A
male
age
36-40,
*s77
writes:We're dating for a few months, I'm 31 she's 22 last night she asked me to pick her up at her house and I didn't want to because I just don't want to get out of my house and as she lives far away I'm not into it driving right now, just a lazy day, nothing serious. And you know what she did? She got pissed off, didn't offer to come here, she said she's not with her car right now, that she doesn't have money to pay uber to come here (seriously?), and we had another fight again! And this wasn't the first time this happened! Seriously, this girl is using me! She thinks I'm wimpy? Or I'm too nice 100% of the time? It seems like I have to do her way everytime and I'm not like that. When I don't want to do I just don't want to do, it seems she doesn't take no as a answer! everytime time we see each other I always pick her up and drop her off, she has a car and never goes to my place with her car! Is this a red flag? Is she using me?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 April 2018):
 She is very young in comparison to you. The best way to solve it is to tell her how you feel and say you would like her to come and drive to yours sometimes as well.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (3 April 2018):
 Oh and I don't think she's using you. She just wants MORE and you seem to be okay with LESS. I don't think it's called being used. It's called incompatibility.
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A
female
reader, Dionee' +, writes (3 April 2018):
You're not willing to compromise or accommodate this woman so that's why you're having problems. It may seem like a small issue to YOU but your effort (to most of us aunts here) seems less than satisfactory. A compromise on your part perhaps would have been to split her Uber bill (I agree that it's too much for either one of you to pay for the entire long distance Uber bill), while on her part the compromise would have been to travel out to your place (which as you mentioned; isn't nearby and wasn't where she intended to travel to from the get).
Honestly, the two of you are incompatible. You should probably find a woman that is as laid back as you are at your age while you let this young woman of yours find a guy who is willing to put in more effort according to what is just and right for HER. You're both allowed to get what you want and since the two of you aren't getting that from each other, this relationship should not continue.
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A
female
reader, Dionee' +, writes (3 April 2018):
You're not willing to compromise or accommodate this woman so that's why you're having problems. It may seem like a small issue to YOU but your effort (to most of us aunts here) seems less than satisfactory. A compromise on your part perhaps would have been to split her Uber bill (I agree that it's too much for either one of you to pay for the entire long distance Uber bill), while on her part the compromise would have been to travel out to your place (which as you mentioned; isn't nearby and wasn't where she intended to travel to from the get).
Honestly, the two of you are incompatible. You should probably find a woman that is as laid back as you are at your age while you let this young woman of yours find a guy who is willing to put in more effort according to what is just and right for HER. You're both allowed to get what you want and since the two of you aren't getting that from each other, this relationship should not continue.
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A
female
reader, .Tzimisce.  +, writes (3 April 2018):
Perhaps she is frustrated about the amount of effort you put into the relationship? Asking her for you to drive her somewhere is a way to spend some time together as well as seeing how invested you are into the relationship. You guys have only been dating for afew months so she doesn't understand your needs for a relaxing day at home.Relationships are all about compromise! How much has she compromised for you? How much have you compromised for her? Not only that but there is an age difference ... your 31 and shes 22 - she's young and lively while you probably like to kick back with some wine and movies, correct? She may like clubbing and doing adventurous things and you are at an age where your comfortable and happy being at home or going to the pub. Your mindsets are complete opposites; and being young as she is all she wants is someone to have fun with and explore life with - at your age you've done half of what shes done already.I'd suggest dating someone with more life experience and maturity than someone younger. I doubt shes using you but rather doesn't understand your needs in a relationship, and you don't understand hers. You guys need to compromise on certain things and learn to understand eachother otherwise it will fall apart
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (31 March 2018):
 Dude, grow up.
She's young. You're older. You should have more financial stability, but didn't offer to pay or help pay for the UBER. Your also felt too LAZY. You clearly don't fancy making much of an effort to see her.
I get it, you do it the rest of the time, but what do you expect from a 22 year old? I'm her age and my boyfriend always used the train, instead of me driving two hours - he'd pay when I was unemployed and I paid once he started uni and I got a job. Unless one of you lives in the middle of nowhere, you should both use public transport, when a car is unavailable and Uber is too expensive. Do we really need to suggest that to a man in his 30s?
You're incompatible. You shouldn't have ONE fight in the first few months, let alone a couple or more.
Seriously, you're being selfish and she's being a bit high maintenance, which isn't surprising from a young woman dating an older man. Don't date someone far away or a decade younger if you're not going to suggest a compromise and blame her for it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (31 March 2018):
 Seems like NEITHER of you wants to put in the effort to see the other. While she doesn't have the MEANS to get to you (no car at the moment and no money) you couldn't be bothered to go see her or help pay the Uber.
So really, I don't see how SHE is using you.
She is 22. You already stated that she lives FAR away so an Uber wouldn't be cheap.
Yet YOU somehow expect HER to spend the money because you felt too LAZY to drive.
Maybe you should date someone who lives closer.
And maybe you should BOTH consider that a relationship need BOTH people to MAKE an effort.
If she ALWAYS wants HER way (or the highway) then decide if that is something you are interested in or not. And act accordingly.
She sounds like she is acting her AGE (and with that I mean a BIT self-centered, entitled and immature) but that is really what you GET dating a 22 year old.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (31 March 2018):
 I don't know if she's USING you but I do think she expects a lot and she's definitely high maintenance.
Yes, I consider this a red flag.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2018): High-maintenance, maybe?!! She's pretty young, and probably used to the guy coming to her. I wouldh't totally dismiss the possibility she's using you; but you're the guy, so she figures you should do the driving.
See if she'll workout some sort of compromise. If that's a no-go, then you're not meant for each other.
If she doesn't have a car, or it's broken, and you don't feel like driving; I guess she's expecting you to pay the cost of an Uber car. That is, if you want to see her.
I guess you're right. It's a red-flag, if you're fighting more than getting along. The age-gap has it's drawbacks.
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