A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HeyJust wondering what you guys would consider cheating in a relationship? E.g. A kiss? Oral? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (1 September 2013):
 I had to laugh at anonymous male's suggestion that nearly all massage parlours offer a handjob to male clients as part of the relaxation package. NO self-respecting professional in their right mind would do that. Some people do, but that means they are neither self-respecting nor professional. One of my relatives is a masseuse and she has lost count of the number of times a client has asked her to finish him off. But they are trying their luck, it is definitely not the norm.
In answer to the OP's question, it depends on the person. For me, texting someone you have feelings for is more cheating than drunkenly kissing someone whose name you don't even remember (NOT that I think that's ok in any way, but I think is find it easier to deal with if my partner did that).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2013): If you would not do it in front of your boyfriend/husband, it is cheating.
E.g. If you would not kiss another guy in front of your bf/husband, then kissing another guy is cheating.
To the male anon re the handjobs: would you pay for a MAN to give you a handjob? (Assuming you are straight) . If you are not gay or bi and you would pay a man to give you a handjob then ok its not cheating since presumably there is no sexual association with it and its just like going to the dentist for the service they provide so you should be fine doing it in front of your wife. Correct?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): Anything you can't tell your partner about is cheating including having lunch with someone you find attractive but CANT tell your partner.
Anything purposefully deceitful IS cheating.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2013):
 I think SVC's and Honeypie's definition is excellent. It's not just the "what", it's the how. Any interaction of yours with another person, which implies keeping secrets, telling lies , going behind your partner's back very possibly could be cheating .
There's emotional cheating too.
So, not only obviously anything that implies a sexual response is cheating ( including a French kiss ) - but personally I would not be cool with a partner who tells me he's going to the gym or to the movies- and instead uses the time for , say, a long romantic PLATONIC hand-in-hand walk with another woman. That would be a non sexual contact, yes - but loyalty is loyalty, it's a general concept and does not stop at genitalia only.
As for the "happy ending " anon male : anon, either you are delightfully naive, or delightfully ironic... or you are making fun of us. Are you kidding ? That would be DOUBLY cheating , because there is premeditation involved.
I think it's more understandable that at times people cave in to a moment of weakness in certain situations... yield to temptations when taken by surprise.... - in theory we all should be able to say NO to any temptation and to the most persistent and aggressive of suitors, in practice we all have our little vanities and insecurities so that's why occasionally things " just happen "... but a guy, that , cool as a cucumber, DECIDES he is going to visist a so called massage parlour, decides to set apart the time and the money for that, goes in there knowing fully well what will happen and ASKING for it to happen... how that can be not cheating ?!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 August 2013):
 @Sageoldguy, I hope he was happy with the extra money. I wonder if the anon male would be happy with getting that 'happy ending' from the male staff of the massage parlor, as it is purely for stress relief. Hm.
To our OP (original poster), I would classify an open-mouthed kiss as cheating. Closed lip pecks are not. Oral certainly would be cheating.
Are you with a slick-talking rationalizing cheater? Just curious.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 August 2013):
 To: Tisha, SVC and anon male: Am I to understand that you (all) speak so casually of a "happy ending" because it is part of a massage???? Heck, I have always had to pay an extra $25 to get that option!!!!
P.S. Then, that meant I had to increase the TIP, as well!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 August 2013):
To the male anon: a truly professional massage therapist would NEVER consider giving a male customer a handjob. That's in the job description of a sex worker, not a professional massage therapist. I know people rationalize what is classified as sex in order to feel better about what they are doing, but receiving a handjob is definitely cheating, unless it's been okayed by the committed partner.
If you are going to a 'massage parlor' and receiving handjobs, you are actually going to a brothel and paying for sexual acts. Just to clear that up, it sounds as though you may be a bit confused by that. You might want to check that the women who are providing the 'happy endings' aren't in fact trafficked women forced into prostitution, it would be a great pity to contribute to the criminal sexual slavery trade.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 August 2013):
 to the last anon male poster... I most certainly would consider my husband getting a happy ending at a massage parlor as cheating....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2013): Nowadays I think handjobs are not considered as cheating as most massage parlours provide handjobs given by professional female masseours to their male clientele as part of their relaxation and stress releasing service.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 August 2013):
interesting point to add
WHEN we were swingers my EX husband and I had a rule NO KISSING OTHERS... because kissing is way more intimate than anything else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 August 2013):
 I'm with SVC
My definition of cheating is ANYTHING you can't won't or don't tell your partner. Or won't DO in front of them. (the partner that is).
Kissing can be VERY intimate so that doesn't mean that a kiss means nothing but a blow job does.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 August 2013):
My definition of cheating is ANYTHING you can't won't or don't tell your partner.
AND telling AFTER the fact is still cheating.....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 August 2013):
According to the "Guy Dictionary" "cheating" does not occur until the penis is COMPLETELY within the vagina... AND (emphasis upon "and") wifey or girlfriend has found out.
Hope this helps....
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A
female
reader, angel91 +, writes (27 August 2013):
Personally, anything that you would do with your other half but not your best friend would be cheating. A kiss, oral, sex. I feel it's all cheating. But everyone's opinion is different on the matter, and all that matters to your relationship is the bouindaries you and your other half have set together.
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A
female
reader, Thetruthisugly +, writes (27 August 2013):
 you don't need to be a guy to know that question!! If anyone makes contact with the other sex i.e kissing, touching, oral, shagging, is a cheater!!
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A
female
reader, ModelCitizen +, writes (27 August 2013):
To me, anything that has sexual undertones. Kissing, oral, sexting, cyber-sex.... the works.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2013): I would consider kissing on the lips cheating. Besides that, there's also emotional cheating too.
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