's lying to me and he's married.... what do I do?
Q. ive been dating this guy for 7 months now. so far he seems to be the one i want to spend the rest of my life with but the catch here is that he's married, he's through almost finalising hes divorce. n no am not a home record i met him he was living ...
A. 18 June 2007: To trust someone is NOT to snoop around. The best way to drive this guy out of your life is to project your mistrust onto him.
Not telling you about one phone call does not constitute a lie and does not justify your histrionics and snooping... (read in full...)
He lies to me about where he goes and gets mad when I confront him!!!
Q. My Husband and I have been married for 12 years. 4 years ago he had an affair. we stayed together and got past that. He for some reason has continued to lie to me about where he goes, he gets angry when i confront him and turns in on me. This has ...
A. 18 June 2007: If he is unwilling to stop the lying, then you need to justify (to yourself) the rationale for sticking with this marriage. By the way do you have children?
If your side of the story is correct then your husband is using you as a security... (read in full...)
Is it possible to keep work life and personal life seperate?
Q. Is it possible to keep work life and personal life as completely separate? I am quite paranoid about the intermix of the two as i consider the colleagues at work to be a kind of threat for my personal life of family. Please advice.. ...
A. 18 June 2007: "I like to create a glamorous and interesting workplace whereever i work."
If you are the original poster and are married then you are playing a very dangerous game. If you are not, then play away, but recognize the risks (and rewards!) of getti... (read in full...)
Should I end my marriage and just go on a hope and a prayer, with this other guy?
Q. Alright, I have a problem. My head hurts from thinking about it and analyzing it. Let me give you some background. Basically I met this guy, B, sophomore year of high school. We hit it off immediately. Literally the week that we started dating ...
A. 18 June 2007: I empathize. It's not easy to filter out intense feelings when trying to hear your inner voice.
It all depends on your moral compass. If it is correctly aligned then your inner voice speaks quite clearly, no matter how loudly those pesky em... (read in full...)
Should I go with my lover or my husband?
Q. i'm really confused. i've been married for 6 months. we met 2 years ago. everything was fine before. he's a sweet man who i'm sure loves me. but i just don't care about him anymore. i cheated on him about a month ago with my co-worker. i'm having so ...
A. 17 June 2007: This is the second time you are in a failing venture called marriage. Have you considered that commitment is just not for you at this point in your life?
You have maturity issues that manifest themselves as failed relationships. You're not real... (read in full...)
He told me today he can't leave his wife for me...
Q. I have a best friend who declared his undying love for me but he is married to a very dominant lady whilst he is very weak and he had decided a while ago he was leaving through unhappiness but didn't. His wife stopped us seeing each other because ...
A. 16 June 2007: I suppose you can't imagine what it would be like to find out your husband loves someone else. If you could, you wouldn't have anything further to do with this weak man.
You clearly have self-esteem issues. It's bad enough that you would ch... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend has just told me over instant messenger, that his mother is dying.
Q. My ex boyfriend has just told me over instant messenger, that his mother is dying. How should i deal with this. I don't want to sound callous, but i didnt really understand why he felt the need to tell me. We haven't spoken for over a year. ...
A. 16 June 2007: If he were a friend would you even have doubts about what you would do?
Would you react with hesitation if some person you never knew walked up to you and told you her mother was dying?
You must do what your gut tells you to do, and take res... (read in full...)
He said we need time apart to sort our issues.
Q. He recently got a new Step mom and Step sister. Now the problem started when he started to set schedules of when we can see each other, and telling me I can’t go with him with his new step sister and step cousin when they go out. His reason being ...
A. 15 June 2007: Sounds like the time apart will be a good thing. Having just witnessed a huge change in his family dynamic, he is looking for an opportunity to process the upheaval in his life. You are a good sport to offer him your counsel. It is now up to him ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to keep work life and personal life seperate?
Q. Is it possible to keep work life and personal life as completely separate? I am quite paranoid about the intermix of the two as i consider the colleagues at work to be a kind of threat for my personal life of family. Please advice.. ...
A. 15 June 2007: You really must elaborate on how you believe your work colleagues threaten your family life.
For the moment I will assume the best case scenario - that you value your family life and are very particular about whom to let into that part of your lif... (read in full...)
Obsessed with taking my wife's 17 year old sister to bed!
Q. I am happily married,,my wife is 26yrs old and I am 46.The problem is that I have this obsession with my wife's sister,,she is 17yrs old I want to take her to bed and she seems to have feelings for me as well.What do I do?...
A. 15 June 2007: You are not happily married - even we can tell that you are deluding yourself at best or lying to us at worst.
Something is missing in your marriage. We can help you figure that out if you are willing to discuss your marriage further on this for... (read in full...)
Lost all my friends because of my partner! I am so alone..what can I do?
Q. I have been with my partner for nearly 8years, their is a 14 year age gap between us. When we first got togerther my close friends disaproved of our relationship which meant i lost allot of them. the freinds i did have left were mainly men which my ...
A. 15 June 2007: Age differences matter only in the minds of the two people involved, but in your case that is really not the issue. Quite frankly you are wallowing in your self-pity, which tells us that you don't take responsibility for the consequences of your ... (read in full...)
I have an atypical male problem... I want the perfect mate
Q. I have a typical male problem in that i want to commit to my girl but only if a list of criterias are met... like "she doesn't control me, she is not too clingy, possessive, is tolerant of my mistakes when i am careless about her, gives me my own ...
A. 15 June 2007: Your problem is typical only for those who lack life experience and have not cut the umbilical cord.
If you want to find a companion I suggest you live on your own for a few years. And when I say "on your own" I mean without anyone to clean up... (read in full...)
I'm a 21 year old female, who's been told she 'intimidates men', but I'm not even sure how I do it.
Q. I was just wondering if I could get some male input here. I'm a 21 year old female, who's been told she 'intimidates men', but I'm not even sure how I do it. If a women were to initimidate you or scare you off, how would she do it? Im not the kind...
A. 15 June 2007: Are these people giving you reasons why they think you intimidate men? It would be very helpful if you could respond with these details.
Many men can't handle a woman with strength of character and an ego to go along with it. I know several ... (read in full...)
I want to leave my marriage. I seem to have a block about it. I just can't!
Q. I'm hoping for some insight, anbody please! I've been married for 15 years to a kind, reliable man. I knew at the time of our wedding I was making a mistake as I didn't love him as much as I should have. For the past 15 years I've thought about ...
A. 15 June 2007: We can't help you or the 33 year old responder... both of you have had so many chances to do the right thing but always chose the wrong thing. Now, you have brought an innocent child into your world of hurt.
Despite all of the screaming of your ... (read in full...)
Marriend and looking for extramarital sex with no strings
Q. How do I find a discreet sensual partner without ties? I am a mature man with longstanding domestic committments but with a still strong sexual interest. My partner has had no interest in lovemaking for a long time and I am very frustrated. I ha...
A. 14 June 2007: I am with the more visceral responders to your question.
Be a man, not a passive-aggressive coward. Have the courage to talk this over with your wife. Make her aware that this is a problem for you and the marriage as a whole and offer to go to... (read in full...)
Her boyfriend is a jerk and I'm looking for a reason to make the moves on her
Q. I've know a girl for about 6 months. For most of that time she's been going out with someone else. Just before she and him got together I was trying to get up the courage to ask her out (generally speaking, I'm not very shy socially but when it ...
A. 14 June 2007: Your crush is an adult and will make her own decisions. She has decided to stay with this guy and there is really nothing (legal) you can do about it.
She very clearly does not see things the way you do about her current relationship. Furtherm... (read in full...)
Do you believe in kindred spirits?
Q. Do you believe in kindred spirits? For anyone who saw the Anne of Green Gables movies you will know what I mean by this term. For others, the closest but less accurate term is soul tribe. I ponder the kindred spirit concept quite often. If ...
A. 13 June 2007: Ah, very nice post Irish49. You and I agree about the rarity of meeting kindred spirits. I can count less than ten among the hundreds (perhaps thousands) of people that have come into my life. These few people are my support system. If I cannot ... (read in full...)
I need to know how to break my boyfriend down.
Q. I need to know how to break my boyfriend down. He does the silliest things and always expects me to go along with them. Im talking about stuff like riding halfway across town with a spitwad of gas in the tank or go to sit down and eat at a ...
A. 13 June 2007: Dree23, to borrow from another ancient Chinese saying, the journey to higher self-esteem begins with one step. It's a mountain that we all climb, and it's not easy... but if you continue to take that next step, you will one day reach the summit.
... (read in full...)
Do you believe in kindred spirits?
Q. Do you believe in kindred spirits? For anyone who saw the Anne of Green Gables movies you will know what I mean by this term. For others, the closest but less accurate term is soul tribe. I ponder the kindred spirit concept quite often. If ...
A. 13 June 2007: Thank you mandy7 for your response!
For me the kindred spirit is a person with whom I share a relationship that is much deeper than friendship or acquaintance. Furthermore, a person I consider to be a kindred spirit has earned my trust and I in... (read in full...)
Do you believe in kindred spirits?
Q. Do you believe in kindred spirits? For anyone who saw the Anne of Green Gables movies you will know what I mean by this term. For others, the closest but less accurate term is soul tribe. I ponder the kindred spirit concept quite often. If ...
A. 13 June 2007: Thank you anon male for your response. Can the "dyadic contracts" you speak of include emotional attachments to those who are not considered kin in the strict sense?
What I think you are saying is that your notion of kindred spirit describe... (read in full...)
I am soooo unhappy and am not in love with my husband any more. What should I do for the best?
Q. HI, need some sensible advice on a serious matter. I'm 29 years old married with a son, problem is over the last year or so i have found myself not having the loving feeling that i should have for my husband, i feel like i've really drifted a...
A. 13 June 2007: What makes you so sure that your unhappiness can be attributed solely to your marriage? You give us very little information about what makes you so unhappy - feeling trapped is a symptom, not a cause.
Your inability to express your dissatis... (read in full...)
I have this mate we're both married we both obviously have our own lives, however I see her as my mate but I don't think she sees me the same.
Q. Can someone please help me with this tough situation. I have this mate we're both married we both obviously have our own lives, however I see her as my mate but I don't think she sees me the same.... i could be wrong. She only calls me when she ...
A. 12 June 2007: Why are you investing so much of your emotional energy on this one friend? You need to think about the answer to this question to better understand what is going on in your mind.
If you feel comfortable posting the answer we might be able to ... (read in full...)
I need to know how to break my boyfriend down.
Q. I need to know how to break my boyfriend down. He does the silliest things and always expects me to go along with them. Im talking about stuff like riding halfway across town with a spitwad of gas in the tank or go to sit down and eat at a ...
A. 12 June 2007: You want validation from a man? Where is your self-esteem, your dignity?
He's a jerk. As long as you can't see this, you are destined to be attracted to men like this.
One day you might decide that it's more important to be surrounded by pe... (read in full...)
He left me because he wants his space. I am heartbroken! What can I do?
Q. Me and my bf (both 25) have been together nearly 2 years and live together. we get on so well and talked about our future together. in february he said that he felt trapped and that he wanted to live on his own for a year as he felt that this was it ...
A. 11 June 2007: He is not ready to commit to you. More to point, he is bloody afraid of it and has to run home to mommy.
A man who has got his sh!t together and adores you would never want to leave your side. He would consider home to be wherever you are both... (read in full...)
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