A
male
age
36-40,
*oopa_beach
writes:Dear Agony Aunt I'm a single 24 year old living in the UK. My problem is that I think I'm in love with someone who is married and can never love me back. He is 29 and married with a kid. We used to work together and we got on brilliantly, even to the point where he said he thought of me like a little brother. We would talk a lot and play fight and we used to work on the same floor. I told him I loved him. We still got on well after this, but he made it clear we could never be together. One time I was crying because he was going to leave work and he wiped a tear from my eye when nobody was around. We had also hugged before and he had said I was the kindest person he had ever known, even kinder than his wife. This was after he knew about how I felt about him. I sometimes got the feeling he would tease me with the prospect of us being together... just some things he would say sometimes. But where we worked closed down. He said he would never make an effort to see me again. He said he was 'nice to me because he felt sorry for me' ... and this broke my heart. I just wish I could get over it. I wish I could move on but... because of my situation, I can't really find a boyfriend because my parents are COMPLETELY against homosexuals. I wish I could move on. But... because some of my friends are best friends with the guy who I fell in love with, I still see him sometimes, especially at the cinema. I like to try to be nice to him... But he still excludes me, and it hurts an awful lot. Today he had a birthday party and invited 'everyone but me'. He has done this for years. He still came to my surprise birthday party in June... I really don't understand it. Please help Thank you so much for reading
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male
reader, koopa_beach +, writes (29 July 2010):
koopa_beach is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for such amazing answers :) you're all truly helpful.
Well today I'm feeling a bit better as it was my day off and a good old friend invited me round. I guess i'm just not sure how to act around him. I want to be friendly and get on well but i know he has said we'll never be friends and the ship has sailed. It's tough...
I really want a loving relationship :)
The sad thing is my parents think I can change and are 'pleased i'm not in a gay relationship'... my dad even seems very uncomfortable with the subject when raised on tv, if the issue was brought up on tv etc. he would switch the channel. My mum would be quite similar... They are christians. I love them so though, and my family, I never want to loose them.
I hope there's a silver lining, Sirena :)
And maybe you're right Krunkqueen, that my hopes about the person I loved were completely made by me. They were probably wishful thinking. And thanks Romany for explaining why he might not invite me to parties
xxx
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (29 July 2010):
 if you were able to have a relationship openly then you would probably go after gay men and not end up loving things you cannot have.
you need to make your life so that you can be open about your sexuality and you need to persue gay men unless you want more of this nonsense that will never bring you REAL love opportunities.
good luck in changing your life and going for logical choices
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A
male
reader, der_zyniker  +, writes (29 July 2010):
I know how you feel. I have friend that I love and when they found out all he did was avoid me. As a matter of fact he still are. I know first hand that this hurts. But I when I found someone else that I was interested in I started to feel better. Maybe you'd feel better if you found someone else. You can't let him determine how you feel. If you do that you're going to feel like crap for a long time. As for your parents, you have to tell them eventually. You don't have to tell them today or tomorrow, but you need to tell them. Even if they react negatively at least you'll finally be free to be yourself and you won't be living in the constant fear that they will find out.
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (29 July 2010):
 Hi hunny, Vintage64 is spot on, you need to be you, and if that means telling your parents, so be it, One of my best friends is a vicars son, telling them he said he felt like he was saying goodbye to them, convinced they'd ostricise him but they came round.As for his feelings towards you, I think he is trying not to lead you on, he isn't interested in having a relationship with you, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you as a person, Not inviting you to his birthday parties probably means that because your infatuated with him, it can be seen by others, and its his party and its difficult to have people around you who wants something your not capable or willing to give and because he likes you as a FRIEND, he came to yours in June, as he wanted to wish you a happy birthday.He sounds like a nice bloke, who is straight, married and with a child, trying to be honest with you, without hurting you. Please stop reading too much into it, its not doing you any favours, you need to find someone who can return all you have to give.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 It sucks so much to be in unrequited love. I'm sorry... I can tell you firsthand that it's devastating.
I don't know if this helps, but there's a silver lining in every cloud. This guy absolutely broke my heart; I nearly died of a broken heart... I still haven't found someone else and I'm not over him, but I moved on with my life, and some pretty amazing things did happen to me. I deeply loved him and wanted him to return my feelings and I was devastated when I found out he didn't. But, the amazing things that happened to me, and that I did, could never have happened if we had been together. You'll always have your passions, no one can take those away from you.
I hope you find someone soon. It's a shame that your parents are against homosexuality. But I'm sure they love you and you are an adult... if you want a boyfriend, find one.
I love my parents but they don't always see eye to eye with me. They're a bit conservative. And your parents might come round! They think I'm weird that I'm attracted to men of another race... I finally told them... and they didn't freak out or anything. I don't know your parents but people can surprise you sometimes.
Cheers,
S
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (29 July 2010):
It sucks so much to be in unrequited love. I'm sorry... I can tell you firsthand that it's devastating.
I don't know if this helps, but there's a silver lining in every cloud. This guy absolutely broke my heart; I nearly died of a broken heart... I still haven't found someone else and I'm not over him, but I moved on with my life, and some pretty amazing things did happen to me. I deeply loved him and wanted him to return my feelings and I was devastated when I found out he didn't. But, the amazing things that happened to me, and that I did, could never have happened if we had been together. You'll always have your passions, no one can take those away from you.
I hope you find someone soon. It's a shame that your parents are against homosexuality. But I'm sure they love you and you are an adult... if you want a boyfriend, find one.
I love my parents but they don't always see eye to eye with me. They're a bit conservative. And your parents might come round! They think I'm weird that I'm attracted to men of another race... I finally told them... and they didn't freak out or anything. I don't know your parents but people can surprise you sometimes.
Cheers,
S
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): ** I can't really find a boyfriend because my parents are COMPLETELY against homosexuals.**
As I read your question, that was the bit that stood out to me. I know it doesn't feel like it but you will get over the married guy. At some point you need to come out to your parents. If you loose them so be it, you have to be true to yourself, you are never going to be happy unless you are.
What are you plans to be on your own forever or, marry a woman and break her heart if she finds out. My son is just a year younger than you, he is gay, and I would never want that for him. They may surprise you, or they may come round in time, but you have to be who you are and live YOUR life.
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A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (28 July 2010):
well, maybe he was just being nice to you like he said , you need to appreciate how honest he was and straighforward, it seems as though you were the one givning your self false hopes. and why do you say you cant have a relationship because of your parents? you need to live your life and not be afraid of what anyone will think because you are homosexual. if you want to be happy and find love you need to go on your own and find it.good luck !
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