A
female
age
30-35,
*haine
writes:My parents have never been supportive if my relationship with my older boyfriend. We have been dating for three years and he is 19 years older then me and was also a family friend before we started dating.Once we started dating they but me out of their life, I haven't had any contact with them in almost three years, they even refused to come to my university graduation if my boyfriend was going to be there.We recently got engaged and when I announced it on Facebook my mother commented that saying "what a lovely way to find out that your only child is getting married" even though an aunt of mine had told her first.She then messaged me asking for the details in when and where the wedding was going to be. I really don't want them to come if they are going to cause a scene. This is supposed to be my day, a day all about me and my boyfriend and if they couldn't even have one conversation with him in three years I really don't think they should be insulted that I'm not running to them with bridal magazines.Should I even invite them to the wedding ?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 July 2014):
 Sounds like good news OP... seriously... baby steps..
in time this will all work out.
GOOD for you for standing your ground.
A
female
reader, Shaine +, writes (21 July 2014):
Shaine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell after some screaming, yelling and a few choice words we all ended up having a long talk. I am so beyond proud of my boyfriend, he calmly listened to everything my mother said to him and never once said anything rude or lost his cool and she was extremely rude at times. The only time he raised his voice was in my defences when I just couldn't handle all the yelling and bursted into tears. They agreed to disagree but be civil to each other. My mom and I are planning on having dinner just the two of us. I agreed to try to work things out but made it very clear that there was no way that I would allow them to put down my bf or our relationship, if they don't like, it they have a choice to suck to up and shut up or lose out on ever having a part in my life and any future children we have.
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female
reader, Shaine +, writes (19 July 2014):
Shaine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy aunt and uncle (who have been very supportive through out this whole 3 years ordeal) have offered up their home and time for us to meet with my parents. They invited the, to dinner telling the, that my bf and I would be there and that we needed to try and talk things out. The agreed to come so tomorrow afternoon we will see how it all goes.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2014): Your parents have controlled you and now they haven't been able to control this. They punished you by not attending your graduation. Shame on them not you. It is essential that you continue as you are being an adult making adult choices for yourself. On that basis I would invite them but do it verbally face to face as a united couple so that your parents understand your strength and your future husbands. Tell them in no uncertain terms that upset will not be accepted and that you intend to enjoy your big day. That is not selfish! Then invite them formally. If they decline its their decision that they cannot behave with the love and respect you deserve.
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female
reader, StephJayne  +, writes (18 July 2014):
 Try and think about it from their perspective.
Their daughter, little girl, little angel has fallen in love with someone. And the age difference is big, but age differences effect everyone differently. Some (like myself) don't think of them as a big deal. You can't help who you fall in love with!
They may just be feeling a bit withdrawn due to the fact that you are in love and will be having a family, and especially the age.
My personal opinion? Talk to your parents, tell them how you feel - say, that you're in love and if they can't accept it, and they're going to come to the wedding and cause something, then they are not invited. You didn't tell her that you were engaged because she hasn't been there throughout your relationship, she hasn't been there!
Hope everything works out!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2014): Personally, I think that you're better off inviting them so that YOU don't have any regrets when you're older - if this all passes in a couple of years. I can understand why, up until now, they'd question his desires toward you when he's known you since you were a very young child, but they will get used to the idea of you two being married, but it'll take time to accept that someone who was around your young child as they were innocent and vulnerable is now marrying that child in early adulthood.
I truly believe it's best to invite them and ask them (don't ask them angrily) to please just focus on their love for you on that day and that you don't want anybody causing a scene. Saying "anybody" is very important; they don't need to feel like it's just them you're demanding this (reasonable request) from.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 July 2014):
 The anonymous person makes a good suggestion. Ask your parents to meet you and your boyfriend for dinner (maybe at a nice restaurant?). If they accept, and they behave well, then invite them to the wedding then and there in person, and give them the invitation. If they don't accept, or they aren't behaving well, then don't give them the invitation....
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female
reader, Shaine +, writes (17 July 2014):
Shaine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe both want a child and I understand that he will be an older father but we can't tun back time and control that. We agreed just days before our engagement to stop birth control if we end up pregnant we will be thrilled. We are still uncertain about ow many children we want, it all depends on how long it takes us to have one.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2014):
I am the mother of an engaged child. I am divorced from the father. (this is important)
My son is marrying an age appropriate young lady with an education, two married parents and a good job. There is nothing wrong with her at all. Except according to my kid's SM she's not acceptable due to her religion.
The man marrying her (my son) does not care about religion and I support that totally. I have met the young lady and I am delighted that he has found someone to love him and cherish him that he can love and cherish right back.
SADLY his stepmom disowned him. She refuses to accept that he is marrying her against her wishes. He asked me how I feel about him not having his father at the wedding and I told him it was his choice.
And he then planned to invite them knowing they probably would not come. Until his SM saw me post something on facebook about going to his new location (he moved from one state to another) in MAY for a wedding and she realized he had picked a date that she did NOT want. She disowned him.
He is not inviting them to the wedding.
Personally I respect his choice and would never tell him he HAS to invite them but I think he should invite them. Their coming is on them.
I get age gap relationships. I support them totally and since this man wants a child I think his choice of a new wife makes PERFECT sense. 44 is young. Heck it's older than my husband.
I also get why you don't want to invite them. I support any choice you make.
I will say that I would invite them and assume they won't come. IF they do say they will come you need to let them know that if they say or do anything inappropriate you will call the police to have them removed (this happened at MY FIRST wedding.... my father in law showed up uninvited and another relative got into it with him and someone called the police and the FIL was arrested. It was a hot mess.
I think you have done everything you could to try to make it work with your parents and the only thing that will heal this... seriously... is time AND GRANDCHILDREN.
Keep trying. Send an invite. Send pictures. Keep them posted via snail mail on everything. that way you do not have to talk to them and deal with their anger and frustration.
They are angry now because they were wrong and they need to save face. Parents are human and make mistakes.
My mother's parents would not attend her wedding to my father saying they did not approve of the union. Guess what... within a year my grandmother had gotten over her snit fit and later in life said to me "I was so wrong, out of the three son in laws i have he is the best one.. he made the most money, he took the best care of me and my daughter and grandchildren"
sadly I have no pictures of my grandmother with my mother the day she was a bride and her then 14 yr old sister is not there either.
FWIW the marriage that was not supposed to last (one of the reasons they didn't go) lasted 47 years and only ended when my mother died in my fathers arms.
I'm on your side totally... just want you to think about later on...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2014): To be honest i agree with the person who said ~
/If it takes you 2 years to settle down into married life and begin trying to conceive, it takes you a year to get pregnant, and he's 48 when the child is born - when the child is 14 and wants to play football with dad, he's 62! Then, should you want a second child and you wait to try to conceive until your first child is 2, it could take say 2 years to conceive, he's 53 when the child is born and 67 when the child wants to play football! Or, if thinking about it practically, you might decide to adopt older children - that may be better in terms of the energy that the pair of you will have to parent :) /
because you have to think about starting a family before marriage with anyone but especially when one of you is speeding into the 'old' stage to be a first time parent. It sounds like he wants children [unless i missunderstood that??] but it seems a bit unfair if you want more than just one child and wait longer than a year to get settled before getting pregnant.
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female
reader, Shaine +, writes (17 July 2014):
Shaine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindycares, your are right, growing up I had an amazing childhood! I was spoiled , loved and very well taken care of. I was very close to my parents, we talked and I shared everything with them. That's why I didn't hesitate in telling them about my relationship. I just assumed they would be happy for me as they were always happy for me. Yes, he was a family friend and he knew me as a child. Which did upset my parents and they did question his actions and wonder what his thoughts were on me as a grew up. But he isn't that type of person he actually was beyond shocked when things happened between us because he never looked at me in the grown up way until then. As for his divorce, he left his wife after he found out that she was lying to him about wanting children. They were trying to have a baby or so he thought but she was secretly still using birth control and actually did end up pregnant and had an abortion with out telling him. He was crushed when he found this out and left her. So it want like he just got bored in his marriage and left.The rest of of my family (aunts, uncles, grandparents) they were all shocked in the beginning of our relationship. And they cautioned me on getting hurt and did think that make it was a sexual thing ( he dated a lot of girls after his divorce. not wanting to really settle down, so he did paint a bad image of himself for a few years) in the beginning but once they gave him and chance and realized that he wasn't that guy, I would love to have my parents at my wedding. I have been the little girl that has dreamed of her wedding since she was a child. I would lobe to go dress shopping with my mom and have my father walk me down the isle but not is it is going to end with me in tears and them lowering the man I love. I know it sounds selfish but its "my" day and I think every girl deserves that me special day to be about themYes, I am bitter, extremely bitter towards them. I worked so hard to finish school and it was something we had always talked about. And they didn't show up to watch me graduate all because they didn't like the guy I was dating. It shouldn't be about who I am dating, it should have been about how proud they were of me and the work I did,I think the part the hurts the most was the comment my mother made saying I must be a whore in end for him to keep me around, that comment shows that she has no respect for my bf, that she still thinks he is only around for sex but most of all she thinks I would lower myself to be with a guy. I don't have children of my own but I don't think I could ever call my only daughter a whore because she was dating someone I wasn't a fan of. If she would only ask she would know that he is the opposite and is the most loving, sweetest guy I could be dating
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male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (17 July 2014):
 We’ve had lots of people on here over the years with toxic parents, and with the same anguish you have. On the one hand they are your parents and we’re raised to respect them, and on the other our need as adults to enhance our mental health by surrounding ourselves with people who raise us up rather than bring us down.
I come at this from two directions. One, as the father of a daughter whose choice of partner does not thrill me. Two, as the brother of someone whose choice of a partner lead to an estrangement that’s gone on for around 30 years.
As a parent, while I understand where your mother is coming from, I can’t support her. Parents have to make the transition to their offspring being adults. It’s harder to do than you might imagine, given the awesome responsibility of taking on a child who comes in to the world utterly helpless. You never let go of that feeling of responsibility completely, but you have to manage it differently as the years go by. When your child is in their 20s you can advise, you can warn, you can be a sounding board. But you have to remember that you’re dealing with an adult, that your opportunity to dictate their behaviour is long in the past, and that you have had your chance to shape them. So your choice is to be someone they welcome as part of their lives, someone they tolerate, or someone who motivates them to cut you off altogether. The last is a perfectly legitimate choice, albeit not one to be taken lightly if you value family.
In my own family, both my parents desperately wanted to reconcile with my brother on their death beds but it didn`t happen. While I don’t agree with his interpretation of events, his bottom line was that his family didn’t respect his partner. Had it been me, I would like to think I would show the same respect to my wife, that if push came to shove and I had to choose, I would put her first. Actually I wouldn’t have to think very hard about it. My step-mother doesn’t have much use for my wife, and in turn my only contact with her is email.
Bottom line, my advice is to do what you need to do to make your wedding day what it should be for you and your partner. If that means not inviting your mother, that’s perfectly fair. My caution to you is to recognize that you risk turning a spat into a long term split, and that an eventual reconciliation will be made harder as a result. It may well be that your mother is so unreasonable that such a split is inevitable. Just go in with your eyes open.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 July 2014):
 OP I have just one question for you.
You have clearly decided that your parents have wronged you in many ways and you've given up trying to make amends with them. Why, then, are you even asking this question in the first place when you've decided what you want to do?
I still stand by what I said- parents are parents and there is no way they can be excluded from one's life. You may choose to think differently and if you want to do what you've implied in your question and your follow-up, then why even get into this debate? Your mom called you names, didn't acknowledge important events in your life, humiliated you. Maybe she wont even come to the wedding.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2014): Well I was going to say yes you should but after reading glasses your OP post then no I don't think you should unless they sit down few time and have a civil convocation with you both, like going out for dinner. If they are not willing to do at least that then no I do t see why you should.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 July 2014):
 I respect the OP's opinion , and Chigirl's opinion,- it's Ok to have different opinions, and I stand by mine. We are talkng parents here !, not just some pesky neighbours next door.
Nothing ( always IMO of course ) denies the point of my first sentence : without your parents, OP, who knows if you'd even still be alive and well enough to get married, and as dramatic as it sounds, it's simply the truth.
There are bad parents, and there are good parents, and there are average, ups and downs , so and so parents
( the majority ) ; and they have to be " rated " based on a path, on a long course of years. If your parents have been abusive, violent, cruel, irresponsible, neglectful, if they have deprived you of food and shelter, endangered your survival, tortured you mentally, constantly exposed you to drugs, incest and crime- then they are the kind of parents you can do without forever.
If they were good - good enough- even just tolerable parents , before this guy arrived on the scene, you still owe them big,big time, OP. Without your parents you would not even know how to wipe your butt properly now- so , they signal they are interested in coming to your wedding ?... you exhale a big " pfeeew " and invte them to your wedding. OR, you do not invite them and KNOW that refusing to invite them does not only mean " I am reasonably mad at you " - it means I declare all out war and I am taking this olive branch you are offering and shoving it up your.....
And this, for a guy who is your future husband, OK, but arrived on the scene 18 or 20 years later than them, and has given you so far, 18 or 20 years LESS of care, love, affection ad protection they have given you.
So, in your opinion, your parents royally screwed up ? Who knows OP , you may be right. Funny though how many women who would give with no hesitation a second chance to any strayng cheating fucking up boyfriend, won't give a second chance to their own mothers and fathers.
As a matter of fact, Op, what you hoped it would happen IS happening now. Later than you hoped, but still. You hoped they'd come around and see you were serious " after a few weeks "... why should they have done that ? They would have been very naive and rush. A few weeks, or months, means absolutely nothing in terms of seriousness of intents and committment. Apparently , your parents chose to be more realists than the King and they believe it is going to be serious and everlastng ( or long lasting , at least ) now that you are getting MARRIED. Very prudent, but not bizarre. The guy is eventually putting his money where his mouth is - and your parents bow to THAT only . Do you know how many girls your age are taken for a ride and used as plaything by much older, capricious , more experenced men - just to be discarded when a new f...toy comes around ? That luckily was not your case, but if a parent wants to see things happening, more than just shaking up or getting along great for " a few weeks " ( particularly with a divorced guy, I.E. one who already changed his mind before ) you can call them overprotective, or suspicious, .. but they are not being crazy , spiteful bastards.
Plus, there always are two sides to a story, you tell us yours and I do not doubt that this situation must have been painful and sad for you... but , pardon me if I think thare might be slightly more to it, than his age or divorce. Disowning a child, risking losing her forever, cutting contacts ... are very heavy , important stuff, I doubt that the average parents would do that ONLY because they find their child partner's slightly unsuitable , or not that personable, or they hoped you'd marry that nice guy next door. So maybe , IN GOOD FAITH, they thought that your husband was not the right choice. You choose to point out his age ( which, would dismay MOST parents, btw !) and divorce as " deal breakers " for them, but there might have been quite more to the story. At least from their point of view.
Finally, if we want to play " have you idea how I must have felt when "... sure let 's have fun with it. Have you idea how they must have felt when you took up with a FAMILY FRIEND , someone who they introduced to you to be like a fun, nice elective Uncle ? what have they felt in thinking - how they may very well have thought - that this guy did not care about being friends with THEM, but maybe used being friends just to get closer to you and get to bed you ? What have they felt, in case this guy had been around a long time- when they thought, as they might as well have thought, that when you were a child or a teen he was already seeing you under a certain light, and he has been " grooming " you... and they are those who made that possible ?...
At the end of the day , OP, it's undeniable that this is your life, your wedding, your big day, and your money too. If you don't want your parents to eat wedding cake on your dime, after how " bad " they have been, that's your decision and there's no law that can overturn it. Chose what you feel it's best for you, you are an adult, and you know what it's more important to you : being right or getting along. As for me, maybe I have a different concept of family and parenting than yours or Chigirl's - but I would not burn all bridges, and publicly kick my parent's ass, ( as long as they had been just barely decent for all the time I had spent under their roof ) for any man . Men may come and go ( hopefully not yours , OP, and btw congrats and best wishes for the wedding ! ) - but there's only one Mom and only one Dad. Some times they screw up, true. And some day, probably, you will screw up too with your kids. Let's hope that by then you will have carved in their heart a much bigger place of the one which your mother has carved in yours.
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reader, Staceily +, writes (17 July 2014):
 This reminds me of parents who disown their homosexual children because they don't approve of their lifestyle. The second a parent turns manipulative (it's him or us) is the second they have stopped being parents. A good parent cares about your happiness. A good parent lets you make your own mistakes and stands by you when you fall. It doesn't matter if they approve of your boyfriend's age, it's none of their business. Sure your parents could voice their concerns, but at the end of the day it's your life. Any decent, good parent would accept that. Definitely over the risk of losing their daughter! It's as if winning is more important than their child.
I get that even good parents can make mistakes. Maybe they didn't approve of your boyfriend and acted too harshly. But they haven't apologized for any of their actions. They haven't tried to fix anything they've done. Just because someone is family doesn't give them the right to act horribly to you.
You have tried to make amends for years. Something you don't actually have to make amends for, you can date whomever you wish. Your parents or mother threw a tantrum about it essentially. Thankfully you have other family members who do care, you mentioned your grandparents and aunt. If you don't want your parents there then don't feel any guilt about it, you have done quite a bit over the years to get them back. If you really do want your parents there then invite them, but maybe have a heart to heart talk beforehand so you can be sure there won't be drama or bitterness on your wedding day. In the end it's your life and your day, do what YOU want to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2014): You don't have to invite them, and I wouldn't blame you, but I think you might regret (in time) it if you don't. I only say that because they've been with you through so much more than your boyfriend and it's incredibly hard to watch you're very young daughter marry someone who is old enough to be her father.They may be concerned about grandchildren because you still have 10 - 15 years to have them, but he's begun into the ages where it seems a little unfair to the child if he becomes a father now. This is NOT to discourage you; if you love him and want to spend the rest of your lives together, do it(!), but your parents may be concerned that you're not thinking through the practical aspects of your future. Here's the example:If it takes you 2 years to settle down into married life and begin trying to conceive, it takes you a year to get pregnant, and he's 48 when the child is born - when the child is 14 and wants to play football with dad, he's 62! Then, should you want a second child and you wait to try to conceive until your first child is 2, it could take say 2 years to conceive, he's 53 when the child is born and 67 when the child wants to play football! Or, if thinking about it practically, you might decide to adopt older children - that may be better in terms of the energy that the pair of you will have to parent :)Show your parents that you know what you're doing by planning it all out. Obviously, things change as the years go on, but if they know you've thought about it realistically, you can tell them "I know because we've already thought it through". The worst thing to do (in this situation) is get married before having a big discussion about what you both want and how you're going to handle it.Congratulations on the engagement though; I don't think you're being immature - maybe just need to do a little bit of research and planning :)
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 July 2014):
I stand by the OP in this. Her wedding day, she gets to invite whomever she wants. It's a celebration of the two who are in love. Obviously, the parents aren't celebrating this, they are grieving this, and they (or perhaps in particular the mother) has tried in every way that she can to force a break-up. And when that couldn't be forced to happen, she chose to be a bitch and start back-stabbing her own daughter. Saying she must act like a whore in bed? Doesn't sound like a loving mother to me, more like a jealous bitch.
Sorry, OP, we can't choose our parents. But just because they are your parents doesn't mean they get a free card on throwing shit at you. Stand up for yourself and call the shots in your own life. If you don't want them there, then they don't get invited. Simple as that. Grown up as they are, they must know that action has consequences.
But, I get a strong feeling that this is your mother rampaging. How's your relationship with your dad, when your mother isn't involved? Have you had a chance to try and speak to him alone? You mother sounds verbally abusive, and obsessive and quite frankly scary. Throwing ultimatums around. I would not be surprised at all if your father doesn't agree with her, but is forced to shut up and back her up. Your mother gave you an ultimatum to leave them or leave your boyfriend, you got to think how many ultimatums haven't she issued to your father over the years? If she calls you, her only child, a whore in bed, then what things hasn't she called her husband?
People like this don't just suddenly act out, they are like this their whole lives. I believe your relationship with your boyfriend was just the catalyst for her to show you this side of her. But that side has always been there. There are many ways to express unhappiness about your daughter choice of a boyfriend, you know. The way she has acted is out of proportions and not acceptable, no matter how upset about the age difference she is. I don't think this is about you and the relationship to your boyfriend, I think this is about your mother having a problem of her own. She sounds very controlling, uses emotional blackmail and plays mind games. These are red flags of an abuser, mind you. There are other ways to express unhappiness than what your mother is choosing, so don't think it's understandable that she is hurt or whatever... Her actions can only be explain by her having such a personality. When her personality is the cause of her actions, then you should know that you are not the only one she tries to control. You are not the only one she emotionally blackmails.
I would talk to her siblings, if I could, and ask about their relationship with her and listen if there are other similar stories. That is, if you want to know for sure that it's your mother who has issues, and the relationship was just a catalyst.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (17 July 2014):
Yeah, I definitely think the first few aunties missed the statement that they essentially disowned you.
This is your choice. You're an adult. If you choose to contact them, preface it by letting your mother know that you won't tolerate negative statements about your upcoming marriage, or your hubby to be. If she agrees to abide by that, fine. If not, well, personally I would stand my ground.
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female
reader, Shaine +, writes (17 July 2014):
Shaine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionT sort a few things out I'm not acting like a spoil brat that didnt get her own way so I stopped talking to my parents. THEY choose to stop talking to me! When they first put me out by saying I had to choose between them or my bf I left thinking after a few weeks they would see that we were serious about our relationship and that they would except it but it didn't happen that way. I reached out several times and every time I was told to leave.About six mo the I to our relationship my grandparents had an anniversary party that was out of town , I asked my grandparents if it was ok if my fb came along. They thought it was the perfect time for my family to see my bf and I together as a couple and we all thought it could work out. As soon as my parents walked in and saw my bf there they threatened to leave. My bf offer to leave, he didn't want my parents to not be there for the family events we had planned. Christmas , my gifts I dropped my their house were returned to me,M bf had. A graduation party and invited them to come and they refusedHow do you think it made me feel when my only parents weren't their to see their only child, me walk across the stage at my graduation.I reached out, time me time again and they pushed me away,They don't like him because he is older and was married ( divorced long before we started dating ) I phoned them when I got my job, we bought a new house together and each time they didn't answer, they never called back,money never said congratulations so I didn't even bother calling them with the engagment, I wanted my happiness to be that happy and not sitti g upset because they weren't happy for me yet again.I asked my aunt to tell them, hoping they would see that he isn't in this just for sex, that we love each other and my mom said " I was throwing y life away", "I must be acting like a whore in bed for him to keep me around so long" I gave up, why wouldn't I
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (17 July 2014):
 Life is too short to hold grudges. You need to understand that if they did not welcome him is because they thought you deserve better and was only looking out for your interest. Its easier for you not to see as you are in love and all you see is them being obstructive and nasty. Look behind the action. Make your peace and invite them. You don't want to risk that should anything happen to them wish you had mended fences and go through all those what ifs. They just might come to terms and accept the BF as they will realise its futile and you are marrying him and give you their blessings. Congrats and don't over think and over analyse just embrace the fact they want to come.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 July 2014):
Do as you wish. Don't invite them. I don't see why you should. Your mothers comment was nasty, and she put it out there in full public just to get others to pity her or something. She seems extremely self obsessed. With that type of attitude, who do you think she'll focus on at your wedding? You? Me thinks she will just focus on herself, and make it a sour celebration in any way she can.
If she's honestly surprised that you didn't tell her about getting engaged then she lacks self insight, and doesn't remember how she's treated you these past years. But narcissists and self obsessed people never really care about how THEY treat others, they only care about how OTHERS treat them....
No, don't invite her. Invite your dad. Not her. That bitter public comment of hers would have been the final straw for me, if I were in your shoes.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (17 July 2014):
How can you be so bitter about your own parents? Have you and your boyfriend ever attempted to mend the wall? Have you gone up to your mom, placed your head on her lap and just been the little daughter that she once had?
You've known your boyfriend for three years but you've known your parents for 25 years! You could throw all that away just because they didn't approve of your boyfriend? I know you're going to jump and say that they were the ones that disowned you but did you even give them a chance to speak their mind?
And tell me OP, whose parents would be thrilled that their 25 year old daughter is marrying a 44 year old man? How would YOU feel if you were in their place? How would you feel if your only child did to you what you've done to your parents?
Has your boyfriend ever reached out to your parents? Has he told you that your behavior is extremely immature and that you need to grow up? And why do your parents not like him in the first place? Parents generally do not have such strong reactions unless there is a good enough reason, especially when its the question of their only child. They're not out on a rampage to make you unhappy, they have *your* best interests at heart and all they want is to see YOU happy. Being your parents, they have seen the world more than you have and they know how the world works. Maybe they don't see that with this man and they might have good reasons for it.
I'm surprised that your boyfriend doesn't realize something very simple. If you can throw your parents away just for a disagreement, where then, does HE stand?
Anyway, to answer your question, yes you should invite them to your wedding and try to mend your relationship with them. Yes, its your day but stop being selfish for ONE second and think that if not for your parents, you wouldn't even be standing next to your future husband. Life is short OP; you never realize the importance of someone until they're not in your life anymore. God forbid the day you lose either of your parents, you will realize all the time you wasted fighting with them and by then, it will be too late.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 July 2014):
Of course you should, - that's just beng civil. They may not like your bf, but after all they are the people who have fed you and sheltered you and put clothes on your back so that you could be ALIVE long enough to meet your boyfriend.
If they don't want to come, their loss, but you should give them the option anyway.
I don't think they are going to cause a scene, in the sense of a dramatic confrontation or brawl or anything. Sure, it would be best if they were all happy and cheerful and thrilled as a bride's parents generally are, but as long as they do not inscene a public protest with placards and chanting of " no - wedding, no - wedding ", it will be fine. For all you know, among your guests there might be other people that are not wild with your choice of an older man... just they are not close enough to you to tell you in your face.
Your parents do not HAVE to approve enthusiastically of all your choices, - are you wildly enthusiastic with all of theirs ? Do you think everything they always said did chose bought etc. was just the perfect choice ?...
Do you always hold such powerful grudges because people disagrees with you or disapproves of your actions and preferences ?...
Hopefuly, once they see how happy you are in your married life and what a nice couple you make, they'll turn around and warm up to their new Son in law. And if they don't, their loss - but personally I don't think it would be reason enough to wage permanent war on your own flesh and blood. Just, agree to disagree.
I also have to say that I get your mother's reaction in getting to know the big news through Facebook. ( Or , through another relative,- even worse ). Maybe you do not realize it, or you did not do it with this intent, but that WAS a very hostile act, sort of a declaration of war, you were like saying : This is the most important thing ever in my life, but I'll tell it to any random Tom Dick and Harry BEFORE ( and instead of ) telling it to my own parents. Ouch . Next time, just go over and spit on their face, it will be more amicable .
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