A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was a witness to a horrible crime a few years ago. I saw a women being raped. I have never had sex. After this happened when I have been with my girl friend I can't get aroused. I think about what I saw and I get what I think must be a panic attack. I am extremely upset by this. The victem looked a lot like my sister. I think that has affected me a lot. I fought with the guy and he broke my arm and my eye socket and some of my ribs. He is in prison now. How can I get this out of my head so I can have sex with my girl friend? We have been together for a two years now. I know she is getting frustrated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): I really feel for you.
I don't think your girlfriend is being very considerate... You need someone that it more than hot. Someone that is understanding, and is willing to help you through such a hard time, instead of making you feel guilty and insulting you for struggling, which is perfectly reasonable.
You are a hero, you helped a girl in her most desperate time of need. It doesn't matter how bad a beating you took. The fact is you helped her, and you're helping her still by going to court... I fear that a lot of people in your position, wouldn't have known what to do, and wouldn't have run to her aid.
The poor girl that you so bravely help is obviously very traumatised. I know her pretending not to see you one min and then hugging you and crying the next must be very confusing. But I bet the poor girl doesn't know what to do with herself.
I honestly think you need time to get over this. Being pressured into sex that you're not ready or is not going to make things any better. You are trying to rush your emotional healing, but your mental and phyical self is just not ready to have sex yet. Give yourself time... I pressume your girlfriend knows what you've been through... So if she is still bulling you and pressuring you, then maybe it is time to consider whether she's a good person to be with.
Good luck. x
If you ever need to chat you can send me a private message.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): I posted the question. Thank you all for answering. What complicates everything is that I have been to therapy. I was given a prescription that has affected my libido. It made me feel calmer but affected me worse sexually. I quit taking it. I'm thinking of breaking up with my girl friend. She has been saying some really mean things to me like how she needs a man. She has no idea how I feel. She is so hot and she wants me but I can't give her what she wants. I am no hero. I took a bad beating. I am so angry everyday. I am trying to forgive but I can't. I have seen the girl a few times after this all happened other than in court. The first time I saw her she pretended not to notice me but then she saw me at the grocery store and she hugged me and she just kept crying right there in the store. My injuries were pretty bad. I know she feels bad but I told her it wasn't her fault. I have a bad eye injury and a huge scar over my eye. I guess I'll try therapy again. Please pray for both of us.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): You are having a pretty standard panic attack, it is more troubling than usual because it is connected with sex. Treatment for panic attacks is pretty straight-forward, as it is one of the lesser post-traumatic stress disorders. It will require the cooperation of your girlfriend, but I imagine she'd be pleased that you are controlling the issue, rather than letting it control you.It's pretty common for rescuers to acquire mental sicknesses due to the extreme circumstances they found themselves in. So much so that treatment is available to professional rescue staff as a normal part of their work. Just as you treated your physical injuries, you need to treat your mental injuries. Annoyingly the resources tend to have differing names depending where you live and may take some searching to find. A hospital outpatient facility might be a good point to start asking.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Wow, what an ordeal to go through. And I'm just so impressed with your bravery - that poor victim must be eternally grateful to you. You showed more courage than most people ever would. You are a real hero for what you did.
I can truly understand how this would cause you distress and trauma, especially in the bedroom. I would really insist on going to therapy. I think that you'll move past this with some help from a professional, who you can pretty much talk with and lift the weight off your shoulders. Have you told your girlfriend how this is affecting you? You should let her know what you're going through - at least let her know that it's not her, it's you.
Your situation is not surprising to me at all. I really think a good therapist will help you through this and that your libido will be back.
Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (17 March 2010):
 wow you've been through a lot, good for you for trying to defend the woman and help him get jail time. I think if you haven't been, getting counseling is for the best, because you've probably undergone some trauma from witnessing this. even though you have a difficult time getting aroused, do you do things for her (fingering, oral), or have you just completely shut off any sexual side of yourself? i'm not a counselor so i don't know if this would be a good idea, but I would think, that just taking it slow, maybe pushing your boundaries, and going a little bit further every night, may help, but I'd ask a counselor about that. I def think that you should see someone though for the issues.
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