New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login239967 questions, 1061609 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I want my ex take an HIV and STD before rekindling our relationship. What if he refuses to do so?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, Long distance, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2014) 6 Answers - (Newest, 1 January 2015)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid,I haven't been with my ex for over ten years we are talking long distance now and have hopes of rekindling our relationship, but I am in fear of having sex with him .

I want him to take an HIV and STD test before I give myself to him again.

And I don't have a problem with testing with him because he was the last man I was involved with.

If he doesn't agree what can I do to encourage him?

If he loves me then surely he would do it without having a problem with this?

View related questions: hiv , long distance, my ex, std

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 January 2015):

olderthandirt agony auntIself-evident that you don't know who or what he has beenwith AND he doesn'tknow who or what you've been doing . Why not suggest you both go get tested? That way there's no suggestion of trust issues. You can then both be "safe to" proceed.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (31 December 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntyour follow up says "I don't think I want him back"

therefore then you have to say to him that it won't work and ask him to stop wasting your time.

BTW asking for blood work is pretty easy and even if you have no need of it yourself as you have been celibate for 10 years I would still say to ANY new partner... let's get blood work done...

then you exchange the reports and all is well.

<-- Rate this answer


A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2014):

Thanks for the feedback I dont think I really want him back its THE NEW YEAR its time to look for better things .HAPPY HOLIDAYS :)

<-- Rate this answer


A female reader, Midnight Shadow United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2014):

Midnight Shadow agony auntYou should both get tested (even if you know you're clear) and show each other the results, not just tell each other.

As for asking him to take one, don't threaten or come across as implying something, just say you want to be responsible about it.

If he puts his foot down and flat out refuses, you should probably stay calm but just tell him that you can't risk your own health.

I also think all new partners should be tested, along with you each time, before getting intimate.

<-- Rate this answer


A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 December 2014):

Honeypie agony auntIf he doesn't want to test, DO you really want to be with him?

<-- Rate this answer


A female reader, kirra07 Canada +, writes (31 December 2014):

Approach him in a non threatening and non accusatory way. Don't make it about his sex life since you have last been together. Make it about being safe and responsible for the both of you. Suggest that the BOTH of you get tested so that you both can be safe and have peace of mind.

If he does have reservations about it, it would probably have to do with being embarrassed to discuss std tests with a doctor. Just be patient and remind him that a doctor sees and discusses many personal and uncomfortable topics with many people, and is very professional and impersonal about it.

<-- Rate this answer


Add your answer to the question "I want my ex take an HIV and STD before rekindling our relationship. What if he refuses to do so?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft