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writes:Dear cupid, how can I know if my man is cheating on me or has just grown cold? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): 1. Phone record
2. Email
3. Texts
Remember, when you catch him he'll deny it. So you have to stand by your own theories.
A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (8 August 2010):
 Eve has given you some good advice there, but i would just like to add, please dont investigate him to PROVE he is guilty, as you'll end up taking something quite innocent and turning it into something which isn't, investigate to see why he is behaving this way.
You've not told us much about your situation, like how long you've been married, why you think he may be cheating etc.
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female
reader, BAMMM +, writes (8 August 2010):
 just because he has grown cold doesnt mean he is cheating.
Why not just tell him that you feel he has grown distant and ask him if everything is ok.
There could be many reasons why he is acting odd.
Communication is the key to good relationships.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (8 August 2010):
 Have you tried doing your OWN detective work and doing a little investigating of your own? One way to tell if he's cheating is to catch him lying about a matter. You can follow his eye movements to tell if he is lying. Ask more questions if he looks uncomfortable or uneasy. If he tries to create stories out of nothing and doesn't try to LOOK at you while speaking then the possibility is there that he IS cheating.
Partners who are cheating are often guilty of their actions. They will apologise over small mistakes and go out of their way to make you happy or feel pampered. He will also start showing less interest in you and will want to spend more time alone, so suggest going with him when he goes out, even if it's just a short trip, tell him you need the fresh air (and watch his face!).
Is he still being intimate with you or has this got less? Is he always tired or making excuses that he's tired? If this part of your life has lessened then this alone is a good indication he may be cheating.
When your husband is away frequently then call him on his phone to see if it's busy or turned off. If it does ring out, then hang up before he answers, you know his phone's on or not busy and that was the main reason for you calling. (You can withold your number easily at these times so make sure and do that first so he doesn't get suspicious that it's you.) But make sure the number's NOT witheld when you genuinely do need to call him as it will register on his phone as being witheld or not! (You've got to be one step ahead of him all the time).
Also check closets and shirt pockets to look for any scribbled-down phone numbers or meeting places. Check his trousers too. If you find an unknown number then call it and see who picks up. If it's not a familiar voice then ask questions to learn where they live and who they are. If you can, check his cell phone if he leaves it lying around then do so and check the phonebook (If it's not locked - which is another sign of course). Jot down all suspicious numbers and call them and notice the tone of the other person when she picks up the phone. Think carefully what you're going to say but DON'T tell her who you are at this point!
When he comes in go up and give him a kiss immediately and smell him to see if there is a "woman's smell" lingering somewhere, perfume is the giveaway here. Even check his smalls for 'signs'!!! Watch carefully when he arrives home, does he always seem to head to the shower immediately?
Another way to catch him is to follow him in a car. See where he goes, what he buys and who he meets. (Take a friend along with you for moral support and use their car). If you can, try to show up suddenly somewhere and be surprised to see your husband there. (Friend stays in the car of course). Notice his reaction. If he is happy to see you then there's nothing to worry about. If, however, he looks flustered or worried and wide-eyed, then he is surely hiding something. Ask him questions to clarify things a bit.
If nothing seems to work, go back and carry on with your investigation till you come up with something solid. Confront him ONLY when you have enough evidence against him and then decide what should be done next. If you keep on his case and he IS guilty, he WILL slip up, it's only a matter of time.
If, after a time and you still can't prove it then the last thing to try would be to hire a private investigator. They will certainly be able to come up with evidence but it can be costly and only used as a last resort.
Isn't all this is a bit devious....? Yes... but you'd never do it if you didn't have good cause to. Cheating on a partner breaks every rule in the book between you. It is a sign that the relationship is not going well and is in trouble and THAT is what the roaming partner should be addressing and working on, NOT running into the arms of another as this solves nothing, only escalates and makes the problem much worse!
~Eve~
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