A
female
age
36-40,
*istify
writes:I've had some bad luck in the past with boyfriends. Fell pregnant when i was 19, and my daughter is now almost 5. I met a guy 18 months ago, and fell in love. It was the same for him, but he just came out of a failed engagement, so things took a slow start. We have eventually moved in together 4 months ago. Things were great, but i've started focussing on the small stuff.He gets everything right in the big-things department, but almost nothing in the small things department. He takes me out for dinner often, and pays for us when we go out for drinks. He even babysits my daughter when i play netball. He does not however, pick up his underware, ever cook dinner, buy's me flowers etc etc etc. I've resorted (after thinking long and hard) to moving into another room, so that we can go back to the basics. He obviously got a fright, and now he does a lot more. However, i think that it has damaged our relationship for so long, and i don't know if it can be repaired. Even when he buys me flowers now - i thank him profusely, but i don't feel entirely happy... What should i do? Should i hang on for a bit, and see if it works out, and i get over my hangups, or should i just cut it short right now... I really love him, and he is generally good for me...
View related questions:
fell in love, flowers, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Mistify +, writes (31 October 2007):
Mistify is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hello everybody
Thank you so much for your advice. I've decided my course of action. I love him, and i want to be with him. I read a book once, which quite frankly i forgot about.
It's called - The Five Love Languages - by Gary Chapman
According to him the five languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Receiving gifts / gifting
My boyfriend is definately fluent in Words of affirmation and Physical touch and Receiving gifts.
Me on the other hand - i'm fluent in Acts of service, and Quality time.
We need to learn each other's languages, and speak to each other in a language we understand.
Thus, i need to be more affectionate towards him, and give him words of affirmation, and he needs to do more acts of service and give me more quality time.
This is going to take work I Know, but with your guys help i'm sure we'll pull through. Thanks for all your insight. Especially you Dapone...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): what you need to ask yourself is 'does the good outweigh the bad'? There are plenty of things that my partner does that annoys me but at the same time theres things that i do that annoy him but none of those things matter because we love each other!
I showed he cares by trying to make things better, if i were you ignore his annoying behaviour and focus on all the things he does do - what would you rather a guy that picks his pants up off the floor or a guy you could trust completely both with you and your daughter? I know which i would rather.
Learn to be happy and content with what you have because you never know what might happen tomorrow!
...............................
A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (30 October 2007):
 I think maybe you should cut the guy some slack. He sounds like a good guy to me! I also think that it is a very good sign that he made an attempt to please you with the flowers. After getting out of bad relationships we sometimes tend to focus on the bad things or what we think should improve. My advice to you is to appreciate the good things that he does for you. My motto in my relationship is, if it isn't worth leaving it isn't worth fighting about. Especially when you live together. Home is supposed to be the place where you can go to get away from the rest of the craziness in the world.
Maybe this fight isn't about him bringing home flowers, because when you KNOW that your man loves you and he is GOOD to you and your child...Who needs flowers?
Does he know how to cook? Have you ever asked him to prepare dinner? Maybe you should prepare dinner together as a family. Just an idea.
...............................
A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (30 October 2007):
 Hello.I think that you need to sort yourself out, there is nothing wrong with your boy friend it is you that is at fault, he looks after you, baby sits for you, pays for you to go out, he does not buy you flowers, then when he does thats not right, he seem to be doing all the right things in the relationship. i do not think you should move into another room he should move out all together, and find a girlfriend who loves him and cares for him and can see him as the caring person he is, and treat him as a human being.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelblueeyes +, writes (30 October 2007):
 Hi,My husband NEVER cooks dinner he NEVER picks his pants up off the floor and I get flowers once a year for an anniversary, it's how men are.I think you should sit down and think of all the good things that he does he looks after your daughter and takes care of you etc.If you're not happy being with you boyfriend then you need to talk to him and tell him how you are feeling, it's no good bottling things up they have a habit of exploding at the wrong time,Good luck!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Trinny +, writes (30 October 2007):
 I would hang in there because this guy is really trying. You both have had bad relationships before and so are judging each other on past experience. Don't do this forget the past and live today. You say you love the guy, well sit him down and tell how you feel and what you want from this relationship and let him do the same. Then maybe you both can start a better relationship with each other. It seems like the guy is trying to hard to make you happy because he is frightened of going through another break up. Like i say the both of you need to sit down and talk about what you have been through and what you what from each other, otherwise you are both going to make each other miserable. Good luck and i hope it works out for you.
...............................
|
