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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm very confused and need help. I am married to a very nice man. In fact, he is just about perfect. There is nothing wrong with him at all. However, we don't have very much in common and over the years I have become less and less attracted to him.Enter the other guy: There is a man that I know that I am extremely attracted to. I have reason to believe that this strong physical attraction is reciprocal. We kissed a few times and were both upset about it and agreed things would not go any further, but whenever I see this man, my hormones go crazy...I don't want to have these feelings for this man. I will not be able to avoid seeing him, due to circumstances I'd rather not get into, so really need help to turn me off. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2006): The new attraction will be just the same as time goes by. The attraction fades and real love takes it's place. The trouble is we all like to recapture the attraction.Keep looking at your husband and remember the years you hace shared. maybe he has lost that attracion for you too. How would you feel if you found out he had met a lovely woman and had been unable to resist taking her in his arms and kissing her..... hurts doesn't it ?
A
female
reader, ask paige  +, writes (6 August 2006):
 well in think that loads of women when they are in a long term relationship they can sopmetimes start to have feelings for other people but trust me if you love your jusband wich it sounds like you do then the other guy sounds like a simple crush but i would suggest not to see him a lot if you have kissed him just in case your crush goes further dont worry we all have crushes one day you will laugh about this good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, Juliette +, writes (6 August 2006):
 There can be nothing wrong with 'the man' but everything wrong with your relationship. Guilt is the problem I suspect, you are not happy in your current situation but do not want to hurt the man you still 'love' but are not attracted to. You will regret letting your hormones make a decision. If this new relationship is real then it will wait. Distract yourself away from him and face the issues in your current relationship first. I did exactly what you are doing 30 years ago and I made a big mistake and now I am divorcing for a second time because I could not bury old baggage first.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (6 August 2006):
 On the one hand you say that your husband is "just about perfect". But in the very next sentence you complain about how little you have in common with him. That is NOT the definition of "just about perfect."
In your mind, you are looking for ways to distance yourself from your husband. In doing so you avoid confronting that which is missing in your life. This gap may have nothing to do with your husband but he has become the focus because the primary relationship in your life is with him.
Enter the other guy. He is your escape valve. In your mind you can make him the perfect partner. And his lack of control and disregard for the boundary of marriage encourages you to put him on this pedestal of perfection.
Consider the following questions:
1) How many people would get hurt if you cheated on your husband? How many people would get hurt if you asked for a divorce right now?
2) Do you want to save your marriage?
3) If yes, will you confront your husband about your dissatisfaction and ask him to help you resolve the gaps?
4) If no, how will you go about resolving the gaps in your life? What if it turns out that your husband had nothing to do with gaps?
You need to do some deep introspection before you end up cheating on your husband and causing serious damage to the ones you love. We can help, but only if you are willing to deliberate over the different perspectives we agony aunts will provide.
Good luck and take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2006): do you still love your husband? perhaps you should strengthen your bonds with him. You may need counceling to get help with this.
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