A
female
age
51-59,
*ovelost
writes:hi, I hate to be alone and i hate to hurt peoples feelings to the point i make my life a living hell in relationships. I stay and take all the crap giving to me and when its plain to see that ive took to much, my boyfriend is nice for a while.. making me forget the bad and then it starts all over..How do i break up and survive. how do i know its bad1. ive gained over 100 pounds in last year2. he coulden touch me from day one 3. He grosses me out by his lust for his own anal sex4. ive caught him watching gay porn and putting stuff up his butt5. he denies hes gay and says he only does this to try to get turned on because im so fat it makes him sick6. i have to pay all bills7. i dont know me anymore..for 3 years ive tried everything make him happy i dont know how to make me happy any more.im so scared to end this..should i just forget anything i want out of life just to make him happy/or spare myself from being alone..please help..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, siren1  +, writes (31 October 2007):
 hi breaking up is one of the hardest things to do but worrying about being alone will only make you worse i should know i was in a relationship for 11 years and wasnt happy for most of it i only stayed for the sake of my child and the thought of being on my own but i finally made the break it was tough and there was many tears but i have been in a relationship for over 3 years now and so happy i feel have met my soul mate so look after number 1 and remember theres life after a break up i should know have been there so good luck and let me know how things go!
A
female
reader, lovelost +, writes (31 October 2007):
lovelost is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you for taking time to help..im going to tell him tonight that i need to make myself better and i cant do it with him here.. and i will tell not ask ..him to move out..i will let you know how that goes for me..thanks
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Being alone is one of the WORST things that could ever happen to anyone. You have feelings of rejection, feelings of resentment and total lost of self worth.
You need to ask yourself why you hate being alone?
- Is it because of something from your childhood?
- Is it your parent's fault for not 'recognising' you?
- Is it because you don't feel good about yourself when you
don't have someone to love you?
- Is it because you only feel good when you are pleasing
other people.
The answer though, is that nobody, except for yourself can make you happy. You need to dig deep, and find why you hate being alone, and then you need to address those issues. You might need to forgive the people who've always made you feel alone, and you need to forgive yourself for causing yourself so much pain through subjecting yourself to such miserable circumstances. Nobody likes being alone. Most of us were made to be with somebody.
This is all about you, and has nothing to do with the guy you are with. He is obviously not good for you (and definitely in denial about being gay), but you are the one attracting these type of people, because you don't believe that you deserve any better. Well - wake up call. You do. You deserve a man who will love you, and take care of you, and not degrade and disgust you. Thing is - you are the only one who can create the life you want.
Start by loving yourself. I'm going to stray and ask you to read some 'Louise L Hay' - all her work is good, but mostly i would say, do it for yourself. It will be painful to break off this relationship, especially since you don't like hurting people, but it will definitely be worth it in the end. Good luck
Mail me if you want to chat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): Hi, you should just go away. If you're working and have your own income, arrange to find a place for you and then one day just go, leave him...No, you shouldn't waste your time and energy with a guy who treats you like this. I'm sure you deserve better than this and you'll find it. Be good to yourself and do something nice for you: go away from him and start living, start a healthy life and you'll soon find that you're much better without him. I'm talking from experience...
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