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*ot Issues

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I am a fake person online and I don't know how to come clean

Q.   I am a fake person online. I fell in love with an Airforce man. I don't know how to tell him, cause I know he won't love me, after he sees the real me. I am trying my best to figure out a way to tell him, I don't know how and I don't want him to ...

A.   27 May 2013: The good news is that what you're feeling isn't real love. It's an infatuation, an obsession, whatever you like to call it. You don't know him, you are in love with a fantasy. It doesn't make it hurt any less if/when things end, but the pain will ... (read in full...)

Herpes. How do I tell my volatire partner? Should I avoid a big fight and not tell, or take a risk??? please help!!

Q.   Hello everyone, Im a 28 yr old female. I just took standard blood work because im in the health field and a routine gyn pap, every thing came out normal. I got a letter about about my bloodwork. I called the office and found out I have Herp...

A.   27 May 2013: You owe it to him, and every sexual partner you have, to be honest about this. Don't you wish someone had told you before sleeping with you and given you the choice of abstaining from sex for a while? Perhaps whoever you caught herpes from didn't ... (read in full...)

Is this single guy looking for a threesome with me and my BF? Who makes the first move?

Q.   So here it goes. I have a male friend he split up from his girlfriend a year ago and is still looking for someone. Recently he spoke to one of his other female friends and asked to have a Fwb relationship. She agreed but ended up getting back wit...

A.   27 May 2013: If you're both into that kind of thing and don't think it's going to jeopardise either relationship then it's not for any of us to judge. If he's an open-minded kind of guy and you're all comfortable talking about sex then why doesn't your boyfriend ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is controlling and I don't know what to do.

Q.   Thanks for all responses. Much thanks. This is a long complicated story so bare with me. My girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 years now. It has been kind of a decrescendo it seems. She was brought up without a Dad and her Mom taught her t...

A.   26 May 2013: Sorry, sent too early. Grad school or no grad school, I'm sure you have a lot to offer someone so get yourself out of this toxic relationship so that you are free to start a healthy one when you meet someone nice. Don't put up with crap from people. ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is controlling and I don't know what to do.

Q.   Thanks for all responses. Much thanks. This is a long complicated story so bare with me. My girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 years now. It has been kind of a decrescendo it seems. She was brought up without a Dad and her Mom taught her t...

A.   26 May 2013: Going on what you've told us in this post I would say leave. You sound like a nice guy and there are nice girls out there who would appreciate and support you. This girl tells you you're a doormat and then she walks all over you. What do you ... (read in full...)

I feel awful feeling this way but I am not at all interested in my boyfriend's step daughter!

Q.   Ive been in a relationship for the past 8 months with someone that makes me very happy. However he has a step-child from a past relationship that he is very close to as treats as his own daughter and Ive never been with someone who has a kid and Im ...

A.   26 May 2013: Pressed send too soon. Why don't you join them next time and try to get to know her a little bit? Maybe then you won't see her as a threat to your relationship. You know how he feels about her so I'd you try to make him choose between you he'll ... (read in full...)

I feel awful feeling this way but I am not at all interested in my boyfriend's step daughter!

Q.   Ive been in a relationship for the past 8 months with someone that makes me very happy. However he has a step-child from a past relationship that he is very close to as treats as his own daughter and Ive never been with someone who has a kid and Im ...

A.   26 May 2013: You need to focus on the positive in this situation. This man is going to make an amazing father if you stay together and have children with him. Why? Because he is taking an active party in raising a child that isn't his even after the relationship ... (read in full...)

When he doesn't want me, he throws me away. When he does want me, he expects me to go flying to him!

Q.   I broke up with my ex last month because he drifted apart. He's white and I'm Asian. He studies abroad now. He never contacted me so I asked him for closure. He didn't say anything either. I was pissed because I don't even deserve a closure after ...

A.   26 May 2013: Other people will treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. It's been a long, hard, painful lesson but I have finally learned that. This guy is making empty promises. He's not going to marry you. He's not right for you. You have to stop ... (read in full...)

How to deal with disappear reappear guy

Q.   Hi I really need an advice. Apparently I'm dealing with a houdini. The old disappear and reappear acts. I've dated this guy for a month. we went on 4 great dates. on our last date he brought me home, we watched movie, we kissed for the first ti...

A.   26 May 2013: The coolest thing you can do at this point is to delete his number and not contact him again. If he really liked you he would be trying a lot harder. He obviously wants sex, and good on you for not having sex with him despite his persistence. ... (read in full...)

After a fight and make up, girlfriend says no sex. We are going on a holiday and no sex???

Q.   Hi AA's This question is long winded so apologies. Ive been going out with a girl for 4 years now, in reality she is very insecure but also has to have her own way as she believes what she wants is the right thing and dosnt see outside the bo...

A.   26 May 2013: She is passively-aggressively punishing you by withholding sex. You say the situation has been resolved but it doesn't sound like it actually has. There are communication issues. You both ignore each other for a week after an argument. Some time out ... (read in full...)

I confronted my friend about never paying when we go out together. Was this the right way to deal with the situation? Please advise?

Q.   I have a friend who never pays for her drinks when we go out to bars. She is the one that ussualy drives, so I always buy her first drink, but then she kind of assumes that the whole nite is on me. It happened already so many times, that I fi...

A.   25 May 2013: She's a freeloader and you were right to bring it up. I don't think there's anything wrong with what you said and I definitely prefer it over your other friend's strategy. However, even if I don't agree with her principle, she's not entirely... (read in full...)

Are there some women that just do not like receiving oral sex?

Q.   Hi there, I have a question about oral sex on a woman friend (or lack of). Several months ago when we first became intimate, she performed oral on me (with condom)and i politely asked if i could return the favour. The answer to my question was 'No, ...

A.   24 May 2013: There could be any number of reasons for it. Some people genuinely do not like it. Others might have some kind of hangup or bad experience in the past. She may feel she doesn't know you well enough. What kind of relationship do you have? Correct ... (read in full...)

I'm drawn to my girlfriend's friend

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now. We have had our ups and downs like anybody and currently we have been getting along great and having a blast together. But for the past two years now, I have not been able to stop thi...

A.   24 May 2013: As someone whose crush, never mind boyfriend, ended up going out with my best friend, I can say with certainty that you need to put a stop to any flirting that's been going on. Your girlfriend will have picked up on it and it may start to affect ... (read in full...)

I don't know if I've had an orgasm. What does it feel like?

Q.   Hey, I'm just going to get right down to what I want to ask. I just recently lost my virginity and before any of you very nice agony aunts ask if I used protection and all that. I did, that was the first thing I made sure we had, it was a whim, bu...

A.   23 May 2013: You would definitely know if you'd had an orgasm. There's a build-up (can take quite a while) and then a release, with spasms and stuff. You'd know, believe me. I agree with those who recommend experimenting alone. You can take your time, and that's ... (read in full...)

How can I tactfully reject him?

Q.   Hello, First off thank you in advance for taking the time to read and offer advice :) I have a FRIEND that insists on hanging out with me and stuff. He invited me to a wedding in Washington state, he calls me "sexy", "Pretty lady" and things...

A.   23 May 2013: I know you think you're being aloof and he's the one who's being thick by not getting the message, but the truth is that you're leading him on by hanging out with him and not being straight with him. He probably thinks you're playing hard to get. ... (read in full...)

Is he using me? He gives me no physical contact but wants me to buy things for him!

Q.   So, I have been dating my boyfriend for a couple weeks now. So far I have bought dinners, lunch, he told me he needed sunglasses, and then that he needed rent. He doesnt have a car and have been running him up and down the road. I dont particularly ...

A.   23 May 2013: Um, YES? How can you even feel the need to ask this question? Surely you know the answer. You describe him your boyfriend, he's more likely to describe you as his meal ticket, out his doormat, or his second mum. Come on. Wise up. Please. Dump... (read in full...)

Every few days we have anal sex but I hate it and scares me to think of having it all my life!

Q.   Hello! Straight to the facts: I have a rather big problem in my nearly perfect relationship. For introduction, I must inform you that I am (23) in relationship for nearly 7 month, 2 month ago we have moved together, he is so much caring and lovin...

A.   23 May 2013: OP this is awful and I can't believe you think it's ok. It doesn't matter if you don't feel pain, you HATE it yet you're doing it one a week. If I were with someone who loved anal sex I might do it once a year, of my own free will, because I wanted... (read in full...)

He said my friend is a bit more beautiful than I am, is it ok for him to say this?

Q.   I was with my boyfriend and we were talking,in the course of that i talked about my girlfriend and asked him if we look alike,he said yes that i and my girlfriend look alike but its just that she is a bit more beautiful than i am....is it okay that ...

A.   22 May 2013: It's OK to think it, as I'm sure you also see guys that you think are more handsome than your boyfriend, but saying it is very tactless and hurtful. There are some cases where total honesty is not the best policy. By the sounds of it, what he said ... (read in full...)

He hasn't replied to my message, should I delete his number?

Q.   I've met this guy that's a few years older than me a few times and recently sent him a text (yesterday at almost 12am) it is now a little past 5. He normally takes a while to answer (few hours) but not this long. Should I just give up and move...

A.   21 May 2013: I kinda feel like texting him again cause "maybe he didn't get it", "maybe something happened and his phone didn't receive it", "he saw it but didn't have time to answer and then later it slipped his mind" or "he was drunk when he saw it and then ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants to call me a different name during sex!

Q.   Ok so now my Long term boyfriend has asked if he could call me by another girls name during sex. Im very uncomfrotable and seriously am thinking of breaking us up. Is this normal??? And then when I told him no he went soft during sex. Lost his hard ...

A.   21 May 2013: Sounds like the writing's been on the wall for your relationship for a while. It's probably time to call it quits. You don't trust him and why should you? He wanted to call you by someone else's name, that's just weird and wrong. Good luck.... (read in full...)

My fiance's ex is getting out of jail and he once told me he'd never love me as much as he loves her, am I going to get kicked to the curb when she's back?

Q.   Hi everyone. To start off Im engaged and happy for the most part. My fiancé list year got full custody of his kids which I love with all my heart. The kids mother went to jail and ate now getting out early.my fiancé knew about her getting out early ...

A.   21 May 2013: If he loves her more then there is no point fighting for him because it will be the two of them against you. If the guy is a liar and the ex a criminal, you will spend the rest of your relationship with him looking over your shoulder. It sounds l... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is deleting messages on his phone, am I just being insecure or should I be worried?

Q.   i recently caught my boyfriend of a year and 8 months texting 4 other girls and he deleted all of the messages between them but i searched words on his spotlight search and the messages came up. we broke up for about two weeks and i started back ...

A.   21 May 2013: You say you have the right to be insecure, but at the same time you have taken him back after he has cheated more than once. You know this guy is shady and can't be trusted, so why continue a relationship with him? What you have basically signalled ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend of 1 year has never said I love you and never talks about the future. Should I be concerned?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together a year. He's a very caring person, always there for me and if I ask, will go out of his way to help me out. We keep in contact the whole day by texting or calling each other. He normally initiates sending a good ...

A.   20 May 2013: This is one of those cases where actions speak louder than words. He sounds lovely and is probably just taking things slow to stop himself from getting hurt. Have you told him you love him?... (read in full...)

Did my boyfriend really want the gift to be from both of us or is he just trying to get off cheap?

Q.   My boyfriends sibling got married not too long ago. I wasn't able to make it to the wedding due to being away, but my boyfriend was the best man. He asked me if I wanted to go in on a wedding gift for his sibling. My question is, is my boyfrien...

A.   20 May 2013: If you had gone to the wedding, would you have bought them a present? In all likelihood you would have, so maybe he just assumed that you were planning to buy a present anyway. It could have been a present that he couldn't afford on his own. Maybe ... (read in full...)

Keep getting text messages from a very weird guy. Advice?

Q.   I was at a party a couple of weeks ago and bumped into one of my old friends whom I hadn't seen for a while. We used to get on really well and she introduced me to some of the people she'd come with, including this guy. I said hi to him and everyone ...

A.   20 May 2013: It's got nothing to do with his culture. He just can't take a hint, and this is something that can happen in any part of the world. It's tricky because you have a friend in common, but frankly this has nothing to do with her, and you don't have t... (read in full...)

I broke up with him because of this girl and now I feel like she's replaced me. I'm really hurt

Q.   Hi guys. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years because he was basically cheating on me. He didn't sleep with her or physically cheat on me, but I found out that him and her were flirting a lot and always up talking all night and exchanging ...

A.   20 May 2013: The fact that he continues to have her in his life tells me that you did the right thing. He knew he risked losing you, and even when you walked out, he didn't try to change his behaviour. Normally a guy shouldn't have to choose between a female ... (read in full...)

Should I participate in hanky panky with a colleague while out of town?

Q.   Just feeling a bit naughty I suppose. Soon I will be going out of town to San Diego for a 4 day class and conference. My husband has declined to join me so I am thinking of sharing a hotel room and bed with a very nice attractive young gentleman in ...

A.   20 May 2013: To quote one of my favourite lines from one of my favourite TV shows: I don't think 'no' is a strong enough word. Don't ask us, we don't know you or your husband or the ins and outs of your relationship. Ask your husband instead if he thinks y... (read in full...)

Would you date someone with so many tattoos? Or would you fear it would ruin your reputation?

Q.   Today while on lunch break a friend said to me, very openly and out loud, "did you see all the tattoos on that guy's face? He must have been to prison!" I quietly nodded then thought of something... I was very attracted to another friend who had m...

A.   20 May 2013: I'm not a massive fan of tattoos, mainly because I got some done before the age of 20 and ended up regretting them, and am still paying lots of money for laser tattoo removal, but that's my story. I still find them quite fascinating, especially the ... (read in full...)

Do you think Steve and I will ever have a normal relationship?

Q.   Hi aunts and uncles. I've been with Steve over 1 year. I'd consider myself a fairly attractive and confident 26 year old, he's 31. We've had an extremely tough year so please bear with the long background info. I used to work with Steve then...

A.   20 May 2013: You are basically two people who should not be together. There is waaay too much drama going on. You are 26 and 31, not 15 years old. The fact that nobody knows you says it all. He is either cheating on you or keeping his options open in case he ... (read in full...)

Should I ask older guy to meet up again? Or wait until he asks me?

Q.   I met this guy at a bar.. He was the one that talked to me first and he said it'd be a shame if we didn't see each other again. I spend almost 24hours with him after we met. Then I asked him to meet again by texting and he said yes. So after we...

A.   19 May 2013: I've learned that who approached whom is not of great importance. I have been approached and pursued by guys who later happily ditched me. What's more important here is that twice, you have been the one asking to meet up. He has been happy to... (read in full...)

It was supposed to be just the two of us, and now its me, him and her!

Q.   Okay... So I just found out this guy I like likes me back, so I invited him to come hang around with me at the weekend but my friend tagged along too. They recently exchanged numbers and have started telling each other secrets and my friend even ...

A.   19 May 2013: You say that he likes you, yet he wants to spend time with both you and your friend. That's some mixed messages. It's hard to know what his intentions are without more information. Your friend sounds a bit sneaky, to be honest, and I don't th... (read in full...)

My only problem with him is his parents!

Q.   Let me start by saying my partner and I are 27 and 28. We have pretty much the perfect relationship. We never argue, fight, lie or hide anything from eachother. We are so happy together. We have had problems in the past from outside influences but ...

A.   19 May 2013: Calling someone selfish for getting pregnant while living in a country so that you as a grandparent may miss out on the first words and first steps is one of the most ridiculous and selfish things I have heard. Access to grandchildren is a ... (read in full...)

Grass isn't green on any side it seems... 

Q.   So here is my Story, I am in school for Police Foundation and I would one day like to become a cop. I met this girl in my college that seems to also be going for the same thing i am in seeming we are in the same classes. So we start to talk and it ...

A.   19 May 2013: You are young and you don't need to get tied down yet. If it's important for you to be with someone who has ambition and takes care of herself and some pride in her appearance, then you were right to leave your ex. Taking on someone else's child at ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants to call me a different name during sex!

Q.   Ok so now my Long term boyfriend has asked if he could call me by another girls name during sex. Im very uncomfrotable and seriously am thinking of breaking us up. Is this normal??? And then when I told him no he went soft during sex. Lost his hard ...

A.   19 May 2013: Did he tell you which name? If it's the name of a celebrity, or a character from a film, then it might just be a fantasy of his. If it's a random name, then I would be more worried, as it could be an ex or someone he likes. Ask him to explain ... (read in full...)

After 8 years of marriage I became totally dependant on my ex-husband to support me

Q.   i am 28 and i don't want to work. I'm still living with my ex husband and his girl friend, he has moved on and i relied on him so much for 8 years. i have become comfortable living like that. i don't work or pay any bills. i don't do anything...

A.   18 May 2013: I just don't understand why you are living with your ex-husband and his girlfriend, and why he is paying for you not to work. Please explain, I just do not understand. Is he choosing to pay for you? Does he want you living with them, did he ask you ... (read in full...)

My friend is acting as if our hot making out meant nothing!

Q.   I broke up with my boyfriend of two years because he treated me like crap, but I was really feeling down so I started hanging out with a friend. Yesterday I was riding home with they guy and things just kind of happened and we ended up making out in ...

A.   18 May 2013: If you give a guy a random blowjob, unless he is already totally in love with you, you're not going to get anything out of him afterwards except maybe a FWB arrangement, which if you like someone is a horrible thing. ... (read in full...)

I have been invited to attend my married lover's birthday party. I don't think I should go, should I?

Q.   Hi.All I'm in a very long term relationship with a married man,please no judgements,we can't end it so it goes on and has done for years. We are both in our late 60's and have known each other for over 30years.he treats me with the utmost respect a...

A.   18 May 2013: I will reserve judgment except to say that when you say that you can't end things, what you mean is that you WON'T end them. I'm sure you have your reasons and justifications and what you're actually asking is not about the affair itself but about ... (read in full...)

At the moment, I am not ready for a threesome to happen in our relationship. My Bf would like it to happen. How long into a relationship before agreeing to it?

Q.   Hi, Ok I would love some fair and informative advice here on my boyfriend wanting to have a FFM threesome. We have been going out with each other for 8 months and moved in together three months ago. At the beginning of the relationship he...

A.   18 May 2013: Having a threesome is pretty extreme and I would advise against it. It doesn't sound like it's something you want, just something he really wants. Do not let him pressure you into a threesome or anything else you don't want to do. If you're a... (read in full...)

Should I be worried that she is cheating on me? Or am I just being insecure?

Q.   I have been hurt in the past by women and 3 months ago I met this girl who I think is the most amazing girl I've ever met in my entire life, she is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the out. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. s...

A.   18 May 2013: Sorry, pressed send too early. Stupid sensitive keypad. What I wanted to say was, someone with self-esteem wouldn't beg a cheat to get back together with him after a very very short relationship, especially since she is not being you to take her... (read in full...)

Should I be worried that she is cheating on me? Or am I just being insecure?

Q.   I have been hurt in the past by women and 3 months ago I met this girl who I think is the most amazing girl I've ever met in my entire life, she is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the out. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. s...

A.   18 May 2013: Try to take a massive step back and look at this a little bit more objectively. You think she might be cheating on you, but from what you've said, she had made it very clear that she doesn't want to be with you, hence she can't be cheating on you ... (read in full...)

I still want to be with her but she was my bestfriend's lover. What are my options?

Q.   three months back my best friend introduced me to his galfriend,a few days from there we became friends with ma friend's galfriend.. Before i knew it we fell in love ,within days of the affair we got caught and i lost a friend,to make things wors...

A.   18 May 2013: If you really do love her and plan on staying with her and think that she is worth losing your best friend over, them cut your losses as far as he's concerned and focus on her, remembering the deceitful circumstances that began your relationship. ... (read in full...)

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