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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I haven't been with my ex for over ten years we are talking long distance now and have hopes of rekindling our relationship, but I am in fear of having sex with him .I want him to take an HIV and STD test before I give myself to him again.And I don't have a problem with testing with him because he was the last man I was involved with.If he doesn't agree what can I do to encourage him?If he loves me then surely he would do it without having a problem with this?
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hiv , long distance, my ex, std Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 January 2015):
 Iself-evident that you don't know who or what he has beenwith AND he doesn'tknow who or what you've been doing . Why not suggest you both go get tested? That way there's no suggestion of trust issues. You can then both be "safe to" proceed.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 December 2014):
 your follow up says "I don't think I want him back"
therefore then you have to say to him that it won't work and ask him to stop wasting your time.
BTW asking for blood work is pretty easy and even if you have no need of it yourself as you have been celibate for 10 years I would still say to ANY new partner... let's get blood work done...
then you exchange the reports and all is well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2014): Thanks for the feedback I dont think I really want him back its THE NEW YEAR its time to look for better things .HAPPY HOLIDAYS :)
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (31 December 2014):
 You should both get tested (even if you know you're clear) and show each other the results, not just tell each other.
As for asking him to take one, don't threaten or come across as implying something, just say you want to be responsible about it.
If he puts his foot down and flat out refuses, you should probably stay calm but just tell him that you can't risk your own health.
I also think all new partners should be tested, along with you each time, before getting intimate.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (31 December 2014):
 If he doesn't want to test, DO you really want to be with him?
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (31 December 2014):
Approach him in a non threatening and non accusatory way. Don't make it about his sex life since you have last been together. Make it about being safe and responsible for the both of you. Suggest that the BOTH of you get tested so that you both can be safe and have peace of mind.
If he does have reservations about it, it would probably have to do with being embarrassed to discuss std tests with a doctor. Just be patient and remind him that a doctor sees and discusses many personal and uncomfortable topics with many people, and is very professional and impersonal about it.
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