A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Six months ago, I was going out with a guy. We were both sixteen. His ex also made me feel very uncomfortable as she still liked him and kept making jibes over us. This guy has had a string of girlfriends but he was my first boyfriend. I thought we were in love, as one does at 16 :) I was told by a friend he had sex with his now ex when they were 15. When asked about this he told me it was just my friend "bullshitting". I, stupidly, believed him. A couple of months after that I was told by someone else and realised he had lied to me. Not only did he sleep with his ex at 15, he lied to me. This made me feel like absolute ^^^t. I broke up with him. He kept going on about how he had respect for everyone, but where was the respect when he lied to me? He then tried to convince me to sleep with him (I had not slept with him). I was and am so angry with him. But at the same time, I have feelings for him. How is that possible? Can you love and hate someone at the same time? And why havent I got over him yet?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 July 2015):
 Here's when your mind and heart are at battle. Your head tells you he's up to no good, it protects you so when he lies, you react with anger. Your heart is gentle, forgiving and lets people in. It's patient and often sees the best in people. The key to dating where most young men want just sex, is to see them clearly, keep on rejecting and only let them in your heart when they are proven to be mature and care about your feelings.
A
male
reader, IanHenryCooper  +, writes (19 July 2015):
 Men lie until they grow up - and sometimes even after they do!You have had early experience of this fact, unfortunately, but as WiseOwl says, you will recover from it.As a Course Director in charge of the pastoral care of mainly teenaged boys, I have fairly in-depth debates about several personal development topics during tutorial session and of course they often relate to girls and sex - no surprise there!However, I am frequently amazed by the chauvinistic attitudes of the majority of them, in this supposedly enlightened age - feminism seems to have passed them by....With their prevailing attitudes and treatment of women/girls, I am amazed that they manage to get girl friends at all.Ok, I confess that back in the dark ages when I was a teenager, all I was interested in was getting myself off, never mind about the girl. As time progressed, I soon learned that there was more fun to be had from treating her pleasure as paramount and waiting until she was satisfied, by means of foreplay and orgasms, before penetration.Also, sex without emotional involvement is just animal instinct and surely we are better than that?Where this relates to you is that you should not feel cheated or mis-used over and above so many girls of your age - or is par for the course; don't let it bring you down, hold your head high and move on to someone a little more mature, and look out for the warning signs, as you have already shown that you can do.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 July 2015):
 Of course it's posssible to have a love/hate relationship.Ask anyone that's been married more than 20 years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2015): You can love someone for who they are, but hate what they do. It is the lie he told and betrayal of your trust that you hate. This is good practice, and you handled it properly.
You are quite an intelligent young lady for your age. Women twice your age don't have the common-sense and foresight to see when a guy isn't right for them. To know when to remove themselves from a relationship, in spite of their feelings for him. Not to be pressured into having sex before they are ready.
He lied because he wanted to keep you. He pressured you to have sex before you're ready, and if he is the type to have a string of girlfriends and already sexually-active at fifteen?
You were wise to get away from him. He doesn't have a good male role model to show him how to conduct himself, if he wants to be with a nice girl like you. He's been taught sex is what girls are for, and nothing much else. He is the type who will probably be a teen father. It is expected of him at his age to experiment; but he's too young for the responsibility that comes with sex.
Nature is kind to young people your age. Your feelings are hurt now, but your recovery will be quick. That is the advantage of your youth. This is a learning experience, and you are quite smart at a very young age. That is an indication of wisdom, good parenting, and a female who will grow to be a strong woman.
Give yourself time, it takes time for a broken-heart to mend. It means you really cared about him. It also means you know a player when you see one. You go girl!
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