A
female
age
51-59,
*love21
writes:Met a guy online over a year ago, we fell in love, never spoke on phone. It is a LDR and I gave him my number but he never gives me his. Lately, he is busier at work and he says he loves me but I don't know what's going on. Is it normal to be in a LDR for that long and never talk to each other?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 May 2014):
 No I'm sorry this is not a "normal" relationship.
LDRs have ONE goal... to NOT be LDR... if after a year you have not met in real life and have not spoken on the phone then you have NOTHING with this guy.
if after a year you have only email as a way to contact him (or online texting) then you do not have a relationship.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 May 2014):
 No, not normal at all. He's probably married or living some sort of double life. Move on and find a man you can actually see and speak to in real life. This guy is up to something. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (25 May 2014):
 I would venture to say that something is terribly wrong with your relationship. I have been in 3 LDR over the last 15 years because I like Japanese men and they aren't so easy to find locally. The longest time ever without talking on the phone was 2 weeks after we met online. I cannot imagine going a whole year and not having his phone number.
No offense but you are not a young girl and deep down inside you already know that something isn't right with this whole situation. He either has a girlfriend or a wife. Something is terribly wrong.
LDR without talking and without meeting? That's a fantasy, not reality. You would be wise to move on because you don't have anything. Its easy to get caught up in the excitement of talking online but until you actually meet that person, you really only know what they CHOSE for you to know, and it may not even be real.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (25 May 2014):
 Hi,
Im sorry but I think you need a reality check here. As an experienced internet dater I can tell you from first hand experience that you never, ever know someone until you have spent time with them in face to face, real life situations.
Chatting to someone, even in the most intimate way, online or via text or facebook is not the same as knowing someone in real life.
On a dating site/facebook/text/email we can be whoever we want to be. We can loose ourselves in the fantasy of creating a persona for ourselves that, as long as the relationship doesn't get to the stage of meeting, allows us to be anything and anyone we want. Many people on dating sites often claim to be taller, slimmer, younger, higher earning, etc than they really are. Or they are married and claim to be single. Until you have actual met and spent time in their company you never know the real person or trust them.
Loving someone means loving their personality, their values, the way they treat us and others, their smile, their ability to solve problems and deal with the good times and the bad. You cannot determine those aspects of a person until you have spent some time with them face to face. Online he has time to think of witty, sexy answers to a question or can make an excuse to go off line if he isn't in the mood for chatting. In a real life situation you can find the same witty, flirty, pleasant guy can be very different; less open or flirty verbally and very different when unable to go off line to avoid an issue, etc. A man may say on line that he has spent the day cleaning, mowing his lawn, etc when in reality he has sat around drinking. He could be very, very different in real life.
communicating online acts as a filter. Only the aspects of his life and personality that he wants you to see get through. I once chatted to a woman online for ages and really, really liked her....then we met. She turned up late, had really bad breath and had clearly put a lot of weight on since her profile pictures were added to the site.
Im sorry if you don't like what I am saying and im not trying to rubbish your feelings but even after a year of constant contact, you don't know him at all.
"Is it normal to be in a LDR for that long and never talk to each other?"
Realistically if he is communicating with someone who lives a distance away, ie you, and after a year has avoided meeting you or letting you speak on the phone then he has something to hide. If he wanted a proper relationship with someone he would have chatted to someone closer to home, or at least given you his number and asked you to meet long before now.
He is probably married. He has spent a year living out a fantasy and now its got to the stage where you want to actually speak to/meet with him, he goes distant.
I think you need to think about the situation you are in. A year into this so called relationship you have never met and even never spoke on the phone. For this relationship to work the two of you should have spent a lot of time together face to face over the last few months and come up with a plan as to how to get closer together, discuss if one of you is going to move to be with the other and work out a strategy.
To have a relationship you need to spend time together, kiss, cuddle, make love, be there of reach other, and for a LDR to work you both need a realistic plan for either you to move to his part of the world, or vice versa. Yet you are far from even getting his phone number, let alone investigating the logistics of closing the gap between you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 May 2014):
 Yep, not normal to NOT speak on the phone for a whole year.
Have you asked him, hey can I have your number so we can talk, I'd love to hear your voice?
And have you met in person?
If not, it's an online fantasy nothing more.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (25 May 2014):
 It's not normal. How do you communicate if not by phone? Do you see each other in real life?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (25 May 2014):
 He's either married or he lives with a girlfriend. He could even be in prison for all you know, with limited access to a computer.
You're not in a relationship with this man, you're just an online diversion from his monotonous life.
Delete and block him then move on.
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