A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i had my gf crying to me today because apparently her family keep asking what im doing and telling her i should be doing this ie working more or some shit. it was hard to get information out of her of what exactly is being said. i told her it ignore it and if they have any questions tell em to ask me.if they had said anything to me id probably listen and say no thank you or the appropriate response. it doesnt bother me, its that it bothers my partner which bothers me. i have thick skin and make my own choices, she not at that stage yet.to get to the facts i am probably alot better off financially then all her family put together.i see it as if it was so "easy" then they would be doing it themselves.i have been shifting between jobs, trying new things and deciding what it is i want to do the last couple years. i have worked hard and in a position to do that now. i didnt know what i wanted to do when i was younger so i worked hard to give myself more freedom to do what i wanted when i got older.i would like to know if i am handling this the right way, am i handling my gf the right way and has anyone been in similiar positions before? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 June 2015):
 I don't think you could really have handled it in ANY other way.
I think they want to make SURE she is provided for (for the future) and I'm guessing here.. she is from Asian background? I have seen a LOT of posts where young Asian feel a LOT of pressure to not only WORK super hard, but also make enough money to help the WHOLE family. While I think it's noble to help older family members, you two are NOT yet married so it seems like they are putting a LOT of pressure on HER.
If she IS from a different background it might explain it. I think the pressure is actually MORE on HER then on you, but who knows... maybe the parents wants her to "date" a doctor, lawyer (someone with a fairly high income and "prestige" job.
You handled it FINE. YOUR finances is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. YOU are dating her... not her family. AND... you are "only" dating.
Do what makes you happy, what you enjoy and what can provide for YOU.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 June 2015):
 Yep, you're doing it correctly. her family wants their daughter to be taken good care of and they don't know the details of your life as well they shouldn't but if they think you're being lazy or something they should take it up with you not her.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 June 2015):
 You are being tolerant and you handled it the right way. You are right, your girlfriend is too young to separate her family's opinion from her own and what she should have done is keep quiet about it. She has the right to feel upset and is only confiding in you like a friend should.
She is afraid that her parents have the power to influence who she's going to marry and one day you might break up over this. If you are Indian then I see why. You say you make more money than them so I don't see it as a problem. I think she's crying because she wishes so much that your parents would approve of the relationship. The parents see a son in law as a way to improve the financial situation and is aiming high. You've done your part. If your girlfriend cares more about what her family thinks than your love, then it's her problem, her loss. Crying about it doesn't solve anything.
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