A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hey Aunts!I have been dating this wonderful younger woman for almost two years now. She is smart, ambitious, and beautiful and she is 10 years my junior.Our sex life has been amazing, but it was troubling in one way. She always pushed for oral (giving to me) or anal sex. She would rarely consent to regular vaginal sex. In fact, at one point I wondered why she had the proclivities of a gay man although I never shared that with her. I have never been with a woman so eager to perform those particular acts with me so I didn't question too much.Well, today she dropped a bombshell on me. The reason she would rarely agree to have vaginal sex with me is that she is married and she considers that cheating. Somehow in her twisted psyche she doesn't see other sexual acts as quite as bad. She doesn't feel they are wholesome but somehow in her mind that's not quite cheating. We did have vaginal sex a handful of times but I guess that is lost on her. She begged me to forgive her and not think less of her. She said she regrets everything now although she did not at the time. Her husband is a soldier and has been away for most of the last two years. She says she is not sure what she wants to do but that for now she can't see me. However, she said it is not necessarily over. I just need to give her time and space. This is a woman I really respected and admired. That she kept that hidden is a shock. At the moment I really want to let her go but I am torn. I mean, two years is a long time and we get on in so many ways - not just in the bedroom. Do I wait for her to sort her life out or do I write her off as a lying cheater?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2015): If she didn't really care about what she was doing when it was happening why is she coming clean now? She obviously has no morals or empathy for anybody so I think she's telling you this to put you off her and get rid of you.If she's having an affair with you how do you know if she's not seeing even more people besides. I'd be a bit worried about stds so if I were you I'd get tested at the doctors.Her husband must be going through a pretty awful time being in the forces and she doesn't even care. There is absolutely nothing nice or good about this woman. As for the qualities you like in her there are so many women in this world with exactly the same good stuff but without all the bad!Please leave her alone. If she finds doing this to people so easy what else is she capable of? As for the anal sex not cheating she sounds really delusional! Cheating when you are drunk and make mistakes is one thing, most people find it really difficult to deal with. Guilt isn't pleasant. But doing this intentionally is just a bit worrying. Actually telling you she didn't feel guilty is a massive sign of a person you should stay the heck away from.There are loads of women who enjoy sex, she isn't special so try not to focus on the sexual aspect of this. You can do better than her!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2015): You were just being used while her husband was deployed. She never cared about you at all. I am sorry but those are the facts. Next time he is deployed she will just get another guy. I feel so sorry for the husband in all of this for he risks his life while at war to come home to a dirty rotten cheat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2015): Please leave her alone and never look back! She has a husband in the forces who must be going through an incredibly difficult time just doing his job. So she clearly doesn't have any empathy for people. She's seriously messed up and deluded if she doesn't think anal sex is cheating, that's like the most intimate thing you can do. Takes a lot for a woman to even want to do that, well in my opinion anyway. I also wonder if you are the only extra marital affair. For all you know she could be seeing other people besides you. I'm also wondering why she is telling you now, she doesn't seem to care about people so why has she come clean now, she said that when she was doing it she had no remorse so why does she now? Is she trying to put you off her? Is she trying to push you away because she's preoccupied with somebody else?Its one thing cheating, sometimes people make mistakes, but another thing actually telling you that she didn't care when she was doing it. Believe me you can find so many women out there who are fun and intelligent and you'd have a fantastic time with without having a mess like this to deal with.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (8 October 2015):
I don't have a good opinion of cheaters, but even within cheaters there are several different levels. There are those who in some spur of the moment, possibly under the effects of alcohol or drugs, kiss someone or more, then feel utterly horrible about it and confess, never doing it again. They are the "best" of the cheaters, in my mind. Then there are those that have an affair for a time, but confess BEFORE getting caught and end it because they want to work on their marriage. Or maybe they end their marriage because they no longer want to carry out the deception/cheating.
Your "girlfriend" is the WORST kind of cheater. Not only is she cheating on her husband for a LONG TIME, and while he is deployed, risking his life for his country. She hadn't even told YOU that she was married. So in essence, she was ALSO cheating on you, since she made it seem as though she were free to be in a relationship with you, whilst being married to someone else. She wasted 2 years of your time in a relationship that was never going anymore, but you never knew that. She played both of you! Most "other guy or other girl", the person with whom someone married has an affair with, at least know that the person they are with are married. So they are walking in with their eyes open. You have been utterly deceived! Walk away from her. You entire relationship has been built on the worst of lies! Where can it possibly go with a foundation like that? That's not even touching her skewed logic of oral and anal not being cheating. And even given her skewed logic, she still had vaginal sex with you numerous times.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 October 2015):
 Wow! That must have been quite a shock for you, and I'm sorry you were put in this situation without your knowledge or consent.
Her husband "can" have been gone for 2 full years - if he has been station overseas he still get the possibility to fly home pretty cheap with Space A travel. So there is more to this story ( I think) then she is telling. A lot more.
I would simply cut the contact 100%. She IS a lying cheater. And I bet you, she has lied about a lot more than you think in those 2 years. Like did she visit some family or friends for a "vacation" or the-likes? She probably had the husband home on a visit or went to see him.
Her logic is that if she had NOT so "wholesome" sex with you - anal and oral, she didn't really cheat. So what she had with you... (in her logic) was not exactly wholesome either, was it?
And she regrets is now... because now it MIGHT have consequences FOR her. And for you. If the husband finds out? Not a great scenario.
Don't give her ANY more of yourself or your time. CUT her off - change your phone number (because if you block her she can still call you on another number).
There is nothing for you to salvage here. Even IF he find out and divorces her - would you EVER be able to trust her again? It's doubtful.
She sounds like a selfish, heartless user of a woman. Not someone to build a life with.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (8 October 2015):
 What makes you think she wouldnt do the same to you if you got married?
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (8 October 2015):
How fast can you run??? You are actually torn about this??? What are you hanging on to? The sex...or the woman you are sharing with another man?? Guess who else she is giving oral to...and then she kisses you..mmmmm...yummy :)
Yes you are right...Two years is long time to be share juices with another man. Or maybe you are comfortable with that.
For the record...She is not your girlfriend...she is another man's wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2015): I would drop her like a brick for treating you so bad & make a point of letting the husband know too - before she finds some other mug to cheat on him again!
Life is full of weird people & sadly you've been caught up with one!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 October 2015):
 I suggest you cut your eventual heartache by getting away (and staying away) from her.... You post has no happy ending available....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (8 October 2015):
 I'm sorry but write her off. Something about her "logic" is unsettling and in my opinion, she only has more heartache in store for you. For two years she has lied to you, led you to believe that you both had something real. To me, she's quite selfish asking you to give her time and space as soon as her soldier husband is returning home. So now she gets to go:"which one do I like better?" And keep you in hurtful suspense. She's not the one for you. Look how she's treated her own husband and the disrespect dealt to you by keeping her married status a secret. Two year's worth of lies is a LOT. Tell her she can have all the time and space she wants-you're not going to be there waiting for her. Cut all contact and try to avoid the "friend" trap. You deserve an honest woman who can respect a marriage. Take some time out for yourself and when you feel ready, put yourself back out there and find love again. Wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (8 October 2015):
 This woman is delusional on more than one level. If she honestly thinks that oral and anal is not cheating then you my friend are in for a whole lot of trouble. My guess the reason she has had a change of heart is because her husband has been posted back-no need for you now. her time and space sounds more like an excuse for not coming clean by telling you the truth, in a hope that you will just fade away. Horrible, dishonest woman. Sorry
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