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I have a crush on my 7 year older 1st cousin

Tagged as: Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 March 2012) 5 Answers - (Newest, 26 March 2012)
A female age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I'm a girl and i have a huge crush on my older cousin. She is 7 years older than me but still, everytime when she comes over to our house she is all i can think about. I have known her since i was little and we are very close. But i can't help that everytime i se her i want to kiss her. (She is also very HOT!!!) What do i do. I know we are first cousins but i don't care. Please help me!!

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A male reader, IHateWomanBeaters United States +, writes (26 March 2012):

IHateWomanBeaters agony auntTruth, there is nothing super immoral or dangerous with having responsible sex with a cousin, between adults.

However, you are young and in a certain developmental stage where you shouldn't hold back your natural feelings toward the men and/or women, but you should also exercise caution.

Do I think that it would create an awkward tension between you two? Yeah. Would I tell her? It depends on what kind of woman she is. If she is understanding, warm-hearted, and not easily to overreact, I would tell her.

Don't expect her to go into some lesbian fantasy with you, but she will explain exactly what I am explaining. You are young, you are new to sexuality, and if you see a hot ass woman, you are going to like her!

Avoidance is not the answer, as repression causes many problems later on.

Another bit of truth. Everyone likes anyone who is really hot! It is neither weird or immoral, what you are feeling. I was SIX and I had a crush on my mother's cousin. She was much better looking than any of these models you see on tv. It is something that you grow out of.

To sum it up, you are not weird, you are not immoral, and you are not wrong for having those feelings. You are NORMAL. You are close? Talk to her about it. She'll understand :)

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A female reader, fishdish United States +, writes (26 March 2012):

fishdish agony auntPersonally I would try to sacrifice my lesbian feelings for my cousin as it could cause serious drama and negatively impact the family's equilibrium. Family dynamics may seem written in stone but are in fact one little thing can have a severe effect on the stability of the family structure. I really only see drama, embarassment and rejection coming from this.

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A male reader, xgod United States +, writes (26 March 2012):

xgod agony auntIMHO, there are many reasons the general public frowns on intimacy or sexual relationships between siblings, cousins, or other close blood-related relatives.

99% of these are religious stigma, even though 75% of all relationships and marriages in the bible itself involve siblings or cousins making babies and "begat" -ing children together.

Medically, procreation between siblings or first cousins is no longer considered dangerous. It was only ever considered dangerous due to inaccurate or religious-stigma related influences.

The only medical issue regarding offspring of siblings or cousins is if there is a history of illness that is very prevalent in your family. Be it cancer or mental retardation or anemia - knowing the family medical history is important.

Now, as you are both female, the procreation thing is off the table.

Deagan is a bit harsh here and yet I do agree that you are very likely experiencing a crush that will pass in time.

Every family has a person who has a crush on a blood relative. When I was 9, until I was 13, I was madly in love with my own first cousin. Being so young, we just played at being boyfriend and girlfriend. The hormones in our pubescent bodies made us crazy. Neither of us knew anything about sex at that age, unlike some kids nowadays. Our parents thought it was "CUTE."

In your situation, I would suggest keeping it to yourself to best avoid awkwardness and embarrassment later in life or currently in your family.

You should try and write your feelings in a journal. Get those emotions on a page and keep it secret from everyone. In time, you will look back on those writings and reflect fondly on how young you were and how glad you were to have kept it to yourself.

You are so young. Your mind is aflutter with fantasies driven wild by the natural hormones in your ever-changing body.

THIS IS NORMAL!

Embrace those emotions and feelings and let your cousin make you happy by just being around each other. If you broach this topic with her, it could lash back at you and cause her to avoid you for a long time. As the song says "BE HAPPY TOGETHER" and just be.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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A female reader, Deagan United States +, writes (26 March 2012):

Deagan agony auntYou are first cousins, that's frowned upon, so you should care.

Obviously there is no chance in hell she is going to feel the same about you. You are simply suffering from a crush that will go away if you keep busy and avoid being at the house when she visits.

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A male reader, Hugh.J United Kingdom +, writes (26 March 2012):

Hugh.J agony auntThere is no tabu concerning FEMALE relatives! The idea of making liaisons between blood relatives was to prevent birth defects due to inbreeding - you two have no such problems!

Just go for it and I wish you luck.

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