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Online friend won't talk to me

Tagged as: Friends, Online dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 May 2014) 16 Answers - (Newest, 27 May 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I have been good friends with a man online for over a year now, we chat nearly everyday and take the piss out of each other. We sometimes have disagreements but always resolve them by talking.

A day ago I posted something funny on Facebook and he commented back all jokey. I then said "oh did they have electricity when you were young? Lol :P"

My goodness his reaction was unbelievable. He commented on the post that I was right about age and so he wouldn't bother to try to make conversation with me again. He said for the record he was sick of talking to me anyway.

This came totally out of nowhere, he's 53 and I'm 45 so neither of us is young - but I couldn't care less how old he is I was just messing with him!

So I sent PM saying "Hun I was just joking you know that" and he replied "I find you so bloody rude I am pissed off so best you don't say another word to me thanks"

I have tried his mobile, sent messages on Whatsapp and FB - all have been ignored and unread.

What should I do? I don't want to lose him. Was I really that rude?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2014):

Hi guys!!

Thank you all so much I am so glad I posted this on here, you have helped me so much!

I took a good hard look at myself & what I had allowed - WARNING: never ever fall for someone online their fake persona will show up eventually.

I have been brave & deleted him - I actually feel really good.

You guys rock !!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2014):

I am with all the others on this. I am sorry if I cannot tell you exactly what you want to hear.

Yes, you are coming across as desperate and clingy. You may think he`s your last chance, but you never know what is around the corner.

Turn your computer off and get out meeting people. Computer based relationships/friendships are sadly becoming normal for some people. Give real life a go.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2014):

Let him go. He does not wish to talk to you. The ball is in his court, not yours. Do not make yourself look so desperate, he will know he can pick you up and drop you whenever he wants if you do.

You need to get some confidence lessons and socialise in the real world, not on facebook and the internet.

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A female reader, Miss Led United Kingdom +, writes (26 May 2014):

How do u know that he hasnt got himself another online friend now? Its very easy to do. He might be getting rid of u under her instruction and the age issue was just an excuse? You have been talking for over a year, and he`s so quick to drop you just like that?

The problem with online relationships/friendships is that its all they are. I would go out and get a real living man, not a virtual one.

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A female reader, Got Issues United Kingdom +, writes (25 May 2014):

Got Issues agony auntNow that he's shown you what he's like, and over something ridiculously small, why do you still want to be friends with him? Do you even know him at all in real life? If not, why bother?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (25 May 2014):

Honeypie agony auntJeeez, the guy either is older then dirt or have no sense of humor!

My kids love to ask questions like:" My did you ride to school on a Pterodactyl or a brontosaurus?" - hinting at the fact that I'm "old". And the game is to find something outrageous to throw back.

You are going to have to STOP trying to apologize and contact him.

IF he was a good friend and he liked YOU as a friend he will get over it. If he doesn't well, that is on him.

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A male reader, Mick Mc  +, writes (25 May 2014):

You are coming across as very desperate. I am sure he will see this. I agree with Mark1978 and bronz adonis very much on this one.

If you refuse to see sense, then at least let him contact you first.

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A male reader, somewhere_between United Kingdom +, writes (25 May 2014):

somewhere_between agony auntYou need to look at the facts. You only seem prepared to look at what fits your dream. And that is all it is - a dream.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2014):

I think you are only hearing what you want to hear. The guy is not real. He is something you have built up in your imagination. Him being so childish should be a red flag to what he is in real life. He has already ignored your messages so stop chasing him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2014):

Guys thanks for your answers!!

All very helpful & interesting

I have written to him thanks to llifton's advice & will see what happens!!!

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (25 May 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntHave you ever actually met him in the flesh? I wonder if he was one of these guys who claims to be 53 but in reality is a lot older. Hence the fact your comment struck a nerve.

Find a real life friend/boyfriend to spend time with and don't waste your time with this fool.

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (25 May 2014):

llifton agony auntPersonally, I think he is acting like a huge baby. Clearly you were joking. That's pretty obvious.

He is obviously extremely sensitive about his age. Has he given you any indication of this during the time you've spent getting to know each other and talking? Personally, if it were me, I would just laugh and poke fun right back. It was clearly light-hearted on your part. Also, as an adult, he should be capable of expressing his feelings much maturely than this.

I would back off. I would send him one more message and let him know you're sincerely sorry for upsetting him and it was not remotely your intention. Let him know that you do want him in your life but that you won't push him. Let him know that you won't be contacting him anymore after this one message and that the ball is now in his court. And leave it at that. He may just be the type that needs time to cool down (from what, I don't know). So I would back off after you send that message and let him come to you.

Sorry this happened. I think he's being a baby. You didn't do anything wrong.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2014):

If he is so easily offended, then real life with him would be very difficult. Personally, I would find a real man. When I say real, I mean real life, not a fantasy one, because that is all he is.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2014):

Thanks for your reply!

But it's not about him being a catch, we are friends that's all. I love him for the friendship he has shown & for being an awesome person to know.

I just think this is so silly to fall out over but I just don't know how to get through to him :(

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A male reader, bronzed adonis United Kingdom +, writes (25 May 2014):

bronzed adonis agony auntLet him go. I think the best thing to do is make yourself a better and more interesting life OFFline.

Communicating by text can be tricky. You cannot see each others facial expressions, and can be very easily taken the wrong way. He`s obviously very sensitive about his age.

Why dont you want to lose him? Is it that he is a fantastic catch? or is it that there is nothing else going for you at the moment? Be honest with yourself.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2014):

You sound desperately lonely. I think this is the real problem here, not him.

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