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*ild Thaing agony aunt

*ild Thaing

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*ild Thaing's profile:

I came here looking for help, like many of you. Then I started giving advice on this site.

If you want to know more about me, just read my column of responses. I rarely pull punches, and where appropriate I'll throw in a detail about my life.

I firmly believe the following: While you may not be able to choose the situations in which you may find yourself, you can ALWAYS choose your responses to them.

Happy surfing.

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He left me because he wants his space. I am heartbroken! What can I do?

Q.   Me and my bf (both 25) have been together nearly 2 years and live together. we get on so well and talked about our future together. in february he said that he felt trapped and that he wanted to live on his own for a year as he felt that this was it ...

A.   11 June 2007: He is not ready to commit to you. More to point, he is bloody afraid of it and has to run home to mommy. A man who has got his sh!t together and adores you would never want to leave your side. He would consider home to be wherever you are both... (read in full...)

He said if it wasn't for his wife, he'd ask me to marry him! any advice?

Q.   I am in love with my best friend.... Ok so my best friend in the entire world means everything to me. We have been through a lot together. He is the only person who can make me laugh and smile no matter what I am feeling. I have fallen head over...

A.   11 June 2007: Get out of his life now, unless you are willing to accept the boundaries that are set for this relationship between you and the married guy. You say you would never go beyond talking in your response but I think you do not yet realize how precario... (read in full...)

He hates that I help my troubled family! Is he wrong or should I stop doing this?

Q.   I need some advice, I've been in a relationship for the last 11 years I've dedicated myself to my boyfriend always there for him putting up with so much abuse and financial distress. Within the last year he has really changed for the better, but now ...

A.   15 April 2007: If you are going to dump all of your energy into ONE family which one would you choose? The one that will drain you of every last bit of resource till your last breath or the one that will carry you when you are in a time of need? Unlike the prev... (read in full...)

He has trust issues from his past relationship! This keeps our relationship from going forward..what should I do?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. I recently found out that he hasn't completely gotten over his last relationship. It's not that he wants to get back together with her or still loves her, but that he can't get over the fact that ...

A.   5 April 2007: Honey, it sounds like your man has serious self-esteem issues that go beyond that failed relationship. This guy is damaged goods. Do you want to spend a lifetime with a high maintenance partner?... (read in full...)

Married for 27 years, he cheated at 23 yrs, and now constantly flirts depsite me asking him not to! What should I do ?

Q.   I have been married 27 years and even though I keep telling my husband that it bothers and hurts me when he constantly looks at and makes comments about other women, he continues to do it and tells me to stop freaking out. I don't freak out, I ...

A.   4 April 2007: The insidious part of a bad relationship is how you can gradually become an island. Another way to look at a bad relationship is comparing it cooking a frog by slowly heating up the water. That frog has no idea how bad his situation is getting. ... (read in full...)

Married for 27 years, he cheated at 23 yrs, and now constantly flirts depsite me asking him not to! What should I do ?

Q.   I have been married 27 years and even though I keep telling my husband that it bothers and hurts me when he constantly looks at and makes comments about other women, he continues to do it and tells me to stop freaking out. I don't freak out, I ...

A.   3 April 2007: Furthermore, tearing your marriage license was the right thing to do. For once you let your inner voice come out!... (read in full...)

Married for 27 years, he cheated at 23 yrs, and now constantly flirts depsite me asking him not to! What should I do ?

Q.   I have been married 27 years and even though I keep telling my husband that it bothers and hurts me when he constantly looks at and makes comments about other women, he continues to do it and tells me to stop freaking out. I don't freak out, I ...

A.   3 April 2007: "I guess I live with this torture because it's the only life I know and afraid to make the first step to get out." The only way you will heal from this "torture" is to remove yourself from this relationship. He may not have been the initial ... (read in full...)

Married for 27 years, he cheated at 23 yrs, and now constantly flirts depsite me asking him not to! What should I do ?

Q.   I have been married 27 years and even though I keep telling my husband that it bothers and hurts me when he constantly looks at and makes comments about other women, he continues to do it and tells me to stop freaking out. I don't freak out, I ...

A.   3 April 2007: Time for you to make your husband understand what he stands to lose. Leave or kick him out. Once this is done, start healing. You do not yet realize what this kind of relationship does to self-esteem. When he grows up and you have healed, you... (read in full...)

If I try to speak to hubby about his daughters troubles, I am accused of being almost a cruel stepmother! What can I do?

Q.   I have just got married and desperately need some advice. My husband has a daughter who is now 7 and I have known her since we got together when she had just turned 4 years old. I try desperately hard to ensure that she is happy, comfortable and ...

A.   3 April 2007: You made a choice that most people would not. That little girl gets her way when she succeeds in playing divide and conquer with you and her father. She is currently winning the war. You are pretty lucky to have a glimpse into a future where yo... (read in full...)

I made the mistake of staying in contact with a female friend and didnt tell my GF, shes hurt I lied and ended it! How do I get the trust back!?

Q.   I met my girlfriend online and we've been together for about 3 months. When we first started going into an intimate relationship, sometimes I still hung out with another girl that I met online. I was not attracted to this other girl romantically but ...

A.   3 April 2007: What ever you think you believe does not matter. Rationalizing your behaviour does not matter. You hid another relationship from her. As you now know, it's not a good idea to keep secrets from someone you love - especially secrets that und... (read in full...)

How do you get over the fact your boyfriend or husband looks at other women?

Q.   how do u get over the fact ur boyfriend or husband looks at other women ??? i cant deal with it to the point i dont want to have sex any more . i feel used and cheap and always thought my ex thought of other women ( eg todays page 3 girl (ie topless ...

A.   31 March 2007: I won't indulge in the apologist sentiments of the previous two posters. That does not help you to see what the real issue might be. Reflect upon why it bothers YOU so, and what issues YOU are projecting onto these men who look. If the only ans... (read in full...)

I like a man 22 years older than me, is the age gap too much or do we have a chance?

Q.   Hi! It is bizarre to ask for some advice but maybe you girls can provide some useful tips... I adore this man much older than me, divorced with a 13-year-old son (I am 29 and he will soon turn 52 years old). He has felt attracted to me for 5 y...

A.   9 February 2007: Honey, there is no chance of anything working if you two never get together for even a coffee. At this point, you can make this relationship anything you imagine. Reality might be way better than fantasy, but how will you know if you don't sp... (read in full...)

I'm 21 and married! But My mind tells me I'me too young and missing out! What should I do?

Q.   Hi. I am 21, and have been married nearly a year now to the first love of my life, whom I met when I was 15! I have always had eyes for her and only her - until three months ago my mind told me that I was too young and missing out! I have me...

A.   22 January 2007: The only definitive words I have for you are to take responsibility for your choices. If you find yourself saying "... but such-and-such made me do it", you are not taking responsibility. And the measure of a person is the willingness to be ... (read in full...)

We have mention seperation and she has left that decision to me

Q.   Hi, My wife had a brief afair with a married man at work 6 months ago. She says she's not interested in him now but I find that our relationship is more strained than before. I feel that my wife dosen't love me although she says she does but she ...

A.   4 December 2006: "... I don't feel like there is anything worth saving." I think your own words sum up your position on the matter. I'll assume for the moment that you don't have children. It sounds like both of you have taken each other for granted for a lo... (read in full...)

Should i divorce and hurt my son?

Q.   I am married man for 18 years, i have a son of 13 ,the problem is i lost all intrest in my wife, over several years i have cheated before, just typical one night stands, now i have met a woman i work with , been sexually involved with her for ...

A.   30 October 2006: Hello poster, where are you? You have received quality responses from agony aunts yet do not provide feedback. Your son will be damaged more if you don't come clean now. You have already cheated - this is a fact that is part of the record o... (read in full...)

How do I make this married guy leave his wife and kids for me?

Q.   i am currently "dating" a married man that i work with. i too am married. he told me that he loved me almost 6weeks into the relationship and i returned with i love you too. he has 3 kids and i have 1. we see each other maybe 2-3 times a week and ...

A.   26 October 2006: "... how do I get him?" You don't. He has the best deal and has no intention of changing the status quo. Even if you somehow get him - and destroy a bunch of young lives in the process - he will cheat on you. Guaranteed. And when he falls fa... (read in full...)

She left me for her married boss and now living with him so why does she keep texting me wanting to meet up and thing??

Q.   I split up with my ex 12 months ago now and I am trying my best to move on,I am about 95% there at the moment. She left me for her married boss with 3 kids who told her his heart has never known so much love! and loads of other bull and she fell for ...

A.   26 October 2006: If you want to heal, you have to cut out and discard the damaged parts. You seem to be on the healing path but your ex is putting that healing to the test. Her conduct shows her to be a completely self-centred and self-absorbed person that doe... (read in full...)

I'm eating loads but losing weight and my hair is falling out more than normal!!!

Q.   I need help.. I have no idea what to do... I have notice that I have lost a lot of weight even though I'm still eating lots? My hair is also falling out- more than normal... but I'm only 17 years of age... what’s going? I'm scared! xx ...

A.   24 October 2006: See a doctor - you need to be examined by a medical expert and not "diagnosed" on an Internet forum.... (read in full...)

I am getting the silent treatment because of finances. Please help.

Q.   Last night, i had an argument with my fiancee over money issues about our new house that we are moving in to in 2 months time. She said she was afraid I was turning into this person who always thinks and worries about what Im paying for the whole ti...

A.   24 October 2006: This is one of many tests you will encounter in a relationship. Money is a proxy for the core values within a person. You and your fiancee have just discovered a discrepancy in one or more core values, which essentially puts the lie to your claim ... (read in full...)

We got a deep connection and call each other like brother and sister but I feel more than that...should I tell her?

Q.   i've known this girl for nearly 3 years now. there's always this particular chemistry whenever we're together. we share the same passion for music, pondered about the same things, and even share the same belief. we confide a lot in each other, ...

A.   22 October 2006: "... in that time we'd lost our deep connectivity already ..." Then tread carefully. It is possible she may not return these feelings and is just musing about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence. It is quite likely that she... (read in full...)

How can I build my confidence or get rid of the acne??

Q.   hi! i am 16 years old and have acne on my face along the sideburns and around my neck and some on my nose. i have tried creams but nothing seems to work. i think that it deters some girls from speaking to me but there are still many who think i...

A.   22 October 2006: Getting rid of the acne will have no effect on your efforts to build your self-confidence. Confidence comes with caring less about what others think and caring more about carving out your own path in life. When you do the latter, people tend to ... (read in full...)

Married but in love with a younger woman! Having a hard time with these feelings...what can I do?

Q.   Hello, I am married since 1994, one son and living quite well with my wife up to now. Some 7 months ago I got acquainted with a younger woman (10 years; 40 versus 30 years old) and as I saw her for the very first time, I got a strange sensatio...

A.   22 October 2006: Antonio, you will have a much better experience on this forum if you respond to the posts of the agony aunts. That way, not only can we provide better and more focused feedback, but you may also have a "eureka!" moment when re-reading the ... (read in full...)

Im going to give her the ultimatum, its me or the friend!!!!

Q.   PLIZ HELP!!!follow up to the earlier question about my girlfriend and male friend. You see I've already approached her and asked for moderation of the relationship between her friend, but shortly after she's saying I miss you to the guy, saw the ...

A.   22 October 2006: You don't need help... just validation that you should break up with your girlfriend. Forget the ultimatum, just get it over with. You're not married to her, so why continue the self-torment? Let her go so that each of you can find someone ... (read in full...)

Should I just let her be hard nosed?

Q.   Our friends recently got married outside of the country and their parents are having a wedding celebration party for all the folks stateside who couldn't go to the wedding. The wedding "party" is also fairly far away, 11 hours by car, and since ...

A.   10 October 2006: What's more important, the welfare of your family or what your friends think of you? I don't condone your wife's behaviour - ultimatums are a form of emotional abuse. But you made a decision without consulting her - you want to go to this eve... (read in full...)

He has trust issues from past bad relationships, but wants me in his life, I like him alot, is there anything I can do to make him feel at ease ?

Q.   Hi everybody, hope you can help. I have a really good friend who I have known a few months and during this time I have developed strong feelings for him because he is an amazing, kind, funny guy. My problem is he was hurt in the worst way possible ...

A.   10 October 2006: Honey, it's great that you would offer your shoulder to someone who is hurting and damaged. Your friend needs a good support system right now. While he did not tell you directly, he is definitely not ready to work at a long term romantic... (read in full...)

Am I right to be suspicious?

Q.   hi--been with my b/f for a year and a half. He dropped me off last night around 10 or so..we spent the day at his house with his family for a relative's birthday--i said in the car--we will talk later and he just says maybe--and i guess he was joki...

A.   10 October 2006: You are going overboard, if this is the first time he didn't pick up. If this was the fiftieth time you could not be faulted for being suspicious. Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't, you are going to prove your suspicions right by... (read in full...)

SITE NEWS: New features? What other sites do you use? .. and please tell a friend!

Q.   Hi everyone Andrew, site guy here! I ask this periodically... 1. What new features would you like to see? 2. What other websites do you use regularly? 3. Where are you from? Thanks to all the agony aunts, moderators and of course...

A.   20 September 2006: 1. New feature: A "Sent items" folder to see the PMs we have sent to others. I tend to forget what I write. 2. This is the only site I visit when it comes to relationship advice. 3. I live in Canada.... (read in full...)

I want to reconnect to my Christian roots - my wife doesn't.

Q.   I'd like to reconnect to my Christian roots, but my wife won't hear of it. When we met neither one of us were church-goers. Over time (7 years) I've had contact with several churches that I feel represent the message I'd like to hear (acceptance, ...

A.   19 September 2006: It is essential that you and your wife seek a position on this issue that you can both live with. Differences in religious beliefs, being based on dogma and personal belief, can be a showstopper for many marriages. There is now a disconne... (read in full...)

I hate the thought of being the cause of her leaving her husband

Q.   I am 37 years old and back in April met and instantly fell in love with a married woman 8 years my junior. I didnt know she was married at first we were talking in a group of friends and I couldnt take my eyes off her then I found out she was marr...

A.   14 September 2006: No lecture from me, just a warning. If she can cheat on and lie to her husband, it is possible that she may one day do the same to you. I know you consider your girl to be perfect but I am not here to tell you what you want to hear. Some ... (read in full...)

What is he thinking???

Q.   What is he really thinking? I've been with my boyfriend for the past 7 years. We're both in our late 20s and I thought we were very happy together and he was the one. However, he dropped a bombshell on me a couple of weeks ago and told me that he ...

A.   14 September 2006: Honey, while he had the balls to break off the relationship with you I think you need to go further and make a clean break so that you can heal. For the most part, since the breakup, he has been up front with you. He is finished with you and it i... (read in full...)

He told me he'd been to a lap-dancing club - after 11 months together!!

Q.   My bf went to a lap dancing club a month and half before he met me and he had a private dance from a lapdancer and she was completly stark naked and he had an erection. He told me this yesterday, we have been dating for 11 months. I was really d...

A.   14 September 2006: I'm sure you are lily-white, pure, and sinless, so it is all right for you to cast stones. Honey, if God can forgive sinners why can't you? If you can't be the better person and forget about something that happened before he knew you existed,... (read in full...)

I dont like the way he checks out other girls!

Q.   I can't help but notice my b/f noticing other girls--especially when driving---i understand guys will look..i really get that..girls look too..but i really don't do it that much or at all if with him. Glancing with eyes is ok i guess--i cant expect ...

A.   9 September 2006: Anon responder, please don't generalize about men - "they all react the same way". Your attitude is as distasteful as those you scorn. It is insulting in the extreme. Anon poster, if your man continues to deny ogling other women, and if you find... (read in full...)

I passed wind and my boyfriend dumped me!!!

Q.   My fella has finished with me because i accidently passed wind!I said i was sorry but he wouldn't listen,he said i was disgusting.I really miss him,what shall i do?...

A.   7 September 2006: Honey, stop missing him. He used the farting as a wimpy excuse to break up with you. A boy like that (regardless of his age) is not worthy of your love. Get on with life and work on building your self-esteem so that you don't feel the need to ... (read in full...)

We are good friends, do I tell her how I feel or just Woo her overtime ?

Q.   There is this girl who is very special to me. She has been a huge help with me going through a very difficult time in my life. I too have been very helpful to her as she is going through a divorce. She has a little girl and seems a littl...

A.   7 September 2006: As much as your emotions tell you to confess, what does your inner voice tell you about the situation? Has this girl healed from her failed marriage yet? If she is not convinced that she can find love again then it is likely that she has not yet ... (read in full...)

How can you have friends that are girls without getting grief from your wife/girlfriend ?

Q.   Hi, Here is a good question. If you're a guy and like me, you tend to get along with girls as friends. How can you have them as friends without getting into grief with your wife/girlfriend over it. Seems impossible to me. Sure I know yo...

A.   7 September 2006: Irish49's counsel is right on. As long as you don't give your partner reason to feel insecure then you have done all that you can. If you feel comfortable being open with your partner about the relationships with your female friends then there is... (read in full...)

I have a problem with my lip, should it be doing this ?

Q.   dear cupid i have a problem with my lip, if i look at the mirror closely i can see part of it beat/move and that part also has a lump when i take pictures it shows, but when i showed it to my parents they said its nothing and now when i saw it be...

A.   7 September 2006: Your parents are not medical experts, nor are we. See a doctor now. Good luck and take care.... (read in full...)

I really want to repair things with my wife, but shes too busy to sit and talk, added complication Ive fallen for friend!!

Q.   Hi All, Hope some of you can find a bit of time to help with this cos it is killing me at the moment. I've been married for 7 years now, known my wife 15 years and have two kids 4 and 6. My kids are the light of my life. I'd like to say hap...

A.   6 September 2006: Right. I am going to recommend that you set your emotions aside for now and think about your children and your inner voice. You have been thinking deeply about this growing problem in your marriage and I really commend you for NOT acting on your ... (read in full...)

Started dating a LONG term friend and already having doubts...

Q.   Hey! Well, I've got a bit of a problem. See, I have been friends with a guy for a long time, and i mean LONG, almost into a decade. We know each other inside-out. It was only last Tuesday when we decided to start dating but already I am having ...

A.   6 September 2006: It appears that your friendship wasn't as strong as you lead yourself to believe. You cannot test the strength of your friendship by continuing the status quo. Listen to your inner voice - what does it tell you about your guy's behaviour? I wil... (read in full...)

I got together with the guy I had the affair with, it seems hes not as comitted.. does he love me ?

Q.   5 years ago I fell in love with someone and we had an affair for over 2 years and then left our partners, our partners never found out that we had an an affair. We then dated for about a year and then moved in together. Now he says he doesn't know ...

A.   6 September 2006: The guy is missing something in his life. He believed he could fill the gap with young things like you. But what he lacks will never be fulfilled through this romantic relationship or the subsequent flings he will engage in - you are definitely ... (read in full...)

Is a 7-year age gap too much?

Q.   Hi all, I was wondering whether you thought a 7 year age gap is a big deal or not? (If both are of legal age). We were born in the same decade, just 7 years apart. Everyone says that the age gap will cause problems, and so far I haven't e...

A.   6 September 2006: Honey, it doesn't matter what we think about the age gap. We are not part of your relationship, or at least you should not let us be. Conducting your life based on what others think may be a symptom of low self-esteem. Don't fall into this tra... (read in full...)

I'm chinese..my bf is caucasian and my parent's have finally accepted him but how do we tell them, my bf's also divorced with a 6 year old child! Help needed.

Q.   I was raised in a very traditional chinese family. My parents are not like my friends. I always had to respect their advice and input with anything I do. By respect, I really mean forced to do they want. I want to remain in good terms with my ...

A.   5 September 2006: "Do you think I'm being naive about how much responsibility I will have later one?" You are not being naive, but I would say that you are unaware. The relationship you currently have with your boy's daughter is like the aunt who gets to have all... (read in full...)

I'm chinese..my bf is caucasian and my parent's have finally accepted him but how do we tell them, my bf's also divorced with a 6 year old child! Help needed.

Q.   I was raised in a very traditional chinese family. My parents are not like my friends. I always had to respect their advice and input with anything I do. By respect, I really mean forced to do they want. I want to remain in good terms with my ...

A.   2 September 2006: Unlike Juliette I am not here to validate your arguments. You asked what your parents would say, and I have provided a pretty good scenario. Granted I am detached from your situation so I can be more objective. I think your parents will be more ... (read in full...)

I'm chinese..my bf is caucasian and my parent's have finally accepted him but how do we tell them, my bf's also divorced with a 6 year old child! Help needed.

Q.   I was raised in a very traditional chinese family. My parents are not like my friends. I always had to respect their advice and input with anything I do. By respect, I really mean forced to do they want. I want to remain in good terms with my ...

A.   2 September 2006: "And what should I expect my parents to say and do?" Honey, if you were my daughter, this is what I would ask: 1) What is the rush? You haven't lived yet! 2) Why are you choosing a man that carries an incredible amount of baggage? 3) If he h... (read in full...)

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