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What do you recommend I do before taking this relationship any further?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 May 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 May 2010)
A female India age 36-40, *J_007 writes:

FIVE MONTHS BCK!!!

I met this guy on a house party arranged by my best friend and that first meeting with him was quite a thing to remember for the rest of my life!

He was extremely courteous and chivalrous to me n my girlfriend till he got drunk... The moment he got dizzy, he started getting physical to me... tried to kiss me but I managed to put him back to his sense (one tight slap did the magic!).... The very next day, he called me up to apologize and claimed that he lost his sense and that’s why he misbehaved with me…. ever since then he's been trying hard to prove that he's a gentleman otherwise.... so this valentine's day, he asked me out for breakfast, took me to a plush restaurant and we ended up talking till evening.... then he dropped me back home as he had to meet his sister n asked me to join him for a drink by evening.... I met up with him again in the evening... He talked about himself, his family, his friends and his past relationships to me.... Later on, he invited me to his place.... he made me talk to his sister over the phone… he even prepared tea for me, made me feel extremely comfortable with him and then dropped me back home... The next day he called me up to say that he'd want to meet me again.... So, do you think this guy is for real? What could be his intention? Because I saw him at his worst the first time and at his best the last time and am confused now!

NOW:

Yes, I am still dating this guy and trying to know him better.....

Unlike the first time, he never ever tried to touch me without my permission till date... even when once I got (purposely) sloshed and let him take care of me.... But now the situation is something like this..... He's in abroad and gives me a call once in 2 weeks or tries to come online and catch up with me.... He feels that I am emotionally guarded and at the same time pretentious too; and I feel he's trying strategically to get me emotionally vulnerable.... Once when he came online and tried to flirt with me a bit, I acted cold and put him off..... and so he intentionally dint contact me for a week and then calls me to say that "Wow! even after a week, I don't find your love lost".... Yes I like him but I want to take time before I convey that to him.... and he says he'd fly down to my place only if I accept that I'd be interested to meet him.... Well, I dint express it through words but he knows for sure that I like him and miss him too..... What do you recommend that I should consider thinking/doing before I take this relationship any further?

View related questions: best friend, drunk, flirt

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A female reader, AJ_007 India +, writes (12 May 2010):

AJ_007 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

@ fishdish - Thanks a heap.... your reply was completely honest and I think I should probably stop holding back my feelings.

@ @bC - Yes! I guess I should just see where it all goes...

@ Anonymous - Help me understand this please.... I mean why do you think he's manipulating me?

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A female reader, fishdish United States +, writes (11 May 2010):

fishdish agony auntSo how long have you been dating now, since Valentine's? And you're still testing him because he wanted to kiss you? You're playing games with him and it's not very honest. I understand your not wanting to be kissed by a drunk stranger, but at this point, why are you holding that against him? And if you are interested in him and invested in seeing him again, why are you holding that information back? He's being straight up with you by saying "I will come see you but only if you tell me you want me there" but you're still not saying what both of you want to hear. It's not like there's anything malicious about the kiss, I'd understand a little more if he was getting threatening with you that night, that you'd want to back off and be a little cautious with this guy, but all it seems to me is a lapse of respectability--and that was only due to drink and attraction to you. I don't think you should keep this guy around just to make him continue to make up to you what you feel he did wrong that one time. Either try and put your trust in him, tell him you like him but you want to move slow, and it sounds like he's been doing that besides that one night, and I think you'll be ok, but don't continue to hold this one event against him.

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A female reader, @bC  United States +, writes (10 May 2010):

If the guy a chance he seems like he really likes u .. See where it goes

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