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*ot Issues

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My ex said can't give me false hope??

Q.   my ex bf and i have hung out quite few times since the break up and yes we have "hooked up" but told me he cant give me false hope that we are getting back together..what does that mean? will he change his mind?...

A.   23 August 2013: If you have feelings for him then you have to stop seeing him. By telling you he doesn't want to "give you false hope" he is basically saying he just wants NSA sex with you until he meets someone else. ... (read in full...)

My friend doesn't approve of one night stands and now she won't speak to me because I told her that I had one!

Q.   So a few months ago I went home with one of my friend's roommates after a party (I was a freshman in college) and we ended up sleeping together. I don't regret a thing, but my best friend from high school doesn't really like how college has changed ...

A.   23 August 2013: She has a right to feel the way she does, just like you have the right to live your life the way you want to. It's none of her business who you go home with and she didn't react like this out of concern for you but rather because she is judgemental. ... (read in full...)

Wife had bad day at work, crying but won't tell me what happened!

Q.   I need some insight into the female mind...no easy task I know. My wife comes home crying. She started a new job about 2 weeks ago. She said she had a horrible day. So I hug her and she cries. I ask whats wrong but she said she didnt want to ta...

A.   23 August 2013: As I was reading your post I also started thinking she could have been unfaithful, with the crying at your kindness, holding the kids, not being able to talk to you. It's hard to accept kindness from someone you know you're betraying. But she coul... (read in full...)

What does it mean when your husband doesn't get hard anymore?

Q.   Hi I'm a married woman, mother of 2 and 1 on the way. My husband and I just recently relocated for a better life for the family. We don't know anyone here so we just rely on each other to get to know the area more. So as most parents know, its ...

A.   22 August 2013: Sorry, YOU got pissy with him and then CRIED? Perhaps you are under pressure from the relocation and looking after two young children, and I guess you can probably blame the hormones to some extent, but that sounds like the worst reaction possible, ... (read in full...)

Would it be alright to date a former teacher that I now work with?

Q.   I have just recently become a teacher and one of my ex teachers is working at the same school I am and he is older then me and taught me for a year. However we have become friends and are getting to know each other but I was thinking would it be ...

A.   22 August 2013: Morally it's fine, but are you sure you want to get romantically involved with someone you have to see every day at work? Your colleagues will gossip like crazy and if you were to break up it would be very uncomfortable. If you want to go for i... (read in full...)

I've been involved with a guy from work who also has a girlfriend. Things were great but I feel like he's backing off. How can I keep him interested?

Q.   I've been seeing a guy from work for a while, i started there in April and I've had so much fun working with him and flirting away. We get on great! The flirting increased about two months ago and we started sending dirty texts and pics, which ...

A.   22 August 2013: This was never going to end well. If this has happened quite suddenly it probably means his girlfriend is back or about to come back. I know it's painful but you knew before you got sexually involved that he was with someone and that she wouldn't be ... (read in full...)

I gave a guy my phone number but I'm not really interested in him. What should I do?

Q.   I went out on Monday night with some friends and their friends (whom I had never met). One of the guys whom I didn't know asked me for my phone number before I left. He knows I don't have a boyfriend. I gave it to him but I'm not interested at al...

A.   21 August 2013: Ignoring him is really rude and it could make things very awkward and uncomfortable if you were to meet again, especially if you have friends in common. I would meet up with him and tell him that you would be happy to be his friend but nothing ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's lie about my birthday present makes me wonder if things can ever work between us?

Q.   my bf of almost 2 years lied to me. it was about my birthday present. he said he had ordered something off amazon for me and told me what it was and told me to look out for packages and everything. to make a long story short, i found out he never ...

A.   21 August 2013: "when i confronted him on it he said he was scared to mess up [...] and he was going to come see me and give it to me" "He told me he was going to tell me as soon as my exams were over because he didn't want to bother my prep (who knows if he'd ... (read in full...)

Did the fortune tellers mess with my mind or do I truly want to change careers?

Q.   Hi guys,you've always given me great advice on love so now I need some career advice. Before I start, I want to say that I have some form of ocd called pure o, where I over analyze thoughts to the point where I have become mentally ill and anxious. ...

A.   21 August 2013: I wouldn't take anything a fortune teller says as gospel, because they have clever ways of guessing things about people and telling them in ways that make those people feel that they apply directly to their lives. It's basically a load of crap. My ... (read in full...)

If a girl at work or serving at a shop that I frequent tells me "I am so bored", would you think that is a signal of interest?

Q.   If a girl at work or serving at a shop that I frequent tells me "I am so bored", would you think that is a signal of interest? I have had one or two telling me they are bored, and we should get together, to take away the boredom. I realise the la...

A.   21 August 2013: This is just me and maybe I'm wrong, but if a guy told me he was bored and he wanted to get together to relieve the boredom, I wouldn't take that as a sign that he was interested in me as a person, but rather that he was just looking for a ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's lie about my birthday present makes me wonder if things can ever work between us?

Q.   my bf of almost 2 years lied to me. it was about my birthday present. he said he had ordered something off amazon for me and told me what it was and told me to look out for packages and everything. to make a long story short, i found out he never ...

A.   21 August 2013: Well, it was pretty stupid of him to lie about it repeatedly, but a lot of people lie about this kind of thing and in the grand scheme of things it's not the worst lie a person can tell, especially if he had actually bought you something and wasn't ... (read in full...)

Should I tell him I had a miscarriage ? Were both 18 I don't want to freak him out

Q.   My boyfriend and i are both 18 . Last night i had a miscarriage should i tell him? I didn't even know i was pregnant . And i don't want to freak him out . By bringing up a baby and stuff . But should he know ? I was probably around 4 weeks maybe 5 ...

A.   19 August 2013: First of all, you self-diagnosed using the internet, so you can't be completely sure that it was a miscarriage. You should go and see your doctor and tell him/her what happened and get checked out. Let's assume it was a miscarriage for now. You s... (read in full...)

How do I tell her I looked into her phone and saw explicit messages?

Q.   I have a dilemma and need to find a way to resolve it. I have been dating a lovely lady for 18 months. 10 months into our relationship, work took me away to South East Asia, where my roots are. I was supposed to return after 5 months, however ...

A.   19 August 2013: From your point of view, she pretty much abandoned you when things were difficult and instead of supporting you in your new job, she dumped you and now you discover she was supposedly cheating on you. From her point of view, you left to go to an... (read in full...)

The girl I love is very goodlooking and she constantly posts pictures of herself online which other guys comment on. Why is she doing this and how can I show her how much I like her?

Q.   Too make a long story short. Theres this girl whos really hot and from 1 to 10 shes a outstanding 10, i met her at my school and she was taken at the time, so time went by and she ended up becoming single and me and her became closer. i would ditch ...

A.   15 August 2013: I agree with Sage Old Guy on all counts. This girl thrives on attention. She knows she's attractive and she wants to hear it confirmed constantly. On some level she is probably very insecure and is likely to be high maintenance. You say she's am... (read in full...)

I've lost sight of myself in this relationship and don't even like my boyfriend, who treats me with didrespect. How do I leave him?

Q.   I want to leave my boyfriend. We've been a couple for 2 and a half years and the relationship has been going nowhere for most of that time. We argue a lot and when we don't argue, we hardly talk to one another. We had a lot of pro...

A.   15 August 2013: It doesn't sound like you're getting anything out of this. You're deeply unhappy and he's probably not particularly satisfied either so you need to do both of you a favour. Whatever you do it will be unpleasant so don't try to avoid unpleasa... (read in full...)

I like a guy, thought he liked me but turns out he wants my friend and we all work together!

Q.   hello...i started talking to a guy my friend knew..we used to talk almost daily and i started to like him and i could see he was intrested in me..but then all of a sudden he stopped talking and went silent on me..i texted him once and he never ...

A.   15 August 2013: Sorry, my post is full of autocorrect blunders but I'm sure you underrstand what I'm saying.... (read in full...)

We've been friends for years, but I haven't heard from him since we slept together

Q.   Ok so there is this guy we have been friends for about 8 years, he has always seemed to like me, then all of a sudden i started to have feelings for him, so we started talking more ect he said he liked me and i told him the same, then we slept ...

A.   15 August 2013: Unfortunately you can never know how a guy is going to react after sleeping together until it's done. I'm not one of those people who think you have to have dated for 6 months before you can even consider sleeping together, because if someone can be ... (read in full...)

I like a guy, thought he liked me but turns out he wants my friend and we all work together!

Q.   hello...i started talking to a guy my friend knew..we used to talk almost daily and i started to like him and i could see he was intrested in me..but then all of a sudden he stopped talking and went silent on me..i texted him once and he never ...

A.   15 August 2013: I completely understand your pain and you have my full sympathy because it's an extremely hurtful situation. I agree with a lot of WiseOwlE's advice but in this case I don't see where he gets that you're being immature about this from. I found my... (read in full...)

I took photos of her and the next day she had one of them on her facebook. Does she like me?

Q.   Well the other day I took some, pictures of this beautiful girl non nude. In we hit it of great had a fun time doing it. And it's kind of funny, I never had a girl wan't me to take picture's of her. So could she maybe be into me. Because we had a ...

A.   9 August 2013: To me that means she definitely liked the picture of herself. If she said she had a good time and would like to spend time with you again, then take her at face value but don't invest too much hope just yet. People say a lot of things but don't ... (read in full...)

My GF seem to want her mom-daughter see us have sex!. Why would this be?

Q.   My girlfriend seems to be setting things up so that her daughter or her mother see us making love. Is this a more common desire for women than I realized? My girlfriend and I are sort of engaged to be engaged. she surrently lives with her mom and...

A.   9 August 2013: That is all kinds of messed up. Who would want to see their mother or daughter having sex? I don't think that's anything to do with comfort, I think it's some kind of screwed-up exhibitionism. You need to insist on closing the door. If she does... (read in full...)

Should I text my friend on his birthday?

Q.   One of my friends is having a birthday soon. He doesn't generally tell people his birthday but he told me once and I have a good memory for birthdays. I sent him a happy birthday text last year, too. Thing is, this guy is kind of a self-absorbed ...

A.   6 August 2013: I can't see any reason at all why you should wish him a happy birthday. Put it out of your mind completely and don't text him. ... (read in full...)

Facebook Relationship Status?

Q.   My ex and I just got back together after a short break up. Before the break, we had been dating for five years. We both established that we would like to be back together and are officially a couple. Before the break up, we were an extremely public ...

A.   3 August 2013: Just an observation - you say your break was one week long and you're now officially back together, yet you refer to him as your ex. It doesn't have to mean anything, it just jumped out at me. Anyway. He may or may not have changed in a week (or... (read in full...)

How can I get to know new people when I can't even tell them what job I do?!

Q.   My job is highly confidential so I can not really discuss it with people. Nothing illegal dont worry! But when you meet ppl it is the first thing you get asked! I dont know what to say as I dont like lying. I may say I freelance to which they may ...

A.   3 August 2013: People are nosy, it's true, but I think you see curiosity as nosiness because you know you can't tell them. Can't you just make up something vague, like being in marketing or sales or HR or something of a company? Maybe find out first what the other ... (read in full...)

Serious HELP! How do I keep a player interested in me?!!!!

Q.   Met this guy who is very very wealthy, handsome and well connected yesterday. We swapped numbers and he has texted me asking me out. But he is saying stuff about how he wants me and wants me to go to his house etc. Obv he is a player and takes diff ...

A.   3 August 2013: I understand where you're coming from because there are some careers where you really can't get ahead, or even get your foot in the door without the right contacts. Is your field one that attracts a lot of guys like him, or are there also more ... (read in full...)

Should I swallow? I always feel kind of sick afterwards

Q.   When my boyfriend comes, I always swallow it. Is that bad for me? Is it unhealthy to ingest and can it make me sick? This only happens once or twice a week. Sometimes my stomach feels upset, but I'm not sure if swallowing is really upsetting my ...

A.   3 August 2013: I don't think it will do anything to your stomach as such. I have swallowed all of one time and I had to force myself to do it. I felt sick for ages afterwards because quite frankly it was disgusting to me. I know women and men who genuinely enjoy ... (read in full...)

One white lie and my boyfriend ended the relationship. How can I fix this mistake?

Q.   So recently I told my boyfriend a white lie, take in mind we've been together over a year and this is honestly the first lie I've ever told him, we've usually been open books with each other. It was something so stupid on my part and I take ful...

A.   3 August 2013: Is there a reason why you having a drink is such a massive deal? It sounds to me like a very minor thing, but maybe there is some background that I don't know about. Also, is there a reason why you lied about it? Is he anti-alcohol or something? ... (read in full...)

What can a guy do to sexually attract a woman?

Q.   What can a guy do to SEXUALLY attract a woman, be it a friend, girlfriend or spouse? I mean what can he do to get a sexual spark in her, to get her mind thinking or wanting, even subconsciously, to do something sexual with him? It's easy for ...

A.   2 August 2013: Smelling good (fresh and clean), listening when a girl talks, genuinely laughing at her jokes, and like MsSadie says, a bit of touching is also good. Not too much, just lightly brushing her arm while you're talking or her back as you hold the door ... (read in full...)

What's more wrong? Checking your boyfriend's phone or your boyfriend betraying you?

Q.   What is more wrong? Checking on your boyfriends phone or finding out he has betrayed you? Seemingly he said I would never of got hurt and I shouldn't have gone looking...

A.   2 August 2013: Him betraying you is worse in my opinion but it's not good to go snooping. If you feel the need to check someone's phone, something is not right in the relationship.... (read in full...)

I asked my girlfriend to move in but she wants me to tell her what I plan for the future. I'm not sure what I want yet, what do I do?

Q.   I am 25 and I recently asked my girlfriend of 4 years to move in with me. She is 28. She told me she needed to think about it for a few days, but when she came back she told me she couldn't decide until she knew for certain whether I want marriage ...

A.   2 August 2013: It may seem like she's asking a lot and putting pressure on you, but I think it's fair enough. Moving in together is a big step for a lot of people and it's good to know that you're on the same page. If she wants children and you say you don't know, ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my friend's ex that she lied and caused the break up?

Q.   I have an issue with something a friend of mine did to her now-ex boyfriend, and I don't know if I should tell him or not. They were together for around 4 years, and during that time she was always complaining about the way he treated her. He put ...

A.   2 August 2013: Why would you want to get involved and stir things up? Whether or not what she did was wrong, she is your friend, not he. How do you think she would react if she found out you had meddled? This is frankly none of your business. By the sounds o... (read in full...)

My girlfriend got angry with me and wants to break up because I didn't accompany her in to Starbucks, I'm considering giving her what she wants

Q.   Story: We have being dating for just 3 years. We are both each other's first gf and bf. I am 28. She's 27. We are both Asians. I went to my gf's place to pick her and her sister up to attend their parents' event about 1.5 hrs away. They wante...

A.   31 July 2013: She sounds extremely entitled. I'm not even going to go into the individual reasons why I think you should break up with her, I think you should just reread your own post (original and followup) and you'll see it clearly for yourself. Like you say, ... (read in full...)

Any and all advice on different things that would work for lovers with a height difference would be greatly appreciated.

Q.   Dear Aunts and Uncles, My boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts, we've been dating for over two years now and while we've gotten really physical, we haven't had sex yet, although we are ready to. We intend to soon - with protection, we are p...

A.   31 July 2013: You'll be horizontal so I can almost guarantee you the height difference won't matter. If you do want to try things like standing up, your height would actually be an advantage, as he could pick you up easily. The first time is generally quite aw... (read in full...)

I feel jealous because this guy gets a girl who is a virgin even though he probably is not one.

Q.   This question might sound childish but it has been on my mind for quite sometime. I was dating this girl for awhile and found out she is a virgin. Now that is not the problem because I am one too but about a month ago I found out she was actually ...

A.   30 July 2013: From a practical point of view, it might be better if one party is not a virgin, simply because first-time sex tends to be quite awkward. Nobody really knows what they're doing the first time, so if both are virgins, that makes for a whole lot of ... (read in full...)

After two dates, he says he has no credit on his phone, do you think this is an excuse?

Q.   Hi ive been on 2 dates with a man we got on really well i was starting to like him i haven't spoken to him for over a week a pointless conversation we had last time we spoke we were supposed to have a 3rd date which hasn't happened he says he has no ...

A.   29 July 2013: Having no phone credit is an extremely lame excuse. It is also only a valid excuse for a few hours until you buy more credit. If that is his reason for not having a third date then I think it would be best to just forget him. ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend got angry with me and wants to break up because I didn't accompany her in to Starbucks, I'm considering giving her what she wants

Q.   Story: We have being dating for just 3 years. We are both each other's first gf and bf. I am 28. She's 27. We are both Asians. I went to my gf's place to pick her and her sister up to attend their parents' event about 1.5 hrs away. They wante...

A.   29 July 2013: I agree with Aunty BimBim. Your girlfriend sounds unbelievably immature, demanding and unreasonable. She treats you like rubbish and sulks when she doesn't get her way (i.e. when you don't allow her to walk all over you). You need to get rid.... (read in full...)

I told my girlfriend's friend she was hot, and now there is friction between them

Q.   Dear cupid, Just eight days ago , I said to my girlfriend's close friend , in front of her, that "Oh my God, you are one hell of a hot girl." . Her friend just smiled whereas my girlfriend said "Enough" . Ever since that happened, my girlfrie...

A.   29 July 2013: Are you sure that you're aged 30-35? It just seems like a really immature thing to say, and the fact that you don't even seem to realise what you've done wrong is worrying. You owe your girlfriend a massive apology and need to keep opinions like ... (read in full...)

I ruined my boyfriend's friendship without meaning to, how can I fix the situation? 

Q.   Hello all. As background:My boyfriend has always been concerned of whom I talk to. To the point where he feels my male friends or males that try to talk to me are all trying to get me into bed according to him. This triggered me drawing myself f...

A.   27 July 2013: Why would you even want to prove to this guy that you love him? It won't make any difference. He is a massive hypocrite and he is manipulating you and you can't even see it. He's not going to change and I really think you should break up with him... (read in full...)

Need Advice to get my best male friend back!!

Q.   I need help, I'm confused and hurt! I'm a 29 year old female with two kids that just now file for a divorce, before our divorce I always call my childhood friend (married man now) for advice cause he's always good at that, he's the type of friend y...

A.   27 July 2013: You are making this all about yourself. You say you've done nothing won't but actually I think it's quite disrespectful to call a married guy 4 tins a week to talk about your marital issues unless you are also really close friends with his wife. ... (read in full...)

Considered cheating?? Deserve another chance?

Q.   First and foremost, I please ask you not to judge. I am totally aware snooping is unacceptable, however, when one feels that something is going on... there is sometimes no other option. And please bear with me, the conversation/timeline of events is ...

A.   26 July 2013: What strikes me about their texts is that he keeps/kept trying to meet up with her and she constantly had an excuse. I don't care how much someone works, if you like a person you make time to meet them even just once. With her it was always, too ... (read in full...)

He didn't tell me at first that he had kids even though I specified I didn't want to date someone with kids. Now what?

Q.   Well I met my boyfriend online over a month ago. I specifically said I don't want someone with kids. I was seeing him for about 2 weeks when we decided to make it official then he told me he has 2 kids. I let it go because at the time I thought I ...

A.   26 July 2013: This guy is a liar and it's not like he told a little white lie to impress you. He lied about having children. That's not something trivial, that is (our should be) the most important aspect of his life. He totally deceived you and as Cindy says, if ... (read in full...)

Why didn't he give me his number?

Q.   Hi. Just wondering if anyone has any idea why he didn't ask for my number. In a quite busy night life area, I was with a friend and gave this very cute guy signals of interest. He came over and we chatted for about 10 minutes. As I enjoyed both h...

A.   24 July 2013: I wouldn't say I'm the ballsiest girl around but I have asked guys for their numbers and in fact most of my female friends have. I don't think there it's anything exceptional about that. I also don't think there is anything unusual about a guy ju... (read in full...)

Why didn't he give me his number?

Q.   Hi. Just wondering if anyone has any idea why he didn't ask for my number. In a quite busy night life area, I was with a friend and gave this very cute guy signals of interest. He came over and we chatted for about 10 minutes. As I enjoyed both h...

A.   23 July 2013: He probably did the same thing with 19 other girls that same evening. That would have been a lot of names and phone numbers to keep track of. I think you need to put this down to a bit of a flirt and a kiss with a player and try to forget about him. ... (read in full...)

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