A
female
age
30-35,
*bygirl11
writes:ok me and my husband have been together for 5yrs now we have a daughter and everythang..will he has slapped me choked me and throw me cross the room,an not only throw me a cross the room but im late on my period like 2weeks late so i mite be pregnant again with hes 2end child,i just don't know wat to do we have been through hell n back together my mom has are daughter bc cps gave her half custody of are daughter an he told me when he gets mad at me then he thinks of my mom an how she took are daughter n how she has her in stuff,well he also now swears on are daughters life that he wont ever touch me like that ever again someone plzz help me bc i really am in love with him but i don't want him to put hes hands on me anymore....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, soft2020 +, writes (18 January 2011):
 A female reader,soft2020,writes( 18 January 2011 )
Hello bbygirl 11, I can feel the agony and pain from all
the blows your husband gives you my heart goes out to you
girl!. I used to be in that same predicament along with
thousands of other beautiful ladies out there and like
yourself which I know you are beautiful and young to let
anyone bring down your self esteem. You have already been raised once it isn't going happen again, your husband is
not your father and you are not his personal property either. You must be strong, take a stand, and stand up for your rights and you have plenty as a woman never let any-
one put you down to their size. You are still young and
beautiful and still have a future ahead of you along with
your beautiful children. I know it does not feel too pleasant for you right now and you feel all alone, let me reassure you that you are not alone at this moment and
never will be a lot of times I feel alone because I am
alone. Since this past summer 2010 I was in this reunited relationship with a guy that I met 20 years ago and we got
back together after all those lost years of friendship from
that time to now 2011 of January all we did was broke up to
makeup for the whole entire 9 months the 21st right on my birthday!. Yah he told me he loved me for all those years,but it turned out to be infatuated its so sad how we ladies are swept off our feet and feel lighter than air when we are told "I Love you". I am still trying to figure out what that means I just got out of that relationship the past four nights ago this Friday the 14th 2011 because he hit me and haven't contacted him since. I do wish you and your children the best of luck for the future and a healthy journey through life, I am going to say what ever you decide will be the best decision for you and the children lots of luck.
A
female
reader, la la land +, writes (18 January 2011):
 This is tough because no one can help you see that you deserve better. I was in a very similar situation. I was married to my first love and he was extremely abusive also. He always promised it would never happen again. We have 3 little boys and I always wanted to stay for them. Plus I felt like I had no options. Ultimately I discovered it was low self esteem holding me to him. The love we used to have was long gone. I was holding on because of fear.
Ask yourself this, what are your deal breakers? Think back to before you two were together. What would u have said if a man put his hands on you? Your daughter deserves to see true love. She should not grow up thinking that is what she deserves. It takes so much courage to walk away. But only you can make that choice. When you are ready to love yourself, you'll be fast to leave that jerk. Somewhere there is a man waiting for you. Waiting to give you the love you have always deserved. Do not think that a child will prevent you from finding someone. Good luck to you
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 January 2011):
 I can only iterate the other Aunties:
GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT.
THAT is not love, honey. He won't change.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Sorry to say this, but you really have to leave him. It's irrelevant what he's been saying to you, it's just unsafe to be with somebody that is capable of something like that. It's not just about you either, it's about your child and your possible unborn child. I'm really sorry that this has happened to you, I promise you will not regret leaving him. You have no choice at all. Good luck for the future. xx
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A
male
reader, II_Seraphim_II +, writes (18 January 2011):
I know you really love this person, but let me tell you right now that any man who lays his hands on you is not worthy of your love. I highly suggest you call a hotline, or find someone to help you because this seems like a very dangerous situation, especially considering you have children and may be pregnant. You may love him, but he doesn't deserve your love. I know its hard to leave him, considering you have kids together, but do you want your kids growing up in a violent atmosphere? Please leave him and get into a situation where both you and your children are safe.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (18 January 2011):
 I agree with the other aunts: this husband of yours IS GOING TO KILL YOU UNLESS you leave now!
Its good that your daughter is with your mother because the very last thing in this world she needs is to be in contact with her father!!
If you are pregnant, unless you are willing to bring up another baby all by yourself, you should think seriously about terminating the pregnancy. I realize others on this site will not agree with me, and I'm CERTAINLY NOT saying that abortion is easy under any circumstances - anything but gut-wrenching in fact - but how on earth would you be able to cope? WOULD you? DO you have a job and enough financial/emotional resources to take on raising another youngster?
If you cannot face terminating the pregnancy, you do have the choice to give the baby up for adoption if you cannot raise him/her yourself.
Finally, PLEASE FORGET about being in love with this violent, abusive man! WHAT is there to love about someone who treats you like dirt?!
No, you need RIGHT NOW to get protection for yourself, your daughter, and if necessary your mother!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Please go to this website http://www.thehotline.org/ and ask for help, or call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY) (Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7).
Please post back AFTER you have made that call. You have to keep yourself safe, you are in an abusive relationship and need to get to safety. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): You are in-love with a man who beats you, throws you across a room?
You NEED to leave this man NOW- and seek professional therapy help for your insecurities, as this is why you hang on to a man who treats you in such a way. Sorry, but this is the harsh truth.
If for no other reason, this child you have must NOT under any circumstances see, witness any physical abuse, you must see this. This is NOT a question that can be dealt with on DC, this is far too SERIOUS, and you need to contact the authorities and get a restraining order on this man.
If you don't, who knows how you will end..in a body bag!!
YES, YES it's meant to shock, as I want you to see this is not a tiff, it's not even a heated debate, this is VIOLENCE, and it's a deal breaker. No IF's or BUT's, you leave him.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 The only advise I can give you is to get out - WHILE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!!
This man does NOT love you, he sees you as a PUNCHING BAG.
Take your child and get out NOW!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): You need to leave him. He is a wife-beater, obviously. You are in a physically abusive relationship. This is dangerous for you and your daughter so you should leave.
He will NOT change. Abusive people rarely change because things are not right in their brains. They can't control themselves.
He needs professional psychiatric help if he's going to be able to stop his abusive behavior. It's very very unlikely he can stop it on his own even though he may want to. he may want to now, but when the old anger starts to rise in him again his commitment to change his ways will go out the window just like that and he'll hit you again. Then he'll go back to pleading.
You need to leave him before he kills or maims you or your daughter. Especially for your daughter's sake. Even if he never touches her (but don't count on it), it's really bad for her to see her mom being hit by her dad, that can really give her psychological problems when she's an adult and she'll get involved with men just like him who will beat her.
You need to leave him now.
otherwise, get some mace, keep it on you at all times, and the next time he puts his hands on you, you let him have it full in the face. And then you leave him.
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