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... Send *ionee' a private message | | | *ionee''s profile:I'm a very enthusiastic and fun loving woman and I just simply love helping others. I am from the sunny city of Durban, South Africa.
I'm currently single and focusing on other aspects of my life such as work and studying. I love to write in my spare time, draw, sing and create content. I'm a very open minded person who likes making new friends and meeting new people.
I always aim to give the most honest advice that I can.
Anyone is welcome to mail me for private one on one advice.
May you all be blessed in your endeavours. |
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| Latest articles: It doesn't have to be complicated
No replies yet... 7 August 2013: I've been the agony aunt among the people I've known for a while. Those much older than me come to me. What would I know right? Thing is, I've always learned from the mistakes of others and gather What-Not-To-Do from that. Ever heard "A fo...
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My boyfriend is going to be sleeping at his ex's house this weekend
Q. My older bf (46), told me(29) that this upcoming weekend we were not going to see each other because he was going to go back to the city where he lived before with his ex wife, and that he was going to do some things, like look for a ...
A. 15 April 2018: To everyone saying that it isn't weird, look at it this way: if you're going to an exes home to pick up some stuff, is it necessary for you to sleep there? That's my issue here. If this guy is financially stable enough to build a home, he is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend constantly changes the topic of conversation to himself and his achievements
Q. Hello everyone, there's a little thing that been "bothering" me about my boyfriend, and due of my lack of experience on these aspects, I was wondering if some of you could give me a little hand in order to solve this situation. Usually when w...
A. 10 April 2018: Personally, this would be a huge red flag for me simply because I can't stand people who are self absorbed.
To me, he doesn't ask you about your stuff because; he really just doesn't care enough to want to know. He finds his life more interest... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going to be sleeping at his ex's house this weekend
Q. My older bf (46), told me(29) that this upcoming weekend we were not going to see each other because he was going to go back to the city where he lived before with his ex wife, and that he was going to do some things, like look for a ...
A. 10 April 2018: Honestly, that's kind of odd and I'm sure that it would make most people uneasy if their partner suggested this. Why can't he stay at a hotel or BnB instead?
I think that you should just be honest with him and tell him that it bothers you. Hon... (read in full...)
I want a sexual relationship with my professor. Should I pursue it?
Q. I am in love with my professor and want to take thing to a sexual relationship. I need advise on how to keep it a secret. We flirt all the time we even exchanged pictures. Should I pursue this at all? ...
A. 10 April 2018: Look at the situation like this:
This guy is a professional (or at least he is supposed to be) so let that sink in... meaning; he is off limits and he is taking advantage and in a sense; he is exploiting the fact that you like him and I assume t... (read in full...)
I'm fed up with boyfriend and his gifts/loans
Q. I am disabled and live on benefits,last October my boyfriend of 10 years offered money for my car repairs I said I would not be able to repay but he insisted,then a few months later there was another repair needed and he said it looked like he would ...
A. 10 April 2018: Firstly; STOP taking things from him. He is the type of person that likes to be repaid for everything that he does to why keep taking things from him? It's best to just live within your means on what you get via benefits than to have him constantly ... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend’s dad just sexually harrass me!? I’m crying
Q. My boyfriends dad just sexually harrased me?! I feel so embarrased to even write this! Please help I am in shock I live with my boyfriends parents and something happened I was eating late meal in the kitchen and he came in, we were having a ...
A. 7 April 2018: Honestly, you under-reacted in the moment. I definitely would NEVER let some weird creepy guy use a child as an excuse to touch my breasts. It's disgusting how he behaved and he knows that he crossed the line but he could tell how intimidated you ... (read in full...)
Please help me stand up for myself
Q. I am sick of my friends not listening to me and then punishinhg me with rumors and the silent treatment. OK. Sometimes, it's fun for me, JUST TO HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEBODY. It's fun and it's safe and I can feel all happy inside and I don't have to ...
A. 6 April 2018: Here is my advice:
1. Get new friends who respect you and actually care about you.
2. Stop worrying about boys if you genuinely couldn't be bothered.
Stop forcing to be who you aren't just to appear to be more acceptable within your frie... (read in full...)
Is he telling the truth about the state of his marriage?
Q. I’m seeing a married man for a number of years. I am in no rush to spending my whole life with but I do love him, he says he is in a sexless marriage, that his wife has no sex drive yet iv seen photos of them with her arm around him yet he doesn’t ...
A. 6 April 2018: To me, it really doesn't matter whether his marriage is sexless or not, the point is; so far he has stayed (for whatever reason) and that probably won't change.
I mean, it's quite clear that you want more out of it (clear from your 'he either w... (read in full...)
Is the size of the take out he brought home a sign he is becoming cheap?
Q. After dating selfish cheap guys, I'm pretty gun shy. My bf has always been generous w/me and we do pay for each other pretty often. Today he went out to eat and I couldn't make it, so I asked him to bring me some soup. I'm not one to eat a lot, but ...
A. 6 April 2018: If this is the only time something like this has happened, let it go and just keep an eye out for the next time.
Also, you did mention that you don't eat a lot so I don't get it. Maybe a much larger portion would have made you happier, one of w... (read in full...)
He lied about an ex. Should I end things?
Q. Last night I caught my bf of only 3 weeks in a lie. We started dating in January but only became an official couple in March. When I first started dating him, I asked him when did his last relationship end. He told me he had a gf in the summer of ...
A. 6 April 2018: He lied to you to spare your feelings because he probably knew what your exes done, hence, he tried not to give any red flags that would show you that he is the same as they are.
Look at it this way, if he had fessed up after you approach... (read in full...)
Is there no one for me? How can I get a guy to be interested in me?
Q. I think I’m meant to be alone forever. I’m a junior in high school, and No matter what, I cannot find a guy who remotely shows interest in me. I am good-looking (not trying to be stuck-up) but I never talk in school. I go to school everyday without ...
A. 6 April 2018: You're well aware of why you're never approached; because you aren't easily approachable. I always say this; for every girl, there is a guy that secretly adores her. Popular or not. That isn't the point. The thing is that, since you don't talk to ... (read in full...)
My husband is disappointed because I didn't tell him about a job interview
Q. Hi guys I feel really terrible about lying to my husband about a recent job interview I had. Two weeks ago I applied for a job (he knew I had been looking) and got called for the interview and thankfully got it. However I didn't tell my husband ...
A. 6 April 2018: Here is my take on things:
I get not telling him because I often do the same thing also out of not wanting to jinx it, so to speak. So trust me, I get it.
However, when I do get some good news, I'm definitely quick to share my news which I thi... (read in full...)
Was my husband lying about not loving the other woman?
Q. is my husband lying to me when he says he never loved the other woman? I found messages and video with him telling her he loves her...
A. 6 April 2018: Whether he loves her or not; we might never know and here's why:
1. He could have been filling her head with garbage so that he could continue to get some while also keeping his bread buttered by you as well.
2. He might really love her in which... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my live-in girlfriend?
Q. I am in a long term relationship and my gf isnt interested in sex. I've always had a higher sex drive than her but she only wants sex when it is her cycle for a kid. I want a kid but college is starting to get stressful and I dont think I want to ...
A. 6 April 2018: You two should definitely break up. Honestly. The two of you aren't doing anyone a favour by trying for a child.
The fact of the matter is that the two of you are sexually incompatible and want different things right now. You want a kid but it r... (read in full...)
Is online dating worth the effort?
Q. So I have been trying to make sense of this... does online dating is worth the effort? I ask this because I put up my profile on 2 sites (one famous paid site and one famous free site) and I'm very disappointed with the results. I have a decent p...
A. 6 April 2018: The thing about dating sites is that it's the same as real life... you won't just get a hit just like that. It also takes a lot of time and effort. A lot of the modern day dating sites give such impressive stats that when we sign up, we start ... (read in full...)
How do I approach my co-worker?
Q. This guy at my work likes to stare and/or glance at me from afar; he seems nervous every time I come closer to him or walk past him. Afew weeks ago, I was smiling at him to try and calm his nerves down and show I am a friendly person and he seemed ...
A. 6 April 2018: My guess is; he probably likes you. Some people think that work is a good place to meet your potential life partner, personally though; I don't date co-workers. It complicates things loads and it adds a certain sense of unprofessionalism if the two ... (read in full...)
I has sent really embarrassing messages to a girl 6-7 years ago and I just realised that girl is my girlfriend's cousin! What if she still has those messages?
Q. Hi all, 6-7 years ago , i was messaging a girl on Facebook, probably very cringey and embarrassing texts , nothing came of it and i deleted her of Facebook , 4 years ago I started dating my current girlfriend, been together 4 years now, that girl ...
A. 6 April 2018: I think that what happened 6-7 years ago is irrelevant... you seem to be a very different person now. Another thing is; I doubt that she kept your messages through the years and if she did, she probably won't cause rubbish unless she's really ... (read in full...)
I have to work nonstop to pay off my debts and I feel very restless and hopeless sometimes. How do I keep this up for another 8 months?
Q. How do I sta sane in this financial situation.? I am living in New York City I have a roommate and I am in debt - school - medical procedure and bills all amount to 3300 a month to stay afloat - I spoke to a financial advisor and the minimum ...
A. 6 April 2018: Honestly, so far, you're doing most than the average person would be willing to do. For that, you should be very proud.
It's understandable how you're drowning in debt, I mean, apart from what you owe, NYC is so expensive when it comes to the c... (read in full...)
It feels like shes using me. Is she?
Q. We're dating for a few months, I'm 31 she's 22 last night she asked me to pick her up at her house and I didn't want to because I just don't want to get out of my house and as she lives far away I'm not into it driving right now, just a lazy day, ...
A. 3 April 2018: Oh and I don't think she's using you. She just wants MORE and you seem to be okay with LESS. I don't think it's called being used. It's called incompatibility. ... (read in full...)
It feels like shes using me. Is she?
Q. We're dating for a few months, I'm 31 she's 22 last night she asked me to pick her up at her house and I didn't want to because I just don't want to get out of my house and as she lives far away I'm not into it driving right now, just a lazy day, ...
A. 3 April 2018: You're not willing to compromise or accommodate this woman so that's why you're having problems. It may seem like a small issue to YOU but your effort (to most of us aunts here) seems less than satisfactory. A compromise on your part perhaps would ... (read in full...)
It feels like shes using me. Is she?
Q. We're dating for a few months, I'm 31 she's 22 last night she asked me to pick her up at her house and I didn't want to because I just don't want to get out of my house and as she lives far away I'm not into it driving right now, just a lazy day, ...
A. 3 April 2018: You're not willing to compromise or accommodate this woman so that's why you're having problems. It may seem like a small issue to YOU but your effort (to most of us aunts here) seems less than satisfactory. A compromise on your part perhaps would ... (read in full...)
How do I handle dates where I don't want more?
Q. Often when I go on dates with guys, it becomes apparent to me quite quickly if I'm interested or not. I'm always respectful and kind on dates. But I have a very flirtatious smile, so often if I smile too much, I notice guys are responsive and want ...
A. 3 April 2018: Honesty is the best policy. Be honest. Especially since it's well within your right to be. If you don't want what he wants; let him know. ... (read in full...)
I don’t want to deny him sex but how do I get my feelings across?
Q. I have been with my bf now for 3 months and although he is 12 years older he can be romantic. He is African american and I'm Canadian (when we are not making love). But he can be a bit of a control freak when it come to our love making. He says what ...
A. 3 April 2018: If you don't want sex at particular moments; tell him. Get him to stop pressuring you long enough for you to actually verbally communicate this to him. I think that the problem here is that the two of you are sexually incompatible and you're ... (read in full...)
What do you do when a relationship has become boring?
Q. Hi what do you do when a relationship has become boring I’ve been with my fiancé for 4 years we never do anything together in that time we’ve been out for 6 meals and that’s it he never wants to do anything he gets stoned every day all day he was a ...
A. 3 April 2018: The two of you are incompatible. The best thing that you can for yourself is; pursue a prompt breakup. ... (read in full...)
I started an affair as a FWB but we are so well matched!
Q. I have been with my fiancé for 6 years now he is much older than me and I have just recently caught the eye of a wonderful man that is my age that has a good head on his shoulders and is very charming and respectful the only bad part is we are ...
A. 3 April 2018: This sounds like a fantasy. Here is where I'll give my input:
Something is lacking in your relationship which is why you went outside looking for it. With that been said; both you and this guy are playing a very dangerous game, one in which, 4 or m... (read in full...)
Why can't he just give me his undivided attention for a few minutes?
Q. Recently, starting about 6 months ago, my relationship with my boyfriend has become fairly rocky. We've been together for almost 5 years now. I've started to notice his lack of ambition in many life and day to day events in general. He has missed a ...
A. 3 April 2018: Don't threaten a break up if you really don't mean it. Honestly, you love the guy so don't do that. What if he had said,"yeah I think we should break up, as well", your question here would've been very different.
Personally I don't think that soc... (read in full...)
Why am I attracted to men like my father?
Q. [Mod note: two questions combined from same poster.] Should I date men that I don’t find physically attractive? I come from an arranged marriage - my parents both were set up by their parents and their still married - although not happy.. I apprec...
A. 3 April 2018: I look at it this way (and I HAD issues with my father too), the reason why you're ending up with guys like your father is because as you said; the dating pool is looking shallow since you keep finding men who are taken and such and the ones that ... (read in full...)
Why is my coworker blanking me and what should I do about it?
Q. I’ve beem in my job 21 months. Like it. 90% colleagues younger. I’m a worker, not a boss or manager. I’m fine with this. Not all of us are meant to be bosses.. 90% managers and my boss are younger. 2 are older, one my age. I have no...
A. 3 April 2018: Avoid work related politics and leave her be. You're older and hopefully more wise so let it be. Be the professional that you are and get the job done... leave small talk with this woman; out. She doesn't need to be accommodated for and that's just ... (read in full...)
My ex is coming back into my life when I have a new partner!
Q. I need some advice, 4 years ago I started dating my best friend, we were together for about 8 months and it was perfect! However I made mistakes in the relationship such as being too close to her and so i drove her away and didnt handle the brea...
A. 3 April 2018: I think that you need to understand that this previous relationship has probably had it's time. Especially since you're now in a long term committed relationship mostly ever since you broke up with your ex... which I suspect is the problem. Maybe ... (read in full...)
I don't want to nag but my boyfriend never texts me first!
Q. Hey all! So my boyfriend and I just got together officially. I noticed in the first month that we talked quite a bit and he initiated the conversation a lot of the time, and he would always call me in the evenings before bed. When we got into the ...
A. 3 April 2018: I'm usually a busy person and tend not to respond to my texts for days at a time lately. It kind of irritates me when people get annoyed with me for not answering their, "how are you doing", texts (lol) since to me, my busy schedule takes priority ... (read in full...)
Does he ask about my sex life out of curiosity or is he into me?
Q. I have this guy friend who I have been friends with a couple of years. Throughout our friendship, we’ve flirted here and there but nothing more. However, he always, without fail will ask about my dating life. I’ve dating a few guys but nothing ...
A. 3 April 2018: Personally, I'm not comfortable with my guy friends knowing the intimate details of my life. They're friends for a reason and there's a reason they're in the friendzone (whatever it may be). When I get asked this type of question, I usually respond ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend ridiculed me saying that I have small boobs and a big tummy!
Q. Dear cubid, The other day my bf of 2 years and i were video chating and i was wearing a tank top without a bra so he made a comment saying " ur boobs need serious help why doesn't the fat from ur stomach go up to ur boobs , just rotate the fat" ...
A. 3 April 2018: Honestly, a penis joke would have done this situation justice. It's easy for men to say "it's just a joke" but even with myself for instance, I don't like anyone putting down ANYONE's appearance for that matter, including my own. Whether it's said ... (read in full...)
His neediness bothers me. Should I feel guilty for blocking him?
Q. Okay so I've only known this guy for 2 months only, he is at my university. He seemed nice at first and we hang out together, but then he started to creep me out with his neediness and him being too clingy. I was nice with him and i gave him hints ...
A. 3 April 2018: Honestly, you're not overreacting at all. My gosh, this guy is really creepy. Whatever you do, don't unblock him.
What I would do is schedule a meeting with this guy (I call it a meeting because it should be just that; a meeting). It should b... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being in a loveless sexless marriage. I want to leave my wife for the other woman
Q. I'm married almost 10 years and miserable. Before people give out to me I have a valid reason for wanting to leave, we simply don't get on, we are in a loveless and sexless marriage and we tried counciling we tried getting out alone we tried to not ...
A. 3 April 2018: OP, this is a huge no-no... this entire situation I mean.
Look, I get the whole 'wanting to leave a relationship that isn't working' bit but you have to consider all of the factors here:
You've now messed with more than just one marriage at ... (read in full...)
What is a normal amount of sex?
Q. Im 30 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. We don't have any kids. How much sex would be 'normal'? Id say on average we probably do it twice a month. ...
A. 16 December 2017: I don´t think anyone can account for what´s normal. As for what feels like a good amount, that´s for the two of you to decide.
If you are not happy with the current situation, have a conversation about it as after 10 years, you should be able to ... (read in full...)
How do I act with this coworker?
Q. How do I act with my coworker- a little background -when I started working for this law firm I noticed that me and one of the senior lawyer were attracted to each other BUT he is married. Although I would never push the envelope I do notice he might ...
A. 16 December 2017: As previously mentioned; keep things professional. Shut down the friendly talk.
If he badmouths other people then don´t for a second think that he will stay polite forever. He is MARRIED. I think he may be trying to initiate something and by you e... (read in full...)
Do I need to step out of my bubble with this outgoing guy?
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles I'm not in any precarious situation but just looking for some advice on things in my relationship i've just not encountered before. About two years ago I left a long term relationship, it was wholly amicable and ende...
A. 16 December 2017: I think that yes you need to open up a bit more and be more outgoing and spontaneous to a certain point.
I hate...absolutely hate gifting my sister with gifts because she is also such a shitty gift receiver whereas with my mom, for instance... (read in full...)
Is there a chance my crush likes me back?
Q. There is a guy nice guy at my church and I liked him the monent I saw him but he had a girlfriend and I back off which was a year ago and forgot about him. Me and him are in the same weekly church group but never really talked much Recently I had...
A. 16 December 2017: Sad to say, bodily contact of this kind i.e legs touching doesn´t mean anything. It definitely would not get you points or make him want to start dating you.
If you want to get to know him then strike up a casual conversation and get to know HIM... (read in full...)
My wife wants an open relationship, I don't
Q. My wife insists on a open relationship for her but not for me. I am very resentful about this but she says its this or nothing. I love her but I am going nuts....
A. 16 December 2017: So basically she gave you an ultimatum... it´s her way or the highway?! Honestly, she doesn´t respect your union and the vows that the two of you recited for one another means absolutely nothing if she is willing to throw away your marriage because ... (read in full...)
What do I do and say? His depression is hard to deal with
Q. I need help. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 months and a bit more , and I love him so much but he has depression . I help him as much as I can and I’m here for him all the time but he always complains to me how he feels and I understand that he’s ...
A. 2 December 2017: Look OP, I´m going to say what you would least want to hear/read BUT you are too YOUNG to deal with a relationship, let alone one in which your boyfriend has depression.
Mental illness is difficult to deal with in a relationship and I wouldn´t... (read in full...)
I fear my husband is no longer in love with me
Q. My husband and so have been together 10 years and married 8 of those years. We have an 11 month old and a 7 years old. So am I crazy or is he falling put of love with me? He hates his job and only has 1 week left before he changes jobs. For the...
A. 2 December 2017: I get where you´re coming from but giving him everything that he wants and expects won´t get you the admiration and respect that you want and deserve. In fact, you will only continue to be taken for granted, that´s the way I see it.
Looki... (read in full...)
The boyfriend and the friend who doesn't know we're together: I want to be put first for once
Q. One of my boyfriends friends and I don't get along because of things that happened in the past between us, so we mutually agreed not to speak to one another. My boyfriend tells me that he likes the guy, but they aren't that close. I don't mind them ...
A. 2 December 2017: First of all, I feel that it´s really pathetic that your boyfriend is keeping you a secret. I feel that if you´re not willing to put up with the drama that comes with being open about your relationship (heterosexual or homosexual) then you shouldn´t ... (read in full...)
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