A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for about ten months. We aren't dating because I'm leaving the state for graduate school for a couple years and he's not a fan of long distance relationships. We've talked about this and are doing what we can. We have always been really comfortable with each other - in nearly ever single meaning - emotionally, physically, intellectually. We're really great together and both agree that if I wasn't leaving, we'd be together.Last night, during one of our text conversations, he sent me this message:"you are a pretty amazing girl. If I believed marriage could work you would be at the top of my list"I know guys are more straightforward than girls are (most of the time, anyways) so I'm confused. He won't commit to an LDR but sends me that message (unprovoked and sober). I'm confused.What do you think this means? Should I talk to him about it before I leave or just let it blow over?(I changed the subject because I wasn't sure how to respond to it...)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): you need to talk to him and make sure that you both have an understanding on where you want the relationship to go.
A
female
reader, Angelicc  +, writes (3 August 2010):
 He's building your hopes up for nothing. He saying if was going to commit it would be you but since your going i guess i@m not gonna get the chance.
If you turned around and said you wanted to have go once you finished you course. He'd say it doesnt think he can wait or things wont be the say.
He's letting you down gently
Just enjoy your time together a leave it at a clean break.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): From my point of view, personally I wouldn't have involved marriage in the text if it was simply a compliment.
It seems that he does mean something by it and the least you should do is ask him what he meant by it. It can't hurt to find out
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female
reader, romany +, writes (2 August 2010):
 I feel like a meanie saying this, but analysing his statement is just going to complicate things, and cause pain, he may not be ready for a relationship, and even if he was, after 10 months, you'd be silly to let it change your plans of going to grad school, and not only that, analysing it, is making it seem complicated, and its from a bloke, they aren't as deep as us girls, and usually only say what they mean, and it says what it says, that (he thinks) your an amazing girl, and if he believed in marriage, (which i suspect he doesn't with that statement-not yet anyway,- hopefully he will one day)you would be top of his list.
What difference does it make, he says he dont do LDR, So I think he just wanted you to know, that you are special to him, that he is going to miss you and the time you have spent together has been great.
I truly believe in, what will be will be, who knows what the future brings, go off to grad school, keep in touch, and who knows what will happen, 2 years is a long time to be apart, but it will fly by.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): I read your posting, question with great interest, ah, and don't us girls try to read so much into ' ONE' text, but I feel Cerberus has hit the nail on the head, I couldn't have said it better, what a wise guy. Just goes to show us girls should ask a GUY his thoughts as he probably knows more about the way a guy thinks than a lot of females.
So to add to this, you are both in relationship, as said before, but without finally committing. Whether this is keeping options open or perhaps a fear of committing itself who knows - but I personally would need to ask him about the text, even if only to establish it was a rogue text ' meaning' a text to just keep you interested.
I think the reply that pointed out LDR don't work, I have to say I disagree, both from the point of being in one myself to the many wives and girlfriends who are partners to MILITARY men, away often, but both have a deep emotional connection and remain loyal and faithful.
I think you have both sat on the fence a bit, neither of you really saying and talking about where this relationship is heading, or whether you both see it as a passing friendship that along the way you will meet others and be their partners. So may be this is something you want to think about, and then talk to him.
Talking is always good, and if you can't do this, then a relationship would never work anyway, as all couples have to be able to talk about things, that sometimes are not the easiest of topics.
I really hope you work this before you leave for graduate school. And of course good luck with however you would like it to turn out!
Jilly x
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (2 August 2010):
 The only way long distance relationships can work is if they are no longer long distance relationships. Two people need to be together for it to work. With that said, he's probably just being honest. To take the pressure off of you he might have changed the words around to "if I believed in marriage" but I'm betting he was wanting to say "if you weren't moving away for a few years".
It sounds like he really likes you. A man wouldn't say what he did unless he did love you. Most likely that is his one last effort to make you stay.
On a side note, you two are really torturing each other staying together when you know you won't be together pretty soon. If you care about each other that much, perhaps you should consider coming up with a compromise as a solution.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): He's basically just trying to keep you interested by saying that he won't commit but if he was going to commit to someone it would be you.I wouldn't read too deeply into it, the fact is he won't commit to a relationship with you. So anything he says got to do with that is irrelevant to be honest. Of course you're confused, he won't commit and he won't let go either. You're just stuck in this limbo, where you are kind of with him but you're not.In my opinion, if you really want to be with someone you'll at least try a LDR. You're both in a relationship at the moment, even if it is a non-committal one, it's still a relationship. It's still going to hurt if either of you find someone else in your time apart, so I don't see what difference not committing will make. Unless of course he wants to keep his options and date others while you're away.
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female
reader, MelyssahLyhn  +, writes (2 August 2010):
Hii there, The first thing i would want to know is if be believes in marriage in the first place.Buut, another thing i would want to know is if he wants you to leave.If you both are comfortable with each other, then i am assuming you both still want to be together. That text could be his way of trying to get you to stay. Using to word marriage to entice you. If you want to talk to him about it, you could use humor. An example would be "You said i would be on the top of the list, how many other people are on it" Annd you could ask him why he wont commit to LDR.Good luck =D
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female
reader, BlondeBabe x +, writes (2 August 2010):
 The only way you are going to know is just to go right ahead and ask, otherwise you are never going to know. He probably won't commit to a LDR because they are difficult and count on trust from both sides. Maybe he is having a change of heart as he comes close to losing a girl he really likes or maybe he isn't. You will never know unless you ask.
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