A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am disabled and live on benefits,last October my boyfriend of 10 years offered money for my car repairs I said I would not be able to repay but he insisted,then a few months later there was another repair needed and he said it looked like he would never get his money back that is when I realised he thought of it as a loan so I took out a high interest loan to pay him back half the money he had given me,then he said to sell the car and get the rest of his money so I did that,but the next day he said he never told me to sell the car so now I feel like a liar and also wondering how long before he reminds me of all the other things he pays for that I can not afford, I am sick of trying to talk to him he changes the subject I am fed up of the whole thing.
View related questions:
disabled, liar, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 April 2018):
 Then decline his gifts/loans.
Or... simply get rid of him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2018): What a jerk.dump his sorry ass.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2018): Living with a lawyer for 28 years; there's one thing you will learn, if nothing else. That is, not to accept money unless you have a signed-repayment agreement; and/or it is well-established whether the money exchanged is a gift, or a loan.
Sometimes slick opportunists will set you up. They see you're in a fix, and offer financial-assistance when you're in a jam. You take the money and use it. Then suddenly it goes from pro bono to quid pro quo! Your boyfriend pulled a bait and switch. He was actually lending you the money; but considered it money in the bank. He was playing a game of "loan-shark." I'll collect it later!
It is also possible that he did offer it as an act of generosity at the time, but had second-thoughts. Apparently he is not a man of his word. That still makes him pretty shady. Unless he spends a lot of money on you. He may have come to the conclusion you're using him. That may not be the case; but if he's always doling-out cash, you have to own responsibility for his changing his mind. He still had the obligation to inform you he wanted you to pay him back.
Once money has become a bone of contention in a relationship; and the other party becomes very persistent about payback of what they deceptively made you believe was an act of generosity. You are no longer friends. You are business-associates. The money exchanged is a debt.
Pay him back all his money and kick him out.
He is untrustworthy, and he has no credibility. You are too naive to anticipate his slick moves; so he's a bad-match for a boyfriend. Not to mention the fact he knows you're financially-strapped; and placed you into more debt.
See people for what they are, my dear. He is no longer your boyfriend. He's not your ATM. He's a creditor.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (10 April 2018):
 Firstly; STOP taking things from him. He is the type of person that likes to be repaid for everything that he does to why keep taking things from him? It's best to just live within your means on what you get via benefits than to have him constantly letting you know of how much you owe him... honestly, that's no way to live.
Secondly, you need to decide if you want to be with someone that is always counting what they give you. It's not coming from a good place so don't get it twisted. Personally, I save up for the stuff that I want and need or may want and need in future (my savings is separated into a few different categories) as well as having a separate emergency fund just as youcannotbeserious has mentioned (even off a small income; it's possible). It's about prioritizing.
Essentially, you need to decide whether or not you're okay with dating someone who always counts what he does for you and also, you need to stop taking stuff from him even if you do stay.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (10 April 2018):
 As I see it, you have 3 choices:
1. Leave things as they are, accept his money and just refuse to rise to his moaning. Make a joke out of it, something along the lines of "but I'm worth it" and change the subject. He can only make you feel guilty if you ALLOW it.
2. Dump him and then the problem is gone completely.
3. Refuse to accept any gifts from him, with the reasoning that you don't want to take advantage of him.
On a different subject, have you checked out you are getting all the benefits to which you are entitled? Have you also looked at what you spend money on and seen where you could cut back/adjust? I ask because, if you can afford to pay off a high interest loan, then you could also afford to put money aside for emergencies such as car repairs. (That is not meant to sound condescending or anything, just that sometimes we can miss the obvious solutions to problems until someone points them out.)
...............................
|
