A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I need help. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 months and a bit more , and I love him so much but he has depression . I help him as much as I can and I’m here for him all the time but he always complains to me how he feels and I understand that he’s expressing his feelings but he says this every single night and I don’t know what to say to him apart from stay strong . But every time I say this he says to me it’s easier to say than do . It’s really hard for me to deal with it because it makes me upset and I don’t know what to do . What do I do and what do I say ? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 December 2017):
 You are very young and off course this is going to upset you, relationships are not easy and they are even harder when a person has depression. Is he on medication? Does he have a therapist? I just hope he is getting the help that he needs. Also you need to talk to your parents as well and tell them how worried you are, make sure you have someone to talk to, you need to look after your own mental health as well.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (3 December 2017):
 As another one of gazillions that suffer from depression I want to state that you CAN'T cure him- the only thing that can help him is professional help- and at his age without professional help, understanding and control over his illness, there's not going to be much, if anything you can do.
I do think it's too young and of course you don't know how to handle very serious issues that can cause people to take their own life..so stop beatig yourself up.
As you've got yourself into a relationship however, I will suggest you give him an ultimatum- get help or you can't stick around.. whatever age people need to CHOOSE to help THEMSELVES. If THEY don't try ultimately you have NO DUTY to stick around.
It's not FAIR on you as a fifteen year old to be burdened with these soul crushing adult issues.. if you can't handle it tell him straight.. you are not obliged to manage something you're way out of your depth with.. if you feel like you really don't want to walk away, stay ONLY if he gets help
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2017): Hi, OP. I'm going to disagree slightly with the other replies here: if you are 14 or 15, I don't think you're too young to have a boyfriend. I had my first relationship at 14 and although it didn't last more than a few months, I learned a lot from it.However, I do agree that you're not equipped to handle this particular relationship on your own. I dated people with mental health issues as a teen, and I loved feeling like I was the only person who "got" them, even though supporting them was exhausting. I felt like it would all be worth it - I was going to be the one to make everything better, and I was going to be the most important person in their lives because I could save them from themselves!It never turned out that way. What they really needed was professional help. Please encourage your boyfriend to see a doctor. You don't have to break up unless the emotional strain is getting too much for you (if it is, it's a good idea to move on - you need to look after yourself too), but definitely don't try to be his savior and support him all on your own. You're not a doctor. Leaving depression untreated can be very dangerous. I wish you all the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2017): The best thing you can do for him is tell him that depression is a disease with measurable changes in brain function, and if he wants to get better to encourage him to be open to professional counseling or medication. One of the hard lessons most people learn in life is that we cannot always help, fix, or change others into what we want them to be. But we can take a good look at ourselves and what we want in our lives, and we can work on ourselves and finding people who are on the same path.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (2 December 2017):
 Look OP, I´m going to say what you would least want to hear/read BUT you are too YOUNG to deal with a relationship, let alone one in which your boyfriend has depression.
Mental illness is difficult to deal with in a relationship and I wouldn´t recommend that anyone should rely on their partner to help them through depression because no one is equipped to help anyone through depression unless they themselves understand it or have been through it.
My analysis is that you´re far too young to be dealing with this type of thing and neither are you equipped to deal with it. Two months is a short time and guess what? You´re not ready for a relationship and neither should you be at this age. The fact of the matter is that at your age, your main focuses in life should be school and family. That´s it. Boyfriends should be completely out.
For the above mentioned reasons, you should not be in a relationship, especially this one which is why I´m suggesting that you break up with this boy. At your age, you have not yet experienced romantic love and you definitely are not in love with this kid, I guarantee you that. You´re just infatuated and this is just another crush of sorts. Chances of the two of you making it into adulthood together are few to none. That is the honest truth. Chances are, by next year, you will be into someone new.
Let this guy go and enjoy your teens.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 December 2017):
 OP, you're too young to handle this. I know you want to help, but he needs to see a therapist.
I battle with depression, among other things, and I know how draining it is. Your life will likely suffer unless you break up with him and encourage him to see a counsellor or doctor.
...............................
|
