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I want a sexual relationship with my professor. Should I pursue it?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 April 2018) 14 Answers - (Newest, 29 April 2018)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I am in love with my professor and want to take thing to a sexual relationship. I need advise on how to keep it a secret.

We flirt all the time we even exchanged pictures.

Should I pursue this at all?

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom +, writes (29 April 2018):

02DuszJ agony auntYuck! So it's not just a one off he sexually preys on any young impressionable girl with a pretty face? Sorry but he's in a position to TEACH you guys and help you with your FUTURES not take advantage of them and fuck with their heads!

You have photo evidence- report him! He shouldn't be a teacher

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (27 April 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntGet together with the classmates, including pictures he's sent, and report him.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 April 2018):

Honeypie agony auntGood for you!

What a sleazy creep!

Glad you dodged a bullet.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2018):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I didn't pursue it all of you were right..... I asked a couple classmate and the same thing was happening to them.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2018):

No.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (10 April 2018):

No!

Well, for a professor, he has no ethics or credibility.

Most learning institutions have an ethics policy about romantic-liaisons between students and faculty. It could lead to scandals on the institution, it invites biased-grading, or blackmail; and it is highly inappropriate.

It is likely you may not take the advice and pursue it anyway. If you expect him to feel obligated to improve your grade, or be your boyfriend, it's not likely. If he isn't tenured, and you suddenly decide to expose your inappropriate fling. He could be pressured to resign. You know all this, of course.

You've got damaging-evidence; so you may as well put his job on the line. He deserves it for thinking with his dick.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2018):

This is a very bad idea.

You don't see it now because you are totally deluded by the fantasy and excitement of it all.

I have been in your shoes.

I went ahead.

I learned the HARD way.

Biggest mistake of my life.

Because he will throw you away once he's done fucking you. And he will move onto another pretty little girl. All the while, remaining with his wife. Because I am pretty sure the creep is married!

You are nothing to him sweetheart. Just an easy little toy to play with. He will get bored with that toy.

And you will be left broken hearted, struggling to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and self esteem, while he has moved on without a single thought to your suffering.

You are better than that. He has NO respect for you. He is only moving forward because you are EASY PREY for him. He would not do this with a woman who respects herself and draws the line where necessary.

When any woman tells a man to come and get her, 99 per cent of those men will take her up on her offer! Why? Because they are pigs. Not because you are special!!!

Do not be flattered. He isn't into you. He is into using your body to get off. Period. If he had any respect for you, he would leave you alone. He would ignore you and your advances. He would not even start playing that game! He would know it is WRONG on all levels, and be a mature adult and PROFESSIONAL and disengage from the situation. He is not a slave to his penis! He CAN keep it in his pants!! He just chooses this course of action because he has no character, no morals and no intelligence!

You are easy and he knows it. He sniffs victory with you. And he's going to go at you hard.

Just wait.

I would like to say sorry for the pain you are going to go thru.

It has changed me as a person. I lost the confident woman I once was. After all was said and done, I felt ugly, used, ashamed, unworthy. And lost a piece of my innocence to a predatory narcissistic piece of shit. I hated him for all that he did to me. But mostly, I hated myself for ALLOWING him to!! Ultimately, I had the POWER to say no.

You're gonna do what you're gonna do, but I truly hope you come to your senses before it's too late.

You can nip this in the bud now.

Walk away and never look back.

Trust me, it will get easier as you watch him fade away in your rear view mirror.

Other men will come along. Men who are WORTHY of you!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 April 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI want to play "pin the tail on the 18 wheeler on the freeway" should I pursue that?

Use some common sense, OP

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE with the fact that you have to hide it. You have to keep it a secret, should tell you it's not a smart thing to do, morally, socially or just legally.

Do you have to keep it a secret so he won't get fired? Well, if that is so, it's obviously against his contact with the school and this ILLEGAL and something HE (only he) can be punished for and have his career ruined over... all for a little bit of "secret student snatch"?

Or do you have to keep it secret because he is married? Maybe married with children?

IF someone has to HIDE you from the world, keep your relationship a secret he is not only ASHAMED of you, he doesn't RESPECT you and he doesn't CARE for you either.

Are you so desperate for affection that you are willing to ruin his career, his reputation? And your own?

Grow up, OP there is nothing romantic about shagging your teacher.

He's been grooming you to think this is passion?, forbidden love? romantic?

What it is - is gross.

He is there to TEACH - YOU are there to LEARN.

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom +, writes (10 April 2018):

02DuszJ agony auntIf he's unprofessional enough to do it with one student what makes you think you're the ONLY one??

Just please calling this "love" is giving love a bad name, as BJ said.. you can't LOVE someone you don't know! Exchanging messages, flirting and sexual chemistry is not knowing someone- you're old enough to know that.

When it comes out he'll either slander you to the point of you getting expelled- to save his job, save HIMSELF. There's a high probability he'll lose his job whoever the authorities believe and he'll CLING to his job tooth and nail.. is he going to put a nicebit of skirt he's been shagging before his whole career?? Or is he going to save himself, keep his job and move onto the next nice young woman he's SUPPOSED to be professionally responsible for?? What do YOU think??

You're going to probably go ahead and do the thing that's destructive to your future i.e. pursue him sexually. But is working for your degree and losing it all really worth it? It WILL come out.

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States + , writes (10 April 2018):

Code Warrior agony auntYCBS nailed it: "If you need to keep it a secret, then you should know it is wrong."

Nothing else needs to be said.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (10 April 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou're on a site that doesn't condone or encourage reckless decisions. This is one of those things we won't help you with, in the way you want.

He's in a position of power, which is likely why you're attracted to him. However, he could (and should) lose his job for flirting with a student, let alone anything else.

Not only that, but you just want a sexual relationship to lure him into developing romantic feelings for you.... he won't. Chances are, you aren't the first student he's done this with and you may not be the only one he's flirting with at this time either. He could have two or three other naive young women pining after him.

This isn't love. This is infatuation. You don't know him out of class. "Ooh, he's sexy and flirting!" That's literally it.

If he was genuinely a decent guy, he wouldn't be flirting with you. Don't make this mistake, OP. You will regret it and you'll deserve the backlash.

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (10 April 2018):

Dionee' agony auntLook at the situation like this:

This guy is a professional (or at least he is supposed to be) so let that sink in... meaning; he is off limits and he is taking advantage and in a sense; he is exploiting the fact that you like him and I assume that you're quite straight forward about that fact so he has nothing left to figure out.

Look, you're about to get yourself into a situation that you honestly are not ready or prepared for should it backfire (and trust me, IT WILL). When that happens, are you prepared for your future prospects to be affected and possibly ruined? Whether in a romantic sense or a work sense. Remember that everything that happens in the dark WILL come to light at some point and honestly, I don't think that it's worth the risk. Especially since, this guy will never see you as an equal worthy of his respect... meaning; he will use you and wave goodbye when it's all said and done.

If you need 'your itch scratched' so to speak, choose a different guy. There are plenty of other guys out there.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (10 April 2018):

Anonymous 123 agony aunt

Here's what could happen.

You're going to get a horrible reputation.

Probably end up with a disease because you don't know where he's been.

He'll move on with his life but you'll be stuck in yours, pining for him.

You're going to ruin potential healthy future relationships of yours because obviously your going to carry baggage from this one. Even if it's just sexual, it's going to weigh heavily on you.

You will always be a dirty little secret for him. He will pretend like he doesn't know you in public. Assuming that he doesn't have a girlfriend or a wife now, it's going to be relatively easier. But once he does, he's going to discard you like you never existed.

There's a reason why he wants to keep it a secret. It's because he has no respect for you and sees you just as a warm body. Nothing more.

Still keen?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (10 April 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntIf you need to keep it a secret, then you should know it is wrong. If you didn't have serious doubts about this relationship, would you be asking the question on this site?

You are not "in love". You are infatuated. You are in lust. Never underestimate the strength of infatuation and lust though. However, never mistake them for love. Love comes from sharing your life with someone, through ups and downs, and finding out what they are made of, not a bit of casual flirting and picture exchanging.

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