A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend admitted that he only cares about his sexual plessure and that he isnt worried about me getting mine. witch explains why all this trying to convience him that i want more forplay isnt working. i tried to explain to him that the type of foreplay i want is forefplay before foreplay, like anything that dont have to do with masterbaiting me or oral,but it seems thats the only foreplay he'll offer. in my opinion, if the foeplay is going to get me off in 5 min, we might as well just skip it and have sex anyway. he plays dumb and it ruins my ability to get in the mood because i dont want to explain word for word how to turn me on when i kinda like spontanious stuff and random stuff. i toldhim i dont care what it is he does, i just want some kind of play that doesn involve getting me off with my clit everytime. but now he says he only cares about getting his. wich makes it quite ovious that he's just been paying dumb all this time. i understand that a guy dont want to spend 15 mn. everytime extra just on the girl getting aroused, guys get aroused without being touched, so for some guys the foreplay dont do anything for hem, but i still think i derserve it when its calld for. i offered to give him quickies threwout the day any thing he wants to bust a few quick, and i told him that my sex drive wasnt as high as his, so that i dont want him to worry about getting me off durng these, as long as i get it when i want it, and he does it kinda right (which isnt hard to do) illbe stisfied. but now that i see pleasing me isnt as important as pleasing him, i dont even want to have sex with him, i don think its right that i take his needs into consideration but he dont mine, there fore i feel i should stop taking his into mind, and quit giving him these quickies, which would basically mean no sex at all. so which one of us is in the wronge? me or him? ive tried to talk about it in the most approachable ways i could, i didnt hate on the way we was doing it, i just explained how i want it and he simply refuses to do it
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foreplay, in the mood, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): original poster..... thanks everyone for the advice. your right, it is'nt going to do me any good to talk about it to him, i dont want a guy to do it because he has to, i want a guy to please me because he wants to, other wise it isnt going to please me. this guy is rediculous! and even if he changed now, it probley wouldnt do me any good sexually because of the scar he put on it by having to be "forced" to get me off!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 November 2010):
 Oh, man. The door would be hitting this guy's rear end so fast... well, you have tried and tried. He doesn't sound particularly trainable. What do YOU want?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 November 2010):
 He might as well go buy a blow up doll if you ask me.
Honestly making love or having sex is about MUTUAL gratification, if he doesn't care about you in a sexual aspect, why would he care about you otherwise? Love & respect should carry into the bedroom as well.
I'd dump the guy in a heartbeat.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (8 November 2010):
"The moment a relationship starts down the tit-for-tat route, it's done."
That's so true. Men AND women so often (often, without realising the consequences) use sex as a means of power and control in a relationship.
I remember the first few months of dating my girlfriend she casually joked about not getting sex and I laughed at her and said what a ridiculous thing to say, that's like me saying I'm not going to ever give you a hug! She saw how out of line her comment was and we've had a very equally and giving relationship since.
Don't end up "one of those girls" that ends up with some guy for YEARS and has sex with him just because she wants to keep him. One day when your relationship is over and you meet someone new, you'll really regret that you lowered yourself just because you thought someone loved you, when in fact, they were just using you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 November 2010):
The moment a relationship starts down the tit-for-tat route, it's done. To be fair, this isn't your fault. You have a every selfish boyfriend who seems to be into his own life and nothing else. I just don't see the point in keeping on with a guy who doesn't care about anything else but his own pleasure.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 Is this what love is about? What you SHOULD HAVE to DO?
Basically it sounds like you need cuddling. Some men like that, some are indifferent to it but only a few plain refuse to do it. The first group wouldn't be a problem, the middle group would indulge you because you sure seem willing to give back but the latter just isn't capable of understanding what another person, most women, want. They fundamentally don't give a shit.
What are you going to do about it? Make him care? Force him to cuddle?
He doesn't want to offer what you need. End of story.
That means you either accept it, or end the relationship. And frankly, when words like "should I have to" start to enter a relationship, there isn't much left to it.
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A
female
reader, :)31215 +, writes (8 November 2010):
 i agree with Odds.
He's admitted he doesn't care about your needs. If he loved you he'd spend the time getting you off and enjoy it aswell. He'd want to do spontaneous things to get you in the mood or just to make your day a little bit brighter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): He sounds like a bit of jerk. He should care about what you want. Thats what a relationship is..cooperation. A little bit of give and take. But by the sounds of it he aint giving anything at all. He needs to care or else its time you move on.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (8 November 2010):
 You've done everything right here. Some guys just don't care, and he's at least been clear enough about that. I sincerely doubt he is ever going to change, so it's either find a new boyfriend or accept things the way they are.
Personally, I'd choose to leave him and find a better guy.
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