A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im a too in love with my boyrfiend and Im 16 and have taken a vow of abstinance that I would love to uphold. The problem is I kinda forgot to tell him that 6 months ago and now Im about 80% sure he thinks he's gonna get to sleep with me and Im about that much sure that I may say yes if he asks just because he turns me on that much lol. I don't know what to do? Brake up with him before anything can happen? Or just let it happen? Help?What do you guys think?Thank u. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): I don't think you "kinda forgot" anything. Come on, you "forgot" this for 6 straight months? The first 6 months of your first serious relationship? Who are you kidding here? Be honest with yourself. You didn't wanna tell him becuase you suspected that he wouldn't be your BF if he didn't think the sex was coming. Now you've "backed yourself into a corner" so you can break your abstinence vow without hating yourself. You've set this up so now can reason with yourself that you got forced into it. Face reality. You wanna screw him. Deep down you've already made up your mind to do it a long time ago. The only uncertainty is exactly how you were gonna excuse it to yourself.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (27 September 2009):
 If you want to take your vows seriously, and uphold them, tell him now so that the moment doesn't come where he's making his move and thinking it's going to happen and you succumb and say yes. It's not wise to wait until the last minute, when he think he's about to have sex with you to bust out, "hey - by the way, I'm waiting until marriage to do that". Now, even if you do that, he should respect that completely, but it's not exactly fair to him to spring it on him at the last second.
So talk to him about it now. Say something like, "listen, I love being with you and it feels like our relationship is getting pretty serious, so I just wanted to tell you that I'm waiting until I married to have sex. You're wonderful, but this is something that just means a lot to me and I wanted to let you know."
You can be nice about it, but be firm and don't give him wiggle room. There's no need to break up with him, especially if you haven't even given him the chance to be respectful and wonderful and not care that you don't want to have sex - just love being with you and doing other fun things. Maybe he's a classy guy! Give him the chance to prove that. (But if he pushes or gets upset or whatever, THEN is the time to break up with him.)
Good luck, sweetness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): If you do love him and he loves you as much as you should do to have sex then you should be able to talk to him about how you want to wait as long as possible and he should understand. It may take him a while to accept that so give him some time. But if he asks you again after a while then leave him as he obviously doesnt respect your views.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (27 September 2009):
 Just tell him. You made the vow, there's no need to be ashamed of it.
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A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (27 September 2009):
 Why break up with him without just telling him the truth? If he truly loves you he is going to accept your decisionout of respect and love for you. If he can't accept your decision... well, he certainly does not deserve to have sex with you EVER.Who did you make the vow to and for how long? I personally believe in waiting for marriage. I believe that there are very real reasons why God planned it this way. There are consequences to pre-marital sex... and there's no way to predict what they will be. Pregnancy is always a possibility, regardless of contraception and there are emotional impacts too.Once sex enters the relationship, the relationship changes. This is the time to get to know each other, explore each others personality and values... future plans, dreams and ambitions. Sex changes the focus and during the teen years it becomes a the primary focus especially for the guy and then you lose out on the opportunity to really know someone before you connect your body to them.You have to make your decision with your brain and not your desire. Definitely, don't just, "let it happen". If you're mature enough to have sex you should be mature enough to make a choice and take responsibility for it. And if you made a vow well there's a reason you made that vow... and you're experiencing it.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (27 September 2009):
Don't be silly, you didn't "forget" to tell him, you just didn't tell him. First off, why would you break up with him because you "forgot" to tell him? Is it because you want to end it before he ends it first if you don't put out? If he likes you, he should respect your decision. You said that you have a vow of abstinence that you want to uphold, so you want to know if you should let it happen??? Of course not, if you want to uphold it, then no, you wouldn't let it happen. Do what you want to do.
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