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Do We Have a Distorted Sense of What Love Really Is?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

1 June 2011: So I just wanted to say something about some of the myths and sayings about love and relationships that we hear all the time. Things like: - you'll know it when you feel it - when it's right, it's easy - you have to kiss a lot of frogs to f...

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How do men deal with the hair 'down there'?

Q.   This question is really difficult to ask people in real life so here goes. Ladies, what's your opinion on pubic hair on your men? Shaved, trimmed or untouched? And men, if you're shaving down there, how do you handle the testicular area? ...

A.   2 November 2017: For me, shaved or trimmed. Especially if my mouth is going anywhere near there. Very very unpleasant to get a mouthful of hair. I asked my husband about the testicular thing, and he says pull the skin taut and go gently. ... (read in full...)

How do I stop going into a panic while waiting for medical test results?

Q.   Need help! I am terrified of tests and physicals. It took all I had to go in recently to my doctor because of prolonged menstrual bleeding. My doctor ordered ultrasounds and other tests. I went through them but panicked and cried the whole time...

A.   22 August 2016: I have had problems with irrational and negative thoughts go through my mind, so I know how distressing it can be. You have to keep replacing those thoughts whenever they pop up. So when you think, "I'm sure something will be wrong with my blood ... (read in full...)

Is this fair? I've developed depression due to my concerns. Should she be contributing more? She leaves me to pay everything in order for us to live

Q.   I'm feeling incredibly depressed lately. Be been married for 1year, we've been together for over 6years. I really do love her but I feel like she is bringing nothing to our relationship. She got a great degree from a state university, she cou...

A.   2 July 2016: The reason she isn't motivated to do anything, is because she knows you will pick up the slack. She doesn't have to do anything, and still knows it will all get done. Food appears, the house gets vacuumed, dishes gets done. So unless you put your ... (read in full...)

I can't imagine breaking up with him, and I can't live with my married lover. How do I cope?

Q.   I have been having an affair with a married man for 3 years this June. He has told me he does not love me. But he loves having sex with me. The passion we share and the sex we have is out of this world. Even after 3 years, we continue to reac...

A.   25 May 2016: You yourself have voiced the very reasons why this relationship is toxic and will lead nowhere. You just can't win. Best case scenario, he leaves his wife for you (which really doesn't seem likely from what you've described) and then you worry for ... (read in full...)

Why are some people so critical of open relationships?

Q.   So I am letting my fiance have sex with another woman (who herself is in an open relationship) next week. They have already had a date and kissed etc. It's the first time he will have sex outside of our relationship. Rationally I am pretty ok wit...

A.   19 May 2016: I do agree with previous posters that people judge because it isn't the norm and what they are used to. I will add though, that people might caution and criticize the choice, because it is prone to causing trouble in relationships. I have tried open ... (read in full...)

Why are some people so critical of open relationships?

Q.   So I am letting my fiance have sex with another woman (who herself is in an open relationship) next week. They have already had a date and kissed etc. It's the first time he will have sex outside of our relationship. Rationally I am pretty ok wit...

A.   19 May 2016: I do agree with previous posters that people judge because it isn't the norm and what they are used to. I will add though, that people might caution and criticize the choice, because it is prone to causing trouble in relationships. I have tried open ... (read in full...)

What are the main reasons that would motivate a woman to want to break up with a guy?

Q.   I would like the opinion of the lady's an men who write in all the time, my question is what's the main reasons for women to dump the guys? Is it they found some one new, he cheated , he treats her bad, got bored of him, he was to nice, came on ...

A.   1 May 2016: I broke up with my first bf after 3.5 years because he was my first, and I still wanted to see what else was out there. We were also long distance for a year at the time. That time, I did have someone "waiting in the wings" at the time, in that I ... (read in full...)

Should we be open with our young son that we're trying to get back together?

Q.   My ex and I dated for a few months when I got pregnant with our son. We were both only 20 . When my son was one we broke up. We fought a lot over the years, we would both get jealous when the other one started dating some one else, I didn't like ...

A.   28 April 2016: I definitely think you are doing the right thing by keeping it from your son. As parents, you guys are in a great place right now, and providing stability for your son. Until you are sure that your relationship will work out, it is best to just keep ... (read in full...)

When is it the right time to leave?

Q.   Okay. To answer my question I strongly believe you will need my whole backstory. So lets just jump into it. We met at 16, it was bliss, romance, and teenage rebelion at its finest. She was perfect and at this moment i knew I was in love. ...

A.   28 April 2016: I'm very sorry for what you have gone through and are still going through. I don't think that either option is very good. To end a marriage over the phone in a few minutes conversation? Or to have her wait for you and then divorce her the minute you ... (read in full...)

I want my parents blessing before moving in with my boyfriend

Q.   Hey Everyone, So, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year now, and he's brought up us moving in together. I come from a background where my family believes its meet a guy,fall in love,engage,marry then move in. Whereas my boyfrien...

A.   26 April 2016: I was in a very similar situation as you. Boyfriend (now husband) is western, and my family is conservative, although I was born in the west so have many western values. I ended up moving in with my boyfriend, and I honestly believe that it was the ... (read in full...)

My Bf had two pictures of his ex in his jacket pocket. Now what do I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been having the same recurring issue. When we first moved in I found a letter from his ex, from when they were going out. I got mad at him and told him to throw all the stuff out. Now today, 3 months after I look into his ...

A.   7 April 2016: How long have you been together? I encountered the same issue with my then bf, now husband. It is unfair to expect him to throw out every memento of his past with her, especially if he hasn't dated you long. What if it doesn't work out with you? ... (read in full...)

I've completely lost interest in sex due to the health issues it causes for me

Q.   I'm in a long term relationship (7Years). We are very happy together. I love him. However, I have to completely lost interest in sex. I think like main reason is that I get a bladder infection every time won have sex (been to doctors and had lots of ...

A.   24 January 2016: Have you talked to your doctor about what can be done to minimize bladder infections? Because there are definitely some easy steps you can take. When I started being sexually active, I would easily get infections, and it was miserable! So I followed ... (read in full...)

Is a puppy just as much work as a baby?

Q.   I recently got a puppy, and a friend of mine who has a baby told me she heard a puppy is just as much work as a baby. Now, she's never had a puppy, and I've never had a baby. Can someone who has had the experience with both please tell me if this is ...

A.   8 January 2016: I haven't had a baby, but I have had a puppy. I think that while there are similarities, a puppy is much easier. Sure, in the beginning, they need to be let out to pee every 3-4 hours or so, similar to how a baby needs to be fed every 3 hours or so. ... (read in full...)

I just found out my girlfriend of almost two years is MARRIED! Now what?

Q.   Hey Aunts! I have been dating this wonderful younger woman for almost two years now. She is smart, ambitious, and beautiful and she is 10 years my junior. Our sex life has been amazing, but it was troubling in one way. She always pushed for o...

A.   8 October 2015: I don't have a good opinion of cheaters, but even within cheaters there are several different levels. There are those who in some spur of the moment, possibly under the effects of alcohol or drugs, kiss someone or more, then feel utterly horrible ... (read in full...)

I really dislike my rude in-laws

Q.   Dear cupid, This is more family relationship advice needed. Basically, I am really struggling to get along with my in-laws. Every single one of them are just horrible people. My husbands mother is not involved because she abandoned him when h...

A.   30 July 2015: There has definitely been mistakes made on both parties. I think that your in laws feel as though you treat them as second class citizens. I agree with the other posters that sister in law should have been invited. I can understand that you might ... (read in full...)

Is it okay to keep secrets in a relationship?

Q.   My bf wants to know everything about me and wants no secrets between us. If I tell him something is a secret like what I did last weekend he pressures me to tell him what it is. Is it okay to not share everything in a relationship? seeing him for 3 ...

A.   9 April 2015: I think the more important question is why you want to keep secret what you did last weekend. The very reason why you say it's a secret makes it seem as though you did something inappropriate or damaging to the relationship - cheated, hung out with ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is being made to chose between doing things with family and doing things with me.

Q.   i need some help dealing with really difficult feelings i'm having in my relationship both myself and my girlfriend have physical medical conditions that prevent us from driving, so we depend on others for rides. her family is a very, very clo...

A.   12 February 2015: I suggest giving her a little more time before mentioning anything. Don't pressure her, just let her know that you love her and miss her. If you push, then she will probably choose her family. Whoever forces their partner to choose is usually ... (read in full...)

Should I give up on Prince Charming? Says he won't marry me unless I agree to become a swinger with him

Q.   I am a very attractive, tall, successful, and fun-loving 25-year-old young woman. I am deeply and truly in love with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Our sex is amazing, and the adventures we have together are truly unreal. ...

A.   31 December 2014: I'm very sorry that you and the man you love disagree on this important issue. Since you know that swinging is something you very much are not interested in, be strong and let him go. If you do go forward with him and give swinging a try out of ... (read in full...)

I want my ex take an HIV and STD before rekindling our relationship. What if he refuses to do so?

Q.   Dear Cupid,I haven't been with my ex for over ten years we are talking long distance now and have hopes of rekindling our relationship, but I am in fear of having sex with him . I want him to take an HIV and STD test before I give myself to him agai...

A.   31 December 2014: Approach him in a non threatening and non accusatory way. Don't make it about his sex life since you have last been together. Make it about being safe and responsible for the both of you. Suggest that the BOTH of you get tested so that you both can ... (read in full...)

I am also fed up with his manipulative ex girlfriend

Q.   I've been following a recent post here titled 'Annoyed with his manipulative ex'. I'm in a similar situation. To give a little back ground. My current boyfriend was in a relationship with his ex for about 3 years. He says that even from the start of...

A.   18 December 2014: I think that in this case, your bf wanting to be there for his ex is due to his feeling extreme gratitude towards her for being there for him. She went above and beyond the call of a normal girlfriend in taking care of him. Sometimes even spouses ... (read in full...)

Why are girls getting naked for their tattoo sessions with my boyfriend?

Q.   My boyfriend of 6 months is a tattoo artist and I have noticed that some girls like to be naked for their tattoo appointment, and even if the design is being placed on their lower back they want to take their pants off, which I don’t quite ...

A.   10 October 2014: I think you are jumping to conclusions here. First of all, you said lower back. Many pants and underwear would go up to the lower back area. So they actually would legitimately be in the way. And I don't think that the girls are planning anything ... (read in full...)

Do I have to go to bed the same time as my girlfriend every night?

Q.   I don't have to get up early, but on 4 days a week my partner does have to. She doesn't like me going to bed at a different time as her.The thing is, it's very rare I want to stay up watching TV in the living room when she goes to bed.If it was all ...

A.   3 July 2014: Have a talk with her to figure out what exactly about you going to bed later than her about once a month bothers her and how you guys can compromise to fix it. Is it that she doesn't like getting woken up? Seems unlikely since she gets woken up... (read in full...)

What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?

Q.   Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...

A.   23 May 2014: My husband and my wedding song is rascal flats I won't let go. The chorus sings like a marriage vow and what it means to love someone. Never fails to tug my heartstrings every time I heard it, even before we chose it as our song. Choru... (read in full...)

I don't like the engagement ring he gave me

Q.   I'm disappointed with my engagement ring. I feel like a horrible person. I love my fiance to death, but he picked out a gorgeous ring, with a sapphire as the centerpiece stone. It really is a beautiful ring-but I am very traditionally mi...

A.   24 March 2014: I would say give it some time to see if it grows on you. Jewellery and other personal items are very hard to buy for other people because we all have very individual ideas about what looks good and what we prefer. So at first glance, it doesn't fit ... (read in full...)

Need tips on how to lose weight, put together healthy meals, and exercise. Advice?

Q.   Hello! Basically I have struggled with my weight throughout most of my life, I have always been a bit chubby even as a child. I got really big when I was about 13/14 but managed to lose about 2 stone and ended up get...

A.   18 March 2014: I'm not great with the eating healthy, but I will say that make sure to prepare healthy snacks so that you have those available. That way, when you want to reach for the cookies, you can grab those instead. So chop up some celery, cauliflower, ... (read in full...)

Am I being too stubborn and bitchy about the whole thing or is my anger understandable?

Q.   Hello! I come from a very traditional Asian family. I have been told to respect those older than me and those with higher authority (example, my mom is the oldest in her family so all my cousins address me as big sister or so, even if they are...

A.   12 March 2014: I think you are taking out your resentment for your mom and traditional ways on your soon to be sister in law. You may suspect her of using your brother and disapprove of their age difference, but it isn't your life or your decision. And you say ... (read in full...)

Hairy as, I am so hairy its embaressing!

Q.   Im 15 and am VERY hairy, it is a genetic thing, now i can handle the hairy legs, arms, feet, hands, face but i have no idea what to do down there. Its very out of control, in the sense that it spreads, its not thick but its black and i cant wear ...

A.   9 March 2014: Well there are lotion type products like nair that you can apply and remove the hair like that. Either that or if you can work through the embarrassment of getting waxed. Waxing works really well and lasts for quite awhile. And the hair grows out ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong to be concerned about his earnings?

Q.   Hi. My boyfriend of 3 years has been hinting that he wants to ask me to marry him. I love him, that is not a problem. My concern is that I am hard working and driven and I want to advance my career. He is more laid back, self employed, just does ...

A.   5 February 2014: If your main concern is about paying spousal support in case of divorce, then have you considered a pre-nup? ... (read in full...)

Should I try to be positive when I see my old friend, or be honest and tell her things aren't going so well for me?

Q.   We all like to be positive, especially when seeing friends, no one likes a negative, whining person or one that hogs the spotlight and makes things all abut them. I have had a bad last year, not a happy one and am seeing a friend in a few wks ive...

A.   2 February 2014: If you don't want to whine, don't, but if you can't be honest about your life to your friends, who can you be honest to? And what's the point of having friends if you can't be truthful about yourself to them? You don't have to dive into every detail ... (read in full...)

We absolutely have the money for a wedding but I'm not sure its a good investment!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have a wedding question. My fiance and I have waited almost three years to get engaged as I wanted to be able to afford the wedding I want as all little girls dream about their wedding. I am just not sure I can spend six thousand...

A.   11 January 2014: The thing is there will always be fancier and fancier weddings. So if his family will be judgmental then ignore them and do something for yourself and your fiancé. Don't let their thoughts change what you want. Plus, if you just elope and get ... (read in full...)

We absolutely have the money for a wedding but I'm not sure its a good investment!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have a wedding question. My fiance and I have waited almost three years to get engaged as I wanted to be able to afford the wedding I want as all little girls dream about their wedding. I am just not sure I can spend six thousand...

A.   11 January 2014: I had wanted a fancyish wedding, but when I started checking venues and catering, it turned out that a medium wedding would easily cost over 10000. So we went very small. Rented a room on the military base, did the decorations ourself and just had a ... (read in full...)

What is she hoping for here?

Q.   My wife is doing something a bit "unusual" lately in bed and I am trying to figure it out. When I am on top, she holds 2 fingers together like a penis and starts sucking and licking them. (great so far :-)) Then she pulls my face down...

A.   14 December 2013: It could be she is fantasizing about you giving head to another man and that gets her off. It could also be that she feels in control by making you suck her fingers and that turns her on. Either way you can just mention that you noticed her doing ... (read in full...)

Roman Catholic marrying an Atheist

Q.   My girlfriend believes in god; I do not. We’ve always been very respectful of our respective beliefs. We were both baptised as Roman Catholics and raised in Roman Catholic families. As a Roman Catholic woman, you have a responsibility t...

A.   4 October 2013: My mom's parents are very religious - her dad was a minister. My mom went to church but I'm not sure how much of that was because of true belief and how much was to pacify her parents. However, my dad was very much not religious. He would not go to ... (read in full...)

I can't trust my husband because he gambles and lies

Q.   My husband and i have been married for almost two years. I know we are new and young but I am worried that we have problems that I can't fix. When we were engaged he gambled away $500 of our savings behind my back then confessed. Then after one ...

A.   25 July 2013: He needs to admit he has a problem and get help. He is an addict. And he really needs to control it because he works at a casino where the temptation is huge. He could be going to work and losing more money after work than he made. Also, you need to ... (read in full...)

Should I fight for this love? How can this work if I'm moving though?

Q.   What do I do about this guy I have connected with? So I graduated college and it was a year since my first big breakup and I planned to go leave and teach in Honduras. Enter: Dave. Dave was this guy who I had been extremely attracted to sin...

A.   24 July 2013: It doesn't hurt to ask him if he wants to try a long-distance relationship, especially if you plan to come back after a year. A year can fly by - and if he was already waiting for you, then maybe he would be willing to wait another year. You guys ... (read in full...)

How should I handle events when my future step daughter has her first child

Q.   I am engaged and not married yet. My fiance has two adult children from a previous marriage. They aren't in contact with him too much, forgetting him on Father's Day, Christmas and his birthday. No cards(sometimes there is a card), phone calls or ...

A.   24 July 2013: From what I have observed, kids are more distant from their dads. This isn't the case all the time, but for the most part I think it is. I call my mom every day or two days, but don't talk to my dad too often. My husband calls his mom maybe once ... (read in full...)

I feel a stab of pain because all my firsts wont be his firsts!

Q.   This might sounds a trivial problem or I might sound ridiculously jealous to some people but I could really do with honest advice from people on how to deal with my feelings. Im in my first relationship with someone that already has a child...

A.   23 July 2013: I do understand where you are coming from. I always knew that I wanted to be with someone who had never been married before and never had a child before. I wanted to share those firsts with whoever I ended up with. So I never dated anyone with ... (read in full...)

Am I Being Too Pushy About Marriage?

Q.   I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 years now; I'm 21, he's 25. We are high school sweet hearts, blah, blah, blah... I moved 30 miles away from home a year ago to transfer colleges and at the beginning, of course, I was scared of the change because ...

A.   15 July 2013: I don't think that getting married or engaged is the issue here, I think the issue is where are you going from here. I think that 21 is too early to get engaged/married especially since you are high school sweethearts, aren't done school, haven't ... (read in full...)

Why do men make such a big deal about my orgasming with them? Is it my issue or his?

Q.   Every man I have been with has always made such a big deal out of me not having orgasms with them. It's like they are personally insulted by it or something? why? what's the big deal? I have only orgasmed with someone once through penetrat...

A.   8 July 2013: I think it's pretty common for guys to feel that their sexual prowess is measured by how they can make women orgasm. Actually, for women as well. I like it when my man orgasms, and when he occasionally doesn't for whatever reason, it's a bit ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend knew she had STD and still had unprotected sex with me. I found out from seeing her medication!

Q.   I found out about a week ago that my live in GF has an STD. She did not tell me, I found out. I found medication that she's taking, that she never told me about. I did confront her. Naturally a fight ensued, and the house is tense now. My quest...

A.   8 July 2013: Absolutely dump her. Her actions are beyond something that you could work through. She was dishonest, disrespectful, and endangered your health. Not only did she not tell you about the STD (which is only right considering you are her sexual ... (read in full...)

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