A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Thank you for taking the time to read this.I'll get to the point.My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I love him very much. Each passing day I want and need and taste for him. I have had many abusive relationships. I told him that I have a problem with porn due to my past. He has somewhat respect it. Yet he has dishonored my words before. He has stopped when push came to shove. But now I find myself with a problem.For a while I looked at porn maybe 4 times to a year. Now, whenever I need to "let myself go" I end up watching it, I start to get into the idea of a threesome, or him with another women. When I am in that heat of the moment I get very into it. But as soon as it goes away. I am very disgusted with myself. I hate myself. I know I am not okay with any of these situations that I am thinking or doing. What is wrong with me? Does anyone know if this is normal?What can I do to stop it. Should I try the threesome idea out? If so will I end up hating it the first time I get off and end everything that has made my life....living? Please help me I have no where else to go.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 You have fantasy and wonder about something sexual and forbidden. Good, you are using pornography in the way it's intended. These feelings are just imagination, something to make you feel sexual and arroused. No need to make it reality, pornography is for watching things that are not socially allowed.
Do not be disgusted because your a human being with an imagination and sexual desire. That's the way we are made. You worrying and stressing is making this a bigger issue than it really is. Watch your pornography, enjoy yourself, then turn of the tv, computer and go back to your normal life with a smile on your face and a sexy swing when you walk.
Your feelings and desires are perfectly normal.
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 In the heat of sexual action...here is your exact description,...'When I am in that heat of the moment I get very into it. But as soon as it goes away. I am very disgusted with myself. I hate myself. I know I am not okay with any of these situations that I am thinking or doing. What is wrong with me?'
In the heat of sex, life itself appeared as beautiful, but in absence of heat? ... your question is timeless question. If you want such questions to be answered...and you really want answer? please go to 'my column page'...' http://www.dearcupid.org/people/bharat_mehta'
You will read few articles on Tantra, few are under preparation., other you can get it from Google search if you wish...such knowledge will bring unity and harmony in life.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (8 May 2010):
 First of all, I feel like you owe it to your boyfriend to be honest and say you watch porn too and therefore it is not off limits for either of you anymore. i don't think it's right to be making rules that you yourself can't adhere to, but that's just me.
As for the fantasy of the threesome, I think there's nothing wrong with fantasizing about it. I don't think you're addicted to porn if I understood right, you only see it..when you need to masturbate, well i don't know how often that is, nevermind, but I don't think there's anything wrong about trying to turn yourself on and get off.
As for acting out this fantasy: I have mixed feelings, especially due to your past, you will be most vulnerable to maybe reliving trauma. Here's a recent account of someone that was in a similar position as you, in terms of history of abuse and this is how she handled the threesome, do understand it is a greater risk for you to play out this fantasy than perhaps the average person, who apparently doesn't fair well often, either.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/threesome-with-husband---best-friend-gone.html
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 You might be taking things too seriously. A lot of people look at porn and think dirty things and are ashamed afterwards. It's all about self-control.
There are people in the world with bigger problems than this. I wouldn't worry about it to much. Just stop doing it.
Listen to your heart. It will guide you in the right direction.
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A
female
reader, rainbowmaker +, writes (8 May 2010):
 I dont really know what to say about the porn thing other than i dont understand why you have a problem with him watching it when you watch it yourself. That doesnt make sense?? And anyway, why should you feel bad about it after? What are you doing wrong? Nothing. Plenty of people do it. Stop giving yourself such a hard time mate.The threesom thing i think you should think very carefully about. Does your man even want a threesom? The thing about fantasy is its usually best kept that way! Think of all the jealousy that you may feel after you have done it.There is a good chance you wont like it, do you really want to take that risk? Two@s company, three's a crowd! Think about it!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 You watched too much porn and you are addicted to it. Porn has warped your mind and give rise to those lusty thoughts.
It is not normal and you need to focus your mind on more healthy activities, like exercise, games or going out with friends .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): Seriously you should stop thinking about such ideas of threesomes or your bf with another girl!,thats abnormal and it will ruin you relationship with him.Do you want that to happen?You should stop watching porn thats the main problem!!.Just cut it out no matter what.
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