A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and I was heartbroken, however when we broke up he said he still wanted to be friends and talk with me, yet nothing's happened. We talked for like a day after the breakup and then nothing since. I do wish that we used to talk like we used to and people didn't pressure us into a relationship so quickly, but I know I can't change the past. I just don't know why he won't talk to me even though he said he still wanted to be friends and be in contact, especially seeing each other everyday in school. any help please?
View related questions:
broke up, heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I too am sorry for what happened to you.]
Unfortunately, when two people break up from being bf-gf, it is difficult to transition to being just platonic friends. Especially (but by no means limited to!) your young ages. I agree it was just a way to soften the
blow......
I know it is particularly hard because you see him every day at school. When you do see him, be polite - "Hi, how are you?" sort of thing, but don't try to say any more than that. If you're on your way somewhere, to or from a class, just keep on going.
Eventually the hurt WILL fade, you know - even if it doesn't seem like it at this particular moment.
Stay involved with your other friends, your studies, family, volleyball, reading - whatever interests you and helps take your mind off him.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I think cindycares was spot on when she said that "let's be friends basically just means let's not be enemies."
Even in the cases when platonic friendship after dating is a realistic possibility, its still best to have a few months space before trying to rekindle a civil friendship.
Give it time. He may just be getting over his romantic feelings for you so that he can be friends with you without it hurting him.
It's best not to hold your breath though.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 Because most of the times when people break up and say let's be friends they say it only to be nice and soften the blow;- but also when they mean it, they do not mean it literally , as in "let's stay friends and call each other all the time and spend lots of time together".( Which, btw, it would not even make much sense, because if one were so happy and eager to invest time in you, well, then he would not have broken up to begin with ).
Let's be friends basically just means let's not be enemies. Let's act civil if we bump into each other, don't make scenes if you see me with a new date, don't go talking bad about me to all our friends etc.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): I think it's a crapshoot. He could be saying that to soften teh blow, or be saying that in the hopes of having sex with you while he looks for a new relationship. He might actually want to be friends with you. What does your gut tell you?
...............................
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (23 January 2011):
 You just have to give it some time and space. It may still be awkward for him, especially so depending on the reson of your break-up. Give him a little time, and yourself some time to heal. Looking at him with sad, wistful eyes won't help. In a little bit, maybe a month or two, if he hasn't come back up to you, casually say hello to him and smile. Slowly add more contact and remind him of how much you two liked to be friends.
Before that, all you both need is healing time.
...............................
|
