A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Gentlemen, Guys, thank you for your time. Thesis research your age/months-years in relationship, please. On a scale of 1 to 10 how important are blowjobs in a serious relationship? Is it preferred to regular sex? Do you consider it an act of love and respect? Or a more playful and casual act?Do you romance your SO to get one? Do you ask for one? Is it spontaneously offered? Again, thanks for your time!!
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (7 November 2010):
 Blowjobs are a 10. I'm willing to be patient for the first one to happen, same as with normal sex, but eventually they have to become a regular part of our sex life.
Not "preferred," really, but I've always had sex more often than getting blowjobs, so there's a certain novelty to it.
It can be an act of love and respect, or it can just be base animal lust. Certainly, a woman who gives them frequently is demonstrating love and respect, but that's hardly on my mind until a while afterwards. Same with "playful," it might look that way in retrospect, but I wouldn't call it that at the time.
I romance my SO because she deserves it, not specifically for blowjobs - but, as I've mentioned, I see oral as being a standard part of a relationship after enough time.
I've never verbally asked for one, but I have made it pretty clear that I was looking for one at the moment.
It's been spontaneously offered, but the first few times it usually happens only immediately after I go down on her. After that there's less attention to immediate reciprocity, and it becomes more about mutual pleasure.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): 41, 20 years. 10. Sometimes preferred, not always. More playful and casual...foreplay for sex. I have to romance to get ANYTHING. I usually dont have to ask. Usually a regular part of foreplay.
My only wish is she would do it after sex...like to climax, or most of all, to cum in her mouth. Once it touches her vajajay, she wont put it in her mouth again unless I shower. Annoying hangup, but I respect it.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 In a serious relationship, a blow job is not any more or less important than in a casual relationship. It is something that both parties need to discover and discuss. I would say that any man who 'demands' a blow job and threatens wo walk away if he doesn't get his way is not much of a partner.
Remember that everyone is different, so every man on the planet has a different idea of how he wants a blow performed. I love them, but I do know some guys who dont.
My partner is awesome at blowjobs, and if I had my way, I would want one every hour. I never ask, she does it if and when she feels in the mood, which luckily is quite often.
A blow job is a sexual act, and is great, but intercourse with someone you love means far more.
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A
female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 They are important if they are done right.. lol.But honestly, I am not a male but I can tell you with assurance that in my past relationships I have never run into a man who was against the idea of a blowjob. A blowjob to most men means complete relaxation, no work and pure pleasure. Myself personally, Ive never been finicky about giving, and with my ex prided myself on my abilities. I was satisfied when I could render him senseless and vulnerable - buzzing after a really good orgasm.I think it honestly depends on the man, and his preferences. There are many fetishes, interests and varying errogenous zones that can be stimulated that arent neccesarily limited to oral sex.One word of advice though, and pardon me for the following statement as it is far from ladylike. Unless you want to be giving head all of the time, do not perfect your skills to the point that they are mindblowing. All joking aside, I learned early on that I had little or no gag reflex and deepthroat came naturally and my ex barely left me alone. lol. Fine for a month or two, tiring after awhile.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 November 2010):
To some, they will be. To others, they won't. If you're a person who doesn't like giving them, then offer something else. You don't have to do them, and a man won't suddenly die or anything if he doesn't get one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): All of the women I have been with and the girlfriends I have had, I have never asked for one, though I have recieved a few. I see oral sex more as foreplay, as a turn on. I guess they are offered but most of the time not verbally. Women know that men love them and I think that when she gives her man one it is out of love that she wants to satisfy him. I think if a bloke asks for a blow job, he is just interested in getting himself pleased and not pleasing his partner. If he wants one he has to give in return. I much prefer sex than to oral sex. In a serious relationship I would have to say a 4 or 5 in how important they are. He likes one now and then but never asks out of respect. That's how I see it anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Q1) Current r/ships - one four months old, one three weeks
Q2) At least a '9'
Q3) Can often act as a prelude to, or less emotionally overwhelming and physically sore substitute for, 'regular sex'. Very hard to say for sure which I prefer
Q4) Not necessarily, but I certainly need to like the guy
Q5) Playful certainly - I'd hope not too casual!
Q6) Erm, romance? Optional, ties in with Q4 to a huge extent
Q7) Yes but not necessarily by speaking out loud, usually non-verbal cues are enough
Q8) Yes
(Disclaimer: I'm sure most guys are different from me)
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A
female
reader, Natalie:) +, writes (4 November 2010):
 My boyfriend shouted over from the other side of the room "very" so guess he means 9/10.
He also told me to write that it should be a reg bit of foreplay
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A
female
reader, kalykush +, writes (4 November 2010):
 I'm not a male (obviously) but from a females perspective, I never really enjoyed this act. That is until I got into a seriously relationship (together 1year 3months) to him it is most important. I please him daily sometimes 2 or 3 times a day - depending on my mood- I do it because I love him...its no so much a sign of respect. But i know if i didnt respect him he wouldnt be getting it. and also its a great way to start other acts to follow ;)
Since being with him I've come to like it and have even found new ways to please him and I never keep it the same. If he was to rate it, the importance is on the scale of 100. LOL. for me only involving him it is a 10.
to the other guy who has never came from a BJ... trust me you will propose on the spot. I know my guy loves it if i stay long enough for him to nutt :)
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A
female
reader, ashie31 +, writes (4 November 2010):
Shew girl, i wanna know the same thing. im interested in seeing the guys answers. i have been with my boyfriend for over a year and he seems to love them. idk why i would like to know this myself
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A
male
reader, screenname11 +, writes (4 November 2010):
Oh, I didn't realize you were female. My bad. So in your case, if he asks you for one and you aren't comfortable with it, don't be afraid to say no. Just say "Sorry I'm not comfortable with that right now." If he loves you, he will respect your decision. If he keeps pushing it, just say that if he keeps pressuring you, you will leave. Which might be kind of harsh, but it would just be a constant issue in the relationship if he can't let go of it. If he couldn't, he obviously cares more for the pleasure of it than the fact that YOU are doing it for him. Hope this helps
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 Importance = 10. If only for 20 seconds as foreplay- but I've never cum from a blow-job yet so its less about duration and more just a turn on... A bit worried that if I ever do cum from a BJ that I'll be the one getting on my knees and proposing on the spot... :)
It can be an act of love, respect, playful or casual... really depends on how you're both feeling at the time.
I've never asked for one and I'd never romance somebody in the hope of getting one.
Interested in seeing what others say on the matter...
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A
male
reader, screenname11 +, writes (4 November 2010):
Personally, I don't think they are that important. They are more of a playful, casual act I think. The truest form of love within the physical relationship is sex itself. It's the only way you can truly be the closest you can be to a person. Therefore, I don't prefer it to regular sex. So on a scale of 1-10...i give it a 4 or 5. You could ask for one if you really wanted to, but if she denies, of course you should respect her decision and move on from it.
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