A
female
age
30-35,
*essica22
writes:I was going out with this guy ('dale') for over a year, but like every relationship we had out ups and downs, but the best thing was is that, not only was he my boyfriend he was my bestfriend too, we got along perfectly, i felt so comfortable around him, but sometimes i did feel it was more of a friendship than relationship, he was always to shy to make the first move, we had only had sex twice, but because i had to make the first move, otherwise it wouldnt have happened, but to say we had been with eachother for over year you'd think he wouldnt be so shy about stuff like that :/. Also, his ex girlfriend is his befriends sister, so they speak quite a bit, and when he sleeps over at his house shes obviously going to be there, in the first month of being with 'dale' his ex girlfriend still liked him, so she tried everything she could to try and split us up, claiming i was still seeing my ex and cheating on 'dale', but he obviously didnt believe her because he trusted me. After 2months of being with me, he finished me to get with his ex girlfriend apparantly he'd been talking to her all night, and he decided to liked her again.. But the next day after finishing me, he tried everything he could to talk to me and tell me he had made a mistake, sending me endless emails explaining how he felt and how he thought with his 'cock and not with his heart and head', i obviously took him back because i love him, but that night he told me his ex was crying down the phone to him telling him how much she loved him and she wanted to get back with him, but he told her where to go, and told her he loves and likes me. Anyways, ever since ive always been scared he'll do it again, finish me for her, and this led to numerous break ups betweeen us, i felt insecure, i'd always look at her pictures on facebook telling myself that shes not even that pretty, and I'd rather look like me than her, but deep down i knew she was pretty! Prettier than me :/ and this made me really insecure, 'Dale' once said to me he doesnt think shes pretty at all, but know he doesnt actually feel that way, and the fact that, we met over the internet makes me think that he might just be with me for my personality, not for my looks aswell. After 6months of being with eachother he went on holiday with his mate + family, which also included his ex girlfriend :/ and this made me feel very insecure, but i pretended i was okay with it, i trusted him, he once told me that whilst he was on holiday him and his ex had a moment together in the pool where they talked for ages, and they were talking about relationships and who they liked etc, and apparantly she told him that she liked him, and he told her that she should stop thinking that because nothing would ever happen betweeen them again. I dont exactly feel okay knowing that they talk to eachother, but i dont want him to think im jelous my mentioning it, but sometimes he tells me they dont even talk to eachother, but i know they do because she phones him up, and he has her on facebook, it makes me wonder sometimes what they do talk about. Anyways, thats kind of the jist of the relationship heres the problem, me and 'dale' had been with each other over a year, and i find it hard to just be commited to one person, because i like other people, and so far ive managed to get over that, some boys have even told me they like me and i like them but i've managed to get over that, and stick with 'dale' because i know i wouldnt be able to find anyone who makes me as happy as i am with him, but, 3 weeks ago i went to a sixth form induction day, and then when i got home this quy that was there added me on facebook, and we got talking and he was really nice, and he said he liked me :/ but i thought just as a friend at the time, and he then asked me to go to the cinemas with him, so i thought i would so then i know i would have someone to talk to if i went to the sixth form he was going too, anyways, we were watching the film, and then he grabs my hand and kisses me, and i have no idea what i was doing but i kissed him back :/ but he didnt know i had a boyfriend, so after the film i obviously had to tell him, and he got really pissed off and left me :|, so i texted 'dale' to say it was over, i was so confused and messed up i didnt know what i wanted anymore, i guess i was getting a bit bored of being in a relationship with 'dale' and sometimes i would get pissed off because i always had to make the first move and stuff, and i guess i was just looking for something different, anyways, after a bit the guy i went to the cinema with 'kyle' came and sat with me on the train, we never spoke, and then i started crying :| but i didnt want him to see that i was crying so i moved to go sit on my own, half an hour later he joined me, and still we sat in silence, i could tell he was still pissed off with me, and hurt. After we got off the train, he said we needed to go somewhere and talk, so we did, and i told him about the text i sent to 'dale', and then he asked me out, clearly not thinking (again) i said yes, and then he hugged me and kissed me again, and then just out of nowhere he goes down my pants :/ and i didnt know what to do, so i let him, and then he asked me to 'suck him off' and i did :| and this isnt like me, i wouldnt do anything like this usually, but because i liked him, and i upset him i felt as though i had to, after a bit i said i had to go home, he gave me a hug and kiss and told me that i was beautiful :/ and then we went our separate ways. Once i was alone reality hit me, he wasnt the guy i thought he was, what guy is that forward? id only spoke to him for about a week, and now he was my boyfriend, and it was as if he was just after one thing :/. When i got home i had numerous texts off 'dale' and he even came rnd to my house so we could talk, i told him that i had cheated on him, i never told him what else happened and that i now had a new boyfriend. but beyond all that 'dale' was willing to take me back, but i felt too bad, too horrible for what i had done to him, that i just couldnt, i couldnt go back to normal with him, even his ex girlfriend never cheated on him, and she was an absolute bitch to him when they were going out, so whats that saying about me?. My 'new' boyfriend contacted me later on to apologise for being forward, which i thought was nice of him, i said it was okay and we talked for ages. The situation now is that, 'kyle' isnt exactly such the great guy everyone made him out to be, and i feel as though i dont actually like him anymore, i wanted 'dale' back. 'Kyle' is actually on holiday, so basically ive seen him once since we've been going out. Its been over a week since the split with 'dale' and just last night, i cried myself to sleep, i actually even texted him, and he told me he cried the night before about it all, at that point i thought there was hope for us, but stupid me, during our arguments told him we should be friends and nothing more, now its as if hes okay with it all, like hes set on being my friend :/. but now i want more than that, i want him back :|, i want him to be mine, but i dont know what to do about the other guy, i think i just like the fact that i know 'kyle' likes me for my looks which is something im insecure about, but apparantly 'dale' likes me for both, in a way im quite relieved we split, because i dont feel so insecure about his ex girlfriend i still worry that they've been talking again, but thats much less bother than the insecurities i felt when i was with him, the paranoia and jelousy seems to have faded, and I just want her out of my life, and the only way to do that is to have 'Dale' out of my life, which i dont want :/. I dont even know how 'dale' feels about us, ive tried to text him but he just said hes sorry for being a dick he was just annoyed about everything at the time and that we should stop talking before we start arguing again, i also feeel i should give 'kyle' more of a chance, and 'dale' posted on his facebook status 'that person will be missed very much but she was right!' .. i was right about what? the friends thing? .. i actually feel as though, ive lost him, that hes seen sense and decided we are better off friends, but i want him back :| ive decided to leave him for a bit, and try things with 'kyle' again, but if i leave it too long, i might never beable to get back with 'dale'.. my heads a mess, i like 'kyle' i think i love 'dale' but yeh, im lost, i dont know what to do!!!!!!
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ex girlfriend, facebook, his ex, insecure, my ex, on holiday, shy, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (18 July 2009):
 You're welcome! I'm glad that I could help :)
A
female
reader, Jessica22 +, writes (17 July 2009):
Jessica22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou, this really helped and i'm not just saying that, its probably the best advice i've had through-out the situation, and i feel alot more confident about my decision of what i should do. :)
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (16 July 2009):
You've got to get a handle on your insecurity. It ruined the relationship between you and Dale because you could not handle his ex, and it made you go too far with Kyle because you wanted attention. It is time to learn to love and be comfortable with yourself. Unless you can do that, you will always search for someone else to make you feel good, when in reality it needs to come from inside.
It's a shame. Dale sounded like a nice, if confused, guy but you have lost him. He has respect for himself and he's not going back to a girl who cheated on him and rates herself by how many other guys are looking at her. This is a wakeup call for you...will you answer?
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