A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf of 2 years plays break up game with me often these days. It goes like this: i'll make him angry by not keeping our place clean as I came late from work or ask him what's wrong when he is sulking or demand I need attention from him like going out with me once in a while or talking to me when I'm down. So he gets angry and say all kind of mean things to me, breaks up and pack up my bag and ask me to leave. So I crash on my friends place, call him couple of times which he never picks up, leave msg, text... I'll call from my friends phone and he picks up, cuts the call when he hears my voice, again call him. At last he picks up, magnanimously forgive me. I'll come to ur place and he'll control me even more and treats me badly and make sure he holds back his affection and make me earn it. I'm really sick of this game, Im losing myself in this game . How should I beat him in his game before I leave him forever? And why is he playing this sick game all the time, what does he want from me? I already gave my money to him. I don't have anything anymore. BTW every time he forgives me he tells me if I ever irritate or make him angry again, that would be the last of our relationship, yet he forgives events the next time. What is his plan, and he is Aries BTW. Please help me, I badly need to make him suffer for making me go through this every time just cause I loved him in the first place. Please help me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2014): Why are you blaming your boyfriend? The question is, why do you keep going back to him, if he's so terrible?
At 30 or older, you're both too old to be playing games. You can end your on-gain and off-gain recycling drama, by acting your age and dumping the loser.
Now I'm going to give you some tough-love, and get on your case. It's to help you, not to beat you up.
You are showing weakness by letting him control you. You need him to validate you, and want his acceptance to make you feel desirable as a woman. You give him this power, then get pissed off when he abuses it.
Own some responsibility for that. If you're so sorely mistreated; stop subjecting yourself to his abuse and disrespect.
Respect yourself as a woman and a person. Don't allow men to walk all over you by being prissy and clingy. Yes, I sound really mean. Men are not all dogs. Own some responsibility when you choose a "dog;" and misidentify him as a man. You are old enough to know the difference. Don't pick a loser, and think you're going to train and change him. Don't complain when you make bad choices. Over and over.
You need to turn to men for their strength; because you don't believe you have any of your own. You do, but you don't use it. You need relationships to make you feel needed and wanted. To compensate for all your faults and insecurities. He controls you, because you keep giving him the steering wheel; and letting him push all your buttons.
Then you beg him for attention and act like a pitiful little girl when he denies you. You are a full-grown woman; and you don't even know your own power?!!!
You don't even know yourself. You're too wrapped up in a man to know your own worth. So he bully's you and dogs you around. He has no respect because he thinks you're dumb and pathetic. YOU ARE NOT!!!!!!! NOT IN THE LEAST, BUT YOU ACT LIKE YOU ARE!!!!
You have to let him go and face the pain and discomfort of breaking your addiction to him; and your messy relationship.
Stop begging for his approval and forgiveness. You haven't asked for anything you don't need and deserve. Love, affection, respect, and attention.
YOU'RE JUST ASKING THE WRONG GUY!!!
You're too needy on top of that. That's because you need a man to make you feel good as person. You should be able to drop that asshole; and move on to someone better. You should like yourself enough to become immune to his insults, and shitty treatment. Kick his ass to the curb once and for all; and re-acquaint yourself with "yourself."
Reach in, and pull out your womanhood. You're not a teenage schoolgirl anymore. That's how you're behaving. We're no longer in the 90's!
You need time to rebuild your self-esteem and break your emotional-dependency on a complete tool! You call him magnanimous for offering you forgiveness?
Stop pleading for it! You don't need it anyway.
Grow some nuggets and purge him from your life. Be single for awhile, to get your emotional and psychological-bearings.
You are a drama-queen. You like performing and being girlie. As long as you behave this way, men will disrespect and hurt you. You don't have to be a bitch to get respect. Just be confident and realize your own self-worth. You don't take shit from any man, and you show him that if you got "him;" you can get someone BETTER. Convince yourself that it's true, because IT IS!!! Only you have to improve yourself to back that up!
Yes you can!
Now, after being tough; I owe it to you to also be nice and comfort you. You are sensitive, and only want to be loved.
We all need it. We sometimes fall victim to the people we want it from. We give-in or surrender to them; because we want something from them that maybe, in reality, they aren't capable of giving. They will never admit they are unworthy; so they will turn it around and make us feel unworthy. I've been in your shoes before. So I know how you feel. It sucks!
Stop crawling back to him and giving him control. Gain self-control! Determine your self-worth and your own potential as a woman. Since your younger years, you've depended on men to be the strong-one. You'll have one failed relationship after another, living by this belief.
Fly solo for awhile. Date men for fun, not necessity. Get yourself a makeover. Take some cooking classes, get a hobby, find things to do other than dramatizing your life away in recycled relationships.
If you don't, you're going to wake-up one day wondering where the hell your youth and life went? And what the hell did you do with it?!!!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 June 2014):
 I think the only way you can really END this ridiculous cycle is to FIND yourself another place to live, remove yourself from all shared bills and simply LEAVE him. GET your own place or find a room to rent.
You do not need to make him suffer - that is childish and utterly pointless.
HE DOES what he does because YOU let him. YOU play is stupid game.
STOP playing. Move out, end it and he can PLAY with himself.
Your post comes off as you having no choice in all this, you DO. YOU leave. YOU can't FIX this guy. But you CAN fix the situation... BY LEAVING him.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (25 June 2014):
 Well its time to grow some "balls" and walk out of this relationship. He is using the power you gave him to control you. He know that if don't listen, kick you out and you will beg and come crawling back to him because you are weak, emotionally dependent on him.
Time to move on, start by making yourself independent, for your sake I hope you have a job, then get a place of your own and lastly, pack your bags and leave without a word. I promise you nothing will hit as hard as your silent walk out. Remember that when you take this step you need to be sure that you are out for good. Grow some self respect and confidence, he treats you like yesterdays garbage. You deserve better why let someone break you as a person, this relationship is what one calls emotional abuse.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (25 June 2014):
 How do you beat him at this childish game? You don't, you grown up and leave.
I don't wish to sound rude but this is the type of behaviour we usually expect from teenage couples, not grown adults in their 30s.
He sounds like a immature, attention seeker who sulks and plays games in a strop like a kid, you sound like you are too willing to put up with his silly, petty games and trying far too hard to join and play a game that you should both have left behind long ago.
What does he want from you? Control, attention, someone he can belittle to boost his self esteem. Games are for children. His star sign is irrelevant in all this as its his insecurity and adolescence that causing this.
You need to end this silly, petty game and find someone who you are willing to make the effort with, pull your weight with and isn't going to act like a stroppy child.
Mark
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