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*irra07

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Latest articles:

Do We Have a Distorted Sense of What Love Really Is?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

1 June 2011: So I just wanted to say something about some of the myths and sayings about love and relationships that we hear all the time. Things like: - you'll know it when you feel it - when it's right, it's easy - you have to kiss a lot of frogs to f...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [12 pages, 443 answers]

How rational is my boyfriend's anger towards his room mate?

Q.   I feel really ill and responsible for something terrible. I have been dating someone on and off for about a year and a half. He has a roommate that has been his friend since he was four years old. Just incidentally from being at his house so often I ...

A.   11 August 2011: I think it's perfectly justified. This might just be the thing that pushed your boyfriend over the edge and showed him how far J would go in taking advantage of him. The fact that J uses pills and stole some pills could be brushed off by K as J ... (read in full...)

My fiance is demanding I have a DNA test, even though I only cheated once back in 2010!

Q.   Dear cupid, Me and my fiance are expecting our 1st baby. He wants a DNA test, just because I messed around just 1 time and that was last year (2010)! IT'S A NEW YEAR! I mean, he's actually "insisting" that i get a DNA test... I just got pregnant...

A.   7 July 2011: It's still incredibly easy to cheat even if you live with someone. All it takes is one quick hook up. So how does he know you've never cheated again? He knows you did cheat, so he knows you're willing to do it. If I were him, I'd want to make sure ... (read in full...)

Female questions....

Q.   Apologies if this is a bit of an icky question, but can someone still go down on you if you're on your period but have a tampon in? Of course I know you can't have intercourse or get fingered while you're wearing one, but are fingers and tongue ...

A.   6 July 2011: Yes, you can have fingers and tongue around the outside with a tampon in, but I don't know many guys that would be willing to go down on a woman on her period. And yes, it is just the string that is visible. ... (read in full...)

Do I really want to spend my life with a liar?

Q.   Hi Everyone, I have a bit of a problem, my boyfriend - I love him dearly - keeps on lying to me!! Not about anything major like being unfaithful etc etc (that I know of!!) but he lies about silly things that there is no need to lie about. ...

A.   6 July 2011: I don't really see how you can help him with this without it being obvious. Because if you want to improve the lying and stay with him, you have to talk to him about the fact that he is doing it. You need to make him see that it's important for him ... (read in full...)

Why is Divorce Ok? I am put off if I find a person is divorced.

Q.   Im asking the question: Why isnt it shameful to be divorced? Why would anyone admit it? to me it makes the person look selfish and non commital really.. I have to admit it puts me off a person quite a lot. What does everyone else think? ...

A.   3 July 2011: I guess I can see where you are coming from. I don't see divorced people the same way I see someone who is married or never been married. I wouldn't want to date someone who is divorced. It's an immediate x for me. However, I don't think that people ... (read in full...)

I feel like I lost both my best friends

Q.   For a while I had a really tight group of friends... all of which were guys and we have been friends ever since highschool. My best friend... we'll call him Jon were really close and we'd hang out all the time... i have another best friend thats a ...

A.   25 June 2011: It sounds selfish because it is selfish. It's true that just because they are in a relationship, they shouldn't abandon their friends. However, the single life is different from the relationship life. If you were used to hanging out with him very ... (read in full...)

Anybody meet their spouses as teenagers?

Q.   well this is just me thinking if im honest ... how many people here on this site have been with spouses since they were in their mid teens (14-17) because me and my bf started goin out last year (me 13 and him 14) and after a year and 3 month...

A.   21 June 2011: Nope. I had my first boyfriend when I was 18, and we were together for 3 and a half years. We even got engaged. But we still weren't able to make it work. There's a lot to learn and work through in relationships, and sometimes the first few fail. I ... (read in full...)

I'm too independent, she's too needy....how to bridge the gap

Q.   This one is fairly long so bear with me. Easier to do it in one go then split it in a dozen posts. I have been with my fiance for 4 years, engaged for the last year and making wedding plans for sometime next year. Our relationship, to...

A.   18 June 2011: From what you have added, it does not sound as though she is doing her share in compromising. Worse than that, she is not really acknowledging her issues, which really needs to happen. To answer your question, yes, I do believe that you can show... (read in full...)

I'm too independent, she's too needy....how to bridge the gap

Q.   This one is fairly long so bear with me. Easier to do it in one go then split it in a dozen posts. I have been with my fiance for 4 years, engaged for the last year and making wedding plans for sometime next year. Our relationship, to...

A.   17 June 2011: Your problem sounds eeriely similar to me and my fiance. He is like you, and I am like her. However, we are trying to meet on a middle ground. We are trying to communicate our needs and desires to each other, so we can understand each other. I wa... (read in full...)

Boyfriend signing up for the Army? Little comfort?

Q.   Hi , A few weeks ago i found out my boyfriend had a passion for joining Infrantry with the Army. At first i didn't believe he'd make a go for it but yesterday we went shopping and he walked into BA centre + collected some forms. They took his weight ...

A.   7 June 2011: I've been in a relationship with my fiance who is in the army for about 2.5 years now. We've been living together for quite awhile now too, and I can tell you it's hard. So far he hasn't been deployed overseas yet, but I know he will at some point. ... (read in full...)

Can a man really be too sore for some "morning loving" after an evening of sex?

Q.   So last night me and my boyfriend (together a few months) had a date, came back to mine ended up in bed and had some really great sex. Super! This morning when we woke up I was still feeling horny and started nuzzling in, stroking him and being af...

A.   7 June 2011: Well, I know that sometimes my boyfriend gets chafed after we have sex. And then it hurts him, depending on how serious it was. And there have been many times that even though he has an erection in the morning from morning wood, he did not want... (read in full...)

Can I believe him when he says he didn't cheat after he already cheated twice before?

Q.   I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We have broken up twice. The first time we broke up it was because he cheated on me. I had a feeling he did and after asking a him a couple of times if he did he finally told me he had cheated, but he ...

A.   7 June 2011: We can't tell you whether he cheated or not. The point is that your past with him has proven that he is untrustworthy. He's cheated on you and he's lied about it. So how can you now trust what he says? It's not a good sign that he's still hiding and ... (read in full...)

Which is worse, her cheating or my looking at her email?

Q.   Long story short, girl I was seeing I found out was having sexy liaisons on the Internet with a couple of guys she knows. They didn't have sex or were intimate (I don't think, anyway) but exchanged a bunch of messages like "I miss you" or computer ...

A.   7 June 2011: For me, cheating is worse than snooping. But that's only because you found out about it. You could have snooped and found nothing wrong, and then you'd be in the wrong. That's the tricky thing about snooping. When you decide to snoop and are doin... (read in full...)

Lets talk about sex.....My curiousity has gotten me to finally ask the following

Q.   I'm curious....; What is the big deal with anal sex? Guys: Does it feel better than the natural way? If yes or no please explain! Can you tell by the way a woman looks in that area if she has or has not been active in that way? I heard some me...

A.   7 June 2011: I've only had anal sex a handful of times. I wanted to try it because I tend to like to try things at least once. And you hear about how it can be really good. It hurt like hell. I think I had to work my way up there before actually doing it. It ... (read in full...)

Your opinions on breaking up over the phone.....

Q.   My ex of 4 month dumped me over the phone. In fact she almost did it over text, but I called her before that happened. Now I have no thoughts of even attempting to get her back, for the reason that I'm mad at her. Is it acceptable to be mad at her ...

A.   2 June 2011: I think it's very disrespectful to break up over the phone. The only way I think it's a good idea or at least the least bad option is: a) if the person is abusive and you just want to inform them that it's over, stay away, there's a restrain... (read in full...)

3 weeks later and still not over him...

Q.   hey, me and my partner split up about 3 weeks ago and he has already moved on, we split due to rumours of me cheating, when in the end found out he was the one cheating. althought he cheated on me and has hurt me so much by getting with som...

A.   1 June 2011: Like everyone else has said, do give yourself some time. But having gone through it myself, I know how painful and unpleasant it can be. I spent a few weeks barely eating and crying my eyes out. On the other hand, I did try to distract myself with ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to not be career driven and financially motivated?

Q.   Hi there. I have a bit of a problem. I'm 38 and my bf is 37. We are currently trying for a baby and also buying a house together. My problem is that my bf is quite career driven and I feel he expects me to be. But I'm not. I currently earn about £1...

A.   30 May 2011: It's not at all wrong not to be career driven. As long as you are making enough money to get by and not sponging off of others, you should be able to do what you want and pursue what really matters to you. It takes all kinds to make up the world. ... (read in full...)

Girl I am seeing is very moody and never makes an attempt to control her moods!

Q.   The girl I am seeing and I got into big fight the other day. She is very moody and when she is in a bad mood she makes no attempt to cover it up. So if she is sad or excited or angry or impatient...she lets it all out! Needless to say it makes ...

A.   30 May 2011: What exactly is she doing when she's expressing her emotions spontaneously? As in is she screaming or swearing at events, the library, movies, etc.? Is she making scenes with her emotional expression? Or is it more the fact that she is moody and is ... (read in full...)

Does love trump progression in a relationship?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years, we are now 27 years old. We currently do not live together, I live at home because I just finished university, and since he dropped out of highschool, the job he has does not give him enough money to ...

A.   20 May 2011: How much more time do you need to give? Granted, you're still young-ish. You just finished university and you're only 27, you do have time to wait before getting married, having kids, the whole shebang. What I'm more concerned about is the fact tha... (read in full...)

All of my best friends keep leaving me or hurting me, what am I doing wrong?

Q.   I had a best friend for 7 years, and we fought all the time, but we were like sisters, inseparable! Always there for each other. Then a new girl came along and screwed everything up, try to turn us against each other. I was going through a personal ...

A.   18 May 2011: You've listed 3 instances of your friends dumping you, and 2 out of 3 of them was because someone else told them to (husband and father). This is really confusing, and makes me wonder why they would do that. For your friendship to be causing issues ... (read in full...)

His first love really hurt him and broke his heart, so why does he still want to be friends with her?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year (11 months) and it has been a great and solid relationship for the most part. However, something I could just never quite get over is the fact that he still remains with his ex. Like many of you ...

A.   17 May 2011: I actually don't agree with the previous posts. I don't think that he necessarily has residual or unhealthy feelings for her left. It doesn't sound like they are in very close contact, or that he is obsessing about her, it just sounds like they are ... (read in full...)

A quick (honest) survey: How often do you and your partner have sex?

Q.   This is something I am interested in as this often comes up on Dear Cupid, how often are couples actually having sex? I know personally I feel that my boyfriend and I are not having enough sex, I am 24 and he is nearly 28 yet we have sex once or...

A.   16 May 2011: I am 24, boyfriend of 2 years is 25. And we on average have sex 3-4 times a week. Sometimes we go through phases where we can't get enough of each other and do it more, a few times a day, etc. But mostly we spend our time cuddling with sex maybe ... (read in full...)

I may never see my ex again after the next time we meet... should I ask for my possessions back?

Q.   Hi all, When me and my girlfriend of 4 months were together, I would often leave a long sleeved hooded top at hers. Eventually it got to the point where I would never take it with me. When we split up back in February due to the fact that I'm le...

A.   16 May 2011: Ask for it back. If you're hoping that it will hold sentimental value for her, chances are it won't, especially as more time passes and she is involved with other people. Stuff like that generally only hold sentimental value when you are together ... (read in full...)

I have a few relationship/sex questions.

Q.   Hey, this is a question for the girls (and guys, whatever) does size really matter? and Is there such a thing as too big or too small? and What would you rather have: poor relationship, great sex or great relationship, poor sex?...

A.   7 May 2011: Yes, size definitely does matter. I notice the difference between the penis size and it makes a difference in how it feels. The sex is very different depending on the size (length and thickness). Certain size, shape, etc will hit different spots ... (read in full...)

Is it time to seriously talk about 'where is this relationship going'?

Q.   i've been with my man now two years and it's a LDR. We are fully commited, and i am looking to move closer to him, so we can see him lots more. we see each other as often as we can at the moment. but i'm just wondering, is it time to have the 'wha...

A.   3 May 2011: Yes, it is definitely time to have the future talk. 2 years of long distance with no idea of what the future holds? That's brave of you because I would not have been able to hold off so long. As for what to say, you might not want to just go ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend has no feelings toward his ex at all, is this normal?

Q.   My partner says he is over his ex. He has no photos. no mementos, does not speak to her, does not email her, and he has often said (on me asking) that he never thinks about her. Also, when she does come up (I bring her up btw) he is usually negative ...

A.   25 April 2011: Yes, very normal and very possible. The fact that he is apathetic towards them means that he knows and understands that that part of his life is over and he is fine with it. It's in the past and he is living in the present now, with you. The fact ... (read in full...)

Should I get together with this guy who's separated from his wife and has a kid?

Q.   Alright.. I'm not sure what I should do... I like this guy, he likes me. He's separated from his wife and they're getting a divorce, he has a kid. I don't know if I should let the relationship happen. I know him through a cousin I'm close to. She's ...

A.   25 April 2011: Everyone comes with some sort of baggage, but he comes with quite a bit, especially since you are still pretty young to be dating someone already divorced with a child. Before you start dating him, think seriously about how you will handle being ... (read in full...)

Why can my fiance invite his ex wife to our wedding but I cant invite my ex husband?

Q.   Hi there, Aunts and Uncles. I'm currently in the process of planning a second wedding for myself (this will be my fiance's third). We both have children from our previous marriages and have successfully included them all in the festivities. We have ...

A.   24 April 2011: Yes, I agree with rcn. It should be fair: so both, or neither. On the other hand, I do think it would be slightly inappropriate or at least awkward/inconsiderate to have your 1st husband give you away to your 2nd. You can have your father give you ... (read in full...)

It could've been our first time...what should I do in the future?

Q.   i'm a 23 years old male,i'm a virgin,i met someone i love and she visited me at my place and spent the night with me,we touched,kissed and got naked,i was very hard during the foreplay and when trying to penetrate her my penis just collapsed in her ...

A.   20 April 2011: Use your finger first to make sure she is wet. You can also stretch her out a little this way. Then, before trying to penetrate her, make sure you lubricate yourself quite thoroughly. You can also lube her entrance a bit. When are you losing y... (read in full...)

Girlfriend of 5 years wants a break to figure out what she wants....I'm confused!

Q.   I am confused on the whole situation and am just looking for some advice. Basically, my gf wants to take a break for a little bit, mainly to figure out what she wants, and if the opportunity arises, she might date. We've been together for 5+ ...

A.   19 April 2011: Yes, I've been in that situation before. My first boyfriend and I were together for 3.5 years. It wasn't a perfect relationship, but we thought we would be together forever. We talked about marriage, and even got engaged. But my mind wandered, and I ... (read in full...)

What if she is genuine and it is just the way she is?

Q.   Okay.. here is my question following up to my previous one: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-she-avoiding-having-me-meet-her.html My girlfriend and I had been together for 7 months now and she had recently left to the UK for work experie...

A.   18 April 2011: She's using you. You don't want the relationship to end because you've put so much into it already, but if it continues you will only continue putting more and more into it. She owes her ex 10-15 grand? And you've spent 3000 for her student loans, ... (read in full...)

Why is love the only thing he's quit??

Q.   Why is love the only thing my ex has ditched?? Ive been in a LDR for almost 3 years now and recently he broke up with me. He became depressed about life and what hes doing and became emotionless altogether. I used to talk to him everyday onl...

A.   18 April 2011: Because love involves another person, and requires someone to not be selfish, to care about someone else, to be considerate, etc etc. If he's depressed and doesn't care about life, he can barely care about himself let alone anyone else. By being ... (read in full...)

What are the advantages and disadvantages of living together?

Q.   Dear Aunts, Just wondering what you can say about couples living together in one house without being married. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such situations. Is this a bad thing or a good thing to do? Thanks!...

A.   15 April 2011: I am definitely for it! I would not even consider getting engaged without living together with my partner first. It gives you the ability to sort of see what the future would be like. You have to share space: which involves cleaning together, ... (read in full...)

What are the good things about being single?

Q.   I realised yesterday that I've mentioned to one of my friends three times in the past few months that I miss being in a relationship. I was a bit shocked at myself because I don't want to turn into one of those people who feel as if they need to be ...

A.   13 April 2011: I'd say I prefer being in a relationship generally, but often miss aspects of being single, like: - the excitement of the unknown: i.e. meeting someone, getting asked out, going on a first date, first kiss, first everything - being able to fl... (read in full...)

Longing for him and he is overseas

Q.   i really like this guy and he wants to be together and i want to be with him only thing is he a marine and is overseas and i really miss him.. i need some advice on how to deal with the distance?...

A.   13 April 2011: I am with someone in the military, so I can completely sympathise with missing someone when they are away for military work. Dealing with the distance: - keep very busy, with school, extracurriculars, volunteering, friends - send each other p... (read in full...)

One ourtcome of casual sex may be incest

Q.   This is an interesting point I've been thinking about for a while and am curious to see what anyone else has to say. It seems like more and more it is becoming socially acceptable to have children outside of marriage, even to have multiple childre...

A.   12 April 2011: I think it's an interesting thought, although I don't think that it is that large of a risk. Generally, both biological parents know about the child (otherwise where would the child support payments be coming from). But yes, it is a somewhat scary ... (read in full...)

Do long distance relationships ever work?

Q.   i really like this guy but we are both afraid of becoming too close due to our distance. do long distance relationships ever really work? in this case both people would be as devoted as possible....

A.   11 April 2011: Anonymous female really has it right, it does depend a lot on circumstances. How long is the long distance? As in is it driveable every couple weeks or so? Or is it across oceans? How much would plane rides to see each other be? Is that feasible... (read in full...)

I don't know if he's really stressed and tired, or if he's just making up excuses to avoid sex

Q.   Hi! I am in a year and three month relationship, and right now it's going good, but I'm still having some doubts. The reason I am having doubts is because about 8 months ago, my boyfriend and i moved in together, and since then, it's been a ...

A.   10 April 2011: I've been through phases like that: the better the relationship is doing the better the sex, whereas the more fighting and stressed the relationship is, the less sex happens and the sex is worse. If he has been stressed and sick and your relatio... (read in full...)

My boyfriend belongs to his ex, not to me

Q.   I feel as if my bf is not MINE, rather he belongs to his ex. I have been with him for five years and they have been apart for almost ten so its certainly been a while, but I still do not feel like he is my partner. When we do stuff together (...

A.   10 April 2011: Why do you feel that way? If they don't talk anymore and it has been 10 years since he's been with her, why would you feel that he belongs to her? Is it actually something he does? Like compare you to her, or call you by her name, or have her stuff ... (read in full...)

I'm itchy after sex. What could be the problem?

Q.   Hi antys i got a problem here. Here it goes. A week ago i had sex with my boyfriend and of course we used protection but my problem is since that day i always feel like i could pee. I'm not itchy or what but i have this feeling is irritating me. I ...

A.   8 April 2011: Like everyone is saying, it sounds like a UTI which you need to see a doctor for antibiotics to clear it up. Stuff you can do on your own is drink a lot of water so that you can pee more frequently and flush it out. Also, cranberry juice ... (read in full...)

Do men become immune to small fights?

Q.   **Sorry to re-post my question but I didn't receive any answers :(** Is it normal for men to become 'immune' to small fights and arguments? My fiance just doesn't seem to care about talking things out, but would rather sweep it under the rug and ...

A.   6 April 2011: That sounds like my life, and I've started viewing it as sort of normal. Because what I've noticed is that guys are often more easygoing and although they might get mad, they cool off more easily and don't think about it anymore. On the other hand, ... (read in full...)

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